Saint Sovereign's Journal (HERO Origins + Khan Black ST 4)

Journals - Custom Subliminals
#1097

Wow, this makes a lot of sense to me, it’s EXACTLY how I feel like right now as of late

I resonate with this absolutely, I feel the exact same way. I suspect that Chosen might be doing the same to me right now, as I feel more aggressive towards those “bullies” than ever before. But unlike before, I’m not being frustrated though, instead I’m entering a more ‘war-like’ mentality if that makes sense. I wonder if that is going to be helpful for me right now, as it’s almost distracting me from my material goals which will be the only way that I can actuate my philosophical goals that Chosen is amplifying.

2 Likes
The Journey Begins: Warrior
#1098

@SaintSovereign I read about Saget passing and Wow.

#1099

I was never a fan of Full House but this just caught me off guard for some reason. You read or hear about someone in their nineties passing away and yeah it’s sad but sort of expected if that makes sense. This wow

#1107

Agree with your New Reality there. I keep seeing more of this ever since I ran Chosen.

Rebirth just tuned it to 11.

3 Likes
#1109

@Simon

Deleted your post to keep SubClub politically neutral, but I concur with what you said.

3 Likes
#1110

I keep oscillating between that new reality and the one where humanity is just too far gone. The latter reality is the one that invokes my anti-bullying issue with Chosen. Hence why I want to do Chosen with no alpha scripting, Regeneration and Paragon. Full on emotional healing.

11 Likes
#1112

This is what I have been dealing with myself as well a lot since my first run with Chosen. It feel heavy to the heart and it requires a lot of introspection.

#1116

Alright, first Chosen From Within impressions (one loop, as I’m stacking with Paragon).

Nine minutes in, the ZP perceptual shift hits. A wave of euphoria hits me, surges through my body. Face gets warm. I feel positivity trying to break out, but the negativity is blocking it. Still, my body gets warm, and the euphoria gets stronger.

I just want to take a nap and enjoy living. I can definitely sense my thoughts changing form. There’s a stillness about them. I can sense my inner turmoil calming quite a bit.

It reminds me of the OG Blue Skies, where I’d sit there for hours, processing an answer to a question I never even asked.

I do feel myself getting a bit emotional, thinking about a lot of loss and pain that I have endured in the last five years. It feels… purgative, like I’m about to release and let it all go. But, for some reason, I want to hold on, as if that pain defines me. I thought I had let it all go, but maybe I just wrapped it all up within myself, focused on entrepreneurship and never quite addressed it.

Once the loop ended, I felt both sad and happy—memories of playing outside in the woods as a child. The sky looked much different back then. I remember watching the post-storm cumulonimbus clouds with awe. I don’t see them anymore, like they don’t exist, or maybe they just aren’t as grand. The sky seems different now anyway. It doesn’t storm as much and the sun seems more white, when I remember yellow.

There was a sense of wonder. A sense that I could do anything when I got older. When did we all lose that? What is happening on our planet?

39 Likes
#1117

Music sounds phenomenal, and I’m finding myself relating to the lyrics more. I just had a moment where I just melted into the couch and zoned out to “Shadows,” by Zero 7 (one of my favorite bands). It was almost like I merged with the song itself — best way I can explain it — as I feel like it describes how I’m feeling about life, the world and what’s happening in the world:

A thousand eyes
And still no sight
The people I know, they won’t let it show
As we dance on the edge
The people I know, they don’t let it show
When we fall from the edge

Now there’s a sword above my head
There’s a monster in my bed now for the longest time
And I’ve been waiting in my room
I’ve been whistling a tune now that I can’t describe
and I don’t know why
So if you really wanna know
I don’t think I’m gonna go and venture out
'Cause they keep on running through my head
Words I cannot find and no I can’t deny
But I’m still far from the edge

These shadows cloud my good side
They leave no room for me
The people I know (people I know)
they won’t let it show (won’t let it show)
We dance on the edge

Now there’s a sword above my head
There’s a monster in my bed now for the longest time
And I’ve been waiting in my room
I’ve been whistling a tune now that I can’t describe
and I don’t know why
So if you really wanna know
I don’t think I’m gonna go and venture out
'Cause they keep on running through my head
Words I cannot find and no I can’t deny
But I’m still far from the edge

BTW, this is what I usually do in my offline journal when I test a sub. I try to document EVERYTHING and look to see patterns—if my song choice changes, for example.

