Hi @anon2351792, such a though time amazing how maturely your dealing with this. Hope things get sorted out soon for you!
I am curious though in your journal you mentioned you did not want kids. When I read it made me think of how badly I would want a family and how stuck I feel in my life. What has made you decide against having kids?
Thank you! Its surprising for me too, a great surprise.
Regeneration + Elixir helped me a great deal to unstuck myself, Ive read wonderful things about Dragon Reborn too.
I cant say that for sure, I dont think I ever wanted kids, I cant remember that being different for me.
The thing is that for many years I didnt wanted kids as a rejection of the pain I percieved from my own childhood. Somewhere along the way, having healed enough, I dont longer reject the idea, nor I feel anger. Its a calm knowing that Im good this way.
you think that all seeing is a major contributor to this specifically ?
@Azriel I would say All Seeing does contribute to that, but intuitively I feel Divine Will, Intuition Enhancer and The Flow are interacting in this too.
Yesterday was quite a test, I was horny all day and my ex used every opportunity she had to provoke me sexually. She began mildly and boosted the intensity. At night she openly suggested sex, I was close to say yes but didnt, just told her she was playing a dangerous game.
This morning she came to my room and offered me sex, she said she was horny, I told her that I was horny too, but that she didnt really wanted sex, that she was after something else. She looked at me and said āYou want sex and I want to make loveā I just nodded.
Instantly the vibe changed and she is no longer provoking me.
I have a lot of work today, but tomorrow Im going to my brothers house, hes letting me live there for a while.
I passed the test while running Prometheus, which has Khan st4, Sex Mastery, Temptation, Alpha Body Language and Sexual Manifestation, that to me is a clear sign that I have an Iron Will and Im doing the right thing.
Well last night I couldnt resist, my ex continued the provocation and I gave in, We talked about it before and agreed it was just sex, nothing would change.
I knew I shouldnt do it, but did anyway. Im not going to regret it, but its a reminder for being more honest with myself.
This morning we had a fight that reminded me once again that I needed to leave for good.
At this moment Im at my brothers house, Ive already brought most of my stuff. I feel relieved.
My ex insisted that we can change and things can be better and all that, frankly that requires the will to change and that a common ground is stablished.
We both live in such different realitys that theres nothing to build upon, I just dont love her and the kind of life she is used to, seems so strange for me after all the changes Ive been through.
I want to be on my own, take care of my short commings and grow as a person.
The thing is that since I made the decision of ending the relationship, the amount of fast manifestations helping me to move has been and continues to be outstanding, its like a door got opened and the road is clear.
āAināt no wrong now, aināt no right.
Only pleasure and painā.
Janes Addiction
Im taking the weekend off subs, to let my mind rest and process.
I did listen to Minds Eye TĀ² really early this morning, seems to me like a good idea to listen to METĀ² once a week to boost manifestation.
Im recieving unexpected money from 2 different sources during december, which is at the perfect moment.
I think I will try this just to see how it will affect my eog st3
Never used EoG before, but Minds Eye is fantastic, and it helps a lot in manifesting
Ive spent most of my sunday sleeping inttermitently, at first I thought it was because of the heat wave, but I now think its some sort of emotional recovery after a very stressing time. Like doing lots of excercise, more than you are used to and then the next day you just want to rest.
Ive just realized that Manipulus is working inwards, Ive been progressively more aware of my own bullshit and how I play games to manipulate things.
It hasnt been pretty, but its an essential part of growing
Ok nice ive been thinking that manipulus is a great module in general, i also wanted to try power can corrupt but Iāll settle for this module in a custom thanks for this update
Ive just fin8shed my 1st loop of Agni, right after the 1sr one of Prometheus. I was wondering about life and suddenly I have the thought that many of the latest reconciliation headaches I was having, were rooted in the fact that I wasnt taking action in congruency with what I really wanted, I wasnt being honest with myself and admitting I wanted to end my relationship.
Well, its not an easy decision to make, but when you have to, you have to.
Manipulus is a great module, thats true! I thought about adding PCC as a core in a custom at some point, but I felt it would use too much space to have that core in a custom.
Manipulus felt much more focused and aligned with my vision.
It seems to be working pretty great!
Today I met my ex to discuss some logistics about the apartment and some work stuff, she seems more accepting of the fact that the relationship is over.
Of course she is sad but she is processing the emotions in a healthier way than I anticipated and shes focused on solutions and the future. That for me is pretty relieving.
On my side of things Ive gone through some pain and anger but always in a strong, solid base of calmness that comes from being certain that its the best decision for both of us.
Yesterday I realized how I was hungry for approval and that I was ready to jump when a woman offered me sex. Today Ive realized the same is true when I see a woman that seems lost, sad and in need of help. I wanted to save women, I dated the woman that could be, instead of the woman that isā¦ then resented her for not changing.
Today I also noticed how much couples normalize verbal aggression. I dont want a life like that, I rather be by myself.
I got a lot to grow and this is the perfect time. I see myself in a relationship with a woman that really values herself. No more saving the princess in distress, no more being hypnotized by sex.
Im feeling kind of sad, like Im thinking about what she might be experiencing, wishing it didnt have to be this way.
Turned out I was feeling guilty, decided to do some emotional release techniques, then forgot about it to play guitar.
Now I feel really peaceful.
Im listening to the 3rd loop of Prometheus today, did 2 of Agni and 1 of Limitless.