@seven Greetngs and welcome to the Sub Club family. You are in for a great journey. Enjoy!
3 Likes
I wanted to expound on this. I’ve gone through a program where you basically interact directly with your unconscious mind (through a process similar to Active Imagination by Jung), and one of the first things you have to repair is the relationship you have with yourself, because of exactly this type of behavior.
Seven, I don’t know if you are into mindfulness meditation or not, but I’d highly suggest you look into it. One thing that is key is to always let yourself feel however you feel, and be okay with it. In reality, however you feel is being caused by something, and that something (believe it or not) thinks it is being done for your benefit.
I’ll give a quick example of what I mean. In my own life, I was always told that nothing I ever did was enough; when I got older, I used to incesantly question my own work in things…this made me doubt myself and not feel confident. Was this part of me trying to make me doubt myself and not feel confident? No, actually, it was trying to prevent me from incurring more pain by being told what I did was not good enough. My circumstances changed, but the old programming was still running as if they hadn’t.
The beauty of mindfulness is that you can take that sort of feeling (my self doubt), and I can just be okay with it being there - I may not understand it, but I let it be there, and I feel it, I just feel it from an observational point of view (like: okay, I’m feeling like I’m doubting myself, I wonder why). When you are able to detach yourself from your feelings, you can have a sort of benign attention you can place on things, and that in itself begins to shift them, because your mind begins to give you more awareness of the things (other things) that are similar.
When you can’t place that sort of benign attention upon these things, your mind tries to hide them from you (to protect you from negative feelings), because you are not able to deal with them.
I guess if I could sum this up, I would say that we never actually self-sabotage; in reality, our unconscious mind always is seeking our good, but sometimes we have to nudge it in a more productive direction. Just having a belief that your unconscious wants what is best for you, can have a huge impact on your life, and begin to repair your relationship with yourself.
I hope this helps.
2 Likes
Thank you for taking time to write out response.
This sounds really interesting even if I don’t understand exactly what you are saying lol trying to decipher it.
Thanks again 
2 Likes
You are welcome 
It’s hard to explain some things, because we frankly don’t have good words to explain internal phenomenon.
Let me try to make a bit simpler.
I’m going to use an example from my own life. I love being in shape and working out; I’ve worked out most of my life, but there is always a plateau I hit, where it seems that no matter how much I want to continue, shit in my life seems to overwhelm me and I start missing them. In such times, I start to feel overwhelmed, and start to doubt my ability to stick with my workouts.
When I start to think about my feelings about me missing my workouts, this is added to my pain that I already feel guilty about not working out in general. I start to add feelings of frustration and disappointment to my already existing feelings of being overwhelmed.
The more I feel negative feelings about not working out, and about why I have not worked out, the more negative feelings just keep piling up on top of each other, until even thinking of working out is painful, so my mind begins to hide the idea from working out from me. My mind will literally keep me away from anything having to do with working out, just because of all the painful emotions attached to that idea for me.
Now, fast forward into the future; I am not as overwhelmed in my life anymore, and now I want to get fit, and I have the time to do it. I try going to the gym, but I feel completely de-motivated, I feel tired, I feel depressed about the way I look, etc.
What’s happening, is that my unconscious mind is under the programming of “keep him away from anything to do with working out, because it’s too painful for him to be aware of” While my conscious mind is now thinking “this would be a good time to start working out again”. There is a serious disconnect, but the unconscious mind is just trying to protect me from all those painful emotions.
When I do want to workout, I am kept from working out, because my unconscious has hidden the idea from my conscious mind, in order to keep me from having to deal with these painful emotions.
If I get mad at myself, and say “what the hell? why can’t I just get up and workout?!” I basically am just adding more negative feelings to what is already there, and the pain becomes greater.
The way out of this is to begin to use mindfulness meditation, so that I can begin to experience some of these feelings, and just let them be - not judge them critically, but just accept them. Benign attention basically means a quality of attention that has an overall positive judgement about something (“this is good” “that’s okay” “I wonder what this is?” etc.) Anytime you are curious, positive, accepting, etc you are using benign attention.
What really begins to open areas of our mind, which are currently closed to us, is using this benign attention and experiencing these painful emotions. Once I’m able to experience these painful emotions, my unconscious mind does not need to protect me from them any longer, so it will not try to keep me away from working out.
Does this make sense? I hope the example helps to clarify things a bit.
Relating the above to your situation, you said you were doubting how attractive you were, feeling attractive one day, but then feeling unattractive the next day, and wondering if it was just the make up. Your mind is trying to protect you from something (is my suspicion), and the more negative feelings you add to it, the harder it will try to protect you from it.
The way out is to feel feelings like “I don’t feel attractive today” and just be okay with it. There is a part of me that feels unattractive…okay, that’s okay. I wonder why I don’t feel attractive right now. ← that sort of thing is using benign attention upon those feelings.
As you begin to accept these feelings are there, more and more will open up to you, and finally, you will be given awareness of what is really causing these feelings, because your mind will not be trying to protect you from them.
My original comment was in regards to someone saying you have to be careful to not give credit to the subs you are running, when you get any kind of a good experience, and I whole-heartedly agree, because your mind will basically do whatever you tell it to. If you begin to add more feelings of pain to what’s already there, even when running the sub, it could begin to attach feelings of pain to the sub, and then affect its effectiveness in your life.
