Peace from heartbreak that came from Primal

Questions and Comments
#1

I want to share with you a gift of wisdom that came from using the Primal product, but really came from me with that products help.

I learned how to trust my inner voice despite rejection.

You must learn how to face the pain of heartbreak, but one trick I used to survive was to recognize that when others will not communicate with you, when they have abandoned you, the only light you will receive is the gift of responsibility.

To heal yourself of the ignorance other people may put on you in this world, tell yourself “Wow, they really decided to put this responsibility on me, didn’t they?” This will give you a push against that suffocating force, this will allow you to take breathing space they were too ignorant to provide you with. Go go and win some lifelong allies by healing their heartbreak with this wisdom, or discuss with me your wisdom in the comments below.

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#2

Im a bit tired seeing everyone signal that their ex partners were always the ones who were the bad guys. “they expected too much, they couldnt communicate, they had trauma, they didnt respect me, they had issues”

yeah sure but

its also your fault too if it didnt work out. It takes two people to have a relationship. People blame and forget. And yeah you sometimes dont want the relationship to continue but… if you really wanted it to continue, what could you have done? Do you even know what possible things you were doing in ignorance? Shadow work us part of being better too. And everyone has shit side to them in relationships. We just ignore that in ourselves really well. And blaming others for not being good is a lesson wasted when we could have looked in ourselves. See how we fucked them indirectly too. How we could have helped more but didnt. Not for the sake of helping them but for our own sharpening. Everyones ex probably out there blaming the other person just the same. It takes heart to say " I fucked up and I was an ass or a weakling or whatever else ". The world would be much more capable if we could reflect more on within.

not disagreeing just adding this in

#3

i completely disagree because you have to add a whole new addendum to the original idea which is literally just to think positively at all times of your life. if you have to force positive thinking out of your head that isnt shadow work thats just called a mental illness

#4

I hear people react super harshly and just wonder how authentic any idea following a paroxysmal reactionary feeling could possibly be…?

#5

You’re right Im sick in the head don’t listen to me

#6

I only partly see it the way you do. Of course, there are past relationships where both parties contributed to the breakup or to conflicts.

Whether it was due to a lack of communication, a lack of appreciation, and so on. Still, there are ex-partners who genuinely did not mean well.

Regular beatings, rape within marriage or a relationship, threats, etc.

To say in such cases that both are to blame for the terrible course of the relationship seems very inappropriate to me. You never truly know what happened in that relationship.

How often someone (me) was afraid again of being pushed against the wall and threatened.
How often I had to hear: “You talk like a man, so you’ll get punched like a man!”

Just because I set boundaries and communicated that I expected respect, appreciation, and love—because I myself was always the giver of those beautiful things.

Of course, a person’s conditioning always plays a role. For example, someone who was shown that as a man, you discipline a woman through violence, or as a woman was told that a man only has value if he brings home a lot of money, has simply never experienced anything different.

But that doesn’t mean you should continue living out what was modeled to you.

Yes, it takes a massive wake-up process to see and understand that you must treat others with respect and appreciation—and that you should also receive that in return.

And yes, sometimes you yourself are an asshole, a really bad partner, or something else. The dose makes the poison.

No one, absolutely no one, is perfect. Everyone carries both shadow and light within them. I just think that in some people the light is brighter, and in others the shadow is darker—or the other way around.
Whether that’s temporary or permanent.

If appreciation, respect, and love are not present—even after years in a relationship, even though you almost constantly asked to be treated differently—then I believe it’s absolutely fair to say:
“I’ve done everything in my power. This no longer works. I love myself enough to walk away.”

In that case, I don’t see 50/50 responsibility, but rather a lower percentage on one side.
(In cases of violence, I see 100% of the responsibility with the person who committed it.)

And when I say that the other person also had a percentage of responsibility, I don’t mean they didn’t try enough—I mean they tried too much.
Begging to be treated with respect often gives the other party a sense of power. One that some people, unfortunately, exploit very often.

Since I spend a lot of time exploring spirituality, personal development, mindset, and similar areas, it’s my belief that I chose all of this before I incarnated on this Earth.

That may sound like total crap to some. I mean, who would choose to be abused, beaten, or threatened by people?
(For the record, I’ve personally experienced all of that.)

It’s about the experiences and insights my soul wants to gain. Both the positive and the negative.
But I won’t go deeper into that now.
As I said, it’s what feels true for me. For others, it might sound like total nonsense.

What I really wanted to say with this post is that you never know what happens behind closed doors—and that’s why we should be gentle and mindful in how we approach topics like this.

