Hi,
This is a journal I kept offline from September 2021 - March 2022 (approx.).
*** BEGIN PASTE ***
05 sept 2021
i started subliminals from sublimial club last night. i used to get subliminals from s"another vendor" but they’re quite expensive nowadays. i bought the sage immortal sub from club, ran it all night. have a really sore left trap pain going down my back. kundalini or a simple physical crick in my neck? feel quite at peace today, maybe more focused inwardly. realised when we complain or regurgitate past hurts, we’re trying to convince ourself or others that something wass true. if past hurt was true and we regurgitate it in the present, the pain will stay with us. must stop regurgitating shite from my past.
current stack is ltu, paragon, renaissance man, Emperor, , sage immortal - i’m experimenting with one or two loops opf each, back to back
ltu is Life Tune Up from that “other vendor”.
Paragon :> am very aware of the warm tingly sensation, barely 10 minutes into the very first loop.
goals: learn french - fluent-forever method, anki decks
get to sleep lying down, get a good nights sleep,staying asleep all nightimproved physical health, particularly bladder/kidneys/reproductive organs. there’s something weird going n “down there” since 1996 an i’ve had multiple long term hopspitalisations over it.
i also have goals in the academic arena. ultimately, i want to get a phd, specialising in ancient greek religion or maybe ancient languages. this sounds like a job for ql.
planning to start a blog and get several other income streams up and running, this one i can start taking action on pretty much immediately. can start a blog about any topic, just start moviing in the dirction i want. will improve, learn and modify my approach and start new blog if necessary.
06 sept 2021
i usually never remember dreams but remember some from last night
dreamed i was in nero’s palace, but it was in olympia, not rome and the main hall was this huge elongated hall which i learned was the old stadium in olympia because someone started talking about the metopes which featured the labors of herakles that adorned the temple of zeus. i wondered how they measured the distance back in the day. the main foot race in the olympics was just under 200 metres. they ran iit in a straight line like we do for the 100m these days. in the dream i somehow measured it as 1.8 kilometres, for some reasoln. the hall was a maroon colour with loads of golden statues of gods and godesses and heres and ancient myths.
dreamed about searching for something (a girl?) in a sort of scavenger hunt thing, i followed lots of clues all over the place and the final clue brought me back to my starting point (she had been there all along, i needn’t have gone anywhere).
dream i rang my mum%dad. dad answered and i was amazed that he could hear me. my hearing is better today
approached two women when i was out, which i never do, just to ask where the offlicense is and i felt comfortable doing it, it felt natural.
studied french anki deck, 30 mins.
started blog - new email registered for it etc.
paragon is gonna be my main sub, rotating 3 others from subclub. dunno yet how to work in ltu from that “other vendor”. i’ll call them “othersub” from now on… maybe i’ll do a couple of loops of ltu, 4 days a week?
did 2 loops of paragon, 2 of sage immortal, 1 each of rm and emperor. will rotate them, still not sure how i’ll run ltu, have done a month of it already. maybe when i run ltu i could do 4 loops and 1 of all the others?
still get tingles off paragon, haven’t noticed it with the others.
something happened during the night, about 1am. it’s happened before and used to stress me out no end. last night i just shrugged it off.
this journal is mainly for me but i’m also conscious i’ll be posting it to the subclub forums at some point (maybe). hello there future readers. is it the future though or just now from a different perspective?
07 sept 2021
remember no dreams from last nighjt.
today’s stack: 2 of paragon, 2 of rm, 1 each of emperor and sage immortal
actions taken today: french anki deck
researched how to write good blog posts - i read the ebook “70 tips on creating irrestible blog posts […]”. it’s basicall the same info i learned at uni for writing compellin essays. don’t write posts as “admin” though.
i’ve been stuck in a negativee mindset for years. see that bit above about regurgitating shite from the past? i used to do it, if i felt aggrevied i’d hold onto that in an effort to “punish” other people. the buddha story about holding onto a hot coal in an effort to hurt someone else, only hurts me in the long run. yeah, i’m shrugging off grieviances now, no point holding onto them as it doesn’t help me at all.
it’s obvious now how we need to open the “pathways to manifestation” i’ve used subliminals for manmy years and never really got much in the way of results, except for once. i’ve always known about the necessity of taking actikon in alignment with our goals but, as bob proctor says, we often don’t reallly believe we can have what we want. now i do, and the “pathways to manifestation” makes sense. this is the difference between beliving and knowing. subclub subs must be installing experiences in our subconscious that “pull” us forward, rather than tryinng to “push” us in a certain direction.
