Solitude & growth - Experiences on Terminus Custom

Journals - Custom Subliminals
#158

Still in love with my ultima stack, I think I’ll stick for a long run with my Khan Custom, I have so much growth on it!

And now I’ve orderer a Ultima Custom, try out healing in ultima format. I’ve added I Am, attachment destroyer, New Beginnings, Blue Skies, Power Awareness and Potentiator.

I think this ultima, if it works as I think it works will really PUSH for growth. Ultima are designed to work fast. Which means they could bring out trauma and process them faster than regular Q. Letting go of a past trauma, destroying another, discovering inner part of one self faster. Combine it with my Khan custom and you get Magic!

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#159

Lockdown back here, can’t go out and can’t really see people. I might do 3 loops of my Khan custom and 2 loops of my emperor-healing custom every week. Still focus on the Khan attitude but adding part of emperor and I am for healing.

Next week when I’ll get my ultima, I’ll start playing it and see how I am + Attachment destroyer Ultima hits!! I must admits I am really curious. I might even build some kind of routine to focus on my development on some specific aspects from a conscious standpoint!

#160

This is why emotional healings is one of my key focuses for the lockdown. Only khan I’m running is khan q ST1. Will pair with my healing ultima.

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#161

One of my friend just came to my place and there are clandestine party :joy::joy: I don’t know where they are I am not popular enough to get invited to hahaha

#162

Not so sure of what to run now. Everything is closed. My custom healing Ultima is coming. I have a shit ton of work to do to finish my session. Also, I’ve been accumulating lots of terminus loop, which have pushed me a lot.

Maybe I’ll come back with one of my Stark custom and lower my Khan terminus to two loops per week… I don’t know. Originally Stark was the sub I was running when I decided to quit my job and go back do a master’s degree! Still so much hesitation, and reconciliation hahaha

I’ll gladly take my two days off.

#163

I could just drop that my greatest sexual and social fantasy would be to be admired and loved by all. Seems pretty vague to me. So, I’ll have to refine it.

I’ll start in terms of romantic interest in this post, I would like to have really beautiful girls available to spend time with me (be it sexual or relationship wise). Like girls I find jaw dropping attractive physically, but also emotionally, like we have great chemistry and common interest. And eventually find one which I’ll invest more time with :slight_smile:

I believe for me it’s not possible it is because I am not attractive enough and not different enough to get her attention. Usually very beautiful girls always have a guy around them, or some guy who’ll try to hit on them, and with internet it’s even more prevalent than before, if you don’t have the courage to meet her IRL, then hit her DM’s and of course, nobody wants to be alone so she can chose to talk to someone. My bro had sex with a couple of very very attractive girls (like perfect physique, yoga, squat, very pretty face and smart), and he confirmed usually (that’s partly how he flatters his ego), that he is the one that got her among the shit tons of guys running around.

There are hundreds of guys out there, who have more confidence and are bolder than me, who are more disciplined than me, who have more money and also looks better (just people here are so exceptional, sometimes it makes me feel like a chomp hahaha). I’m pretty funny and I’m confident in that, I’m hard to top, but it’s pretty much it. Like if a girl is interested in me because of my qualities, I feel like my lack of empathy and difficulty to connect with people would repel her and quickly erase the “funny” effect. At this point I’m not even sure why the girl would make so much efforts for me. If it’s convenient, we spend time together at work, school or something, then we can meet up. But why would she switch her routine, activities around and spend time with me? I truly have no idea!

I’ve approached in the past, and I’ve been repelled, or participated in being repelled (I know I did 1-2 things wrong), but never really got huge results with it. Usually girls had someone, especially the really beautiful ones or they weren’t really available, and we ended up postponing the date 2-3 times until I just gave up.

Just wrote this, I’ve been brutaly honest with myself. Honestly, it’s not fun, I really thought I was becoming the “attractive guy”. I’ve changed a lot, but when I start reflecting to why I can’t get with my “10” (I do hate this expression, but I use it so people can relate), I see that there are still blockage.

@Simon what is the next step to healing :thinking:

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Guiding the growth consciously
Guiding the growth consciously
#164

Ok! I understood why I don’t get along with people who are offended by stuff and do morals. The fact that someone gets triggered by some event is okay. It is normal to get triggered when something clash or wake up an unresolved trauma.

Also, personnal growth is really important for me, like so important! It’s one of my core value as an ENTP and as a person, and I’m sure a lot of people here can relate! When someone says to other people they shouldn’t talk about certain subject because it could offend someone. I really see, beyond having to walk on eggshells when speaking, a missed opportunity for growth. A missed opportunity for facing a trauma and becoming a better person.

