I haven’t updated I just kinda realized. It’s probably cuz I’m on a washout and it has been less on my mind 
Anyways. I’ve noticed more increases in work productivity since I added LDU into my stack. I think LDU is probably what I’ve been looking for. Skimming my old entries, I was reminded that I chose rebirth over LDU.
I think back now and I’m pretty sure that I liked Limit Destroyer’s description, but Rebirth reframing things seemed like a smoother choice for transition of paradigms.
For me in my personal experience, I prefer LDU. I’m pretty sure it’s not only improving my AM-core experience, but that it’s unlocking Primal’s deeper working, within me.
I can’t explain it yet mostly because I haven’t journaled and only loosely pay attention to it, but women are definitely treating me different in a good way. I can’t think of a single woman really within the last few days that wasn’t at the very least deferential to me in some way.
I was leaning in the hallway of a customer’s home, watching my lead finishing up the install of a dishwasher, when I happened to glanced up. The lady of the house was walking towards us from the dining room and as I looked up, I saw her eyes traveling from somewhere near my Ninji regions up my abdomen to my eyes.
(does anyone call the stomach area an abdomen in reference to humans? 
)
(Why do I feel like that question was framed by someone who forgot he too is human?
Back to me. To build the picture, she wasn’t walking straight towards me, as I was off to the side a bit. So she was sort of kinda maybe probably accurately best described as looking at me…sidelong?
Only seen the word in books mate, don’t judge.
But yeah, so she met my eyes and saw me seeing her seeing me for the big sessy I am and gave a half smile that went to her eyes and continued on her path to wherever in her house she went. To continue picture building, it was another door off to the right of me and my comfy hallway wall, so she passed my guy doing the DW in the kitchen and went into the mentioned room.
She came back out like five seconds later and without preamble looked me in the eyes (very nice eyes, eye contact was cool) and asked me if I had any plans on moving out there to Cedar anytime soon.
Being me, I told her that if she could manage to get them to fix the bridge that causes parking lot traffic on the Southbound way there, I would consider it then.
She laughed and said it’s not that bad. My lead heard the tone in her voice when she asked the initial question and looked at me (she was standing behind him near the fridge) and smiled me the faintest of knowing smiles (he’s an ass but one of my favorite people atm) started talking to her about the bridge project and how it would take at least two years for them to complete it and she subsided somewhat, but then brightened right back up and made some point. It was a good one cuz he was like well yeah, true true and she looked at me and puffed her bre - chest out at me and said, “Ha! We figured it out, there you go!”
I chuckled and said well once they finish the project and I’ve confirmed three to twelve times they’re not gonna tear down another one like they have a habit of doing, I might bump into her one of these days, which satisfied and pleased her.
**I value excellent service and customer satisfaction, above all else **
I honestly don’t recall too many of the other girls and women because there’s quite a few more than I thought and I have the attention span of a stoned goldfish.
I guarantee it’ll come to me as soon as I hit submit.
Oh yeah, right. The ladies who work in the warehouse on the forklift and compactor are absolutely choosin’. Two of significance are polar opposites physically and just my types pero, if I weren’t fasting (in a relationship) I’d certainly see what THEY’RE talking about. And that’s just the thing. I’m not really seeking much like that. The validation is gratifying, sure.
But fleeting. As is the desire for it. I honestly check out girls for the fun of it. Maybe even for the pleasure of it? I see women as works of art when I’m at my very best, but currently, coming out of a prolonged period of on and off PMO, I’m beginning to see that coming back.
One of the check in girls, for instance, called me by my name today. Why is this significant? Because she’s never said my name but one time, and that was right before she asked for a favor. I honestly didn’t even think the chick cared for my dopetasticness, to be honest.
So yeah, I was walking past her with an appliance and generally, I like to glance at her butt. But ironically, she was wearing great pants for her shape today and after I noticed, I felt interest rapidly drain and my focus on my work and off-loading my truck, increase.
I wonder sometimes if Wanted isn’t still present somewhere in my subconscious though I didn’t stay with it as long as I wanted
Ascended Mogul might be the reason here I’ll think on it later.
But yeah, I felt the shift in me and the pendulum went to her apparently because as I was passing her, I felt her turn her head slightly as if expecting something from me. I didn’t even glance at her or near her, even in my peripheral. I was just focused on getting that truck done.
(Very woo woo stuff incoming)
I felt within me that she noticed something was different about me and was slightly miffed. I can confirm because, I felt her turn slightly with her body, following my movements and said in an upbeat voice, “Sage! What’s going on, man?!” in a conversational, friendly way.
What’s going on like, how are you? Not, why aren’t you attentioning me. In case that wasn’t clear.