08 sept 2021
i remember no dreams.gotta start taking action beyond making plans and gathering info. learned it’s good to have 15 articles on my blog before i apply for adsense so gonna write one today.
todays stack, 4 loops of ltu, 2 each of paragon and emperor, 1 each of si and rm. still getting lovely tingles off Paragon. feeling more focused and powerful, calmer somehow.
did french anki deck.
it usally takes me about a week to do a 2,500 word essay for uni, not just writing and organising it, but also doing research and getting all the citations and references in place. i thought a blog post would be way eaaasier, and it is in many respects, but i still need to research keywords and specific points i want to make. i have about 600 words done, along with a couple of diagrams, am aiming for 2,000 words per article. i reckon it might take me 4 days to complete an article. i could do it quicker except it’s better to do a little every day as opposed to a big chunk all at once. big chunks tend to end in burn out after a week or two. slow and steady wins the race!
i feel moved to quote the following from the ebook “40 rules for internet business success”
“There is a tension at play between learning to become a better entrepreneur
and actually growing your business. While it is essential to be a life-long learner
if you are going to be a successful entrepreneur, do not convince yourself that
reading the latest business book from Seth Godin or Jim Collins counts as
working on your business. If you read several business books and subscribe to a
dozen business podcasts, but do not actually get around to working on yourbusiness, you have not gotten anywhere. Carve out time in your day for both
learning and doing. Consumption of educational business content will become
the fuel for your entrepreneurial activity, but do not mistake the process of
consumption for activity itself.”
there’s nothing new there, but it’s a good reminder for me to balance theory with practice, learning with doing. a half hour of learning coupled with a half hour of doing everyday is better than a couple of hours of each once a week. i want to form daily success habits.
am reading a cool book about ancient greece - the politics, society and culture. it goes well with my uni studies and rm.
likely need to set a block of time aside for studies. something like “i’m gonna get all my stuff fone between 2 and 5pm” or som,ething like that.
09 sept 2021
had lots of vivid dreams, only remember parts. was watching my friends playing rugby they had left me out due to my choulder injury, but then they let me play and i won the match for them. something about a fashion show type thing at a school but the girls were “scantily clad” and the parents started moaning. everyone just laughed.
goona change my listening schedule so as to separate the ltu loops from the subclub loops.
did french anki deck.
i did a little look-see on the optimal length of a blog post. the general consesus seems to be anywhere between 1,500-2,500 words. a blog i know consistently writes over 3,000 per post and ranks well to get lots of organic traffic. i think my initial assessment of me aiming for 2,000 is good enough.
wrote more of that article, have over 1,000 words now. will very likely get it finished tomorrow but i’m not publish anything until i have 15 articles ready to go. two a week for a month or so sounds good to me.
read a bit of that book on ancient greece. i’m gonna need it for uni next year anyway, i’#m mixing classical studies and regligious studies.
2 paragon loops, 2 si, i rm, 1 emperor. still tingly on paragon.
stayed up late to configure a new domain on a vps i forgot i had. all went well albeit slowly because i needed to recover my login details which took ages.
10 sept 2021
dreamed burnley won the 2nd devision by 8 points. i remembered in the dream that they were once in the premier so i bet on them to be promoted to first devision then premier division.
did french anki deck.
today’s stack, 2 paragon, 2 rm, 1 each of emperor and si. then 4 hour break before 4 loops of ltu. yesterday i did 4 loops of ltu, took a break, then did my subclub stack. that worked better than everything all at once. i’m still experimenting.
i’m fairly sure i’m done with the first article. it’s around 1,500 words in the end. i’m happy enough with that.
submitted an essay for uni, my last essay this year. it’s about religion in ancient greece and i put a lot of work into it. i did a boatload of research for it. i usually get around 70% in my essays, i had one 85%. i feel good about this essay, high 70’s i reckon. we shall see.
notepad++ wants to update itself.
just remembered i have to email uni about the order of my next modules. this journal is turning into a place where i just scribble random thoughts. ho-hum.
uni email sent.
