StarkQ Stack Journal--SubliminalGuy

Thanks a lot! This really helps me starting out. Totally agree it’s an art, it reminds me of meditation in a way. Sometimes I’m feeling it, other times I’m not getting anything. I think for me, I might be messing it up by trying to control thoughts too much and I need to let go, and the way you say you follow inner cues and feelings, it seems to correlate with that too.

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Tired as fuck, as I got to bed late last night. Woke up and thought about putting one loop of Terminus on, and I hesitated. I was between waiting on it and playing it, leaning towards not playing it. I had that grouchy mentality, but also wondered if my body was telling me hold off.

It was just mental, for as soon as I stood up, I remembered feeling good while running it. So I played one loop.

I played 2 after work yesterday, which has become my norm.

I’m just seeing me trying to sabotage myself, and it scares me. In a dozen little habits I do, I’m concerned this will win out. Like standing directly in my own way.

I’ll share something which came to mind this morning after starting my loop. It was new, and it felt right.

Having flashed through my mind my cycles of fucking myself over (sabotaging success), a new, independent thought came forward. It felt strong enough for it to be real. I had this imagined impulse to ……. stand up for myself. Like…be in my own corner. Be FOR me, not against me.

I’ve never had that before. I am dead serious.

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on starkQ alone? or combined with regenrationQ?

I’ve had STACKED in my title, but Terminus is doing everything I’ve wanted a sub to do. I’ve not ran Regeneration since starting Terminus.

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where do find this Terminus

It’s essentially Stark Q revved up. No script changes, just a faster delivery.

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It’s been exactly a week since I began Stark Q Terminus.

StarkQ Terminus has been working on me this week. Though I focus on emotional changes most of the time, I’ll share major points which were a result of running Terminus.

Conscious/subconscious connection:

I’d read today and days back a post where a user thought we may be able to activate the Stark scripting in our heads by ourselves in time. I don’t even choose to follow this thinking most days.

However, while driving home I considered running a loop when I got home. I felt kind of overdone knowing I’ve not taken a break from Terminus, and I remembered the idea of summoning the script in my subconscious mind. I just wondered “is this possible?” since it could occasionally replace running a loop. Amazingly, I began feeling like I do in the mornings running a single loop. It felt exactly the same. I don’t know how important this is, but if it was designed to work like that, that’d be awesome!

PCC:

I’d been resistant to running PCC solo. It’s because I’ve not trusted myself being angry. I’ve connected power with anger, and avoiding the expression of intimidating anger “to control people” has been my strong aim.

However, PCC did some moving in me, and I’ve had multiple interactions with people (mostly at work) which are quite new to me. One stands out.

Yesterday I was getting ready to clock out, and I walked past our mechanic’s shop. I saw the shop manager standing there, and I decided to let him know about a machine I use which keeps shutting down. I found out he knew about it, and I changed directions without planning it, PCC-style. I saw his facial expression of frustration (something most managers here have), his mind was obviously on this, and I identified with it. I view him as a peer more than anything, and I basically named the frustration I had experienced that very day, caused by management giving orders while choosing to be ignorant of all that’s involved. I admitted that frustration had been on my mind all day. He instantly responded “EXACTLY! EXACTLY!” He wisely did not share details nor rag the bosses, but I realize now why our managers seem stressed constantly.

I’ve been writing on and off for at least an hour, so I’m jumping off. I’m taking tomorrow off as a rest day.

EDIT: Changed my title to SOLO. I’ve not been stacking anything since starting it.

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I worked until noon, and heading home, I realized how tired I was. I was quickly becoming angry and distant, so I came home and dropped in bed. This is my first rest day off of Stark T, and I’m a little surprised at this persistent tiredness.

I usually do laundry and shop after work on Saturday, but I completely changed plans to rest.

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The fatigue I felt earlier this afternoon was Terminus trying to do something I’ve never noticed or experienced on any sub before. My rising anger and me distancing myself was Terminus trying to install itself into my thinking more. This is my rest day. No subs today (!!?)

I lied down for 2 hours prior to the last post, but immediately after posting, something activated in my thinking. I suddenly began questioning some unhealthy relational habits I’ve used since childhood. Like my mind said “We’re challenging this belief NOW”. This thinking motivated me to be active.

For the last 4 hours or so, I went shopping and did laundry while my mind was continuously challenging me. Was I ready for truth? Was I ready for this change? It continued to push…and some things became apparent rather quickly.

While shopping, I felt uncomfortable around some guys I’ve seen and talked to before. Why? Terminus made this very clear to me. I realized I’ve depended on having “safe” males around me, linking it to my deceased mom, an emotionally unhealthy individual her whole life. She’d cut me verbally when I was much younger, so I relied on the only one who was available–my older brother. He was my safety net. I realized I still turn to men for that sense of safety, and it isn’t comfortable realizing that. However, Terminus came through before, and part of me believes change is only as hard as I make it. It’s new and seemingly frightful. But…

If I look for problems, I find them. If I look for solutions, I find them too. I’m realizing…I’ve not looked for solutions primarily. I’ve looked to justify me having and keeping problems. Part of me is frustrated with Terminus since failure has been a default setting to avoid risk and change.

