Running Wanted+GLM for a year in Sweden

Journals - Custom Subliminals
#21

This is something I had to come to terms with as someone who grew up racially-mixed in America

I had the benefit of growing up in a massive city with lots of ethnic diversity

Here, for the most part, no one gives a shit about who you are.

El Salvadoran? Greek? Italian? Chinese? African? Australian?

No one cares, no one is trying to put you in a box, no one gives a shit who you are.

It frees you up to present yourself however you like, in whatever way is most congruent to you.

For example, I’m “Latino” and have gotten the dominican fade haircut and all this other shit to try to fit in, but it felt weird and incongruent. These days I dress like a preppy white guy because I love that 1960’s JFK old money preppy look. And it works for me not because people react well to it, its the opposite, people react well to it BECAUSE I feel good with how I’m dressed

I’d encourage you to stop putting yourself in the box of “German”, “half-Chinese” or “non-Swede” and just find a style that makes you feel happy and sexy when you’re dressed up that way

1 Like
#22

I have slightly longer, curly hair, and my current hair stylist is a woman. I second this sentiment. They are better when it comes to hair, unless you go to a really expensive guy

#23

30s GLM + 30s Wanted

Had to go back down to 30s on both and this seems to induce the right amount of action and low enough recon to be able to go about my day smoothly. 1m two days ago induced pressure in my forehead, almost headache-like, within an hour of running the loop and made me swing wildly between states of serenity and feeling despair.

The 30s loop today felt just right. Calm, relaxed way of walking, shooting confident looks at people that drew my curiosity. For the first time, just as I left my building on the way to the gym, I walked past a Slavic looking woman that held my gaze for a long 5 seconds before looking away. It was so intense I was genuinely surprised, because up till now, I was used to the people meeting my gaze and immediately looking either to the left or right. She didn’t smile, but I’ll count it as an IOI. What also surprised me that I felt no urge to stop her right there, but just calmly acknowledged her interest.

In the gym, I was in-between sets of shoulder presses and breathing heavily. A woman, might have been one of the personal trainers, came in, looked at me and cracked a quick smile. So they can smile.

On the way home, I found the street with the New Yorker, unfortunately it had just closed. Will look for more color another day, then. Went to the ICA grocery store to stock up on yoghurt and fruits, and was surprisingly greeted by one of the employees stocking the shelves. That hasn’t happened before.

Went home and found the Tajik Afghan Swedish neighbour of mine sitting in the kitchen, wearing headphones, as usual. Starting mixing my Yoghurt while asking her in Swedish how she was doing as she looked exhausted. She replied that, for the first time in weeks, she hadn’t studied the whole day and was just chilling. Was surprised at myself how I smoothly offered her a way to take her mind off things by inviting her to tag along on the weekend to visit some of the second-hand shops I intend to visit anyways. This was my second attempt, as I wanted to see if last time I invited her out she was merely too busy or worried about her exam.
Unfortunately, she replied that she doesn’t need anything from the shops and politely thanked me for the invitation. She put her headphones back on and didn’t try to keep the convo alive(awkward silence), kept her back turned towards me and left the kitchen shortly afterwards wishing me good luck with my Yoghurt lol.

Oh well, that was a pretty clear sign she is not interested. I am barking up the wrong tree. Too bad, I thought she’d be more exciting than the Swedes I know, and like her energy and smile. Even if I did not consider her as someone I could date, I would like to get to know her better as my direct neighbor. Funny thing is, she and her sister complained to me two weeks ago that it was hard for them to make friends with Swedish people when they grew up in Sweden. I am starting to see why.

I don’t want to put a label on me, anyways. I don’t think anybody enjoys putting themselves in a box. I’ve always wanted to be a citizen of the world and pull down those artificial boundaries.
But it is easier said that done, especially when people make sure to let you know that you are not free to escape from the box they put you in. Most of my experiences were the opposite of what Prioritas just mentioned: I grew up as the only “asian” guy in town, I had nobody to relate my experiences to, and the only other minority that was there(Turkish guys) particularly liked beating me up. It is an interesting turn of events for me that the group I get best along with since my early 20s have been Muslims wherever I go.
But yeah, the progression was

  • I am just me, with no artificial national boundaries (pre-school age)
  • Shit, people put me in a box and I can’t get out(up until 30s)
  • Man, I want to go back to the natural identity I had before schooling began(now)

The reason I mentioned the subconscious pattern above is just because I became aware of it, and I do realize how silly it looks written down. I am just acknowledging that it does exist in me, for obvious reasons. In Germany, I always wanted my half-German background to count for something, and my Chinese part to add to my charm, but it didn’t quite work out that way. In Taiwan, I neither get treated as a Chinese person(and get excluded as a result) nor do I get treated as a white foreigner. But that is another story. I trust that most people will have an easy time understanding most of what I am talking about, but the Eurasian experience growing up in highly ethnically homogenous environments is hard to relate to for most people, I believe. Even my own father has difficulty relating to me in that regard. Eurasians I have met instantly get me, though. They are a surprisingly hard to find type of bunch, though!

I sure hope so. Like quite a few members reported already, there are moments where I feel like it is an inevitability and that there is this ocean of possibilities in front of me waiting to be explored.

I just realized that I find the concept of women finding me a joy to be around pretty far out of my reality, still. My ex that I shared good times with left me several years ago. Seems a long time ago now.

Just to have someone that is actively trying to keep the convo alive would already be worth the price of admission for me.

Thanks. Yeah, already found some female hairdressers. Just need a layered cut that cleans up the messy parts a bit and I’ll be good to go. Last guy did a horrible job with uneven sides on a short haircut and cut me up above my lips during the shave, then prided himself as the best barber in town and audaciously charged me 500 SEK/50€ and casually wiped off the blood from my face as if nothing had happened.