Let’s Encrypt in virtualmin isn’t encrypting my new site 
feckimg thing, it will give a cert to one of my domains but not the other, both on the same server, and it won’t give a cert for the vps itself either. wtf??
i just remembered i have elementor lying around somewhere aswell.
email sent to uni.
did some reading about ancient greece, it’s fascinating stuff, especially the different forms of the language, the linear a script - probably minoan - is still not translated. linguists and cryptographers haven’t deciphered it. i love mysteries! difficult to talk about ancient greece without mentioning the minoans.there’s other stuff i wanna start doing again like music production, digital art, videos & movies. before i do that, i’ll get other habits out of the way, reading, writing and french.
got the ssl certs working, toolk hours of fiddling around with conf files and stuff.
11 sept 2021
saturday today so no subs today or tomorrow.
had vivid dreams but recoollection is sketchy. something about finding an attic type thing and wondering if the floor was strong enough to hold me and all the people ii wanted to bring with me. as soon as i wonmdered that, the floor turned into sturdy mahogany.
did french anki deck. getting in the habit of doing that first thing every m,orning.
2nd blog post started, didn’t get very far today.
it’s sort of a lazy day today, read a fair bit, got m400 words done on that blog post.
12 sept 2021
dreamed an old acquaintance came to visit me. he rode ma motorbike and he disappeared for a while. later, i llearned he was down the pub.
did french anki deck…
read a good bit.
13 sept 2021
sorta busy yesterday and today with … life stuff. y’know how it is.
did anki deck and reading quite late in the day.
4 loops of ltu, 2 paragon an emperor, 1 each of si and rm.
21 sept 2021
don’t listen to subshop and subclub subs back to back, you’ll wake up feeling almost hungover, bleary eyed and head full of cotton wool!
did french anki deck.
2 loops paragon, 2 loops si, 1 of rm and emperor. break before 2 loops of ltu.
had vivid dreams, something about girlfriend, weight training, and biscuits. i have no idea.
i over 900 words of my next blog post done.
Reinstalled ubuntu on my server with webmin and virtualmin.
did reading.
i’m sorta having a bit of a tough time with the blog posts. it’s not that they’re hard to write or anything, or that i’m unmotivatyed to succeed. i hear that we can have a fear of failure and a fear of success. if we subconsciously don’t want all the responsibility of success, that’ll work against us… i think that’s what’s probably happening.
i rewatched a bob proctor seminar. it clicked more today than usual, especially the part about becoming wealthy by having multiple souirces of income, which i’m in the process of setting up. opening those “pathways to manifesstation” has hellped because what he was saying i could “see” it in motion.
15 sept 2021
remember some fragments of a dream - wemt to visit will at his radio roadcasting station, he was hungry and said t meet him in the kitchen downstairs. he wasn’t there. met a girl and told her about a pparty. we both had been there before found my bible, went to some hot country to bring back someone who needed an exorcism. in basement of will’s broadcadting place, there was a mental asylum like silence of the lambs. i was brought down and saw some guys in a cell. a few of them were doing something with a knife to a smaller guy.
did french anki deck and reading.
i’m still experimenting with loops so today is 3 of paragon, 2 of rm, 1 of emperor, 1 of si, take a 4 hour break then 3 of ltu. listening to subclub before subshop seems to work than vioce versa better, there’s less mental foginess the next morning.
have almost 1,500 words done of blog post. over a thousand words vanished because i accidentally typed ctrl-a before starting a new section. i didn’t notice til i had another 400 words done. luckily, i managed to recover it. i felt less stressed than usual when it happened. i used to panic when stuff like that happened.
17 sept 2921
dreamed about waiting the mountain v devon laratt fight. there was a televised “build up” to the main event and devon was being interviewed by a dude i thought was andre the ,giant, but wasn’t, it was a dude who looked like Nigel from Suits, but he mwas really tall, over 7 feet, and he had a long hooked nose. he loooked really evil,…
tryin 3 loops of paragon, 3 of si, 2 of emperor and rm. be interesting to see what happens.
reserved a new monitor from argos, had checked the availability and they said i could collect immediately, so i went into town to collect it. i got there and the store clerk said it’s not there, they’ve no monitors at all. now, in that scenario, my usual thing was to get angry at the person in front of me and give them shit. today i didn’t do that, i politely asked the clerk to feedback to her boss not to be telling customers something is available when it isn’t. she said ok and i left. the thing about it is, that was a big improvement for me. i expressed my thoughts on the matter politely. i’m not a fan of liars, it was a big trigger ,for me, even if the “lie” wasn’t really a lie, but a misunderstanding… nothing will come of it, because argos is a big international company but that’s not the point of what happened.
been switching between pc’s with anki on it and now i have over 100 cards to review on this pc because it doesn’t know i’ve been reviewing cards on my other pc. i’m working my way through the cards and will update this later.
did my reading.
