Sorry about not answering sooner! Things have been VERY busy. The tongue is healing, slowly regaining sensation. I think there’s a pretty good chance I have full feeling back by the end of the year 
How are you man
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I’m glad your tongue is healing man!
I’m doing well. Although sometimes DR gives me reconciliation headaches from hell, I’m also “recovering” faster during my rest days… I think … 
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Glad you’re healing as well! When you say you’re recovering faster during your rest days what do you mean
Yes I have a journal offline but not on the forum.
Good question @RVconsultant, how did I get here… 
Way back almost a decade ago I stumbled on the self-help community because I was tired of the way things were in my life. I had just got home from a trip around Asia for 6 months and came back to everyday life, and just dafuq!
Everything back then apart from just being a physical presence at work was all about sports. I played mostly Lacrosse and for many years I was obsessed playing 7 days a week.
But deep down I was so insecure in myself and sport was a way of channeling all that suppressed energy. I had deep deep commitment issues around women, and lost my virginity at 26. Was just self-sabotaging as soon as someone showed an interest in me.
I had a pretty bad relationship with alcohol growing up. One time on christmas eve after being on a bar I ended up in hospital with 3.3 per mille(don’t know if that’s the right translation in english.) And also been kicked in the head while I was passed out receiving inner bleedings in my brain. That was a wake up call.
Then I found and started listening to a future mentor that I discovered online. He was all about pshycology and high status. I changed my walk, developed a constant smirk, and did all crazy things for many months, while just chugging along at work.
Finally got the courage to book a plane ticket to Los Angeles to attend a seminarium with the guy I had been listening to all that time. And from there on I got hocked by that energy, and in a span of 6 month I was back 6 times or so. Joined his mastermind, and all of a sudden there was a whole community of likminded guys.
If I had 10 friends at home I all of a sudden had hundreds of friends all over the world that came there. But also I was afraid to let my family or friends find out so I tried to keep it hidden. But this I was so used to from my teenager years, my way or the highway.
I started reading so many books on psycology, body language, did copywriting, studied style etc etc. In those circles a common thing is to say that you should spend at least 10-20% of what you earn on yourself. I recon I spent around 60-70% of all my money on self-development back then 
It was at this time things turned nasty in my psyche. I started to become neurotic, micro-managing my every move, how I talked, walked, which tonality I used, how I sat, had stare battles with random people etc.
And also although I’ve had some interest in it but never got around earlier, I discovered the european pick-up scene. And sure it can be a great spring board, but also there is so many sad and lonely people there with self-destructive behaviors, but hey, I was an expert on that back then 
I met coaches and guys from all over the world that had over 1000 lays and they did not look perticulary happy, same as the all the rich jetsetters I met in the America. Those who had a lot of money and fame were so terrified of losing it.
During these years hooked up with a lot of women, but the same patterns were there of commitment issues and feelings of inadequacy. Still had never been in a relationship, and the women I met it was just for one night and then byyyeeee…
One time at a nightclub a guy fell on my leg. It hurt a bit I was like, it’s probably nothing and partied on. I found a girl and we went to my place. By that time my knee hurt so bad so I had to abort. She slept in my bed and I on the sofa. When I woke up to go to the toilet I fell over. She left and I felt bad as usual back then.
This pain went on for a month without me going to the doctor. Finally I went. Completely torn back ACL. He asked me if I had been in a car accident? Nah nightclub I answered My father was that way too, you only go to the doctor if you’re dying.
Then two things happened, or actually four. Firstly I had two moments where it got so heavy that I almost ended it. First was on the subway where I stood so close to the edge that the arriving train literally touched my jacket, and the second time I climbed up on a bridge pillar 200 feet up and looked down at the water for an hour.
Secondly I found a part of the pick-up community that had a different take on it. Instead of techniques and trickery, the approach was to get in touch with what you felt in the moment, and then expressing that exact feeling to the girl unfiltered. Radical self-honesty.
Lastly I tried MDMA for the first time on a nightclub. Everything was so natural, attraction was effortless, I talked to everyone, and literally all tension I had in my body dissapeared for a couple of days. It set a new standard for me that this kind of relaxation was possible. Let’s say that my neurotic behaviors I had did not relax me like that 
I’ve seen recently people talk about books like 7 pillars of self-esteem and such on the forum. This became my new thing, all about awareness and releasing of inner stuff. Instead of pick-up i found new mentors in self-love, tantra, and other spiritual practices.