But (and I felt like an asshole for this two seconds later) I hardly twitched my head in the direction of her voice over my right shoulder and sorta lifted my head in lazy recognition.
I’m not usually like that, and as I’m typing this, I feel the aura of that moment enveloping me. It’s very Emperor-esque and I love having the gift of feeling like I did on Emperor for however long this vibe lasts.
Ahhh, but it fades now.
So yeah, I felt that vibe. No. Since this current shift started the day I made my seed post, imma call it le seed.
So ya brah, I felt le - for journaling continuity, and to give myself a laugh when I read this later, imma leave that there. But I’m not going to call it ‘le seed’ no mo. 
I felt the vibe that started when I lost interest in her modest derriere increasing and my old skills in swiftly gliding around a work place and getting shit knocked out was back in spades. It was honestly fucking awesome.
I haven’t been as confident since I fractured my ankle because, my natural swagger came back but it left my balance behind. So I get stuck in my head trying to let me body move the way it wants to, while not drifting right or left. I feel like I look like a Dum Dum who wants Gum Gum.
In the past two days though, now that I typed that, I’ve been getting back to the smoothness I used to have. It’s pretty great. I’m at risk of gushing about LDU’s unexpected awesomeness rather than finishing my original thing so…
As I was going around, I noticed people were… Hmm.
What’s the word… Not admiring. Not staring. A level below studying, and that’s it.
I feel like Malkuth will be the first to provide the one I’m looking for.
Ahhh I forgot one thing. I called her out on saying my name. I dropped off the appliance and strode right up to her side and said, “What’s the favor?”
She looked at me startled and slightly puzzled and I continued, “That’s the second time I’ve heard you say my name, and the last time you wanted a favor afterwards. What is it?” And she looked slightly confused and started stammering a little bit while I patiently waited for an answer.
The guy that was behind her heard my question and legit like 3 - 5 seconds went by and I heard him start laughing and say, “Daaaaaaaaaamn.” I glanced at him and then back at her and kept waiting. Finally, she sheepishly grinned and made a sign like she had just toked.
Ye iight 
After THAT, is when I lost interest. I should edit this and just correct the sequence of events but that doesn’t feel like a Thursday activity.
So, I finished up unloading and went to get the dolly keys from her. We have to lock up the dollies at work cuz some of these guys have sticky fingers.
I definitely feel like I’m an asshole now, but I silently walked up in front of the two girls and held out my hand without saying a word.
For some reason, they didn’t take any offense. The one I have been talking about (who is not really that attractive to me besides her eyes and figure) apologized like she fucked up and had me waiting there and scrambled to find the keys to give them to me. The other girl just smiled and tilted her head at me (no attraction from either of us but she’s cool, great personality on her 
) and I smiled back and nodded at her.
Now that I type that, I must have looked like I was dismissing the other chick cuz I let her drop the keys into my hand and walked off without acknowledging her after.
Damn.
Now. I drop off the dollies and here’s where it’s interesting to me because as I’m typing, realizations are popping up. I locked up the dollies and went to return the key to her. On the way there, I felt something I haven’t felt for awhile. It’s actually why I wanted Primal the moment I saw the title art and read the description the first time.
I felt the beast within me arise, bro. Like, as soon as I finished the task I had set, boom. It was fine to play again.
When I say the beast, I mean… When I’ve successfully stayed off porn for awhile on a NoFap streak in past times, there comes a certain moment when I become primal. There’s no other way for me to put it.
Energetically speaking, of course. But I get intense. And interesting things happen.
But back to now. Then. I was walking and felt the (insert guttural something) rise to the forefront. It wasn’t necessarily sexual, though that indeed is part of it I think.
I came around the corner with about thirty feet of distance between me and the check in girls and the one I’ve been talking about IMMEDIATELY felt my eye contact. And I didn’t break it. At. All.
The entire time I was striding towards her, her eyes were glued to mine like she was stunned. I can’t make this up, but she literally glanced to both sides of her slowly very quickly as if checking if I was looking at someone else and then right back to mine, on stuck.
It must have been about forty feet cuz though I’m not totally back to Ninjistic balance, I definitely move faster then your average person when I walk. I got to about fifteen feet from her and her eyes darted down to my Ninji and then back up to my eyes. I honestly felt that it was involuntary and she gave in to a fight not to look, like I do when a beautiful girl with a nice figure walks by me and I give in to the itch.
I gave her a Smeyes (eye smile. I was wearing a mask) and handed her the keys. She said okay, thank you soo much but in a distracted way, while her eyes lingered on my arms as I pulled away.
Yeah, iight
because the owners of the company worked closely with Bob Beck, who invented one of these Brain Tuner devices.
