Reflections of Apollo

Journals - Major Programs
#1242

Because of my experience with DR ST2, at the back of my mind, I somehow expect some unpleasant recon on Khan ST2, and I was right.

Self-fullfilling prophecy? Maybe. It is what it is. The recon is there, and it’s very real; I have no choice but to tough it out.

I suppose this should be DR’s time to shine. I don’t expect to be impervious to recon but my mental constitution should be tougher now.

Right now I’m going through some unpleasant feelings, unpleasant and morose toughts, forgetfulness and mild depression.

I’m skipping my ultimas for now until I get settled in, the quicker I’m through this, the better.

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#1243

Hang in there man!

This might help. I’ve wondered if Ultimas have something in them that might create fatigue.

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#1244

Day: 33

Dragon Reborn ST 3

Khan ST 2

Stark

I’m thinking the same. I switched to Solace and it might have made a difference in terms of fatigue but I’m playing it somewhat safer this time, and keeping my stacks at their bare minimum. I don’t know what kind of beast Khan ST2 as of yet.

Thanks brother

#1245

~Rest Day~

I skipped my daily ultima in the hopes of giving my stack more leeway.

Had a particular stressful day, most of it is probably my mind making mountains out of molehills, but still, it was unpleasant. The mind is capable of uncanny things, one of them is true pain out of nowhere.

My mood right now reminds me of how I was on Emperor; I want to do my own thing and I’m not feeling the urge to socialize as much, and yet at the same time I do not have the internal strength of Emperor to genuinely enjoy this without getting distracted by some stray intrusive thought.

This could be recon, and my mind’s way of straying me from my path before a breakthrough or I just like EQ.

Damn.

No celebrity feels on Stark this time around and the lucky manifestations I used to enjoy in the past seems minimal. I’ll proceed and reevaluate by the time I change to DR ST4 in June.

That said, I’m tempted to run ST4 this Monday; Somehow somehing tells me that the time I spent on ST3 should have been enough.

I will use these rest days to reflect and try to find my intuition amidst the maze of recon in my mind.

#1247

Just thought of that new mystery subliminal.

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#1248

Been contemplating on somethings, and comparing my results now and then. I definitely need to reevaluate what works for me and what needs improvement, or what might need to be put on hold.

DR is here to stay until I finish ST4, but other than that, nothing is set in stone. What I think is my intuition could be telling me something, but I need to make sure it’s truly my intuition or my mind’s eye guiding me and not another recon in a clever disguise.

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#1249

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#1250

Haha… soon my brother. Soon. :beers:

The Emperor beckons

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#1251

Don’t let them scare ya, i run emperor and yea i get recon but it’s making me tough,
let the emperor within you awaken!

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#1252

It’s strange. I went through DR ST2, and Stark, and I thought those two gave me the worse recon, but I was wrong, it’s looking like it’s Khan ST2. Hands down.

I’m going through something terribly unpleasant and all I could do is observe myself, try to mitigate the damage and bite my tongue less I’ll have more regrets when the dust has settled, I know I am not thinking straight at the moment.

It’s been a while since I lost my temper this way, and I’m noting this embarassment in my journal as a reference for my future self. Time’s like this and I appreciate EQ’s almost selective stoicism.

I expected Khan ST2 to be unpleasant based on a few journals I read, but not like this, not more than DR or Stark which is almost the opposite of my general personality and demeanor.

Looking back, perhaps EQ’s internal armor sheltered me from DR ST2’s onslaught and I didn’t feel as bad as I do now. It was still terrible then, but this is something else. I will be adding a loop of SanguineQ this week, and maybe a loop or two of Lovebomb.

Anyway, if you’re going through hell, keep going.

#1253

Stack modified today. EQ’s back and I’m changing my approach. We’ll see. :muscle:

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#1254

Good choice! I don’t know if you have read Yardbird’s testimonial on Emperor but that’s a great lesson for us all:


Especially, his two years commitment to Emperor solely. It’s not actually about the time but the commitment till he got “there”. I think I’ll follow his example and when I’m done with Alchemist I will be sticking to Emperor and Mogul till I get to the point I’m satisfied with my finances.