The German guy I met a couple days ago passed on to me very good resources, and coupled with the method I linked to further up in this thread, I think I have figured out a fast and sustainable way.

Going to the classes is just another way for me to meet people, since I can’t find more regular events to go to yet in this city. I am struggling with finding regular social events to go to, ones where I get to meet new people.

#24

1m GLM + 1m Wanted (yesterday)

Last two days have been very intense.

Yesterday, I woke up after nearly 12 hours of sleep, unusually long and restful sleep. I felt so refreshed that I immediately thought “hey, let’s try going back up to 1m from 30s and see what happens”; the last time I did this, I was hit by characteristic signs of overload within an hour of running the loops: intense mental fatigue and short burst of headache like symptoms.
This time around, it was not as strong, with less fatigue and no headache like feelings, but a few hours in, I noticed this intense feeling of processing, which is surprising to me considering I’ve been running this custom GLM for up to 2m and for more than a month already, and have worked on quite a bit in my daily life, and for Wanted it is the 8th loop already (running since the 6th of this month), and given that they’re name-embedded too, I had assumed I’d more easily process them or get used to them.

But this is not so. So the question is. Why this sudden intensification of recon?

I personally think that a part of me is like a small child that is putting up a lot of resistance to the suggestions. It is starting to feel cornered. And right now, this is the first valley between peaks for me. How do I know? All external signs disappeared and since late yesterday I have experiencing intense recon in the form of a constant low-key panicking state. In the last month, I hadn’t gotten any prolonged recon at all, and whatever I felt was resolved quite fast. The new anti-recon is wonderful in this regard. But this thing right now is intense, and made it even difficult to fall asleep yesterday. An intense feeling of “inner crying” in the chest, along with bursts of negative thoughts, combined with feeling cortisol or something like that being released. I know this feeling of unease when that fight or flight/panic state sets on and some hormone(probably cortisol) floods my body and this has been going on since yesterday. Only late this afternoon today it has somewhat calmed down, after me literally taking any step known to me of working this out.

I was hesitating to update my journal when this was at its most intense, as I knew I’d just be recon whining. But I still tried to make the most out of it by first journaling privately, hitting the gym hard, then going for a walk in the (cold) Swedish sun, and then sitting down to write to my ex, who I had been meaning to update on my situation anyways. Of course, the emotions came flooding out and I carefully looked this over and saw the patterns emerging: all the dissatisfactions and frustrations with my social life here were there, some vain attempts of making it sound more controlled than it actually is, then I felt compelled to sit down and meditate for 3 hours gazing into the dark and thinking of nothing. About 2 hours in, I could feel an overload of energy in my head region leaving and relieving me of most of the “pressure” I had been feeling. Then I started sending my mother messages, as she had been asking about my situation as well. And oh wow, even more trauma dumping there. Again, I carefully recorded what I was saying.

Now this may sound off, but this is a feature of GLM right there. I was having intensely emotional outbursts and not so random memories from my childhood, and I put this into text. But at the same time, I was able to distance myself like a lab scientist and go “oh hey, another bottle to analyze”.
Being very introspective by nature, I already have this ability honed, but GLM improved this further.

The main themes are:

  • desire to detach from external validation, but also the realization how much I am chasing it due to:
  • lots of anger at things I had no control over as a child, but deeply influenced by view of society as a result; growing up in fear of my mom, then getting badmouthed and despised by neighbors, and then bullied and ostracized throughout my schoolyears. Layers upon layers of social rejection that led to many defensive behaviors just to find any kind of self to hold onto. Self-esteem got damaged a lot in this phase.
  • wanting to integrate and reach out socially as a kid, but getting frustrated so much that I developed a lot of introverted hobbies as a result. This hurt my ability to socialize in loud spaces or relate to extroverts. But I am still that kid that just wants to be recognized as existing.
  • frustration over perceived lack of shared interests/commonalities with others due aforementioned pushback into an introverted space where I had to entertain myself. My mom experienced the same frustration, she had no one to play with due to huge age differences and grew up playing alone and was neglected by her mom. My father lost his mom and then lost the ability to speak coherently and got socially isolated as well.
  • because of the last point, I basically ended up not really turning German, because I wasn’t really allowed inside of German social spaces, which is why I learned English so that I could explore online spaces. Only found somewhat like-minded people online, but never in my city where I actually lived.

Basically, this is at the root of my search for external validation and the wish to integrate in some way.

  • I see the environment and society “out there” as fundamentally hostile and rejecting. First 25 years of my life this got instilled rather deeply in me, as it felt like my daily lived reality. Right now, in my thirties I am working with this idea that the world out there is merely a reflection of the assumptions in my mind, and that it technically is an ocean of possibilities for me to explore properly, but this wounded kid in me is like “are you kidding me, that’s not what I see! I got no choice!”, i.e. extreme scarcity. This creates inner friction. A part of me does not believe yet. It wants hard evidence, and hard evidence seems, for me, to be defined in surprisingly materialistic terms: it wants to see people behaving the opposite way they had when I was a kid, whether reasonable or not.

  • the wish to fit in and find my people is so strong that at several points in my life, I had been willing to sacrifice almost everything about me and my values to get it. And it wasn’t even worth it, as I ironically did not end up fitting in, but I did lose respect for myself. So I got duped. Multiple times, as painful as it is to admit. The pattern has repeated itself, up until now. This wish is very deep, as it had been a constant undercurrent since I was born.

