Lyfe RN
Ever since I’ve included Daredevil True Social with it’s anti recon module. My outer world was full of action, Advancement, which integrated more action taking which is now becoming slowly more automated. The ME from 3 months ago would consider my current action taking as going all out. Nowadays it’s just me excreting 50% effort, increasing it by 1%, which still feels like I’m chilling.
On the inner side, Stillness, which contrasts the advancement has been leading me to very interesting places. The absence of repetitive recon-sprouts lead me to actual and fruitful inner dialogs. My thinking’s, feelings and inner mode of operating has always felt like barely productive and mostly redundant Zoom-Meetings between contrasting, opposing and paradoxical ideas. Now with diminishing worry & need for things to make perfect sense, the meetings became far more civil, engaging, productive and important.
Good Ass Sleep
The first week of adding DD:TS with all it’s good lead to change in my sleep pattern. I laid in bed for 8 hours each night, except i only slept between 4-5 and had more than enough energy for all the action taking and kick ass workouts that became the norm. However i did feel the impact of all the heavy processing. Since the last few days I’ve gotten real good and deep sleep. around 9pm to 4-5 am and i almost feel like i have super powers. My mind is equally sharp and still.
Workouts
Ever since the start of 2025 I’ve been goin past my comfort zone at the gym. I’ve been working out for over 10 years with somewhat similar baseline of strength, aesthetics and condition. I’ve known long ago that i simply became comfortable with above average level of working out that was mostly for de-stressing, fun and routine. Since January i started including 30 min cardio on the treadmill before the exact same workouts. At the start it took quite a toll which impacted my performance when lifting since most energy went to the cardio. With time the cardio demands became less and less taxing and with a stronger mindset i began going past my previous limits. This went on till mars and since then I’ve limited the cardio to twice a day while slowly increasing the weights and reps. Yesterday I’ve achieved a huge mile stone when it comes to squats. For years and years, 60KG was my best performance as in doing a set between 6 - 8 reps for 4 sets was basically a great leg day. Yesterday i did 80 KG for 8 - 10 reps, for 4 sets which is a massive milestone for me. The goal is to get my new baseline to 100 KG.
For the longest time my weight oscillated between 80 - 85KG. When i weighed in yesterday for the first time in 2025, my weight has dropped to 75KG despite working out 5-6 times a week, lifting heavier, Eating 1,5 times more than ever & looking and being in the best shape of my life.
The Dust Settling
It’s currently 5 am. I woke up from a semi sleeping and thinking state. My mind was reflecting about my birthday coming up soon. How it’s close to 5 months in since the start of 2025. Nothing humbles overthinking more than reflecting on time passing. How looking back, there was little to no use for overthinking. That all it amounted to was wasting energy. How life can is ours to indulge or live.
Life of indulging: This is where problems, day to day shenanigans, overthinking, plans, unfulfilled desires take the majority of our energy and time. Looking back they always seem to blend in a way that amounts to very little. The repetitive nature of dwelling in such seemingly compelling indulgences leads to feeling of stolen time. This, naturally, leads to the infamous " 3AM motivation " which is no more than a symptom of an investigator finally willing to catch the the thief, unsuccessfully since he himself is the thief. While some progress can be made, it is ultimately the illusion of progress which enables hoping something will be finally different. On and on it goes. Such is the human condition.*
Life itself, living: This always felt like the trophy at the end of the hard work. The destination which required luck, sacrifices and most importantly permission from the world. By having certain results and being in a certain state, i would have more than enough indicators that I’ve made it. My worth is finally proven to myself thus enabling me to grant myself the permission to let go and enjoy. Indulgence helps comping in the absence of living while believing it will eventually lead to it.
The trick here is that living and giving ones self permission to let go and be happy can only be achieved by not indulging. It does not being a hardass who deletes all social media while counting each calorie etc. It’s the simple choice of letting go while remaining long enough in the limbo that is the absence of indulgence. In that scary place where one embraces the lack of answers while relinquishing the desire for control. Like anything we have ever done, it gets easier and more rewarding with time + patience + sincere effort. The limbo is as scary and hard as we believe it is by reinforcing it’s strength through avoiding it. The more we avoid it, the more we fear it and we get better at avoiding it and fearing it all the same.
The void, The limbo… Living: Fear itself is unavoidable. Through focus and intention, we choose our fears. We can fear living while avoiding it, while improving at the process as well as paying the price. Or we can fear it while being present with it, getting better at dealing with that fear as well as reaping the rewards.
Price/Reward: Both are the same in a nutshell. The universe by itself is whole & neutral. What we call good and bad is the product of labeling. While living and being present can be scary, it can also be exciting. To desire a world free of fear is to lose excitement.
Attention: Is the power to galvanize pretty much everything. By focusing on a life free of boredom, pain and fear we only enforce them. The silver lining is that we get to choose what we pay with our attention. Sure it’s hard, tricky and at times maddening but with time and effort, all becomes easier. By focusing on fun over boredom, peace over pain & excitement over fear we get far more of those while organically losing the prior.
Fun over boredom: It starts by realizing the futility of trying to deal with boredom. This process will repeat infinitely for as long as we fail to realize the futility of indulgence and escapism. Nothing, and i mean nothing, reinforces this as the billion dollar market for social media which is dominated by mind-numbing content. It consumes and thrives off our pain, transmuting it which leads to printing free cash.
Peace over pain: Hurting is real. Struggle is real. Loneliness is real. Bad luck and unfairness are real. No amount over rationalizing and gaslighting will take that away. Yet, the same applies to peace as well. It starts by realizing that pain is a choice but so is peace. By indulging, which feels like letting go, we focus on pain by attempting to escape it. The equation is straight forward and fair.