I’m noticing that I’m listening to more introspective, nostalgic songs, as if I’m lamenting the loss of the past.

15 Likes
#1118

I just finally settled on a smaller stack. Then you drop this one on us. The only thing stopping me from running it is I’m not running Chisen right now lol

This sounds awesome though

3 Likes
#1119

Now I gotta ask. Would running both lead to mad recon?

1 Like
Main Disc. Thread - Quintessence: Zero Point (Experimental) (Part 2)
#1120

Probably, but not like running a Qv2 sub with its ZP equivalent. This will feel more like the typical healing recon.

4 Likes
Main Disc. Thread - Quintessence: Zero Point (Experimental) (Part 2)
#1121

lol. Slap em together. Call it Chosen: The Mashup

3 Likes
#1122

Your Capturing something uniqueI that I resonate with so much,
pain defining one, grief for the loss of that unique sense of limitless wonder, strong feelings about what happened and why things are the way they are… both personally and on a global level… love the writing here.

3 Likes
#1123

Amen!

#1124

Wow, I really felt that. I became emotional just reading this because of how much I can relate.

#1125
2 Likes
#1126

Incredibly vivid dreams last night. I remember them all, but they’re a bit too private to share, but it’s definitely the result of the rewritten Regeneration scripting. I know this because I’m now experiencing mild healing recon. I can sense that I’m about to release a lot of deep mental pain and trauma, and I can feel an immense amount of positivity and love just waiting to break free, but this pain is blocking it.

I feel like the entire world is going through recon. Regardless of where you stand on certain events in the world, I think we can all agree that lines have been crossed and the “normal” world we once had is never coming back.

That’s why I’m so torn. Do we really even want that world back? It was full of pain, suffering, cruelty and hatred. And we all knew it, and we all ignored it, convinced ourselves that we were somehow innocent because we didn’t contribute to it. It was a glorious delusion we engaged in, expertly crafted by our psyches to absolve ourselves of any wrong doing. Pretended that we were somehow separate from the atrocities we saw, that those monstrosities were the result of forces we had no control over.

90’s babies born in America, remember this song?

Have I been blind?
Have I been lost?
Inside myself and my own mind?
Hypnotized, mesmerized
By what my eyes have seen

Have I been wrong?
Have I been wise?
To shut my eyes and play along?
Hypnotized, paralyzed
By what my eyes have found

I am a grand jury of one. I have indicted myself on the charge of doing just that — ignoring the ills of the world and how I have contributed to it. I will put myself on trial and find myself guilty.

As for the punishment, it has already arrived. If the universe is an unlimited manifestation machine, it stands to reason that that we have manifested madness on ourselves, and the only solution now is deep introspection with a vow to do better. To help one another, to love and live freely without restriction. To show appreciation and gratitude to the marvel that is existence. Whether you believe this was all created, or the result of random processes that settled chaos into order (or perhaps the opposite), the fact remains that everything that has happened has led to this moment, and everything that will happen will spawn from this moment.

Today is our eternal now. I still believe in hope. I still believe in you. I still believe in myself.

34 Likes
#1127

Palpatine: Saintpheus, not everyone believes as you do.
Saintpheus: My beliefs do not require them to.

If the Universe is an unlimited manifestation machine, then yes, we’ve all created all of this. The flip side…we can do different.

9 Likes
#1128

So I really thought I was isolated in the feeling of disorientation and confusion these past few years. What’s weird is there’s almost an underlying reluctance to admit the psychological and energetic toll with everything that has been going on among people. Almost as if people are going through the stages of grieving but stuck in denial. Whereas I think I’m at anger.

I think maybe when you’re further along in life and have achieved goals and built things for yourself it hits different, especially if those things are in alignment with your being. You’re closer to this new reality or what this new reality is attempting to do. Straddling the half way point is confusing as hell though.

6 Likes