New Journal: Experimenting with Heartsong

Hey guys, so I’ve changed my stack.

I am running HS + W + PS + once a week Libertine the next week lovebomb, the reason for this is since they are aura based and I’ve ran them for complete cycles, I think this might help me refresh and keep the aura. So far no negative effects I can see.

The main reason for HS is that there is this particular girl I like and would like to see how she responds to this one. I don’t want to marry her, she is not the only girl, and unfortunately things have not escalated with her, I guess it is not meant to be, but I have a good time with her so I guess worst case she is a fun friend that introduces me to other girls.

Anyway I will run
1st, 5th… day: W + HS
3rd, 7th… day: PS + L/LB (one week one next the other but only once a week)

Ok so I’m on my 4th day (rest day)
This is what I can say so far
1st day was a saturday, sunday I was too hangover. So nothing much
Monday (PS/L day): I was in a good mood, but too accelerated, this girl I like even said man you are being to intense (in the too productive kind a way) just finished emperor last cycle so that might be it, but I feel it was the good mood I was in.

Last night I had a weird dream, more like a nightmare.
Can’t remember much but the part I remember is I felt like I was chained (but wasn’t) and trying to get free, I felt all this energy and anger accumulating in me, like way too much energy and anger, and then I felt like I exploded and yelled “I am the devil, everybody run”. I was angry and energized, I did kind of woke up a bit scared after all who likes thinking “I am the devil”

I’m not very religous, I’m not “married” to anyone faith, I do believe in god in a weird sense (to me I believe more in a: “Although he probably doesn’t exist, I choose to believe because it makes my life easier and gives me hope when I need it, I hope he does exist”

So I don’t think my dream has religous, guilt, etc undertones, but I’m still trying to figure out the meaning. Please feel free to give your thoughts, although a part of me believes only the dreamer can interpret the dreams.

As I write, I’m thinking that wanted, PS are letting my “monster” “shine”. I believe we all have a monster inside, and it is, I believe, like Jordan Peterson says (paraphrasing): you should not be harmless, you should be an absolute monster and then learn to control it.

But hey who knows, let’s see how it goes today.

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So nothing much to report, I did have a meeting and found myself to be more assertive, but almost on the side of short fuse, need to find balance.

Also, had trouble sleeping but that might be all the cofee I drank in the morning and work stress. I did find myself thinking about work while trying to sleep.

I’m find myself feeling uninterested un my job, and I don’t have the spark anymore, this did not start with this stack but it has increased the feeling of dissatisfaction.

I dreamt with a song that basically says somehing like “How can I explain how much I need you” That is basically the corus so I dreamt with it on the background over and over, can’t remember the dream or who or what it was related too, just woke up with that song in my mind.

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