18 sept 2021
have dreams to report, i even thought “i’ll remember this one”. there was something about something. know when that happens? you know you dreamed and you sort of vaguely recall the content, but not really. it’s all rather vague.
going to try loops of paragon only over-night, dunno how many loops. did 4 loops of ltu.
thor v devon later this evening, looking forward to it.
caught up on french anki deck - 121 cards done today.
did reading.
got 700 words of next blog post done.
it was a dissappointing fight. it had just started when one ofmy housemates rebooted the router. it took a minute to cycle back on and by the time i logged back into the live-stream the fight was over. thor won by tko.
19 sept 2021
did 6 loops of paragon overnight. i forgot not to be doing subs at the weekend. oh well. gonna experiment with the one day on one day off listening schedule.
reinstalled windows on this pc so no anki installed yet which means no french. tis a day of rest anyway, so sayeth the Lord!
did some reading.
sorta feeling a bit ‘blegh’ today, if you get my meaning, might be the paragon loops i did.
another few hundred words done on blog post.
20 sept 2021
had dreams, they’ve slipped away from me again.
3 loops of paragon, 3 of emperor, 1 of rm and si. i’ve no idea what day i’m supposed to be on and can’t be arsed checking.
did french anki deck and reading.
was out today and felt extremely comfortable just being out and around people. there was no anxiety or self-consciousness. at one point i actually thought “who cares what other people think about me” and it brought to mind a quote “you’d be shocked to learn how little people think about you because they’re busy living their own lives” or something like that.
22 sept 2021
did frenmch anki deck and reading.
3 paragon loops, 3 rm, 1 each si and emperor, break, 4 of ltu
got 10 topics researched and outlined for blog posts, hoping to get them finishned within 3 weeks.
got email working for the domains on my server.
23 sept 2021
tis a day off subs from subclub today. i listened to emperor all night, as an experiment, maybe 9 or 10 loops. i feel really powerful today and in a better mood than usual.
did french anki deck today.
4 loops of ltu.
27 sept 2021
had a dream in french, have no clue what it was about.
been doinmg 1 day on 1 day off of subclub, with “off” days being “on” days for ltu. this is the best listening schedule so far.
did french anki deck and reading.
started another blog post.
started making my own anki deck of french vocab.
downloaded some books fropm my uni website and converted them to pdf so i can keep a copy (don’t tell anyone! books are only supposed to be on loan thjrough adobe digital editiona. apprentice alf’s dedrm plugin for calibe works well for kindle books, but not for ADE, so i bought epubor software.)
28 sept 2021
listened to paragon all night, maybe 10 loops, so leaving paragon out of today’s stack. today is 2 loops each of rm, emperor and si.
this pc is windows 11 incompatible. it doesn’t like my processor, it’s ,issing the trusted security feature.
had vivid dreams, i’m sure i’ll start recalling more soon, i have a plan!
keep forgetting to write blog posts around keywords so now i have to go back and rewrite several posts using keywords. ho hum.
did anki deck and reading.
29 sept 2021
dreamed there were no adults or children this county was a non stop party. i knew a few mgood places to sleep, nobody actually owned there own house and i knew a shortcut to the bbeach (which nearly everyone was sure was really far away, but wwasn’t really). i helped people get there, there was a fairground nearby with minigolf and stuff, but the sea itself was black.
did french anki deck first thing, i binged on 250 cards, go me!
did sopme reading.
going to incorporate some stuff about studying that i heard on skillshare. the most interesting one, instead of having a traditional goal such as “2,000 words per blog post”, change it something called a systems goal of “i’m going to write every day”. trad goals can sometimes cause anxiety or feelings of failure, systems goals are more laid back. so, for example, i’m changing that goal to “write on my blog every day” and that could be i just write a paragraph and my systgems goal is met. in honesty, that 2,000- words per blog post was stressing me out and i felt myself avoiding writing at all. it felt like a chore.