Got into a lot of spirituality, and also my best friend who is very spiritual helped steer me a lot. I used to read a lot of Osho so that was my only experience at this point.
Then came the famous 2020. Just before the outbreak I had my first semi-enlightened experience following a period of sadness. I just completely accepted that I had feelings of shame. I hunched my shoulders forward and and had trouble looking someone in the eyes or even over the horizon. I was in deep shame. Two bouncers wanted to shrow me out because they thought I was drunk(I had one cider all night). I was completely honest and said what I felt and they believed me because I was so honest.
Then when I came home I wrote a foregiveness letter to myself and read it out loud. I bursted into tears for like 10 minutes. Then followed something that change me forever… (even though forever is all there is 
)
I entered a complete state of peace. Not that blissful excited state that I’ve had before, and they drain you just like a MDMA or such. Everything was just quiet. For five hours I completely lost track of time, I looked at my hand and could see my own energy field, all inner resistance was gone, it was like my body was a light blue skye with no beginning and no end. I ended that night washing ONE plate for 20 minutes, before I was noticed I was doing the dishes. The mind was blank.
There’s no going back after such experiences, it changes you. The only way I can describe your vision in that state is that you become aware of the air in between what you look at and your own body, but theres no separation, sights melts into sounds and sounds in to colors, everything just starts to glow. Can recommend it 
I’ve had lots of similar experiences that just comes out of the blue, but not as peaceful as that one experience. But it’s always there underneath, we all have it. And if you have that pure sweetness on the inside, that’s all you see on the outside.
That’s why everything that triggers you out there is actually in here.
And it’s interesting that these states are so profound that you loose interest in much of the outside world because it doesn’t even come close. You realize that you love to spend time with your friends because you love yourself. You spend time with women because YOU are happy and not because THEY make you happy. Then you don’t need anything but have all to give, and receive you will.
After this I also started to study polarities. Masculine energies and feminine energies. For so many years I tried to brute force being someone I’m not. Now I could roughly find out where on that arbitrary scale that I fit in and just relax into it, and things are becoming more and more effortless. And it’s not about male or female, it’s about energetic polarities.
I wrote in another journal recently that a meditation called Strong Determination Sitting is the best tool I’ve found so far to develop that masculine presence(except subs ofc), the one that observes, the one that gives attention.
Also during 2020 I had a lot of dreams about my childhood as early as two years old. You could really feel that the world was going through a period of cleansing, and a lot of things came to the surface and still do. I found out why I was harboring so much self-hate growing up, and how I was projecting that onto others creating tension.
Short story about that the situation with resecpt for the other persons involved. When I was three years old at kindergarten, that other person was sexually abused and I saw it. It was my old kindergarten teacher(a female). I woke up totally paralyzed, I couldn’t move for minutes, just like a chain-spell in a MMO or something. That same feeling as I experienced it at three years old.
And then it hit me. All my life as soon as I got triggered I frooze, just like some people run and some people fight. I just got quiet and became physically smaller, hiding away. And also my fear of women and intimacy, because I was closed off for soo long.
Doesn’t bother my anymore because I have let it go. But when it came back it came in many dreams after until I decided to let go of the emotions behind it. That was literally what it was, an awareness and a conscious decision to let it go.
And now to how I found SubClub. My friend that I talked about before had me listen to subs from another company. I didn’t really listen that much but was intruiged by subliminals because of my background with pshycology.
And he bought Stark back in August last year. And I decided that I should try as well and bought Khan and some other smaller programs. I wasn’t really doing it consistently and was hoping for quick fixes in the beginning.
But after a period of months where suppressed things came to the surface and after starting to read the forums and the guidlines, I decided to do a complete Khan run. I had just quit my job and from January this year(was at St2), I took three months where I literally only talked to 2 people during those months and stayed at home. I didn’t read the news or outside influences.
During those months I become so aware of many of my minds hangups and self-destructive patterns. And because I just observed them, and not reinforcing them, they started to whither away one by one.
I had my eye on Dragon Reborn since release but wanted to do Khan first because I’ve started it already. But now after two weeks listening to DR St1 the effects are insane. First loop I did I had the same internal rush of energy from my lower chakras up to my heart and and higher chakras that reminded me of ectasy.
