NewLease; Growing Up

Journals - Major Programs
#21

Haven’t listened to Emperor since Saturday night, feeling reconciliation right now. First I felt the need to switch to StarkQ but that passed. Then I was feeling uncertain and a tiny bit melancoly but that is starting to pass.

The issue that really shows itself constantly is the social issue. I have to admit that mentally and emotionally I am not living life in a healthy manner. I had an opportunity to hang with some friends on Sunday and I chose not to. What I chose to do instead was watch porn.

Thinking about it now in terms of my job, things are actually going well. Stressful and hectic at times but good and my father tells me a lot how proud he is of me and both he and his partner tell me how it couldn’t work without me which means a lot. I’ve been sitting at this computer typing out my thoughts and thinking about what I need and I decided I’m going to make one last switch to StarkQ. I always said I was introverted but I was lying to myself. I am anti-social and I am paying the price mentally and emotionally. I need to start working on this now.

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#22

I dont know how much you watch porn and how much you fap but you can switch to stark q but if you contuine to fap and watch porn your not going to be at your best socially as well as your not going to want to socialize. Porn is comfort zone its the easy way out. You may have to address the underlying issues why you watch porn and tackle it.
When on stark q i had relapsed and i went from wanting to connect with others to being anti social as if i was on emperor

2 Likes
#23

Thank you for the advice, I understand what you mean. This is an issue I’ve had since childhood and I’ve carried it to my 30s. Porn just made it harder to deal with but it needs to be dealt with. Its weighing on me now.

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#24

Went to my tax office today and it was miserable. Coronavirus made things so shitty. But I actually took some small action; I made small talk with one of the cashiers. Not something I normally do and I did and he was a cool dude. Baby steps. :+1:

3 Likes
#25

I am at my office right now and I feel so good. StarkQ just feels so right and is making me feel so at home with myself. At this point the only thing left is to take action.

#26

Towards the end of work I started to feel really disappointed in myself. I felt like there is something that should be completed by tomorrow and while it will be I feel like its something that should have been finished sooner. Made worse by the fact that I felt like mistakes from the past will come back to haunt me and I just felt really down on my self and almost good for nothing. But then I started feeling slightly better. I felt myself letting go of something that most have been big because I’m still feeling the effects the release. I’m both tired and not if that makes sense.

#27

Starting to see the negative side of StarkQ; I get shaken very easily. I just don’t feel like a strong individual and I’m not as productive as I want to be and things keep going to the last minute. Also I don’t feel like I would be able to stand up for myself. I’m scared to get into conflict. I am going to think about what to do next.

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#28

Made a mistake yesterday and felt bad about myself afterwards. Not a big mistake but it got to me and nearly switched which would have been stupid. As the day went on I felt better and went back to normal. It was also a long and rough day and I believe StarkQ helped me get through it.

I’m thinking about starting Limit Destroyer Ultima tomorrow.

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#29

I like StarkQ but I feel beta and lazy on it. Plus I can’t give it the time that it needs to really do its thing. I switching to Emperor.

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#30

Do you regret dropping emperor for stark ?

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#31

I do. Even though is always the one I come back to and its the only one I ever feel at home with I keep shooting myself in the foot. The truth is I don’t need any other sub than Emperor. Emperor wouldn’t abandon me so I’m done abandoning it.

3 Likes
#32

@NewLease - Agreed. I have run Khan and StarkQ, and I liked Khan better. As much as I also loved the intellectually open nature of StarkQ and the easy sense of humor I developed with it, I didn’t like the sense of slight neediness it created in me. Maybe it is reconciliation, I don’t know but incase I ever run StarkQ again, I will either stack it with Godlike Masculinity Ultima or Khan (or make a custom which has masculine components).

Also, I will be purchasing EmperorQ soon. So I can’t wait to find out what you discovered running it.

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#33

Maybe we might get a version of Stark for the guys only someday. StarkQ; Ironman Edition lol.

5 Likes
#34

@NewLease - haha! That’s a good one!

Wonder if a Godlike Masculinity + StarkQ Custom will be Iron Man enough.

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#35

Or maybe Commander

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#36

Yup. That could work.

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#37

You’re gonna love Emperor.

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#38

@NewLease - very much looking forward to running EmperorQ with Executive. Need to get loads of things done.

Did you feel the same way with Emperor? Like you were being productive? And wealthier?

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#39

Not sure about wealth but with productivity it was hard to be lazy on it. All I had to do was start my work and I was in the zone. Thinking about it now I found myself saving more than spending.

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#40

@NewLease - that’s excellent! Imagine adding Executive to it. Super Productivity Unlocked!

1 Like