Risky Two Thousand Twenty Six

Journals - Major Programs
#21

For future reference in case I decide to run Paragon and work on this:

The UltraMind Solution

I don’t remember the second book. It had tests in it and you could see which two were weakest for you. I think I got dopamine (duh) and acetylcholine. And I calculated if I ate like 4 eggs and wheatgerm for breakfast I would get what I need in those I think lol or perhaps it turned out to be unbearable.

Wait found a test similar to this and it’s by Eric Bravermanand looking at his books one of them is the one. Maybe the edge.

Hate him or love him, but my favourite coach is Owen cook and he always speaks about being introvert and slightly autistic, had suicidal thoughts and he believed he improved any issues with that with diet and massive action. He recommended those books

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#22

his test is the one I recommended

I had highest deficit in GABA and lowest deficit in serotonin. Dopamine and Acetylcholine is somewhere in the middle.

I’ve been implementing stuff (supplements, diet correction, breathing exercises, sleep improvement, etc.) to improve deficits for over a month already and will be re-taking the test at Feb 1st.

Will check him out, thanks!

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#23

Watched tons of videos, read a few books including audiobooks. And the signs are all over the place. My appointment is this summer. I’ll pay only around 800€. But I’m quite sure that I have it and that it’s my most limiting factor.

Not only at university, where I didn’t finish one term paper in 7 years…
Also when I applied for a job and got declined a week later, RSD sent shockwaves through my System and I needed weeks to recover.

For me, atm, RSD is my strongest opponent, besides Executive Dysfunction. But RSD alone cost me more than my customs last year.

Yes it’s a spectrum. My mom has traits of it, my father even more. According to science, it’s hereditary. But I also now other theories which claim it’s trauma based as well.

I feel similarly. I want the drugs a specialist can prescribe me. When I’m functional again, I can finally work constantly on the issue, hoping that I can drop medication later on.

And thanks for the book recommendation @Risky

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#24

Wow, sorry missed that. Yeah you talked about the same guy! We’re twins. I’m going to check his books again after this cycle. I know also bad sleep messed with everything. Therapist says it can give ADHD tendencies and if you have ADHD it will worsen it. So I know that’s my biggest Achilles heel. Paragon sleep should be good and a good foundation.

Screw status and being alpha with ascension as foundation. First step is sleep like a baby. Step one, be baby, sleep like baby. Step 2. Go Alpha.
Lol

At some point we just perhaps should accept ourselves fully and love ourselves fully, and get on with it. No one is perfect.

I’m similar

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#25

Just a disclaimer, owen is big on spirituality, I think that’s a huge force in his life as well.

Sorry about that, I don’t judge anyone. We all have to do what we can, we can’t not do our best. The drugs work, taken with professional medical diagnosis, I believe. Good luck with that and hope it works out.

Yeah I think my father and brother has it. But I know my father were just as traumatised, just going by how trauma also tends to go in generations if you know what I’m saying. It shall stop with me though.

Disclaimer: I’m not saying adhd only comes from trauma. I’m saying I believe certain adhd tendencies can come from trauma and I might be adhd or just have trauma giving similar challenges.

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#26

Or you start with Ascension to get the self respect you need to treasure your well-being high enough to go to bed early. That was my approach with the LB Ascension Custom.

Same.

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#27

True. I ran emperor for 11 months, then khan for 150 days, and now I’m in love bomb and wrote today in my notebook the words ”love yourself, respect yourself”. So you’re right. No doubt in my mind the self- respect from the alpha subs lead me to love bomb funny enough and the sleep thing stemming from lack of self- respect, and also self-love.

#28

Keep it up champ!

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#29

January 24 2026
Chill Saturday, emotions bubbling up and I’m just embracing them. Noticed I’m a better listener than I like to remember. Occasionally I lose my shit. A volatile day.

Weird day, definitely sticking to 30 second. Lol

A big complex solution is on me at work, pressure. But I’m keeping it level headed. It rises, then I reign it in. It’s still stressful, but it could have been worse. Negative emotions are not bad. The problem happens when they go out control or you suppress/resist them. It’s natural.

I worked on my day off. That’s called compensating for anxiety or imposter syndrome. It might also be called lack of self- respect to rest.

I think 30 sec is fine for now. Feeling the stack out. I don’t want disruptive recon. I’m so in love with recon, you might think I’m a masochist, but I don’t want that. I see the value, but it’s not worth the disruption. It’s gotta be balanced. Integration and quality over quantity. That’s how I’ve started to view personal development.

”Neurotic holding patterns are automatic, habitual behaviors or mental loops driven by anxiety, designed to provide a false sense of security while actually causing stagnation. Examples include chronic overthinking, perfectionism, self-doubt, and emotional instability. These patterns prevent growth, often stemming from deep-seated fears.”

Be a baller. Do baller things. Why? Not for other people or bullshit or to get something arbitrary. I’m done, I want to live my life and enjoy it. I do what I want.

Speaking of @Parsifal. I manifested your comment of the connection between self-respect and self-care (sleep). And also this line from a book I got:

”That’s the thing about loving yourself, you start to tolerate less what doesn’t serve you—especially from yourself. This alone changes your life.”

If I loved and respected myself, if I simped for myself, what would I do?

#30

I think these are two diametral approaches.
Let’s say you feel bad, perhaps some major sadness creeping up.

If you simped for yourself, you’d get yourself some ice cream perhaps some potatoe chips and a few episodes of your favorite tv show.
You’d do everything for yourself to not feel the pain, to feel good.

If you love and respect yourself, you take your emotions serious. So you give yourself some quiet time to feel sad. You might think about these emotions, journal about them. But you will not let them clog your system.

#31

You’re right, it’s good to be extra clear. The ice cream etc to me is coping. Simping is not the ideal word.