Also I’m not used to having some people being almost intimidated of my presence since doing Khan, and I went so long without meeting people so it was interesting in the beginning altough I’m getting more used to it now. And if I find myself negatively juding others I do metta(loving kindness) at them.
But at the same time I experience no anger towards me because I don’t project that myself. I simply cannot direct it onto someone. It’s almost comical, it’s like doing funny faces in the mirror. Like, am I supposed to be mad at myself, at my funny reflection?
It’s been mentioned by people here that have done Total Breakdown, that you don’t recognize yourself walking around more or less. Because I am less attached to old memories and the emotions that were attached to that story. My vision nowadays is more peripheral, like when a camera that has not yet had time to focus in on an object. You see less, but you see more.
So show up and be loving and you receive love, it’s really that simple. And if unpleasant things comes up, it comes up for a reason to be let go of. And every release makes things lighter and lighter.
To sum it up I remember what my first mentor asked me; “If you could send one message that would reach all people on earth, what would it be?” Nine years ago I said this; “Take 100% percent responsibility for everything that happens in your life.”
It’s kind of funny, because that is probably what I would say even today, and also has been a theme through out what I just wrote about my in my own journey so far. The road has not been straight, but all roads lead to Rome sooner or later 
All in all I feel so prestigeless and it’s so freeing. We usually react to the outside reinforcing the inside. It’s all backwards. Or as Osho said, if you are mad, go beat a pillow instead 
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@Tobyone thanks for this interesting post. do you know what triggered this semi-enlightened experience in 2020 for you where you totally felt at peace?
I also had similar experiences like you although not as strong by being mindfulness throughout the day which really calms down your mind and gets you into the presence. I also had a similar experience while doing Khan…it really pushed me into an awareness mode.
I wish there was a subliminal that totally focuses on releasing/ letting go and being more aware.
It most definately came from going so deep into and accepting that heavy mode. I was in for about 2 hours before I got home. And when the release came with the letter thing, it was like a full blown release into full awareness of the moment.
It is so difficult to describe with words as you know. It’s like a homecoming, for a brief instant all the clouds dissapear and reveal the sun that’s always been there. Like the innocent eyes of child. Sure I have this with eyes closed in a good meditation session, but this was fully awake in the 3D world, which was completely new to me.
I don’t know if you are familiar with the Human Scale of Consciousness? It was in the ineffable part.
Thanks for your reply 
I totally know what you mean and I expected that this was causing it for you. People can get fully awaken this way. E.g. Eckhart Tolle described in his book that he was in a lot of pain and that he was suicidal. When the pain was really big one night while he was lying in his bed, he suddenly had an awakening experience and has stayed in this state. So he achieved it due to pain he could no longer bear instead of meditation. It is very similar to you.
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Yep, have met people close to dying, and then the moment they accept it, it sends them into full bliss. And these people survived. Just listening to their stories is captivating. Sometimes I feel that Khan, because it breakes down the character has this to a small extent. It’s humbling and you are not so concerned with who you thought you were or loosing your induviduality because you feel more connected to everything.
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If I have a headache, I think it disipates faster.
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I don’t know what you mean by this.
Wow! Thank you for posting this.
I really appreciate it. I will meditate on it.
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Have you ever heard back from @SaintSovereign if RICH is a substitute for Executive? and what is your personal experience? (got the same question before I saw your post)
Its mainly wealth manifestation with a bit of productivity.Doesnt really replace it but would depend on priorities.Whether wealth manifestation or productivity is more important
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yes, I’m just wondering how productivity and push changes compared to Executive. Similar like Limitless Executive which still got a lot of Executive inside for the extra push and productivity.
@SaintSovereign @Fire @RVconsultant
Would saying affirmations to myself like why am I so awesome or why am I so successful in the mirror derail the progress of the subliminals?
Also would putting up a vision board help manifest more with the subliminals and increase in possible action taking?
Random questions lol
It’s an understandable question.
Reading affirmations might help you focus. Writing down what you want can help you focus. So might a vision board. However, there is so much information coming into your subconscious via Qv2, that the script will override any affirmations.
So affirmations and vision board: might help. Definitely harmless.
Remember, action towards your objective.
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@BLACKICE and @Palpatine
We saw the flags. Thank you.
@Phoermes what you said on that post is fine to call him out.
Would you three please like this post so I know you read it, and are aware of our gratitude?
The Hammer of Thor will now present.
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Well, darn. Thought I was in a trouble or something, like being called to the principle’s office
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