Today I went diving and after one dive, I realized that it wasn’t for me. Breathing underwater was interesting, but it didn’t give me the sensation I was expecting. I didn’t have high expectations, but I just didn’t find it very interesting, so I decided not to do the second dive and to stop the course.
This seems to keep happening. Maybe it’s related to dopamine levels or something? I’ve traveled to London, Prague, and now Egypt to explore and see new things, but I always end up feeling empty and unfulfilled. It seems like it’s time to start fasting again, both from food and from the world, to regain that sensitivity and get closer to God.
I’ve never really understood how to live a good lifestyle when there are so many dopamine triggers that make life less vibrant. I don’t drink, smoke, or play games anymore, but it seems that only caffeine can give me the boost I need to feel motivated and alive again.
There are moments during this holiday when I feel peaceful and content, but most of the time I feel like I need something to change my internal state. I also want to start listening to subliminals again tomorrow, but I know that’s not the right plan. It’s been difficult for me to distance myself from this forum and the programs. I want to have a say in how I create and live my life, not just rely on God for everything and not be able to think for myself.
Free will can be a pain sometimes.
