I took a few weeks off from subs and the forum while waiting for new stuff to release. I saw the New Emperor and thought, yep, let’s do this.
Goals: improve habit formation, improve body composition, make more money.
Day 1 - New Emperor (15 minutes)
Nothing to add yet, I literally just did a loop at lunchtime. I’m doing moderately well in most areas of life at the moment, so I’m looking forward to exploring the effects of the new emperor.
Day 2 - Rest
OMG, the vivid dreams. They hit straight to the core of my fears. I can feel the power of this subliminal…
These words and what they represent are important to me. I want to be a strong man but there’s the fear that I’m a pretender - a loser kid, a loser adult.
I know it’s not true, but on some levels, I still believe that. It’s a belief that I can’t do things as well as others, that I’ll always fuck things up in some way or another.
Day 3 - New Emperor (15 minutes)
I’ve been feeling a little shaken by the New Emperor, but in a good way. Having a ~30 day break from subliminal use could also be contributing to it hitting harder.
My plan is to push myself hard with two a day workouts, intermittent fasting and cold showers. I’ll update weekly progress on this log for accountability.
I also have a lot of work leading up to Christmas, so productivity is a priority. I’m looking forward to this challenge while running Emperor!
Day 4 - Rest
Many more dreams again last night, they are particularly intense on the nights of listening days. I’ve been doing lots of little jobs that I normally wouldn’t bother with on the weekend. I’m feeling grounded and energetic and have enjoyed being busy.
I also had a brief fight with the Missus after calling her out on a blatant lie. It didn’t go down too well, and it ended when I told her that she’s an untrustworthy, denier of reality. Emperor has me feeling fiery 
but I’ll need to tone it down at home, especially if I’m planning to ever have sex again 
Day 5 - New Emperor (15 minutes)
I had an early night, as I felt tired and kind of angry. I slept from 9pm-5am which was good but I will work to develop a sleeping schedule of 10pm-6am. After the first week I plan to add a meditation habit and I’ll do that before going to bed which will hopefully improve sleep.
Once again I had a lot of dreams but they’ve changed and now they seem to have blended into one continuous processing experience. What I mean is that it feels like I dream all night, but I no longer remember the dreams. This is good, I prefer it that way and today I am feeling mentally light compared to yesterday, when I had fogginess in the head and was physically clumsy, which is unlike me. It felt very much like a process of reconciling with the scripting of Emperor.
Without bothering to look through my old journals, from memory my lowest bodyweight this year was 94.8kg (during ketosis) and today I weighed in at 97.3kg which is not bad considering I slackened off on the diet and exercise during the month long break from subs and the forum. I think weight loss is the quickest way for me to improve body composition, so I’ll continue tracking progress using that metric.
I am in beastmode, hitting a hard workout again this morning. I’ll probably have to reduce the workouts a bit though at some stage, maybe a two days on, one day off setup. I think I need more rest between hill sprint sessions.
It feels like Emperor has clicked with me today. The first few days were up and down but I’m now enjoying a developing IDGAF attitude. It feels good, not caring about stupid shit. I’m also inspired to do some conscious course work to improve my self-confidence.
I’ve had thoughts lately that I can’t be bothered doing things because it’s too hard and too much effort, but since starting Emperor, it kind of changed this mindset to “well time is going to pass whether you do something or do nothing, so you may as well do something productive and worthwhile”.
Day 6 - Rest
All continues to improve, I can feel that I’m beginning to integrate with ‘The New Emperor’. I’m in a good mood again after experiencing some recon in the form of anger and frustration. Each night I’m sleeping better and the dreams I can remember from last night related to an abundance of wealth, compared to previous night’s dreams which were fear related.
I’m not sure what’s happening in the world at the moment because I’m doing my best to filter out as much negative information as possible. Unless it’s effecting me directly, then I know my energy and attention are better spent in other areas.