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#7

I see your points. I think I’ve made a good point too. The devil is in the details ofcourse. Depends on context and specific case. I still believe there is always something you can learn about your weak links in every relationship and every relationship that ends, ends because both of the participants made decisions that led there - one decisions is for example literally saying “that’s it I’m breaking up”. And by finding weak links I mean either the parts where you were the “asshole” and also the parts where you were maybe “too soft” or whatever else that allowed you to continue making the situations worse no matter what the other person was doing in that moment. We choose to be where we are in relationships 50% of it. Because we are 50% of the relationship. I’m not saying one is wrong and one is right. Everyone is fucked up. Some people more than others. But we can learn to navigate better in life if we are able to look back and instead of only pointing fingers also see what we could have done better. And there is always something we could have done better. It’s not to be upset or regret it. It’s to be honest with oneself. See your weak links. Or stay ignorant to yourself whatever anyone wants to do I don’t really care. My point was retrospective and honesty in regards to ourselves and our own faults is good for growth

Now if someone just wants to just feel good sure go ahead.

I see interacting with more abusive people as huge goldmine. It’s like playing the game on hard mode. You can learn how to manipulate and get what you want out of anyone if you can do it on them. And by manipulating I don’t mean anything evil. Sometimes that means only to help them heal a bit by indirect wording in the long run. That’s a huge skill. And people who lack subtle language and skill of timing often don’t get as much. They run into a wall with their head in and get mad and call the other people “too something something”. I like to work my way around more challenging individuals. Even if it comes at a cost sometimes. Either for the sake of learning something new in terms of social interactions or something else they have or can offer.

Not really disagreeing with anything here. Just pointing out that difficult people can be a great training ground and more importantly a great mirror into our own ugly side. And that can be immensely valuable. Yes it can be dangerous and hurt but to some it might appeal to nonetheless for the sake of the prize which is knowledge and skills.

I also don’t think I have to be careful at all when speaking on this. I was right in every single thing I’ve said in my posts. I’m not here to baby someone on the internet because they misunderstood what I said or because direct (not “mean” just direct) language gets them defensive and sad. Thats their problem not mine.

#8

These two statements contradict each other, and that could be what the op pointed out about authenticity.

Relationship is every relationship, even this one online talking to strangers, I agree with you that you have to be two to tango, so responsibility is always shared.

#9

by this I meant that neither of two people in any relationship are “wrong” or “right” 100% of the time.

there was no contradiction just misunderstanding

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#10

Relationships and heartbreak are all experienced differently through the realm of the belief filter.

I personally think everyone has their own realizations that help them move past. It’s ultimately loss and pretty closely tied to the stages of grief. Person to person grieving looks very different.

I think everyone needs something different sometimes. If trashing an ex is the anger they have to feel to come out the other side with more awareness of how they could have enforced boundaries better that’s a good outcome. If being deeply saddened even though the person was abusive that’s valid too because that could open up awareness of why the relationship continued despite mistreatment. I think the most damaging thing is trying to artificially correct or steer those feelings in an attempt to avoid them.

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#11

absolutely

#12

I was the asshole for leaving my relationship, I was a coward for leaving, I was the heartbreaker, I was the abusive one who took advantage of her. I caused her pain for separating.

I was the one being idealised, I was the one who’s opinion didn’t matter. I was the one who sold himself out. I was the one who showed her not all men were abusive. She showed me love for who I am and pain for not understanding who I am.

I’ll probably reject any further romantic relationships. She’ll probably do the same. We’ll both hate the opposite sex for a while.

Both sets of statements are correct. Both sets of statements will inform how we both move on in life, in pain, anger, frustration and growth.

#13

its truly an amazing phenomenon but basically my experience was that I realized I have absolutely no concern or desire to digest opinions because I simply care about mine so deeply and have such little patience for opinions that aren’t somehow immediately relevant to me. I don’t mean this as an insult but, I truly feel as though I would get more value out of staring at the sun until my eyes are completely destroyed. Sometimes I think we say things literally just to get attention and we are so bad at determining who will give us attention that we signal desperation and poor judgment, which seems to invoke mythologically deep disgust reflexes. (kill it with fire immediately with the most insults and salt possible instantly)
I would advise this phenomena is similar across categories of people. Please read between the lines with more intelligence than simply being insulted, which I would argue is a function of your own disappointments fostered by your own projections, which I would argue in that context (you being insulted) is a result of living a comprehensively unexamined life.

#14

basically I wrote this just to realize I literally only wanted to write it to hear myself talk and to literally bathe in my own wisdom. I love myself so much, my opinions are so important to me it is honestly amazing. My own advice is amazing all the time, no slip ups at any point.

