Starting ZP journey, with Regeneration and Stark

Journals - Major Programs
#1

Making a journal here to contribute my experiences running ZP and also being another woman in the community, maybe that will be helpful.

I am starting with Regeneration, Stark.

I had already noticed instant changes listening to these in Qv2. 1 loop had brought me a surge of energy, better sleep, waking up early, and had a big cry as I realized how ready I am to be successful. However running the whole hour for these subs on each listening day was a very heavy experience for me, making time slow down to an almost frozen sensation and making me feel sick and stressed (only while listening though)

The fact that people said ZP was lighter to run was appealing.

First loop of each (yesterday) was very easy for me. I listened first thing in morning, felt absolutely nothing, but was very productive and felt more generally positive and confident through the day.

Sleep was not as restful as on Qv2 for me, however I was able to still get up and tackle the day today. I went on a walk in the morning, something I never do especially when it’s cold. I often will think of something I want to do, but it’s like there’s a tiredness or resistance that keeps me from it. Today, I just got ready immediately and went outside which amazes me.

I ran into a neighbor on my walk who I always try to avoid, and I was instantly very sociable and chatty. It just flowed out of me and I didn’t actually realize it until we had parted ways.

I am also singing a lot more, something I only do when I’m feeling my most authentic and happy self.

I am an artist and when I think of my business right now, I feel purely excited to succeed, instead of feeling an additional sense of dread in my stomach at the idea of recognition or fame.

This is all for now but I think it’s quite a lot. Looking forward to this.

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#2

A small note, but I think very interesting. I have been dealing with chronic daily headaches for many months (unrelated to subclub as it predates my finding them.) Since starting ZP, the intensity has dropped quite a lot. My headaches began around a time of intense emotion, with my mother in surgery, and another close relative suddenly dying. Seems like regeneration zp might be addressing a root problem in my psyche that caused the headaches.

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#3

I had a bit of reconciliation where my mind kept trying to convince me to switch subs, specifically to stop regeneration, but that has stopped.

It would be no exaggeration to say that I am having constant small realizations over the course of every day, about what I want in life, what I need to do, what is important and what I should let go of, and seeing old memories in a new light. It is fascinating to watch my brain almost sorting through memories and coming to new conclusions on autopilot. Feelslike I’m doing high-speed self work but without the actual work. I’ve experienced this with subliminals before, but never at this speed and with such a small amount of listening time.

Today I was working in the kitchen to make a special dessert , and things weren’t going according to plan. I have a history of being a perfectionist in the kitchen on special occasions and having little meltdowns when I think I’m going to screw up. I felt it building today and then I just… Stopped. Breathed. Understood that the dessert I was making could be a failure and everything would be OK and I would be OK. Dessert ended up coming out amazing, too.

Today I also was able to say exactly what I needed to say to someone in my life, after putting it off a while due to fear of their response, or potentially losing an opportunity or losing them… There were so many different worries I came up with to keep me from being honest. Suddenly, I was able to be honest in a respectful and genuine way, and without fear.

I feel so far from where I want to be in life, but right now I’m just grateful for every little win throughout my day, that shows me I am getting closer.

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#4

That’s interesting. Thank you for sharing.

#5

The last 3 days I have been ping-ponging between hopeful melancholy, anger, and total despair. I feel like a volatile wreck. The emotional volatility itself is triggering for me because I remember when that was my emotional baseline, over a decade ago when I was experiencing daily trauma and really lost myself. I have nightmares about becoming that version of me again, but I remind myself that this is reconciliation and getting through these moments and experiencing deeper healing is a good thing.

I am questioning everything. I am afraid of staying even moments longer in the life that I am in right now. I feel trapped in a stagnant life that I’ve been outgrowing for too long. And I’ve become aware that, it’s been a few years now that I have been changing internally in so many ways and trying to feel comfortable in the same environment. I grow and expand and then I suppress myself again so that I am not too big for this house, for this town, for my family, for my circumstances.

And these subliminals are not allowing me to remain suppressed, uncomfortably pretending it’s okay. My soul is screaming at me that I have to change now, I have to act now, I have to leave now.

Feels like two identities inside of me are at war. But only one is really genuine - the person I’ve always felt myself to be underneath all the trauma and coping mechanisms. Guess that makes sense, it’s the point of regeneration.

#6

Listening to Stark this morning caused so many intense tingles in my third eye region! As soon as regeneration played, it stopped.

Still experiencing lots of ups and downs emotionally but much more stable.

Since my last update, I’ve been taking actions. I had a frank and honest discussion with my mother, whom I’ve always been extremely close friends with, about what I want in my life, and the ways in which I have held myself back out of fear that we wouldn’t be able to relate to each other anymore (because this is something that HAS happened numerous times and I found myself giving up my growth and happiness to a degree to keep peace between us.)

She basically told me, to be and do whatever I need to be happy, no matter what happens between us. There was a clarity in her about it that I’ve never heard before, and I think this is probably a reflection of my own clarity about it when I spoke to her.

I have been looking up things I’m interested in and buying tickets to events in the city, finding local groups that will increase my social circle. I’m noticing an openness I’ve not felt in decades towards group settings, a comfort in the idea of mingling with people and social networking, and I’ve also been having fresh ideas about promoting my business that I shied away from before because I didn’t want to be “annoying”, but now it just makes sense as actions to take to get more people’s awareness who would otherwise not know my business existed.

Reconciliation is weird. I’ve experienced a lot of feelings of boredom and like nothing is happening (when this is obviously false) and when that doesn’t get me to stop the subs, my mind tells me I’ve been listening for such a long time so I can obviously switch subs, even though it’s been only a couple weeks haha