Practicing mindfulness meditation is an excellent way to increase your ability to handle strong, painful feelings) because of a process called metacognition (basically, thinking about your experiences - breathing, feelings, walking, smelling, sitting, etc.). I can give you more info about this if you’d like.
As for Jung’s Active Imagination, that is a very deep subject, but in a nutshell, it’s using your imagination to communicate with your unconscious mind via the symbols it chooses. It’s a very rewarding exercise, and I can give you more info about it if you are interested.
Hope this finds you well.
2 Likes
Read through this several times I think I finally understand lol thank you for taking time to explain so well.
I’m familiar with mindful meditation so going to explore this more.
Lots of layers but makes so much sense!!
3 Likes
Welcome @seven,
Take your time. There’s no rush in discovering more about yourself and how the subconscious mind works. It’s a lifelong process and we all want to speed-run it like a videogame, yet so much is hidden in the little parts.
Take note of those tiny little things that happen. It starts off unassuming - you are presented with a choice. Do you want it, or do you not? Did it happen, or did it not? Consider how your choices weigh on your subconscious mind and cultivate it accordingly.
You’ve already gotten excellent advice from others here - listening to good advice and the experiences of others is going to take you far when you take the time to understand it deeply and consider it. Very wise that you are already doing it.
Finally, excellent that you are taking action in the form of dance classes. You can double down on those or hit the gym in order to get more fit. For the other two points, take note how you act through the day, notice your patterns. Every act and pattern is a choice - you simply have to become aware of it and choose the option that aligns with the goal you desire.
For example, any time you feel anxiety, you have a choice. Do you want to act anxious, or do you want to work with it and see where it gets you? Take a breather, calm yourself, relax the body and the mind, and speak in a way that you want to see yourself speaking.
8 Likes
Thanks you @Fire your words are very wise. When I started Sub Club I was the kid in the candy store changing up my subs every few weeks trying to compare my lack of not growing fast enough with others who I felt were, now I know a little better how to handle it.
1 Like
I’m honored fire it replying in my journal, wisened elder indeed.
This is why it’s good we invest money into these subs, otherwise I would be changing it up every few days.
1 Like
Yesterday I unintentionally fasted until 3 pm.
Just didn’t feel hungry
Had a great dance lesson that night but on the drive home I started panicking, my husband and I have been having a much harder time getting along since the new baby and I just started crying that I didn’t want to go home.
I ended up pulling over in a parking lot to calm down and came home after kids were sleeping.
I’m not a fan of gyms because of social anxiety (hoping that will change) however I have access to a pool for the month of August and my goal is to swim three times a week.
Today was another rough day a lot of arguing, but I feel I was able to assert myself a bit better and get to a result that was good for me, which rarely happens.
I’m considering switching from Limitless Executive to Love Bomb for humanity, because I’m truly lacking in self love.
I was trying to bypass that step by being a more productive fearless person, therefore living a life where I can respect and love myself.
I’m not sure which is the right approach.
3 Likes
Something interesting happened today when listening to seductress, felt tingles on the right side of my face and in my nose bridge, it felt like my face was being gently manipulated, it felt lovely.
4 Likes
Friday morning. Had really intense disturbing dreams last night, was buried alive at one point but I was aware I was dreaming and was able to force myself awake.
I have a history of trauma and neglect and have been very closed off sexually for years. This morning I feel a little more open it’s very subtle but hope it continues
2 Likes
Husband told me I look “extra pretty and glowy today”
Dare I say I agree with him.
Need to focus more on fitness and nutrition, I’m dealing with some health issues from pregnancy and childbirth. I switched from Limitless Executive to Paragon a few days ago. I hope it will help me make good choices and keep me motivated.
I may revisit LE after I reach my fitness and health goals.
6 Likes
Been having a lot of disturbing dreams, in my dreams I am extremely angry and losing my mind.
I definitely feel more motivated to complete tasks so I think limited executive did it’s job.
I am going to try to eat the same thing every day to simplify things as far as nutrition
I notice I get off track when making decisions, trying to figure out which ingredients I have ect
I have a long way to go it feels overwhelming.
4 Likes
Feeling really agitated, pissed off, depressed today.
I guess this is the infamous recon?
2 Likes
Definitely could be. Sometimes I get like that but it’s just legit due to someone acting like an idiot haha.
Probe the stuff you’re feeling to find if you can find a connection between it and the subs you’re on. A big part of this is playing “detective” and looking for patterns.
2 Likes
Feeling motivated to go back to work. I keep checking job listings, inquiring about jobs and making calls.(side effect of LE?)
It’s trickier now with baby, finding childcare ect, but I think it would be good for me to find something.
Had a job before baby but hated it, counted down the days til I could leave.
Been following my eating plan, I threw out my scale awhile ago because it was causing so much stress. Now I just go by what I see in the mirror and hop on the scale when I see one in someones bathroom.
4 Likes
Lost 3 pounds this week! Thank you seductress. I feel less prone to stress eating, more motivated to stick to plan. Nothing much else to report.
6 Likes
I noticed this too especially when you use LBFH with it! Please keep it up I love your journal! One thing for sure is if I ever want to show a girl the Seductress sub you’d be an inspiration for it because I think it can truly help people who need it most 
2 Likes
Thank you
1 Like
I’m day two of washout. This next cycle I will be more careful to take rest days, I understand now the need for them.
Didn’t really see results this week but my fault for not listening to instructions.
2 Likes