01 october 2021
the witchy month! i have this big annabelle doll, 1:1 size of the one thhey used in the conjuring franchise. she’s very well made, cost me nmearly 500 quid. i love going inmto the town with her on halloween and scaring all the kids. it’s the little things.
had dreams, they were vivid, i don’t remember them now.
did french anki deck this morning, 128 cards. stsrted building my own french vocab deck./
did reading.
found some ols notes i was taking when learning vb.net. might start that up again.
also found notes i was taking while learning runes. might start that too.
today is an off day so that means 4 loops of ltu. is it really an off day iif i listen to subs anyway??
weekend is really off - for all subs. i’v e been forgetting to take the weekend off sometimes.
did a few hundred words of blog post - not feeling very motivated in that direction. might be ready to post 15 articles by christmas 
06 october 2021
keep having vivid dreams but rarely remember them.
been doing anki french deck religiously everyday and a pretty good start to making my own vocab deck.
am doing plenty of reading but motivation gor my blog is nonexistant
slept very well last night, asleep (lying down) by 11.30 then awake at 7.00 listening to audible book about the lhc and moment of creation - quantum physics basically.
still not got those resullts back from uni. it’s been nearly a month now.
09 october 2021
i had a dream i kinda remember, it must have been religious themed because the part of it i remember is when someone told me that the rosary is powerful.
i’m continuing with french anki deck and reading everyday. french anki has taken on a life of it’s own. i did a course about anki opn skillshare and started making my own cards, recording audio and hunting for the right pics. i now do about an hour of french anki before breakfast and spend an hour making cards later in the day. sounds to me like rm “creative expression” has had an effect.
added a couple of new books, an audible book of quantum physics, the lhc and the moment of “creation” titled"Amir D. Aczel - Present at the Creation (2010)". it’s really interesting. have also added an ebook called “Egregores” by Mark Stavish. i love the occult, esoterica and related fields. It’s actual;ly a goal of mine to read, and understand, Eliphas Levi’s “La Grand Arcane” in the original french. There’s loads of MS in french and that’s one of my motiving factors for learning the language.
I got the basics of Runes (elder futhark) memorised. I didn’t use Anki but instead used some Accelerated Learning techniques I learned of from Dominic O’Brien - the memory champion guy. I used the technique where you encode words in vivid pictures, it worked well.
12 october 2021
i’ve had recurrent uti’s for the last 25 years. i’ve been in hospital 4 times this year alone bnecause i was pissing blood. i’ve been ok for a few months now but it all started up again the other day. i’m taking antibiotics and am still at home but, as an experimenmt, i’m ditching all subs for the time being, except paragon. i’ll be doing several loops of it everyday, just to see how things progress … or not.
doing french anki everyday, along with reading two books.
i hunted for a browser extension, and can’t find one that does what i want. when making anki cards, the included image shouldn’t be too big, i’d like an image to be around 400x400 maximum. when searching for a suitable image, a really good find might be over 2000px. the only option, if there isn’t a smaller version available, is to copy the large image into an image manipulation program and resize it before copying it into anki. i’m considering writing my own extension that automates the resizing process so all i have to do is right click the big image in the browser then choose a menu item that resizes the image then puts that on the clipboard.
13 october 2021
remember a bit of a dream. i was hosting a party in my parents house. i was a teenager and there were loads of other teenaghers there, all drunk. i stayed sober and was runnig around trying to keep everything in line. even the dream stressed me out so i can’t imagine actually doing it. but a girl i know, called Hayley, came to it, and i fucked her. good times! i woke up with a boner so that’s a good sign. i also dreamed something about designing a board game that got picked up by some publishing company, but Robin Tunney was a friend who helped me design it. she was hot in Prison Break.
i listened to a sub from othersub last night, on loop all night. if i was on his forums he’d call me stupid and berate me for not following his instructions.
several hours of paragon today. yes, i’m doing a healing sub from both othersub and subclub , experimenting as usual.
i found an old file called “stuff i wanna learn”. it’s about software i want to learn to use. it has all sorts in there, from 3d modelling to music production to programming. i’ve half learned several things. i have a tendency to flit from one thing to another without finishing the last thing i was doing. rewatched “the strangest secret” last night so am doing the 30 day challenge from that.
anki french done first thing this morning. reading done too. added several new cards to vocab deck.