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#1255

Yardbird, Oldchap, Blackadder, Azriel and Raphael had a good time on EQ too if I remember right.

Just two loops in and I am getting that old familiar feeling already. Feels good to be back.

Let’s do this brother :fist_right:

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#1256

I even think that Emperor should be the heart of my stack till I’m really well-developed and only then I could look for another “heart” like HoM, Stark or Khan.

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#1257

Yes that’s exactly how I see EQ too, it’s like an anchor or a base and I also felt it softened the blow from some pretty harsh recon due to the internal strength it provided.

It also helped me stay disciplined with working out, quitting smoking and most of all staying with a stack.

I was this close to smoking my first cigarette after almost 6 months. My stress levels was off the charts and EQ needed to come back. This sub is a treasure for sure.

I’m playing it somewhat conservative this time and I’m starting with the old faithful EQv1. I’ll jump to Qv2 when I feel I’ve regained my equilibrium.

#1258

It may be required also since it contains that healing and alpha programming and, yes, that should put you back into the right balance and fast.

Emperor is simply oriented to destroying all your limits in the main domains of “real man”'s life like money, power (inner and outer) and women and although Stark and Khan are oriented to those domains too, Emperor is purely about destroying your limits while Khan and Stark, I think, are more focused on actual development and less on removing your limits but, of course, Emperor also helps you develop certain traits an improve your circumstances in the aforementioned domains, therefore, I consider it the most essential sub among SC products.

@Simon We have another record if it comes to the length of sentence. :smiley:

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#1259

Couple of days in and I’m already feeling somewhate lighter, both physically and emotionally. I still don’t feel as social, and I prefer to listen.

I have nothing much to say, I suppose after the turmoil that I experienced the past week, I welcome my relatively serene mind and would like to enjoy it as much as I can.

There’s still some brain fog, but presence of mind is there, and I am able to function and make decisions optimally, and my external world (at least what’s in my control) is relatively fine from what I could see.

Seems like the train is getting back on track and like a rock, the masterpiece that is EQ has done it again.

I opted to skip my Ultima’s until I finished DR ST4 and I am reevaluating if a month should be enough.

The Dragon could lend me it’s strength through the Ultima, but I hope the physical healing comes with it, as I feel my chronic pains were addressed by DR. I’ll see in June.

At this time, my aim is for a lighter and more simplified stack until I feel I am ready to step out of my comfort zone and experiment once again.

That being said, nothing is set in stone and I am eager for the latest surprise from SC. Standalone Hero, Seducer, or something else, whatever it is, I am sure it’s going to be fantastic.

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#1260

I’ve received a wonderful gift; The past week or so was quite tumultous, yet even so I’ve always been an optimist, and I doubly appreciate every good that comes.

At first I thought it was remnants of Stark, I usually felt lucky and happy on it. It kicks me around once in a while but Stark is one beautiful sub, and I’ll go back to it again and again until it’s strengths become a part of me. One small step at a time, I see every bloody nose is a progress.

But then I recalled something from DR:

Do not be alarmed if you start attracting people and opportunities to yourself – while not as effective in this such as wealth, status and romance titles, it will happen due to the rebirth into a more natural, powerful state… and when you do run these other titles in the future, you will see them work in beautiful tandem with the new, thunderous self you have become.

This is why I was attracted by DR. I feel I have to unburden my mind of these blockages and futile baggages so that I can enjoy the best life I possibly could.

I am not sure if it’s advisable to include DR in my stack permanently, as I read somewhere healing might overpower the others, but if DR demolished these paths to nowhere in my mind, the journey was worth it.

EQ, Stark or Khan are increasingly getting into powerful positions to make new and better paths. A path of gold, a path of kings.

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#1261

It’s interesting how the mind shifts just like that and now I’m feeling some mild depression and some intrusive or unwanted thoughts. A form of anxiety where the mind excessively worries or suffers stress, but from the inside rather than from an external source.

I hope this is a monster the dragon helps me slay.

Rest days are coming up, and that should help me deal with this reconciliation.

#1262

Same here, even though I thought I had dealt with that once and for all on the Dragon. It seems like Emperor is hitting us deep and is working on some deep blockages and limits.

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