  • my sense of self is still rather fragmented. Coherence is difficult because I jumped onto certain identities not out of creativity, but out of pure fear, and this is never a good idea. For example, one of the few defense mechanisms as a child was that I had an easy time with intellectual tasks. As a kid pushed into a solitary lifestyle, your mind is all you have. So duh, I developed it. But do I enjoy overthinking or do I even value the idea of being an intellectual? No. I know enough about religion and mysticism to know that the intellect has its use, but is not everything. To define myself by it is foolish and was just used by me once to give me a feeling of false superiority. Once is actually the wrong word. It is still there, in more subtle forms. But if I don’t have a firm and coherent self, I can easily be seduced into sacrificing my identity for the feeling of belonging.

What are possible solutions I can practically take to resolve these long-standing concerns of mine?

  • since my dreams reveal that I still retain much hate for the people in my childhood, I need to realise that I can not drag this burden with me for my entire life. I need to realise that everyone suffers from ignorance, not just me, and that most people around my just automatically replicated patterns they learned unconsciously(like my mom tried her best, but she unconsciously replicated the same patterns from her mom) and as ugly as it is, schoolkids seem to automatically pick on the weaker and different looking guy in the corner, without knowing any better. The same people would probably think quite differently about it now as adults(at least, that’s my hope). As cliche as it sounds, I need to let this go. It’s shit that it happened, but it just does not serve me at all. Of course it is unfair that I have to deal with this while others get fueled by empowering and happy childhood memories and get this nice positive feedback loop right away, but since I cannot understand right now why some people get a specific fate, and others get a different one, I need to deal with mine best I can. The only meaning I can see in this is that no matter the experience, everything is fuel for a learning process of some kind.

  • I need to become more and more aware of fake, constructed identities I hold onto, which all originated in fear and were temporarily necessary to give me a sense of me and some sense of propped up self-worth. I need to deeply realise they are not me, ultimately. This is an actual spiritual process, in my opinion. Like undoing and seeing through layers upon layers of an onion, until the real Self comes forth and shines. I want to be authentic and fully, consciously me, just like everyone else. But I can only get there by knowing what’s fake in me. And this is where I can link my spiritual practices with what I formerly and artificially separated into my “worldly goals”. They can and should be working in tandem, and not against each other.
    I notice that I still do a lot of performative type of actions, especially around attractive women. This is the same problem. Feeling of unworthiness or insecurity, leading me to believe I am not good enough as I am → performances in a desire to impress. I want to get to the point where I feel attractive, as I am, even if I am sick on my bed with messy hair.

  • engage in somatic release and exercises specifically designed to soften up and clean energetic blockages as well. I am particularly eying daoyin like the yijin jing, in the version by Robert Peng, for this purpose. Years ago, I already discovered the TRE process, but only engaged with it for a few weeks, and stopped doing it when the strongest tremors disappeared. I need to do this for much longer. There are quiet a few traumas that I am pretty sure cannot be dealt with through cool, intellectual inquiry. They are stored in various unconscious places, but still steer me against my will.

  • I really want to lean into the idea that has recently become a favorite of mine. To walk around without an acquirement-based mentality. My old desire for companionship led me down the PUA and then the Red Pill movement, as it did for many others of my generation. It took me years to cure myself of the poisons I ingested that way. For example, it occured to me that it is kind of funny that PUAs teach various band-aids for dealing with “approach anxiety”, but come to think of it, you never feel approach anxiety when “approaching” a wall or a tree, do you? That’s because you don’t want something from it, you don’t seek to “acquire” something from them. With a “hot woman” you suddenly do, and hence the nervousness, because of worries about potential bad outcomes.
    It makes intuitive sense that rather than a black hole, we got to be like a sun, which unconditionally gives out its energy. And we can only give energy if we’re already full with it and overflowing.
    This directly ties into the aura generation aspect of GLM and Wanted.
    Of course I don’t feel the aura right now and don’t see its effects. With all my ruminations and feelings of loneliness and anxiety, the aura must be contracted to begin with. I need to steer my practices towards actually stabilizing a deep sense of inner stillness and self-fuelled happiness I can share with people, before I can expect to see mind-boggling results with the aura.
    And ironically/paradoxically, by the time I can generate this aura, I might no longer care about this effect. But I definitely need to go in this direction, rather than feel self-pity or ruminate in negative thoughts. They just kill my energy tank, so to speak.

  • Go even deeper into my dream analysis. As mentioned in the GLM thread, since running the custom GLM, I have been getting a whole string of GLM related dreams that are deeply symbolic and mostly about resolving issues around the need for external validation, and the desire to become my own rule maker.

1 Like
#25

True, social or inner circle that you much faster result because there’s less deep in our work to do,

And faster results give you more foundation to get deeper results from wanted,

True social or Innercircle would give you so much more mental material to work with that. I really think that they’ll get you faster results with wanted.

I think they both also do a really good job helping you connect with Swedish people more, since they’re more directly involved with communication, and would help you learn how to communicate with Swedish people in a way that resonates with them since you’ll be very focussed on learning more about how to communicate with the person in front of you with depth and impact

1 Like
#26

Let me get this straight. Do you mean to suggest to replace Wanted with either Inner Circle or True Social? Keep in mind that I am taking lots of action on the physical shifting part, so there always needs to be a title of that kind in my stack.
From what I understood from your post, you mean that these titles would provide faster results compared to sticking to Wanted right away. These titles have different goals, though, right?
And isn’t Wanted already as foundational as it gets, along with GLM? Wanted is already the foundation of Wanted Black, isn’t it?

