Cycle 1 Notes
-5 days on / 2 days off
The week started with a lot of dreams, and anxiety increased during social situations. As the days went on, my emotional and mental state improved. I was focused on what I needed to get done and I was less interested in analyzing past social interactions for the purpose of identifying how people may have perceived me. I did have an embarrassing experience on the second off day (yesterday) and that took me a few hours to get over but that kind of shit happens sometimes.
When interacting, internal rigidity remains and certain types of people appear uncomfortable or intimidated. I have not observed any dominance challenging behavior from stronger alpha personality types like I have experienced when using other subs. During several emotional low points, I rationalized switching subs to something like emperor to avoid feeling weak and vulnerable. I will push on though because perhaps the greater struggle will result in greater results. I’ll use the same usage schedule for another week and report back again at the end of cycle 2.