So.
There’s a basic TL:DR at the end, long post but I like detail.
So yeah. I’m at church.
I’m sitting in the pew, listening to a reverend give an admittedly great sermon this afternoon. I was all the way in the back, in a spot I normally wouldn’t be but someone took my seat.
Being mindful. Some might say demu-
Anyways, I’m chillin’. All of a sudden, the woman in front of me pulls her phone up, to her face level and in my extraordinarily quick, unconscious glance at the screen, I saw a text thread. And at the very top was a picture of some HUGE titties in a nice brassiere.
I automatically looked away and back at the reverend but she must have felt me; she jerked her phone, and glanced over her shoulder at me; I had already composed myself and studiously ignored her inquiring gaze for a split second, felt her relax and felt bad:
“I would wanna know if somebody had seen that instead of them pretending.”
Said I, to me.
So, I leaned forward ever so casually, tapped her shoulder and said with all nonchalance into her ear:
“You know…I didn’t mean to see what I saw…” she started to turn towards me with a wide eyed look and I waited till we made eye contact and grinned widely, adding, “and…I have not a single regret.”
She started laughing her ass off, drawing attention that she did not care about and turned fully to me, saying, “Did you see that??”
I smirked and didn’t answer.
She repeated the question, looking around to see if people behind me noticed.
I leaned forward again exactly the same way that I had before and said slowly and intentionally:
“Today, I saw a vision of what Solomon was talking about in the book The Song of Solomon…” She started to guffaw, and said, “So you saw that?”
I stared at her mock solemnly and nodded with faked gravity.
“You carry a heavy burden, child.”
She roared.
I got up, as service was finished, and as I was walking away to socialize before leaving, I looked at her and said, “You made somebody smile with that today.” She yelled back, “Yeah, YOU!” to which I smiled.
In the parking lot a bit after that, as I was headed to my car, I caught her eye when I saw her in her car talking to one of the guys and finger waved, saying “Byeeeee, HerName.”
She grinned and called me over. She said that was one half of the whole picture, what about the bottom?
I nodded sagely and pretended to think for a couple of seconds. I made the observation that one can’t really appreciate art with only one half of the picture, which she said yeah, so what about it?
Now, I wasn’t sure at all if she was talking about showing ME, or the dude in the phone. So, I pretended to consider it for another couple of seconds and told her that I would consider it and get back to her when I next saw her, said adios to her and the dude and left.
I got home, and on my way down to the basketball court at my apartment, she called me.
I answered just chuckling. She expressed how embaaaarassed she felt and omggggg I didn’t know you were there, this that and the other. I assured her that I would keep it between her and I. I then proceeded to make her laugh her ass off making admittedly well formed titty jokes and innuendos. All this while I was doing my normal basketball regimen.
Her voice changed at a point. She said, with pointed pauses:
“So, now that you’ve seen that… Now that you’ve gotten an idea of what’s under there, I’m going to have to show you the rest.”
“Oh, do you? Is that a thing?”
“Mhmm”, she replied. “Now that you’ve seen that little bit, I have to show you the rest so you’re not wondering about it.”
“Ahhhh. I see. That does seem like it would not be a desirable problem.”
“No, no it isn’t. And I’ve got all kinds, with different poses and postures and set ups.”
“There’s nothing better about a woman than her ability to switch things up, wouldn’t you agree?”
She laughed and said that I’m funny, which she said several times during this conversation. Her voice changed again and she said, “I was surprised by the fact that when he got the photo you saw, he asked for the bottom half.”
“And? What did he say when he received it?”
Pause. “I haven’t sent it yet.”
“Mm. I see. Did he at least send you something in return? If not you need to tell ol boy that nothing is free.”
More laughter.
The conversation shifted temporarily to other things and then I swung it back to titties.
“So, you feel like you owe it to me to show me your tits because I’ve seen a sample?”
“Yeeeeah.”
Pause.
She continued, in a bit of a sultry voice, “The only problem is, once you see them, you’re going to want to touch them.”
I made several noncommital grunts to show I was listening and kept shooting the ball; I’ve learned in sales and in romance: there’s a time to talk and a time to listen. It was time to listen.
She went on, saying that once I touch them, then I’m going to want to do more with them. And once that happens, certain things are going to happen that I’m not ready for.
"But, when that happens, I need you to promise not to tell (insert name)."
The person in question is her goddaughter, a young woman that I’ve mentioned in several accounts at the church that has had an infatuation with me.
I laughed and said that I’m not sure how that conversation would ever come up to begin with and that I’m not involved like that with her goddaughter anyway. Which is true. I haven’t kissed her since before I met Kenya almost half a year ago (TIME FUCKING FLIES BTW).
She went on as if I hadn’t said anything and said, “And once you see what I’ve got, I get to see all of that you got going on.”
Once again, I pretended to consider it (I really just stopped talking for a bit and focused on some advanced dribbling techniques for a few seconds). I soooo badly wanted to take the route of claiming that it would be remiss of me to show the godmother what God gave me before the goddaughter had ever seen it, but refrained.
Nay, instead I pulled my well worn tactic of saying that I’ll consider what we’ve discussed and come back to her later with a more clear decision.
I’ve got no intention of sending her my dick pic breh, fuk u mean boi. Messy messy.
Anyways, the conversation shifted to her bottom half - she swung there, not me - and she says that she hasn’t sent ol boy the bottom half because she needs someone to take the photos for her.
I laughed and said “you’re gonna do a photoshoot for this guy??”
She said some things, I made several jokes, and then asked if she a photographer in mind.
I could hear her smiling when she asked, “Are you volunteering?”
I said something like, “Not at all but if my services are required to bring a smile to the face of at least one man, I don’t see a problem with it.”
Fast forward about an hour later, when I was hanging out with another woman from the church, platonically, I get a text notification. I open my phone and lo and behold: TITTIES. No bra. Big ass titties, I mean jeez 
. I sent a gif reaction of a guy double taking and told her she could, in fact, look good with nipple piercings
Tl;dr
Saw pixel titties (…pixies? Pitties? Titxels.) in church, unintentionally. It turned out to be ok. It turned out to be so ok that the woman reached out to me afterwards and doubled down on the tittilations. I then received a titty picture that I didn’t ask for - I didn’t discourage it either.
So many titty jokes are in my head right now, jeez…