I mean, they made it extra accessible this time around, and I am running it at microloops. I am getting a lot of noticeable results from GLM, as outlined in the thread, and it shows up in most of my dreams as well. Strangely enough, I’ve not had a single dream that is obviously related to Wanted, except for an erotic dream a few days ago(I don’t have those often). I’ve run the New Wanted 9 times now. Bit more than half a month. And yes, the results have been slow/minimal so far, even though I am trying to closely observe things. But right now I am wondering how True Social or Inner Circle would change/speed things up or if this would even be advisable for me. I really don’t want to hop from sub to sub just because results don’t appear immediately.
It doesn’t seem to me to be the case that communication is the main issue here. The issue is having access to places where I can execute on Wanted and let it shine.
If I met new Swedish people everyday, and I struggled to socialize with them, then maybe True Social would be useful. It requires daily socialization to shine, right?
But right now, the main issue seems to be that I don’t have ways to even meet new Swedish people on a daily basis. I would love to know a social space around here that doesn’t charge me money every time I go there, like the sport activities and so on. I am not on the main campus, so I can’t participate in the university activities(which are Swedish anyways). There’s the gym, which is financially straining me, but I want to improve my appearance, so it is a must. But it is not a social space and people ignore each other there. Don’t see people meeting my gaze there either, so far.

I was thinking extensively today about how exactly to meet my niche individuals, since I added Perfection Manifestation to the Wanted Custom. I realized that I don’t have a direct way towards it yet, and am hoping too much for sheer chance encounters.
The thing is, I know exactly the type of girls I am interested in, and I also know my interests and abilities as well. But I don’t find social spaces where I could find them. My main interest is in philosophy and spirituality, but I find zero activities related to them. Way out of the city, there is one New Age guy that charges a lot of money for his retreats that I am not interested in.
I keep searching everyday for something related to my interests here, but there is not much happening in this city. It is a protestant Christian place. For Christians, I immediately found a huge offering of social activities if you’re willing to be converted to their faith, but I am not. In Stockholm, I’ve already found various places that would likely for me to run into people I am interested in, but alas, I am not in the capital city. Things like meditation retreats don’t fit into my uni schedule and I cannot move to another city at this point in time.

I thrive on 1 on 1 dialogues, deep conversations over coffee, that sort of thing. I feel extremely out of place in loud nightclubs and am particularly bad at dancing(my ex gave up on teaching me when I requested her to help me out with that). I am also not into drinking. But I need to get people into that 1 on 1 setting I actually enjoy first. The people I’ve asked out so far have come up with all sorts of excuses, which I interpret as a lack of interest. It does not seem to me like that is a communication issue. I reach out, but meet with lack of interest.
Hence why I am running Wanted and doing my best to work on my appearance, as Saiyan4Blue has emphasized to me.

As I understand it, modules like Perfection Manifestation make it so that you unconsciously seek ways of meeting people who might be into you, or discover social spaces where this can happen. But I am hitting blocks here. I am even checking all of the advertisements whenever I drive to the main campus for any social events I could participate in. But there just isn’t much to join that I can reasonably participate in. If the manifestation modules inside Wanted are designed to make you notice/manifest more individuals in the environments you are already in, I haven’t come across them yet, or something in me is blocking this. But then I’d like to know what this block is and how I can dissolve it.

I am just wary of sub hopping right now. I’ve done that before, and it didn’t work out for me.
If I understood it correctly, the manifestation scripting in Wanted should be enough, especially given that I doubled down on this with the custom. It should provide some opportunities as I go about my daily life. I would already feel comfortable to approach if I get a smile or prolonged eyecontact.

Maybe True Social or Inner Circle could help me stumble upon more opportunities which I can join as a foreigner? To be honest, Wanted should already do that, no?
From what I’ve learned here so far is that Swedish people are actually quite social with each other, but have little to do with foreigners and put them in a different box than their friends once they’re forced to use English with them. But if you only speak beginner Swedish, they go back to English and you’re back in the box where they feel like they can’t express themselves well. But I can’t get to C2 in Swedish in a few months.

The main thing I am trying to figure out right now is how to get
a) more opportunities to actually meet Swedish people without breaking my bank account
and
b) keep them interested in talking to me in easy Swedish so I can actually learn

This overlaps exactly with what I am trying to figure out with my romantic life
How to get
a) more opportunities to find girls that are interested in me, either Swedish or not, I don’t care about their nationality or ethnicity
and
b) keep them interested so that I can actually have a meaningful conversation instead of hearing all these excuses where they always need to leave right now or retreat to their room

Right now, it does not feel like I am not getting something secret about Swedish communication that I have to learn, but rather that I am either putting out the wrong energy or don’t look attractive enough to get the attention and keep it. And of course, speaking fluent Swedish should help, but this will take a lot of time and I can’t make this happen overnight. And given how most people here actually speak perfectly fluent English, something tells me that this is not the main barrier I am looking at.

So shouldn’t the GLM+Wanted be enough, as it is?
As should be obvious from the post here, I mainly struggle with even finding spaces where I can meet people, rather than communicating with them.

#27

45s GLM+Wanted

Went down to 45s. So far, this is more comfortable. I am already feeling quite sleepy before 8 p.m. though, which is a bit concerning, as I have a lot to work to do for uni.
Was out for most of the day, getting various errands done. Also went to the gym.
Felt invisible, however I am still reeling from the recon from the last few days. Chest feels sore, and not just from the workouts. Emotions have been pouring out.
While hitting the weights, I was thinking non-stop about how to improve my chances of actually running into the women I’d be interested in. Which social spaces I could actually go to on a regular, as in daily basis. Not just social spaces, but places where I can let Wanted shine, actually. This is not a new thought. I recently re-read some of my journal entries from exactly a year ago, when I had just arrived in Sweden, and I was doing the same. Unfortunately, I feel like I still haven’t found anything promising. I am hitting the same frustrations of not finding enough to do, just as before. A few weeks ago, I had paid another visit to the opening fair where the university clubs announce their stuff, but found precious little I could actually join as a non-Swedish speaking Master’s student(the clubs are mostly joined by Bachelor students that have more time, whereas most Master students I know here barely join any social activity and are just busy working on assignments). There was an East Asian club that I wanted to join, before I realised that they only meet once a week, and that they met in the evening, which makes it impossible for me to get there for free from my city(my faculty is unfortunately not on the main campus), so that would add about 100€ in train ticket fees to every month, never mind the hours commuting. It’s just not practical. Has to be something in my city here. Logistics aren’t great.