(I know I post a lot about personnal opinion in these times, but I just make a lot of realisation because I am a little bit forced to confront those different opinion than mine). Yesterday I was listening to Anthony Jeselnik’s show extrait on youtube because I find he is great at one liner, his humor is trash. But my roommates’s girlfriend interupted (politely), about how he souldn’t do jokes about this and that because someone in the show could be triggered and stuff and I didn’t understood… So it pushed me to know why didn’t I understand?

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#165

Just re-reading my text this morning. I feel better upon waking up. I’ve listened Khan St1 1 loop with my custom StarkQ yesterday. Yesterday I had a good work session and I am proud of it. Today I am still working early in the morning. I’m proud. Does that makes me attractive? Fuck yeah it does!

I could work hard and take care of my girl, even if I’m not the most empathic guys, she would know whatever happens to her, I’d be hard-working enough for me and her, no problem. It’s part of my DNA. Plus that, I fuck like a God (I’ve listened to Modern day sexual man, and a lot of the mindset I already had worked on, but it’s always good to have a refresher because if you don’t consciously work on it you might lose it!). Great sex, security. Just by my presence the girl could feel more secured. (I’m writing this on my nootropic stack so it might be biased), but it’s interesting to see different perspective! I guess I’ll keep reflecting on that.

I’ll write a text on my computer on why I can’t approach, or why approaching is useless.

Edit : When my mind will believe I do deserve girls that I find 100% attractive, then I’ll be able to manifest them. My subconscious is the one in charge of manifesting, so it need to understand where I stand!!

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#166

Ok guys, I went on a date with a SSmoking hot girl :smiley: like, this is insane, she’s a little bit tanned, flat stomach, nice ass, great waist ass ratio AND,best of all, she is smart!! I had really nice conversation with her! So, she wanted to have sex, I only used my hand with her.

Also, now I’ve lost like 2kg of fat in the past 2 weeks, which is too fast. I talked with my roommate about it… My libido is pretty much tanked! So she is leaving for two weeks, I have two weeks to fix my libido hahaha so I’ll increase my calorie intake! Khan should boost my libido also, might even add GLM to boost it!

But I would say it was a great experience, and right after I wrote all of this about meeting girls I really find attractive?? Coincidence? I think not!

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#167

No one is a 10…and even guys who have everything women in general “want” still struggle with women. The test isn’t getting a woman but knowing how to keep her, kind of like with money.

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#168

Wise words my man! How do you keep her!

#169

Actually, I am a 10.

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#170

It starts by changing your mindset to “how do I keep myself interested in her” rather than “how do I keep her”.

-> Or well, maybe not ‘starts with’, but that’s one of the crucial mindsets to have, playa.

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#171

Yeah seems great, I’m already working on it! :wink:

Oh and for my buddy @Brandon

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#172

Excited to see the rest of your journey man. Been reading your journal all day.

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#173

Hahahaha, Thanks, wasn’t expecting so much reading, I was pointing out to the last few posts xD a lot of my post are basically me complaning about my knee, my teammates and some leftist’s idea that I can’t reconcile with my own. :sweat_smile:

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#174

tough times, no problem with an outlet here.
I can respect the candidness.
I actually want to start writing more about my struggles, I aim to be responsible
in my experience and communication, and hopefully inspirational with results, but don’t want to let ‘looking good’ stop me from sharing the details of the journey that others may relate to and be able to similarly overcome.

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#175

Yeah, you know I’ve always idealized you! Like when I started reading your journal this summer and you started becoming active on this forum, you had a lot of great experience and a lot of good insights, helping people on the forum, participating. You’ve created a lot of activity here!

Only when I got down reading the new posts on your journal did I saw holy shit, there are some tough things happening to everybody, got me out of my head. Maybe it’s just an impression, but I feel like you already started in that direction, writing both sides of your story. (I feel like I listened too much Khan St1, it’s making me so aware of emotionnal shit Hahaha).

I don’t know how brave you consider opening up on a anonymous forum haha, but sometimes just writing something that you can’t admit to yourself… Or that you are ashamed of. Just toward yourself. Is a little bit hard. You need to push it. But it’s fine and cool.

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#176

I’m so honored you say this,and really glad to have a positive impact on you and the forum as well.
Yes I’ve always tried to be honest and say whats there, but I am now seeing, perhaps since directly in healing face, uglier less good sounding concerns and challenges that are coming up, and I plan to lay out the skinny on all of them if they are persistently relevant :slight_smile:

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#177

lol I think it takes courage to admit it to oneself first, and secondarily to the world, especially from a conscious place looking to really do something about it.

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