Yeah, that was me. Didn’t need to learn in school until French entered the curriculum. Suddenly I had bad grades.
Since I can’t see my own blind spot, I can’t say for sure. But I gave my best to eliminate this during my time at university. I had subjects I sucked at and didn’t like the professor. So I put the pedal to the metal to get good grades nevertheless.
But that was before my burnout. So maybe it’s a valid factor.
This is definitely something I have to keep working on. Especially since I connect seriously s work with being left alone as a kid.
But generally, it feels like a intangible resistance, like when you’ve encountered the end of the map in a video game.
Just had a longer conversation with my fiancee.
No concrete results as of yet.
But it feels like I’m stuck in analysis paralysis.
I’m so focused on understanding why I can’t get myself to work, that I didn’t even try anymore.
One last process later, and then I’ll simply start working. Fuck the reasons, fuck my self worth issues. I’ll just do it with them.
(Is this Khan?)