1: Avoiding pain: By choosing short term joy we gain long term pain. To deal with the stronger pain, we need stronger short term joy. On and on it goes.
2: Choosing peace: By choosing short term pain we gain long term peace. This gets complicated because we are most likely not dealing with short term pain but the short term pain + all the long term pain accumulated by choosing short term joy. This leads to a realization of over paying + an ever increasing desire to escape once more. However breaking this vicious cycle means paying off the debts of short term joy in full. While it gets brutal at points, it’s easier than one thinks. The more we pay off, the more confident we get. We experience many moments of “Damn it wasn’t really that hard after all” or “I didn’t know i could be this strong” and such moments are more than enough.
Regardless of intensity, pain is easy to disarm through non resistance. This is contrasted by how the smallest of stings feel like hell the harder we resist. Sadly, however, this is the easy part. Yes pain is the easy part. The hard part is remaining consistent and dealing with habits and realizations that falsely mistakes it’s identity through pain. The persuasion are infinite as they are effective but they converge into a singular message. From you to you. The established old to the unborn new…
The established old: is often despised, hated, feared and unwanted. It is the perceived enemy who keeps our dreams out of reach, the robber of joy and peace. The old stands in the way of the new. The old is unwanted and the new is mostly desired. For some, the new isn’t even really desired but more so a better alternative than the old. This is the cause of the inability to love ourselves.
Yet with time and sincere effort. We come to learn that the old is simply misunderstood. And knowing humanity in all its beauty and ugliness, nothing is scarier than the unknown and misunderstood. The old is in fact our greatest ally. It’s our protector against the unknown. We may fear the old, but in reality we are far more terrified of the new. Because we are unable, un-ready to embrace and accept the new… The old stands as a guardian against it. It’s doing the very same job we gave it and hate it for. Yet nobody loves as and cares for us as much as the old.
No parent alive would ever let their child leave the safety of the home and into the dark unknown if they believe the child to be too immature, too young and too weak. The loving parent does not exist as obstacle nor does it desire to keep the child in a cage. The parent desires for the child to get all they want and then some, but until the child is ready. The parent will take all the hate, abuse and endure while because they have a job to do.
By knowing why the loving parent, the old, our shadow etc. do what they do, we begin to humanize them and appreciate them. We come to learn what he hated most is what loves us the most. We then learn to forgive ourselves for hating our protector. Only through loving, understanding the old while forgiving ourselves for abusing it can we become ready to step out. By fully trusting it, no longer resisting it and embracing it. We organically and very quickly grow and we finally see the old smile at us. The will finally open the door while giving us it’s blessing to leave behind.
In that dark and unknown, our mettle will be tested. Failure is part of the process and we might find ourselves back with the old. The old will welcome us and keep us company. The door will now forever remain open as long as we continue to understand the old. And we may leave, and possibly never return at our leisure.
Lastly, excitement over fear:
- Fear is not bound by logic or reason: it arises from somewhere deeper, beyond the reach of willpower or thought.
- The essence of true fear may only reveal itself when one stands at the edge of death, where all illusions fall away.
- The act of seeing may not diminish fear, but instead intensify it, as though awareness itself feeds the very thing we dread.
- Fear could be the one force that humbles all beings equally, dissolving status, strength, and certainty in the face of mortality.
Fear is the last aspect. The last piece that ties this post and the majority of my inner work together. Courage alone will forever be the strongest antidote to fear. It turns fear into opportunities, and it’s pain into results. The reason for this is because we all fear similar things. For example, when it comes to seduction. The vast majority of men are afraid of approaching a stranger with bravery, vulnerability while embracing rejection. The only right way to do it is to do it. While most settle for tricks, pickup lines, money, status, influence and social proof. Those who dare enter the market with the most desired demand. Bravery and authenticity. Even in rejection she is likely to remember the man who dared with respect, which is contrasted by all the cowards who try every trick in the book to avoid fear. Even a terrible but genuine approach by itself is a win for the masculine spirit.
Life or death: I need not provide examples for this. It’s real and it gives clarity and reminds us of what’s most important. Survival is all that matters and there is no shame in that.
Bypassing comfort zone: This is where true confidence is gained. Where courage is tested and polished. True confidence and courage will forever be the hallmarks of a great life with minimal regret and pain.
Bs: Then we have the bs fear. That which makes no logical sense yet seems to intensify and prevail. This is the result of getting comfortable in our comfort zones. It’s the result of lacking true confidence and courage. However it’s their lack is not the only reason but a side of the equation. The other side is lack of understanding, that if such fear exists. If we can easily be scared of nothing… we also have the potential to be just as excited about other nothings or not logically exciting things. If we only see fear as something treated with courage we will forever feel the need to be brave and to prove ourselves. That is progress but no real mastery. Through conscious focus, we transmute the same energy into excitement, since unconscious focus leads to fear. So, through excitement, bad luck turns into good luck. Losses turn into gains. Obstacles turn into opportunity’s.
Damn I’m dropping gems left and right like wtf where is all of that even coming from? like seriously this must be why journaling is essential to taking action
To tie all up. Pain, boredom and fear have a lot to teach us. If by choosing to ignore or dislike them, through our actions and focus, directly or indirectly - we end up with more. By choosing to understand and learn, genuinely & without feeling the need to get it over with, we gain riches that enable life it’s very pulse and we grow as we are meant to. The fun rewards are the lesser by effects of such journey where living with joy, peace and excitement becomes the new normal and the very reason we seek the very lesser rewards to begin with.
