Question on Ascension

Journals - Major Programs
#1

I am on day 8 of ascension. 2 days ago I got angry with a colleague for disrespecting me. The anger got quite intense. I easily got angry with everyone else who did something i didn’t like (even my superiors). It’s like I am realising that I deserve much more respect than I have had in my life. The Question is the anger lingered for about a day and now feelings of guilt and low self esteem (my old self) has began to kick in. Is this due to Ascension or I’m having a reaction to the subs. Is this normal?

BTW. Yesterday a female colleague gave me the most sensual hug ever. She squeezed her boobs on me literally and was all over me and being overly touchy. She’s been playful with me at times but never been at this level. Also another woman I have never spoken to said “hi” to me smiling. These seem to be effects from Ascension. But the funny thing is all this happened when I was experiencing the bouts of low self esteem. It’s like the internal feeling of low self esteem is there but has not overpowered me externally.

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#2

well…I have a similar problem…whenever I run a seduction related subs…on one hand …my subconscious mind seems to like it…giving me all the benefits of the sub…such as increasing…sexual looks and responds from the opposite sex…feeling awesome and playful internally…on other hand…I also experience internal resistances from time to time…it is like there are different parts in me fighting for the predominant position…I believe …this is the subconscious mind tries to integrate…the resources…so I could function better…also…it could be my subconscious mind started to adapt the new identity…and since the subconscious mind will always align the internal with the external…seeing the less satisfying situations …causing the subconscious mind to feel dissatisfied and wanting to change…so the resolution is quite simple…take some corresponding action…and that usually works for me…the funny thing is…the same thing happens to me too when I feel like shit internally …my external experiences goes the opposite…girls seem to like having me as company…showing increasing friendliness and warmness…even though I feel like shit …it doesn’t affect my bantering skill…it seems to me that girls love the raw masculine side that comes along with…

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#3

Totally normal. What likely happened is you felt guilty or ashamed for expressing those angry emotions. I can’t say for certain how Ascension will play out for you, but for me there is a lot of back and forth. As you own your own internal power and start demanding respect from people there will be long-standing beliefs that conflict with that. If you’ve been socialized to be “good”, there’s probably a lot of repressed emotional energy. Especially if you were the type of person to put everybody else’s needs above your own.

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#4

Thanks xingliao and elementary_vision. The shame and guilt disappeared in about 2 days. It seems to be some internal conflict/resistance to change. I’ll take note of that