#15

I suppose compulsion is a truly disgusting thing and respect is something that is slow walked into existence like a fire during a tropical rain storm. I don’t stand on your toes and demand logical arguments for you expressing the way that you feel, since feeling is not a logical construct no matter how hard you want to act like it is. Feelings, whether they come or go are literally urges from environmental stimuli that you couldnt possibly replicate unless you were on some god tier alchemy type game, which is a different story altogether. My point being, I could share things like this repeatedly with only the intention to help people only to receive replies that seem to be ejaculated at me from my own timing and momentum, rather than digested or deliberately related to in a thoughtful manner. It’s fine if that was your actual well thought out concept or series of concepts, but sometimes the message lies underneath the surface and the sickness is the need to explain and to fill silence, much like how people feel compelled to bring bluetooth speakers to the beach or write comments on youtube videos twelve seconds into the intro (if they even statistically don’t make it that long). The other part to the craven obsession with justifying your own existence is that you subvert the tendency for human good will and freedom of action in the face of varying environmental inputs or pressures. In simpler terms, you signal submissive behavior in the eyes of people who are literally assessing and determining your character. The problem with a lot of young people these days is they don’t understand or seem connected to how disastrous this type of behavior is for their success long term. Submissive behavior is something people typically judge as being weak, untrustworthy, unfit for breeding, unfit for investment socially, demanding, rude, gross, invasive, unprofessional, even ugly or selfish or childish or immature.

To say that all of this can be conveyed within a matter of seconds would be a gross understatement. It can and is often conveyed in energy that accompanies the presuppositions that lay under your tone and pace of being.

#16

When it comes to heartbreak or learning lessons or experiencing pain, the taboo or unpopular opinion is that it doesn’t matter in the slightest and you are going to die someday. Another way of saying this is “How is analyzing this or caring worth my time?” Also, when you obsess over the actions of other people and read too much into the actions of other people, even if they are insane or disrespectful actions you are quite literally feeding into their whole construct of reality and their frame. Therefore, my optimal approach and recommendation would be to rather than remain heartbrokeen or doubt yourself, ask yourself what has meaning for you, whether you agree with being broken up with, what your opinion is of the situation, and then immediately express that to the dumb idiot who tried breaking up with you. Once they experience that wave of self assuredness hitting them, they will probably change their mind because you just put out a candlestick with an entire lake Michigan sized body of water and self assuredness, which is what people universally regard as valuable. Then you can decide to break up with them or not from that point of view, which is innately lighthearted and frictionless from your point of view.

If you obsess over considering the opinions of other people, you simply signal to them you are submissive in every dimensional angle of analysis that your life could be conceived of, which is disgusting to the human species and a dangerously bad idea. At least insofar as prey animal behavior can quite literally be the difference between a horrible agonizing death at the hands of a predator and saving your own life. Hence, the innate value of my original post in the first place and quite literally the mechanism of why agreeing with frames that undermine the original concept could result in an unfavorable outcome guided by people with no foresight and only speaking from compulsion and fear or lack of discipline or attention.

Hopefully this makes sense.

Since we brought up ‘shadow work’ (such a big scary concept) something that definitely lays in the shadows of most people is perfectionism, this intangible lust for perfecting yourself so long as there is a witness who pays enough attention to you, leading us to unconsciously prune ourselves in the image of others.

This is obviously a deep concept, and shadow work in my opinion as a whole is a complete waste of time and a trap because the word ‘work’ is innately being used in a way that is totally intangible. Nobody knows what work relates to if it can’t be tangible or measurable as far as an outcome is concerned. We may instinctively recognize that overtly criticizing people in the middle of their sentence while subverting their sense of momentum either consciously or unconsciously is a disrespectful thing to do, yet many people find themselves emboldened by the fate of our modern society to do as much and as many times as they can. However, this is not shadow work, this is actually just nothing more than a different perspective diverging and not necessarily subtracting from your personal experience, at least the way I choose to view things.

Empowerment is a game of one, invested into by yourself and having invested faith into yourself because you choose to do so not because you generally lack a spine. Also, generally speaking if somebody implies you need to work on yourself you have the option of listening to them or not listening to them, which still leaves the majority of power in your hands even though they beat their chest with big powerful words like ‘SHADOW WERK@!@!@!@420!!!’

Okay shadowwork420, we get it. You prune yourself in the image of others to a level that is virtually inconceivable and are compelled into ‘shad03 w3rk!’

No aspect of shadow work resembles anything other than self attack, self criticism, buying into what other people think about you in front of said people’s faces, etc. Those people just expressed an opinion and kept moving, you spent decades doing shadow work while paying for a therapist’s time.

People obviously have hugely varying perspectives regarding self improvement, which is obviously a totally impersonal and different idea than shadow work. Shadow work is the idea that you need to fill in every silence, bring a bluetooth speaker to the beach and blast music whenever you begin to sense yourself feeling uncomfortable, which is unfortunately every moment of your life.

Personally I think that is completely hilarious that you have to do that and you have no choice as to not do that. As a result, I experience an elevated mood, joy, laughter, sex with women, fun with friends, respect in my community, inside jokes, popsicles and naps, costa rican nature, fitted sheets, music i adore…