#32

January 25 2026
00:30 - Dragon Reborn: Regeneration
00:30 - Godlike Masculinity
00:30 - Love Bomb

There was an interesting thread on here about purpose. Many good points. A book I recently read, ”Man’s search for meaning”, Viktor had a metaphor of asking a chess master what the best move is, and that is like asking what is the ultimate meaning in life is. It depends, it’s flexible.

Stop suppressing, disowning, resisting or hating your emotions. That is you! Let you surface back up. Welcome you back. Welcome authenticity back. That is you. Stop hating you! Do you!

#33

I typically like to pry at my subconscious a bit. I’ll ask some leading questions meant to test my emotional reactiveness. “Do you really think this thing will happen?” “How would you feel if this didn’t work out?” Not necessarily visualizing or dwelling on those negative thoughts, but seeing whether they trigger any strong negative emotions. It helps me in two ways, first is that it lets me quantify how strong the recon I’m feeling is compared to memories or journal entries from the past. I know I logically shouldn’t be mad at just a routine recon check, so the emotions felt and their intensity can help to signify how big the recon cloud is. Second is that it allows me to pinpoint pretty accurately what subject or structure the sub is working on at the moment. Based on whether the reaction gets stronger or weaker, you know how close you’re getting.

There are probably better systems out there that don’t involve temporarily raising your emotions, but this has been working for me for quite a while. The key is to just build up a database of times that you were in recon that you can go back and reference.

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#34

This is great, thank you for sharing. I’m all about proactive triggering. You gave me ideas I can try out in my current exploration of my shadow and shadow work process.

Do you just give it a recon level number?
Like today it feels like a 7/10. Yesterday it felt like 4/10.

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#35

I typically won’t use a number, but more write down what specific emotion I’m having and how strong I think it is in comparison. Anger recon is almost always the most disruptive in my life, so intuitively that would be considered strong. I don’t necessarily want to break down complex feelings and emotions into a simple number when I know the structures I’m working with are so much more than that. Plus, feeling super sad could end up being more disruptive overall than being moderately angry, so it’s a little difficult for me to break it down into numbers. I think it’s useful to also write down what emotion it is and to start to pay attention to the trends of what kind of topic triggers what kind of emotion in you.

For example, anger recon for me only really comes when something I’m actively investing my time or effort into is revealed to be unhelpful or actively hurting me. Because it’s something I’m actively doing, of course it’d make sense that I’d be mad that I’ve been “wasting” my effort. Similarly, sadness typically means there was a habit or behavior that originated when I was younger that I’ve come to rely on that’s no longer useful. Almost like I’m mourning the loss of it.

I think quantitatively being able to measure recon is helpful and the 1-10 scale could work wonderfully for you. I just think it’s important to not forget the qualitative information that could be lost if your focus is only on the number.

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#36

I see, thanks for sharing.

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#37

January 26 2026

Perhaps we’ll take another rest day tomorrow. We want sustainable growth, and we don’t want forced growth that causes unnecessary disruption, suffering and chaos. I’m still feeling it out. Integration, quality over quantity.

Things are bubbling. Mycelium is busy.

I feel sad that I don’t allow myself guilt free gaming or relaxation. It feels like my time is not my own and that it’s never enough. Overextension, self-denial. Confusion, confusion. Recon?

Went to the gym and got my swoll on. Lol
I think I’ve lost 20 kg the past year or so. So I got my bones on, is more accurate.

Went to get some groceries and saw some smiling cuties.

I usually dislike gatekeeping of emotions. You feel helpless? You feel like a victim? Fine. But if you sitting here reading forums, you might be one of the privileged ones in the world. Cry your tears, then get on with it mate. Read ”Man’s search for meaning”, get some perspective. But don’t suppress your emotions.

Everything is going to be ok!

Do or do not, there is no try.

I definitely need another rest day. 🫡

#38

I like these phrases to balance heaven/earth, groundedness/spiritual, action/manifestation.

Before enlightenment, do your laundry.
After enlightenment, do your laundry. Lol

”Trust in God, but tie your camel first.” Lol

To keep me grounded. To counter laziness and fatalism. Proactivity. To keep spiritual bypass at bay.

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#39

January 27 2026

Extra rest day. Extra. Extra.

Patience turns pain into wisdom.

Patience turns hardship into growth.

”I love myself.”
”I love me experience.”
”I love my life.”

Work. Pay bills.

Somehow starting a company or going freelance/consultant and having more freedom in deciding schedules and work time sounds highly appealing.

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#40

January 28 2026
00:30 - Dragon Reborn: Regeneration
00:30 - Godlike Masculinity
00:30 - Love Bomb

EoG + ASBR = interesting combo.
Khan + WDB, cool combo.

I’ve noticed I’ve eaten really healthy. Not optimal, but noticeably better food choices. Pretty much manifested the memory of the books previously talked about here and skimming through them and eating a very balanced diet with alot of colour. Effortlessly skipping less ideal foods. It’s part of self-love man.

The emotions still come and go, but your experience of them changes. It’s subtle. I think GLM touches on this as well. Some are afraid GLM will make you hard and cold.

I’m getting growth, doing the work through recon, action, insights, pleasurable moments when a deep issue gets resolved, ups and downs on 30 sec. Why push it? The suffering will increase, and even if the results might increase, they’ll be in recon fog ime. 30 sec gives so much, why push it?

Some keywords in my head, nothing to see here, keep trekking along traveler:

Self-love
Self-worth
Authenticity
Alignment
Integration
Presence
Agency
Power (not force)
Being (not doing)
Congruence

I’m grateful for performance review anxiety, because I have a job I can worry about. Lol

I can’t have lost all this weight and just gain it back man. One years work, for nothing? No, go to the gym. Yes boss

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