Since Day 1, I have been trying to find spaces outside of university I could get into. Mainly because the course I am in is highly technical, and I don’t enjoy being around my classmates, having nothing in common with them. I didn’t choose to be with them in the same class. I initially socialized with them, but it became quickly apparent to me that there is not a lot of common ground, and on some nights out, I literally felt bored to death by them.
I am thinking back to an amazing girl from the Punjab that was a classmate of mine in Germany. She did not speak German and didn’t learn it, but it did not hold her back. She ended up with a larger social circle than any of us, and found her future wive all in the span of one year, all from an app or website for gay people. This allowed her to become part of a social lgbtq+ type of network. She immediately hit it off with a German girl and married her and now she even found a good job in the same town we studied in together. She was overweight but jovial. This jovial attitude I really want to learn from. I feel like this is the energy I need to put out, no matter what setbacks I get. I like to crack jokes, but I am also contemplative and can be too severe/serious in my thought and expression. Anyway, the Punjabi girl taught me that niche networks can really launch one’s social circle. That’s why I recognized that the Christian social activities here would be similarly golden. Unfortunately, I am neither gay nor Christian.
I know my niche(spiritual+creative), but don’t know any spaces where I could establish myself here.
Particularly the spiritual part is hard to do. I showed some of this to my ex, and she got scared. Even with guys I met, I feel like not many people enjoy these things at all, people enjoy their stable lives too much. With the creative side, there should be possibilities.
I know the Swedish are hugely into Metal. I am not into Metal, but at least I grew up playing the classical guitar. A while ago, I felt this urge to want to to learn the electric guitar. I can’t afford a decent one, but I have a friend in Germany that might just send me one. Then I need an amplifier, and should get into practicing with what free time I have. Find some folk music groups around here? Haven’t seen any advertisements, but I am hoping that I could maybe enter the music scene here. This is one niche I can think of.

1 Like
#28

No just adding in TS or IC

Not replacing

1 Like
#29

True, social or inner circle would help with that a lot. I’m saying add one, not replace it, because if you have a subliminal specifically to enhance your social life, then you’ll have more social interactions to let wanted to do its work. Wanted work best when you’re in social situation.

1 Like
#30

Wanted, wouldn’t really help you access these… or at least it wouldn’t do nearly as a good job of this as true social or in a circle would

It’s synergistic, one helps you get faster results in the other, and they both accelerate

#31

You are right. I thought this over, and realized that I’d most likely benefit from adding Inner Circle, so I added it to the stack yesterday night, at the same amount(45s).

So far, so good.

Went to the language cafe again today. New people there. After the session was over, approached the Afghani girl from last time, she said she couldn’t speak English. Then I ran into the other women on the way out there, a Tunesian woman I hadn’t seen before. Approached her, and it turned out well, she wasn’t comfortable with English, but she made an effort. We switched between Swedish and English and French, but it was enough to communicate.
In the beginning, I was just curious how she had learned to speak Swedish so fluently. The topic changed automatically at one point, and she revealed something to me that disturbed me:
She had already been living here in Sweden for 7 years, most of her 20s, and still did not have a single Swedish friend.
She has a really nice and calm aura, seems outgoing, speaks multiple languages fluently, including Swedish, is in her 20s and struggles to find Swedish people to connect with. At some point, she married a Tunesian guy and now she is raising three kids here, while studying to become a pharmacist. But despite having access to multiple possible circles such as the pre-school environment she brings her kids to and the university, she finds it incredibly hard to connect to even Swedish women her age.
Right now, she is trying to find lonely Swedish grandmas to talk to to improve her Swedish.
I don’t know about you, but that just seems wrong to me. Nothing against grandmas, but in any other country, this would not be necessary.
To my surprise, she offered to take my number and to study together from time to time. Why not?

Back home in my shared kitchen, I was talking to a Bangladeshi neighbor when the Tajik Afghani direct neighbor of mine peeked into the kitchen and asked how long we’d need, because she needs to cook something. Well, the entire half of the kitchen with its own empty stove was right next to her, and we got confused. She could cook right there, nobody would mind. We were just weirded out how she’s been avoiding having to converse with anyone here recently, saying she wasn’t in the mood, despite her initial energetic and outgoing way when she first arrived here a month ago. The Bangladeshi guy got fed up and retreated into his room, saying that he got used to this sort of thing here, but it still pisses him off.
I fixed myself some tea a few minutes later in the kitchen, and because the conversation between me and the Bangladeshi guy had stopped, Tajik Afghani girl had assumed the kitchen was empty so she walked towards the kitchen and did an almost comical 180° turnaround when she spotted me squatting there, thinking I hadn’t seen her. She was like “oh no, he is still there”. So I wanted to get to the bottom of this. Went to knock at her door and inquired. She told me that she was just kind and energetic in the beginning because she wanted to leave a good impression, but now she feels it annoying that people are making conversation with her in the kitchen, that she is not comfortable with boys etc. She hadn’t struck me as religious or anything like that and before, she even suggested trying out a old German wine bottle together we had found during the renovations here some weeks ago. She had also mentioned that her family is open to her having boyfriends and she feels more Swedish than Afghani.
Be that as it may, this is some weird mixed-signals type of behavior.
In any case, this confirms my earlier suspicions that this is likely a no-go.