21 oct 2021
hah! othersub creator has this in a list of types of resistance:
“Type 12: De-motivation And Artificial Self Manipulation. Sometimes, when all else fails, the subconscious will seek to defeat the execution of the script by altering variables that trigger the execution of the script, so that it can technically “execute” without having anything happen that advances the user toward the goal.”
i told him this exact thing, about a decade ago! he screamed at me, implied i’m an idiot, and had all his cronies gang up on me until i got so fed up of the bs that i left his forums, never to return. he even updated his faq at the time, to rant about the “impossibility” of what i told him. now here he is, a decade later, realising that what i told him is actually true.
i’ve been tethering on thje precipace of illness for a few days now, the usualbs regarding bladder/urine etc that’s hung around me since 1995. i’m still doing the healing subs only, no emperor etc
27 oct 2021
im still doing paragon daily, many loops. sometimes switch to othersub for a day or two.
all my plans on are on hold while i just use paragon. the question at hand is, is this “resistance”? like, am i subconsciously avoiding using the subs that were making a difference, sorta li a massive cognitive dissonance? the othersub guy would say yes. i’d say pfft! i’m working ,on clearing a decades old recurring illness that flared up a couple of weeks back. it’s settled down a lot but i don’t feel quite right. i might even keep alternating paragon with othersub until the end of the year. i really feel that paragon kept me out of hospital and that’s a huge deal. yes, i used othersub a bit too, but i’d been using paragon for ages before, and othersub got abot 1/8 of the use paragon did.
i had to find something else to entertain me and that file i mentioned, stuff i wanna learn, caught my eye. krita is on the list and i was tempted by that. c++ is on that list too, and i already know a bit, so i’m “doing”, not “reading”. bjarne stroustup’s programming principles.
that blog i was doing … ehhhhhhhhhhhhhh. i’m simply not feeling it, i’ve no passion for it at all.
still not got those results from uni.
i gotta be clear. i’m learning, not memorising, stuff. using anki made the difference clear for me. i might buy quantum limitless as a new year gift to myself. it would’ve made a lot of sense to do that sub given what i’m doing (learning stuff). but rm and si fit in too - they fit into what i’m doing. emperor doesn’t, i want it to though.
i’m getting a lil annoyed my uni results are taking so long to come back.
03 nov 2021
there’s a couple of days missing from this diary thingy because i installed win 11 on a new ssd and the last day or two’s notes hadn’t uploaded to the cloud yet. meh. nothing really important in there.
so i emailed uni to find out where my results are and i got a reply that “the faculty” haven’t officially released the results yet but i might be able to see something in the performance section of my study record. i dutifully padded off to see what i could see, and sure enough, there was my result. i got … drum roll please … 76.5. i’m happy enough with that.
i’m doing around 10 loops of paragon, 5 days a week. and nothing else. i’m feelin good but intend to keep going with paragon for now.
02 dec 2021
wow, nearly a month since my last entry. nothing really new. sole sub in use is still Paragon, many loops everyday, 5 days a week. not sure how many loops, i put it on in the morning or afternoon, then it repeats until i get my head down for the night - maybe 2am.
io started using fl studio again and have nearly completed a trance track over the last few days.
been reading some old books about Golden Dawn Magic by Israel Regardie. I love all thjat stuff about Qabalah, Tarot, divination etc. The Qlifoth and demonology whets my appetite too. I haven’t practiced for years. I had abouit a decade worth of magical practice notes go missing during a move. Maybe i’ll start a magical diary again.
13 dec 2021
wowee. you know when you get some sort of breakthrough and you can feel the tingling all over your body? i just got one in relation to the existence of a higher power and the implications. whenever i get a breakthrough i’m always amazed at the difference between knowing something is true on an intellectual level and knowing something is true because you can feel it,. you experience it as true.
29 dec 2021
here we are nearly in 2022’ i decided to have a subliminal wasj-out over christmas. i’ve been using paragon exclusively for quite a while now. my “down there” problems persist. io’ve been to the doc repeatedly, he put me on various antibiotics, first for 5 days, then for 10 days, then for 2 weeks, now again for 7 days. the problem is, and always has been, that things clear up while i’m on antibiotics, but returns again as soon as i stop. still, i have faith that eventually Paragon will clear things up permanently. i’m also utilising some Mind Power techniques from John Keho which fit in well with the G Golden Dawn.
10 jan 2022
have i the ability to stepp back and watch my own behaviour? to assess it objecticely? to change it? yes, yes i do for i am not my mind with it’s compulsions and tendencies. the mind is but a tool for the ‘I’.
09 mar 2022
past few months were fucked up. ended up in hospital, as i knew i would, screaming in agony, literally. i have to go back as an outpatient.
started ZP QL and ZP Renaissance man.1have 2 related goals, vecome expert in classical studies and religious studies (what i’m at uni for), become expert in cybersecurity (my hobby). whil;e listening, started beaming with a huge smile on my face. i like it.