It been two days since I started listening to the official Emperor Q release. Since I was one of the testers for Emperor Q, I though I would not feel any different with the official release version. Boy was I wrong. It felt as though I’m in a reconciliation process. Constantly distracted, lack of motivation, increase in procrastination. I can’t get anything done without a lot of will power and effort. The last time I felt like this was during St1 and St2 of Khan. Confidence is also fluctuating. Some time I would feel like I’m at the top of the world and nothing can stand in my way. Some time I feel like shit. Memories of past mistakes that made me felt regret also resurface (mostly about old crushes and oneites). My sexual energy also increase such that I’m horny all the time and masturbating more than previously. Still planning to run StarkQ in a week so hopefully whatever I’m feeling right now to subside by then.
Interesting ive read other peoples journal saying how emperor killed there urge to fap
When I was on Emperor4 and the test version of EQ, my urge to fab was controllable where I can go several weeks without having the urge to watch porn or fap. However ever since I started the public release version of EQ, the urge to watch porn and fap increase significantly. Even though it is 5 days in, it still haven’t change. One positive thing now is I’m starting to feel the desire to make money and be financial independent.
Last night I felt that the things I usually do for fun (watching countless youtube videos, reading online fantasy novels) no longer give me any pleasure and that I only do them because I had nothing to do and only killing time. I found myself keep going back to check on my 9-5 work and my new internet business. I hope that this feeling would continue because yesterday and this past weekend had been my most productive. My desire to consume contents that will propel my life forward has been through the roof. My head is constantly thinking about money and freedom.
On the downside I’m starting lose respect for women. My respect for women that are close to me (my mother, my relatives, and close friends) are still the same. However I’m starting to think that women are not worth my time and putting them in a negative light (ex hypocrite, gold digging, liars, entitled, worthless, etc.) I used to be one of those guys that put women on a pedestal but now I think of them as sub-human. These are dangerous thoughts and I highly doubts that the sub would have such negative messages. Maybe it is a form of reconciliation. Maybe it is a way to make myself feel better. It could also be due to have little interaction with other people outside my immediate family members. I hope that these thoughts will go away soon.
Yes i too had the urge to watch porn incessantly, once starting Q, may be over the period of time it will subside. What is your new Internet business is about?
The urge to watch porn subside after a while and became more controllable. I started an affiliate marketing site with paid traffic. I was interested in affiliate marketing for sometime but never get into it. Recently a good opportunity showed up and I jumped into it. I highly believe that it was EQ that got me to take this opportunity because I normally would not.
Last night I added Stark Q Terminus into my stack. My main reason to use both Stark and Emperor is because I want to become more popular and the center of attention everywhere I go while building an empire and cultivating the IDGF attitude that Emperor is known for. I played 3 loops of Start T last night. Because the run was so smooth where I didn’t feel anything I forgot to keep track of time, thus didn’t noticed that it been 3 loops of Stark. I turn off Stark and play EQ before I went to bed. I wake up this morning feeling uninspired, unmotivated, and lethargic. I didn’t want to do anything and nothing can entertained me. I quickly become bored of everything I do. I also didn’t feel any hunger and didn’t have any desire to eat. I had to forced myself to eat something so that I have some energy. I am forcing myself to write this journal entry so that I can document what I am feeling at the moment.
I also felt empty inside. When I woke up this morning, I felt that there was something missing in me but I can’t tell what was missing. I felt that my life is not complete and that I’m not complete. I had a dream last night that I was with the perfect girl, the love of my life. Maybe that was the missing piece. I don’t want to believe that because I has been satisfy with my current situation and is perfectly happy being single. Reconciliation maybe? I don’t know.
Did you start a blog, or more like promoting / reviewing new launches of products. Traffic through FB or adwords? Good luck mate, will follow you closely any specific course did you follow before you started this site. Any recommendations from you is appreciated since there is a gazillion of products in IM niche, it would be easy to follow one.
I’m not writing any blogs or reviews. I am buying clicks from people with existing email lists to drive traffic to my optin page. One of the main reason why I never get into affiliate marketing because I was never interested in writing blog or review posts. I came across the Apprentice Program from Duston McGroarty in which he provided everything to get started on doing affiliate marketing (landing pages, setup process, email campaign, products to promote). This allows me to concentrate on driving traffics to the page and analyze the data. I don’t know how profitable the whole thing will be but at least it got me started on this niche and build a mailing list that I can use in the future.
After around 6 loops of StarkQ T, that empty feeling is now gone. Productivity is now back. I still feel bored with anything that is unproductive/doesn’t contribute to any of my goals which is a good thing.
My appetite continue to stay low. I have less desire to eat and felt fuller while eating lesser amount. However I noticed that I been wanting to eat and drink sugary stuff (mainly ice cream and soda). I start to think about them the moment I sit down and eat. Luckily the desire is not strong and I can still ignore it somewhat but I did give in twice during the weekend.
During the weekend I was playing subs for almost 24 hours each each, with ~5 loops of SQT per day and the rest EQ. During both days I felt lazy and unmotivated. I had things I wanted to do during the weekend but I didn’t do any of them. My body was heavy and I felt that doing anything required more a lot of efforts. I decided to stop listening on subs Sunday afternoon and my body felt a lot better after couple of hours. I haven’t listen to the subs today and my productivity is back, my body felt lighter and I’m more motivated. I think that heavy feeling was due to the amount of loops I was listening to. I will cut back the number of loops for each sub with SQT being 1-2 loops and EQ 5-8 loops.
I had my first one-on-one meeting with the department head (my boss’s boss). He was very friendly and gave me lots of advice on how to grow as a professional. Yet I was very nervous the entire time and it was only after the meeting over and I had some time to think that I realized why I was nervous. This person is someone that has the power to fire me from my job while doesn’t know much about me (he has over a hundred people under him, thus would be hard for him to get to know me well). I love my job and it pays really well and the company that I am in is very well known thus losing this job would deal a devastating blow to my confidence. I realized that no matter how “sigma” I become, how much status and dominance I have, I will always be part of a hierarchy and there will always be someone above me that has the power over my finance - and thus my self-esteem. This made me realized that I need to develop my various income sources (investments, side businesses) so that they can provide me with the annual income equal to or greater than the income provided by my job. I have everything in my life under control except for finance - I need the financial freedom.
On another note, I been getting a lot of dreams. They are either meeting my significant other and settle down or meeting my old crushes and oneitis. I don’t know what do these dreams signify or what messages is my subconscious is trying to tell me. Maybe they mean something, maybe not. Frankly I don’t care enough about dreams to dig into them.