Later on, I met another Swedish-Finnish neighbor of mine, who I rarely see because she basically hides in her room. She has a goth vibe to her, but is strangely upbeat whenever she does show up. She was set to move out to her boyfriend’s place, but then I still saw her name around after the renovations this summer.
She had become more friendly recently, and I was wondering why(I mentioned her before as the one calling me her food influencer).
She had startled me yesterday, as when I went into the kitchen, she immediately told me to stay away from her, but to my relief it was because she was concerned that she could infect me with her flu.
Today, she looked a bit better as she was quickly getting something from the micro, and we joked around a bit. I like this more playful style of mine now, deffo influenced by Wanted.
To check things, I casually asked her why her boyfriend wasn’t bringing her anything to cheer her up. She went into a rant on how much of an a-hole her boyfriend was and that she had dumped him. A-ha. This could be a possibility.

Another line of thought: The Tunesian girl earlier today actually first asked for my insta, and I gave her my number instead because I literally don’t have instagram(or any other social media, for that matter).
This made me think.
I used to have Facebook way back when it first came out, but only because a retreat in Taiwan had needed it as part of the registration process. Never developed into much, and now can’t restore the account because the email I used for it no longer exists.
But I developed this mentality in the 2010s that social media was just messing with people’s brains, greatly shortening their attention spans and so on. Hence why I didn’t use social media.
Now, here in Sweden, in 2025, it seems rather necessary to me to install these things.
Especially the dating apps and instagram. Another thing I noticed was that as I was looking through my photo archives on my external harddisk, I noticed that I had made thousands of DSLR photos over the years in various countries, and I appear in basically none of them. I have always been focused on capturing details on temple roofs and the like. Just like my father, there was the feeling that it felt cringeworthy to include myself in pics. So I have very few pictures of myself, actually.
But I need very good ones now to give the dating apps like Tinder and Hinge another try. Unfortunately, I don’t have my DSLR with me, and just a crappy smartphone. But I am scouting places here where I can take photos in, because I need some damn good ones if I want to find anything on these apps.

Also, the suggestion I had given to myself in a post above here in this thread, the idea that I should forget that I am inside Sweden and interacting with Swedes to free myself from any negative pre-conceptions that could mess with my results is not so easy to maintain, with experiences such as the above. But I am trying. Really got to keep trying. Even if everyone around me struggles, I need to cleanly separate myself and almost delusionally do my best to enter a better reality for myself.

1 Like
#32

30s GLM+Wanted+Inner Circle(yesterday)

Last two days have been very good. I am glad I know most of my recon patterns by now, and until yesterday, I had that heavy heart feeling, almost a kind of “inner crying”, which typically I get when I managed to dig up things that have been bothering me for many years. It has been helpful to go through some of these issues here in this journal the past week, as well as in discussing them with my ex-gf, who thankfully is still a very good friend to me.
Knowing exactly what weighs me down and letting go, as hard as it is, is the main theme, really. Otherwise I can’t enter the new reality I want to get into.
As the recon lifted, I felt the quiet and self-assured calmness return. I am really liking this calm and gracious way of walking out in public that has become normal for me.
I have decided to do Trauma Release Exercises(TRE) again. I do them for 20-30m every other day so as not to strain my nervous system too much. I had started with them, oh., before Corona, but hadn’t kept up with it. I did them enough to be able to induce the tremors without first exhausting my muscles. I can induce them even by just intending to while sitting on a chair or standing. Sometimes, they’re slight, sometimes they travel all the way up to my chest. I am well-aware that much of my trauma must be saved on the somatic level. I remember being unable to walk to my highschool without a thick jacket, because without it I felt too vulnerable. I also pressed forwards with my chest, and slouched over while walking, as I wasn’t able to push out my hips while walking. Clearly, I had been traumatized into basically hiding my sexuality, presence and needed “armor” just to feel safe in public.
In that sense, I have made much progress, as I can now walk around in a relaxed manner, most social anxiety is gone, and I walk from my hips and upright these days. But I’d like to stick to TRE as it seems like an excellent tool to release whatever might be somatic&unconscious.

As I am trying to activate my online&app presence, I am now, for the first time ever, focused on taking good photos of myself and got a remote bluetooth shutter thingie for that purpose.
Also, finally the “Mirror King” module seems to be kicking in as recently, I have started liking what I am seeing in the mirror.

The discipline scripting in GLM continues to impress me. It has become impossible for me to engage in most forms of distraction. Practically everyday, I am just focused on moving closer to my present goals. Before, I had interests such as coding a roguelike or watching streams from time to time, but they seem very irrelevant to me right now.
I am becoming more and more frugal with where I am pointing my attention.

1 Like
#33

1m GLM+Wanted+Inner Circle(yesterday)

Okay, now 1m is becoming doable. Initial slight feeling of overload in the form of forehead tension, but it went away pretty quickly, and today there was no noticeable recon. Gonna stay on 1m for some time now, until there is no forehead tension either. I am surprised that I can do this already, as I feared adding a third title to the stack would become too intense too handle, considering my sensitivity to subs.

Now for the results: I feel clearly like the foundations are being laid, for both GLM and Wanted.
I am continously being nudged to refine my appearance and the way I hold myself. Finally came to a conclusion as to how to improve my hairstyle. Instead of going for that generic advice I listened to before(analyze your face type and find matching haircut), I rather went with the concept of harmony and balance, dividing my face into three thirds, and finding out how to balance out my weaknesses. Also finally understood what my hair type actually is. Probably gonna book the appointment tomorrow.
Found a guy who a lot of women love for his attention to detail, and who isn’‘t overly expensive.
Found a few female hairdressers, too, but need to figure out how much English they actually understand.
Got new ideas for making my beard more sophisticated as well.
Went to the New Yorker, as suggested to me earlier in this log, but found their selection of clothes highly disappointing. Their quality has apparently gone down over the years, and while it is cheap, the quality is extremely bad and they’re clearly going for that 90s hip hop gangster look that I completely don’t vibe with. Some items there could be useful to add a bit of color, to draw attention and so on, but for the moment, I found better alternatives online, actually. It hadn’t occurred to me that I don’'t need to be limited to Sweden, I can simply order from German or French/Italian stores and the import tax shouldn’t be too high given that the clothes are usually far cheaper to begin with. Just yesterday, I went to three new second hand stores here in this city, but found nothing, as most of the available clothes were too large for me. I was hoping I’d run into just the right items to upgrade my wardrobe. I gotta keep looking.
The main thing Wanted seems to be manifesting for me right now is endless advice, and just the right kind I need right now. On youtube, I suddenly get spammed with two kinds of videos: how to take better selfies/portraits for dating apps and male fashion advice. I also somehow get a lot of useful videos recommended to me about how to visualize properly for manifestation. Both are highly relevant to me now since I want to get back on the dating apps and need to find additional ways on how to counter negative thought structures that might be blocking my ability to manifest what I want.

