My stack of LBfH and CFW is coming to an end after 3 cycles. The most potent combination I have experienced when it comes to Sub club. Been going and still going through the Dark Night of the Soul. To be honest, I would love to keep exploring this combination, but life is really knocking on the door. I could hold off my work off for a bit these last couple of months, but after January it’s getting buzzy. I also start as a freelance teacher and will begin to build my business on the 1st of march. That means more focus on the business side and the need to be all in.
But my ego loves this. It feels like there is a way out of healing. I want to build a stack where I can work towards being my most true/authentic self, that’s all I seek in life. But I have to keep moving in this 3 dimension world because it’s changing rapidly. The reason that I will start as a freelancer is that the prices in the Netherlands are rising so fast and it will only get worse. This is no recon or a way out of my ego, this is the reality I am in right now.
I’m still lying and being manipulative sometimes, not as heavily as before, but it’s still there. Feeling insecure about myself that I start comparing myself to others. I love it when students say that I’m a better teacher than others. It lights me up, what is the definition of weak little boy shit. I seek that validation. I also sometimes get a bit scared when people get emotional or angry at me. I am sticking up more for myself, but I still get shocked and don’t express my emotions sometimes.
CFW is too heavy to run while working. I want to be left alone and be with my thoughts and emotions. That’s why I decided after these 66 days I’m going to change it.
A couple of goals:
-
Be the most authentic self I can be. Be as far removed from my old ego and create a healthy one
-
I have many underlying beliefs about money. I spent almost all my money without thinking about it. It feels like I have to trow it away
-
Be productive at work and focused while not getting back into ego.
-
Advance my spiritual practice a bit. Because it helps me with myself and with work.
-
Dig deeper into my insecurities. Deal with the thoughts of not feeling enough, not worthy enough, not smart enough. Keep speaking to that inner child of mine and tell him that’s its ok.
The stack that I have in mind right now is:
-
Renaissance Man: Be my most authentic self and be free. Express all my emotions. I love that part that says The Renaissance Man is the soulful and emotionally-liberated alpha who receives respect and adoration of others through his intense love and fascination of life – by releasing his chains of logic and plunging deep into the world of emotions, dreams, and creativity.
-
The Revelation of Mind: So far it seems that this is the perfect sub for balancing work and spirituality. It helps you find out more about yourself and about your purpose.
-
LBfH or Ascended Mogul. I love LBfh for self-love and self-healing. But I know that Ascended Mogul will help me build my business and stick up for myself again. Also, it will help me with my underlying money beliefs. The only thing that I fear is that the ascended part puts me right back into my ego. I have not decided yet between the 2. Maybe Mogul instead of Ascended?
I will end my CFW cycle on Sunday and take around 9-10 rest days until Christmas is over. But for now, I’m interested in what you guys think and maybe you have other suggestions.
Have a wonderful day and thanks for taking the time to read and reply 