For those that don’t know me, I’m @praisetheurdtree and my focus here is social skills, romance, and personal power. Here are some of the hard lessons that I’ve learned after months of Emperor and Wanted. Regardless of your stack, you might find something useful because these are pretty general but can be very powerful.
When People Give You Criticism, They Are Usually Right But Don’t Know What They Are Talking About
Be careful with listening to criticism. Often, people will give you a helpful critique that is true on some level, but they might not actually know what they are talking about. What do I mean? Someone might tell you that you’re “shy” and “quiet” and they genuinely think that your problem is shyness. You might listen to this, freak out, and overcompensate by trying to talk more. Often when people refer to a quiet person as "shy, " they are really referring to emotional openness. It has nothing to do with how much you speak or how little, it has to do with how commanding and confident you are when you do speak, and how engaged you are with other people. The solution is body language, not speaking more. If you want to speak more, great, but if you’re “shy and quiet” try this:
Look people in the eye, nod, and be genuinely engaged with them when they are speaking with you. When you finally do open your mouth, speak with power (slow down your speaking if you need to avoid stammering). You might find that you say almost nothing and suddenly people no longer think you are quiet. It’s actually pretty damn funny, how you can remain just as quiet and shy as you were before but now suddenly no one thinks you’re quiet or shy.
The lesson here is this: listen to criticism, but NEVER take critiques at face value. Never assume that people actually know what they are talking about. They are pointing at a problem (that’s great) use your brain to analyze the situation and find the real root of the critique they are giving.
People Don’t Know What They Want So Try Not To Ask
People often have no idea what they want. If you ask them, they will give you an answer, but the answer is likely to be false. This is because certain etiquette colors our lives (there are some things we want but don’t feel we can truly ask for) and also because often people really don’t know what they want–myself included.
Try, if you can, to give people what you know they want without asking them if it’s what they want and without having to be told. You might be surprised by the results. This, naturally, requires pretty keen intuition about people. This is VERY powerful in romance. Say you know that you’re partner wants something, if you can give it to them without them having to ask (or without you self-consciously checking to verify that they want it) you might see some really amazing things.
When It Doubt (OR FEAR) Remain Absolutely Calm
This one is simple. Master the power of standing absolutely still and remaining–or appearing to remain–absolutely calm in fearful situations. Often times you can completely transform the outcome of a situation to work in your favor simply by not reacting.
When You’re Sure, DON’T HESITATE
This is very much the case in romance. We have to be safe, we have to make sure that others are safe, and we have to be careful…HOWEVER, sometimes it’s freaking obvious. Sometimes, a person will be giving you every single signal that you need, when it happens (this requires some confidence and intuition to avoid a mistake) DON’T HESITATE. There is no faster way to kill a beautiful moment than to hesitate.
Take this in line with the advice above it. If you hesitate and “mess it up” CALM DOWN AND DON’T REACT. You just might reverse your luck.
Summary
Stay calm. Be bold. Don’t take things at face value. Look for the diamond in the rough.