GLM has induced almost too deep levels of relaxation. Sometimes I get in such deep states of relaxation that I don’t want to get up, but then I feel the rush of discipline telling me to get up. I naturally enjoy states of silence and have been trying to deepen it over the years, though. So I think GLM is latching onto that. More importantly, I am looking for less and less external validation, and it is quite palpable.
The other thing that is noticeable, is that I truly can detach more from negative events and negative emotions. The time for me to get myself back together is much shorter than before. I can immediately tell what is going on, and even if I don’t like it, I move past it in a stoic way.

Speaking of which, patience is also being taught to me right now, especially in relation to Wanted.
While I am feeling more and more socialable, calm and suave, in the past month, I haven’t noticed any changes in my external environment, no matter where I go, from festivals to house parties. Not even subtle hovering. That 5 second extended eyecontact with that slavic woman stood out because it was so unusual. I doubled down on the manifestation scripting for Wanted for the Custom, but I see no increase in women I am attracted to, and no opportunities to approach. I am almost constantly out and about, and the only thing I haven’t done yet is online dating, which is why I am so focused on getting good pictures right now. I also assumed, before starting Wanted, that I’d find myself more attracted to in the women I already knew, but actually the opposite occurred. I see more and more things that turn me off. For example, just today, I was just about to make my food in the kitchen when the Swedish Afghani neighbor of mine came in, looked disappointed that I was there, and just as I was about to begin my convo with her, she asked me to leave the kitchen because she wanted to cook alone, despite there being two whole stoves there in a shared kitchen meant for 9 people. While I initially was attracted to her smile a few weeks back, I just found that so off-putting and anti-social that I just shrugged my shoulders and walked out. She is nothing like the warm Afghani people I met before in Germany. She’s been living in Sweden for 13 years. I guess something happened to her that made her this way.
At least I seem to resonante a lot with GLM’s aura of peace and relaxation, which is starting to have an effect on people. It is just strange that despite my sensitivity to subtle energy changes in my body I haven’t been able to feel the Wanted Aura or its effects at all.
In the evening today, as I came back from the gym, I almost missed a local house party thrown by a Chinese neighbor of mine, and the one Swedish guy there left as I came in. They went from the kitchen to my neighbor’s room(3 girls I already know), and I kind of invited myself into their room, to my own surprise. Wouldn’t have done that before.
This is really noticeable with Wanted. It makes me push for any social opportunity I can find.
Another surprise was how smoothly and relaxed I carried myself in the ensuing three hour long discussion.
This had an effect, as one of the girls there sent me this just now:

Screenshot 2025-09-28 221124

Out of the three there, this is the girl I was actually interested in talking to, because she is older than me, has some views of her own and a background in anthropology. Documentary film maker. She wants to leave Sweden as soon as possible though, because she hates it here and cannot connect socially here, either. I had met her once before at another party. Not attracted to her at all, but I enjoy talking to her.

I’d love this kind of easy-going connection with a woman I am attracted to. And this is where I sometimes feel impatient with Wanted and also with my lack of more opportunities to even find situations where either Wanted or Perfection Manifestation could shine. Since a year, I’ve been looking for ways to meet women here on a more regular basis, and I had assumed there would be an uptick in opportunities that I’d stumble into or find upon my search for them, but despite much striving, I feel as limited as before. Or well, no opportunities so far at all, or any obvious IOI that I could take action on.
It is strangely parallel to my recent search for upgrades in my wardrobe, where I’d first get all the information I needed to know what I am looking for, then took action to find them all over the city, and still have found almost nothing that fits. I feel greatly limited by what is available in the shops and second hand shops I have been to, and I am covering almost all of them in the city at this point. To the point that I am looking for clothes online now(and I’d prefer to do it in person to check for the fit, just as a I prefer meeting women in real life rather than being at the mercy of apps), and this also parallels that attempt at expanding into the online dating app space.

This is a pattern I have not been able to figure out. I see the pattern:
seemingly prepared, know what I am looking for - no manifestation over periods of time - looking for more pathways of manifestation - reinforcing scarcity mentality rather than improving abundance mentality as a result.

The only thing that I can hypothesize is that scarcity is so ingrained in me that there is a lot of doubt in my ability to manifest at a deep level- doubt that formed as a result of feeling left out or without possibilities for a loooong time(first relationship at age 30 and nothing since my breakup).
That’s why I am constantly hoping for some scenarios to help with that healing to get me on my feet, and the above feedback on the way I relax people is nice, but I am really looking for more. Like a glance or flirting or anything like that. And I don’t want to put all my hope on apps.
Just normal, organic encounters. Like any of the following:

WANTED Reality Bubble

This module shapes the environment around you so that female interest becomes constant and obvious. Women find themselves leaning closer, brushing against you, and seeking excuses to stay within your space. Flirting becomes natural and frequent—smiles, playful remarks, and subtle signals appear everywhere you go. The atmosphere itself feels charged, like a bubble of attention that follows you into any room. Women hover, linger, and create opportunities for contact without realizing how deliberate their actions seem. Attraction doesn’t need to be sought out—it comes to you, woven into the very interactions unfolding around you.