My logic is louder presently. It’s asking “is this (bad stuff) what you really want?”

No. It isn’t. I’m just not seeing myself being successful handling change… yet.


One day at a time here. I’ll most likely take tomorrow as a rest day off subs since it is encouraged. I wonder if Terminus will do more revealing…hmmm. I’ll see.

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Very interesting,
could elaborate a little more on how you’ve experienced this and how you’ve been able to trigger your subconscious to activate the script?

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What I did was open myself to the possibility that it could happen. As soon as I believed it could happen, it did. Terminus opened my mind to this possibility, and I invited it in.

That is exactly what happened.

I was reading the SubClub IG posts this morning, and success was the primary focus in most of them. While reading, I felt a long-held fear of success. I bring this up since even while responding to your question @Rhinesuchus, a negative voice kept trying to disqualify my own experience. I’ve had that negative voice telling me “I can’t do this/that/anything successfully”

It’s had me thinking it is a one-time thing, or worse “who am I to say such things?”

My safest response to you would have been “I have no idea”. But that’s giving in to fear–the MFer :rage:

I just said to it that day “ok. Show me”

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One thing is on my mind, and I’m seeking to challenge my beliefs about success in it.

I have a very large amount of bitcoin I’ve mined in an exchange. I did 2 months of EOG ST1 prior to this, and it touched on some beliefs hindering me…yet fear held its rule. I pulled off EOG due to this, knowing my emotional beliefs were leading me primarily. I wondered what was really important to me. I’m in that spot of “I want to move forward” and “failure is easier”. I’ve kept looking for a “big brother” (a saviour) last time, and I’d been stuck on such thinking.

Even while writing that, that inner voice screamed loudly trying to shut me up.

Me and my miner moved forward to begin withdrawing a month back, and I found out my plan of piece-mealing the withdrawal wasn’t possible. I’m in need of 13k to begin withdrawal. I told an older coworker about this last week, and he may help. I was honest with him, sharing I’d not touched my credit file in years, I have no collateral, and the basic trust issue is on the table when asking for funds. He’s receiving a lawsuit settlement in 2 months, and he seemed open to helping me (he made a phone call to his lawyer the same day to confirm it).

I’m for and against myself going forward.

Seeking major changes in my thinking:

In 2018, I learned about afformations, a mind-shifting alternative to affirmations. Instead of making statements, questions are asked, waking up the mind since it seeks answers. I’m sitting here wondering how I can make this positive. I’ll just begin writing afformations here.

Why am I succeeding in withdrawing my bitcoin funds?
How am I succeeding in withdrawing my bitcoin funds?
Why do people believe in my integrity?
Why do I have such incredible faith in myself?
Why am I more than capable to succeed in this every day of my life?
Why do I keep my word in business deals?
Why am I so trustworthy?
Why are relational and financial miracles showing themselves to me?
Why is hope building in me?
Why am I an incredible success?
Why is hope encouraging me?
Why am I doing the right thing with all the gifts in my life?
Why am I so blessed by God?
Why am I ready for this challenge?
Why is success my new default setting?
Why is life so good to me?
Why am I ready for healthy mental shifts?
Why can I trust myself again?
How am I trusting myself once again?

I’ll copy and paste these into my subliminal software to listen to later. No subs today, but will put this in for future use; it has a silent subliminal audio that I’ve used and had results with.

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I won’t put this in the memes thread, but a buddy of mine sent this to me this morning.

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I listened to a masked loop of Terminus this morning. I wanted to report something I’ve felt before but held back. Not sure if it’s fear, pride, or both. It’s fear actually, since Terminus is seeking to change me a lot.

Terminus is pushing me, which is expected. I’ve felt an growing irritability while listening, though I’ve had no bad interactions with others in my days since I’ve been listening. I finished the loop 10 minutes ago, and I still feel this in the top of my head.

I didn’t report it before because I thought it made me look weak. My logic is that I chose to listen to a powerful subliminal. It pushing me to change is expected, so why cry that it’s doing its job?

Note: I usually listen to SC subs on ultrasonic, and I’ve experimented with masked lately. I’ve always found ultrasonic preferable since my attention can go where needed when using it. Masked demands my attention. When I listen tonight, I’ll use ultrasonic and report the effects.

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Just got home. I’ll try to be concise since things have been on my mind all day at work.

Morningtime

I realized Stark has been growing in me. I noticed myself wiping my seat off when getting out of our work truck–I had left crumbs after snacking there. What hit me was that I realized “I don’t normally do this”, which is true.

My mind has been switching from avoiding responsibility for my actions—straight to me acting differently since my heart is opening up to how I actually affect people. I cleaned off my seat since I realized I’d made the mess, and I didn’t want to leave it for someone else to clean it. It felt wrong to do that, so I took 5 seconds and cleaned my seat. That’s new thinking. Brand new.

