I only partly see it the way you do. Of course, there are past relationships where both parties contributed to the breakup or to conflicts.
Whether it was due to a lack of communication, a lack of appreciation, and so on. Still, there are ex-partners who genuinely did not mean well.
Regular beatings, rape within marriage or a relationship, threats, etc.
To say in such cases that both are to blame for the terrible course of the relationship seems very inappropriate to me. You never truly know what happened in that relationship.
How often someone (me) was afraid again of being pushed against the wall and threatened.
How often I had to hear: “You talk like a man, so you’ll get punched like a man!”
Just because I set boundaries and communicated that I expected respect, appreciation, and love—because I myself was always the giver of those beautiful things.
Of course, a person’s conditioning always plays a role. For example, someone who was shown that as a man, you discipline a woman through violence, or as a woman was told that a man only has value if he brings home a lot of money, has simply never experienced anything different.
But that doesn’t mean you should continue living out what was modeled to you.
Yes, it takes a massive wake-up process to see and understand that you must treat others with respect and appreciation—and that you should also receive that in return.
And yes, sometimes you yourself are an asshole, a really bad partner, or something else. The dose makes the poison.
No one, absolutely no one, is perfect. Everyone carries both shadow and light within them. I just think that in some people the light is brighter, and in others the shadow is darker—or the other way around.
Whether that’s temporary or permanent.
If appreciation, respect, and love are not present—even after years in a relationship, even though you almost constantly asked to be treated differently—then I believe it’s absolutely fair to say:
“I’ve done everything in my power. This no longer works. I love myself enough to walk away.”
In that case, I don’t see 50/50 responsibility, but rather a lower percentage on one side.
(In cases of violence, I see 100% of the responsibility with the person who committed it.)
And when I say that the other person also had a percentage of responsibility, I don’t mean they didn’t try enough—I mean they tried too much.
Begging to be treated with respect often gives the other party a sense of power. One that some people, unfortunately, exploit very often.
Since I spend a lot of time exploring spirituality, personal development, mindset, and similar areas, it’s my belief that I chose all of this before I incarnated on this Earth.
That may sound like total crap to some. I mean, who would choose to be abused, beaten, or threatened by people?
(For the record, I’ve personally experienced all of that.)
It’s about the experiences and insights my soul wants to gain. Both the positive and the negative.
But I won’t go deeper into that now.
As I said, it’s what feels true for me. For others, it might sound like total nonsense.
What I really wanted to say with this post is that you never know what happens behind closed doors—and that’s why we should be gentle and mindful in how we approach topics like this.