If this isn’t executing right now due to some blockage, I’d really like to know what it is, as that information is not forthcoming in my dreams or in daily life. This is perhaps the feature I desire the most, as it is missing the most in my life so far.

#34

1m GLM+Wanted+Inner Circle

Took three days off instead of one. On the first day after the last loop, I felt like there was no debilitating recon, so I felt confident doing another loop the day after. Boy, was I wrong.
The day after, I felt a very strong inner tension that felt that either something difficult was getting brought up or that something in me was resisting/creating friction. It made almost anything difficult to do. I tried many things, worked out really hard at the gym, meditated, caught weak rays of the Swedish sun, drank a lot of water. But I couldn’t get down to what was causing it. It felt like a stronger version of what I am experiencing rather often, and that is the feeling of being in between two chairs, an old identity and a new one, and shifting between the two causing quite a lot of mental trouble.
After a day of no resolve, I fell asleep and the next day(yesterday) I felt wonderful. Like I was actually getting to the execution stage, at least in terms of hard inner reflection.
In the supermarket, I was rummaging through my thoughts, and felt this recognition that I alone am responsible for the outcomes of my life, that I cannot blame external circumstances because they do not exist independently of what is going on in my mind. To the contrary, the so-called external merely reflects my internal world. I am putting far too much emotional energy into “Sweden”, “Swedish people”, what they are supposed to be according to info that is beamed at me, and so on. Yes, it is so difficult to ignore what has happened to me, or the underwhelming type of experiences I’ve had here so far, but they do serve as an indication for what I need to change in my inner world, after all, so even that is actually useful for me. I need to let go of all hard categorizing thought. Even if the entire country was as bad as I seem to internalize, I wouldn’t care one bit if I just happened to run into that one person in Sweden who I shared mutual attraction for, no matter if it is a Swedish person or not.
Another thing that occured to me was to lean more heavily into my Daoist practice. One notion that I had intellectually understood but not implemented on a deeper level was the famous line from the 48th chapter of the Daodejing:
https://www.egreenway.com/taoism/ttclz48.htm

Which I interpret like this, in regards to my own situation:
I need to learn how to unburden myself daily, to lighten the load of my assumptions, rather than to burden myself with more and more disjointed and unconnected knowledge and trivia, as I have done before.

2 Likes
#35

Again taking extra days off. Same pattern as before, 2 days in after a loop, my mind seems to “finish” processing and I can get into deep reflection, and feel more collected as I go about my day.

I am HUNGRY. Even after heavy, nutrient rich meals, I feel out of “fuel” 3 hours in. Both my diet and fitness program have been established long time ago, so it’s the processing from the subs and the inner war, so to speak, that seems to deplete my energy so quickly. I sleep 2-3 hours more than usual, and consume close to 3000 calories a day. Still feel weak sometimes, like the feeling you get when you have been without food for several days. I mean, both GLM and especially Wanted contain physical shifting, so there’s that. But I think it is also due to heavy things getting resolved. Recently, I’ve added these Ginger/Lemon “shots” they sell around here, and they seem to help, but the biggest difference comes from making lots of tacos full of fatty minced meat. I only recently introduced them to my diet due to discounts in the supermarket, but my body is looking forward to them everyday, and they immediately make processing much easier.
I am paying more attention to how much I am stressing my nervous system everyday. After all, it has occured to me that I am already going to the gym 5 times a week, and I also listen to intense subs, and I do TRE every other day. Since the end of the summer and my run on Alchemist, I have actually halted my cultivation practices to give me an easier time processing the subs and to take my mind off things. My goal, as mentioned before, is to finally figure out how to make everything work together in harmony, to the point where I no longer distinguish between the worldly and the spiritual, as before.

To my surprise, the documentary filmmaker girl has become all too friendly, gathering info about me from people around me and shooting me late night messages and emphasizing each time how much she enjoys talking to me. It’s starting to get uncomfortable, as she’s really not my type at all, but I do enjoy her depth and how effortless it is to talk with her. Unfortunately, she’s also leaving Sweden for good next month. She’d have made a good friend. Then again, things might have also gotten awkward.
But it’s also a good feeling in that for the first time in quite some time, I feel like I don’t have to carry the convo myself. It is also eerie in that she just so happens to have done very similar things some 20 years ago.

I want to move things forward with the dating apps, however, I have chosen a bad time to do it. Found the right guy for the haircut, but I still have yet to make the right set of photos to work with, since the ones I used last year didn’t quite work. However, the weather here just decided to go full Winter, with the sun disappearing and the temperature dropping almost 15 degrees overnight, with many rainy days ahead. I had just scouted some good locations to take photos in, but oh well, got to be patient.

I am also starting to think that checking for good eyecontact here on the streets might not be a good indicator for progress on Wanted. It doesn’t seem to me like people make much eyecontact here or smile much to begin with. A few days ago, I had an entertaining talk with an Irish visitor her who told about her attempt to make casual conversations as she went about on the streets here, greeting and smiling at some people, only to be met with frowns, something she struggles to understand. People here love to talk and smile, just not with strangers. So Wanted might be more easily tested in more familiar situations. But I still struggle to find events to go to. I am still hoping to randomly bump into people as I go about my day. Given how much I’ve been out and about in the last month, I am surprised I haven’t run into situations where I got an inner ping to approach. I don’t feel anxiety in approaching anymore, but I also haven’t gotten opportunities, at least ones I could have noticed. There has always been distance and no IOIs, mostly groups and no bumping into anybody.

1 Like