Tonight I just played Elixir. I am feeling like forgiving myself. Giving myself a hug even tho I am sad.
You know when you are suffering inside. Solitude, despair… And you just let go, the pain is still there, but it’s like if your subconscious is just giving you the love you deserve. Self compassion. This is it!
Here’s my Terminus advice-Do Terminus 1x loop every other day the first week, with nothing else, except maybe an ultima 10-12 hours later.
Yeah, I’ll cutback on my physical performance loop. Take a day off tomorrow.
And then maybe 2 days on 1 day off. 
Then I will do thursday, saturday and monday, next week I’ll try to run 1 loop from day and assess.
I feel a lot calmer thia morning, good mood overall, I won’t run Terminus, I’ll only run my custom for physical enchancement 1 loop and one loop executive ultima.
Terminus was making me process a lot of info, I had less obvious effect from ultima subs because of the mental energy I was spending on terminus.
Stick with a consistent schedule and you’ll adapt to the mental demand soon enough
Sounds like Terminus is very potent and hitting you effectively.
random suggestions:
there are more, but that’s all i’ve got for now
Would recommend something like Emperor Fitness ST1 or Spartan or even Aegis Initiative: Survival Instinct to heal you post-surgery. Best wishes, my friend. And good luck on your Terminus stack.
you won’t run your terminus sub anymore or just for the day?
Just for today, I’m jumping to every other day tomorrow.
I’ll need to remember that, usually I just swallow up my emotions and power through it. But sometimes they are strong af hahaha
Thank you all for your kind words 
I’ll run my custom for physical enchancement which include Emperor fitness st4, the healing module and serum X.
I’ll follow Azriel recommandation one loop every two days and then bump it up… Two days on, one off. Etc.
I just woke up. Usually I don’t remember my dream, but last night I did.
First of all, I remember seeing myself right after surgery. No responsability for a couple of days. No work, no driving to uni or work or gym. It will be a break, I’ll focus exclusively on my studies, and I’ll save lot of time by not driving like crazy.
Then I was speaking to one of my friend I see a couple of times in group settings. It’s funny because I never really realised how much I liked my convo with him. I should eventually invite him for a beer or something!
Anyway, in my dream I was talking about my relationship with woman, how I might like to try an open relationship or something.
I think my mind is starting to think about stuff in my life, it’s trying processing stuff.
Today I’ll run :
-1 loop of my “The Man” sub, which is my terminus.
I really wanted to run Commando and Exec. with my friend @RockyHandsome, but I don’t think I am ready for it. I should wait for my brain to get used to Terminus. Like, I feel the effects of Terminus, but it’s like if I have so much things to process. I am a little bit less proactive, I can work, but I work slowly and focus is a little bit harder. Executive is pushing me to work, but it’s like if I work in zombie mode since my brain is so taxed.
It’s funny how I tryed to avoid reconciliation in the past year, or at least keep it low. But this morning I realise that reconciliation is the path of growth.
It’s your subQ adapting your beliefs, changing, evolving to the stimulus of the environnement. This time the stimulus is a powerful subliminal audio message.
No worries WT keep at it your doing good.
Not too much bad emotions tonight, I’ve ran 1 loop of terminus.
I must say I still feel sometime I go back in time with my insecurities, I have a group project right now and I felt left apart. I was getting insecure about my team ignoring me… It brought back some memories.
My guess is this is New Beginnings in Emperor Terminus, it’s bringing up all the little places, where you feel dependent, or not ok being solo–I mean the title of your thread is Solitude and Growth 
between that intention and Emperor you can expect to be healing and growing out of those particular insecurities.
but personally-whenever stuff like that happens, I make fun of myself out loud to other people about my insecurity if possible, Like when a friend left the other day without saying good bye, I said to another friend, ‘I feel abandoned’ as a joke, I didn’t really, but for a part of me with unresolved stuff from the past it did feel jarring and like a sudden loss so I wanted to own it and make light of it to create space and context.
Yeah, I usually joke aboit it with friends, I just don’t feel like that with my team.
But I do it with girls, friends, people I just met, RN I stil belive they are pushing me aside. But tomorrow might be different!
Emperor does that to me too. It’s like the mind is looking for the slightest offence/excuse to write off every relationship. 
Glad to see I am not alone,
But I can tell, almost no eye contact with people of my team, except a girl (because even tho she has a boyfriend, we kinda have this vibe). NO eye contact with the two other girls… I don’t uderstand anything!
Still freaking the f out because of my surgery, I don’t want to accept that I’ll need help. I’m having trouble accepting that I’ll need to stop working out. And I am having trouble sleeping because of it. Anyway, I’ll have to accept it, don’t really have a choice.
I’m at the gym right now and I am mad af. I don’t know why my emotions are so out of whack, I’m scared to talk to people… Right now I just want to see the world burn…