Mid-day

As I kept thinking on this change, I thought of writing here. However, some fear still exists in me, and I began imagining different ways I could present myself. What hit me was “am I putting on a mask?” In my head, I had, and I pulled away, even where I was quieter around my coworker who was driving. Sitting in that feeling, I thought of New Beginnings and its focus on the imposter syndrome. Shame is the core of the imposter syndrome, and I was trying to hide my own in imagined writings. I did that in my thoughts, and it was real enough for me. Not comfortable.

Manifestation: yesterday I watched a Gary Vee interview on IG. This girl he spoke with caught my attention since she felt very insecure, un-valuable, and undeserving. However, her art work was brought out, and Gary lifted her up high, even adding hundreds of business owners to her IG following. She was about to break into tears, and she was real. I thought of this during this time today. Though she was afraid, it was honest expression of who she felt she was. And it was a modeling of being honest for me.

Early afternoon

I had desires to run another Terminus loop, but realized the scripting was very, very active in my thinking, and it kept going. I’m wondering if a single loop of Terminus in the morning might be sufficient to work. I began a loop on my phone driving home, finished it while writing here (ultrasonic), and I wanted to see if I’d feel stressed or “overcooked” today if I ran 2 loops.

–I know I ran the second loop since actually listening has helped me feel confident before. I had a mind to not write here at all, but I did. I’ve been feeling shame, and disconnecting from everybody is my normal go-to.

I’ll keep one loop in mind though. I felt overdone last week as days passed. Today was a very active day with only one loop in my head.

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I won’t run a Terminus loop this morning. I woke up, and it feels like my head is full. Last night’s loop is still processing, so I won’t stack another.

I’ll wait until tomorrow morning to run another loop. I imagined running Ascension or regular Stark today, but just feeling what I’m feeling in my head, I’m not sure about that. It’s full up there; not much more will fit.

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I ran no loops all day yesterday, but gave in in the late afternoon, running Stark Q, not Terminus. It felt good initially, it kept me running it, and then old painful emotions began coming up. I’m running a loop of Terminus now, and it’s allowing me to reflect on this.

Stark’s script is challenging me. Personally, I keep trying to deny feelings and beliefs about childhood pains, and I’ve done this day in and day out my whole life. Stark is trying to move forward with its goals, and this thinking is being hit dead-on.

Going through it

As I sat here after that last paragraph, I imagined going through it, feeling terrified, then trying to put a facade up (to myself). And a small amount of tears finally came through. My feelings are quite stirred up now, which makes writing slow.

I need to go through this.

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I stopped running Terminus the day before Saint shared his opinion that it was too much for most of us. I’ve been running the original Stark since then, about two loops a day. I must be facing some reconciliation today, as I’ve been fantasizing about different Subs again. I ran regeneration , the original version, last night during sleep. I realized it dug some, for it was still seeking an answer for something when I woke up, though I’m unaware of the actual question.

Regeneration is much Milder and doable for settling old history. Terminus, in comparison, pushed through wildly. That caused more fear and anxiety to surface, and I realized it was becoming a new Norm. that’s why I pulled off

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I just changed my original Stark T testing journal to a regular journal. I don’t wish to “dissociate”, forget, or “un-remember” essential stuff, so I kept what I’d gone through so far. I came here today to share about experiences using the original Regeneration, thinking I’d not even used the Q version, but my first post in this thread told me I’d conveniently dismissed that memory. So, I kept the whole thread.

I’ve been using one loop of StarkQ and looping the original Regeneration at night, and it appears they’re working ok, similar to when I ran Emperor 4 and Regeneration together. There is a balancing act between the two. I’ve added single loops of Sanguine Q, Limit Destroyer Q, Rebirth Q, and Godlike Masculinity Q at times. Rebirth Q is the most recent add-on, and it makes me want more.

I’ve been facing fears lately with Regeneration, and this writing is a result of feeling fear again and again, but choosing to acknowledge it vs. deny it. I’ve been reading the recent journaling post, and me documenting my journey is really for me.

My biggest fear? Being hurt (or rather, shamed) while being myself and sharing my heart. I felt this fear yesterday while doing laundry and running a loop of GMQ. It’s like that part of me is seeking to be heard. I’m beginning to feel like a responsible parent to myself. Major change there.

Courage is showing up now too (StarkQ began running after running Regen all night). A part of me keeps pushing forward, a part which is normally very afraid. Shame is why the younger part of me is afraid, as I’ve rejected him most of my life. And I’ve attached shame to many, many other things in my brain, which is why I’m glad StarkQ has New Beginnings. NB works on shame, I believe. It’s not comfortable going through it, but thank God I’m using a subliminal to unravel and relieve myself of these unrelenting and (self-) destructive chains. Get me to face my shame, and most of life is very, very doable after that.

I’m glad I wrote this. It helped me.

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I’m listening to Rebirth Q right now. I’ve been re-looking over the sub’s sales pages, and I found this on Rebirth:

“Negative beliefs not belonging to you will become obvious, and burdens placed on your shoulders will be lifted.”

This encourages me, as I grew up owning my mom’s shame, like I inherited it. It was mine before I even had any independent thought. This inherited shame, alone, has had more influence in my life than anything else, bar none.

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