No dreaming yes

Journals - Major Programs
#1

looped 2x
Alchemist st1 2x
SB 1x
Alchemist st1 1x
Spartan 1x

First time (In awhile), wake up with a halo of social anxiety from a dream :confused:

One, get moved from one house to another, where I “Fit” in more, happens to be someones elses family. I find out later he was bringing in 100 people for a gathering or something. For a bit I look around and touch/move stuff, appreciating the lucid dream. I decide to talk to one of the younger women there, since I was a bit agitated I was moved here, I was getting “bored”. They were all sitting watching television, or walking from it to something and back. The father seems to switch his attention to me and asked what I was doing here, and I responded that I belong to his group/identity, but it felt like I was talking to a brick wall so I knew he was trying to get me to validate myself to him. I touched him on the shoulder to relax him, but he moved backwards. I could tell he was thinking I was an intruder and wanted one of his daughters. I told him I was only trying to make something “new”, and he responded to “What”, and I had no response, I was really offended by his attitude. I took a closer look at one of the women and had thought why I was even trying to talk to these people, the women were just average looking, with personality worse than the television. I decide to leave after about 100 people enter the house.

I leave the house with three others, we find ourselves at some sort of theater. One was laying across 2 seats on the armrests. I ask someone why we chose the very back seats, we can’t even see what is going on. Got a dismissive but substantive reply, that made a lot of sense to me.

My impression of the dream, around people intent matters more than action, action matters more than words. The distance from the theater, and my want to get closer, is a futile attempt to attach more meaning to the theater than real relations. This is paralleled with my disconnect from the interaction with one of the women. The fathers response is showing me I have no intent, thus nothing “New”.

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#2

looped 2x
Alchemist st1 2x
Libertine V2 1x
Alchemist st1 1x
Spartan 1x

I was about to get married to someone I knew in childhood, but something “bad” happened and spooked me. I decided to cancel everything, my excuse was to not make important decisions when in a bad mood, a sort of omen. I made sure that I was as gentle in my “rejection” as possible.

Later I was walking around a big party, I noticed that my (dream person) fiance was talking to 6~ other people, I saw that one was looking at me was Romney, just standing there emotionless staring at me. I felt a little off put that my fiance was separated, and wondered if I was even friends with this person.

I wandered off outside and walked towards a warehouse, and came up to two African Americans (I know), as one opened the warehouse doors (30 feet high), the other was talking to me about how it only costs about 60-75 dollars to get with a women these days. As we walked inside, one of those mechanical crate moves was inching towards the wall with a bunch of instruments on it. It slowly inched forward, even as we told the guy to stop, he ended up scraping everything off without damaging the wall. He removed stuff like electrical wire plates, water piping etc, but none of the stuff was actually functional, fake.

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#3

looped 2x
Khan st1 2x
Libertine V2 1x
Khan st1 2x

1x loop
inner circle 1x
HOM 1x

Not much of a dream. Had another weird “Real feeling” lucid dream, couldn’t tell if it actually happened. It was just me typing out something on the computer. I woke up for real a second time and just stood there for about 1 minute, since when I feel like that part of my brain is turned off. It is similar to when I have a nightmare, and get hypnopompic waking nightmare, but this was just me waking up stupid.

I had originally tied this weird realistic lucid dream confusion/typing on my computer to As Below. Maybe Ultima Core?

From my observations today, I feel a lot more emotionally independent, less anxiety/thoughts about the people, energy is more personal and contained. I feel low energy but I can use that energy for reading and researching. I like this feeling, but when I do this, it doesn’t help or heal me, but is better and more constructive.

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#4

I know its hard for you to explain this …
hows khan stage one going?
:grin::grinning::grin::grinning:

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#5
Summary

Mind’s Eye Q: Terminus ^ 2 (Experimental Masked)
The Beast Within Ultima
Alchemist Q ST1 (Masked)
Alchemist Q ST1 (Masked)
The Beast Within Ultima
Alchemist Q ST1 (Masked)
Alchemist Q ST1 (Masked)
Spartan Q (Masked)
Survival Instinct (Masked)
Emperor Fitness Q ST1 (Masked)
The Beast Within Ultima
Alchemist Q ST1 (Masked)
Alchemist Q ST1 (Masked)

Trying to sleep, I feel unable to sleep and alot of regret from the amount of caffeine I drank, and the amount enthusiasm I had for some of the books I bought to read. I am struggling to get that Dopamine hit from them. I started to think about eliminating processed beans / nuts / seeds progressively (Health From TBW?). I am starting to think more about health, which is a sign my brain is trying to recall the time when I was working out/researching about fitness.

As for my dreams, I seem to have a dream every time I run these ultimas.

I was in a group of about 50 people, we were at some sort of gathering (Government Faculty/building) to do shooting/grenade testing. I notice the same person keeps appearing in this dream, again for the last 3 times (Started appearing after I watched Gone Girl).

This person recognizes me, and starts to talk about me with the person she was with. I decide to leave and gather all the grenades before everyone else and leave the room. I could hear the guy say, “where is he, I want to talk to him.”

When I get back we all start to do the testing, the leader/instructor told me to throw the grenade, but since it was so rusted It never engaged/exploded, He starts complaining about how he inherited all this old stock from the previous owner. Since all the stuff was broken, we all started to pull the pins and thrown them at each other, luckily enough none of them exploded.

For some reason the owner singles me out at the end of the dream, don’t remember much else. I am starting to realize why I could care less about dreams, at least the ones I get now. For one, everything revolves around the dreamer (1st person interaction), as well… the dream content is loosely linked to the waking experience of the person. Right now, I suppose the mundane nature of these dreams is a way of seeing more clearly into my waking life, as well as my escapism.