I used to write about my efforts to reduce caffeine in my previous log, and now I’ve been completely off caffeine for at least 3+ weeks. I only mention it because this is one of the few times in my life that I’ve been 100% drug free. It’s nice to know that if the SHTF, I’m not dependent on any drugs.
Day 7 - New Emperor (15 minutes)
I’m resting now from workouts and I will start a new routine next week. I’ve been doing two a day workouts for over a week and although I’m feeling ok, I know it’s not sustainable.
The main reason to back off now is because on the weekend I’ll be at a large event where I’ll be forced to socialise. I’m not looking forward to it, but if I reduce my overall stress by resting from workouts, then hopefully things will run smoothly.
Here comes a brain dump…
Emperor is definitely kicking my arse at the moment. I’m in a reflection mode considering what I am, what I want and why I do the things I do. I used to just do what I did and I knew it was the right thing. Life was simple. Now with so much internet under my belt, it’s at the point where I know so much that I can’t do anything. Take diet and exercise as an example. Back in the day I knew nothing, but if I need to lose weight, simple; eat healthy and ride my bike around. Now I know about macros, calories in vs calories out, strength training volume and frequency to optimise muscle maintenance, but I can’t do it.
I run habit apps, and I think I’ve fallen into some OCD behaviour traps, hoping I’ll find some perfect combination of actions. I think the whole self-improvement obsession relates to never feeling good enough just being me. Always feeling different and believing people can tell. I was talking to my wife about how I don’t like socialising with those thoughts in mind, and she said something like: Really? But you’re so friendly and nice. It kind of surprised me that she perceives me that way when I socialise. Perhaps it is my perception that is completely distorted, caused by too much focus on negative aspects of myself and past failures. Just to contemplate these things is kind of freaking me out, it makes me want to shelve Emperor. Maybe I wanted to run Emperor as a way to cover up my insecurities but instead it has exposed them.
Day 8 - Rest
I had a great sleep and should be able to finish work before 1pm today. I can feel my fitness level is up after the 8 days of two a day workouts. I wanted to see how hard I could push myself with workouts that week. I do have a better 4 days a week workout plan moving forward, it’s one of the few “self-improvement” plans that I’m going to follow for the rest of the cycle. The other “habits” will be mindfully integrated into daily life. The Emperor is back!
Day 9 - New Emperor (15 minutes)
All is going well with no noticeable recon the past couple of days.
As I develop a new way of daily living, I’m beginning to feel a lot less stressed and my sleep has been great the past few nights. I do have some fear about losing control and reversing my progress, and it would be easy to return to strict control structures, but I want to give myself the opportunity to practice living fluidly in a flow state. I don’t need to track myself and my progress so hard and in all honesty, it has not produced big results anyway. I still have an average body and an average income, but it’s not that bad, so I might as well enjoy life more, rather than punish myself for not being ‘perfect’ - whatever that means.
Day 10 - Rest
I had dreams last night, one was my dog who died last year. He came back to me but I could only look at him out the door, and he looked at me but for whatever reason I was not able to go pat him. There was some rule in place that did not allow it.
Then another dream was with my elderly neighbour, who has been pretty good to me and taught me some construction tricks when I’ve helped him with projects but he’s also influenced me with a different worldview. I remember saying to him that I’d wished that he was my father and he talked it down, explaining that he wasn’t always a good father or man.
Day 11 - New Emperor (15 minutes)
I wasn’t too keen on running the loop today, I’m not sure why. My brain continues to want to generate plans and write things out for the week ahead but I am resisting. In reality the creation of plans does not increase productivity, so I assume it’s more of a control / comfort thing that I do. Feeling good from the plans to achieve without the actual achievement. I’ll keep trying to let these things go and in the process, find a new way.
I’m enjoying Emperor but I don’t know if it’s my long term main sub. I’d rather keep it as a spice for the main dish of Chosen. I need the upgrade to Chosen though, so I’ll wait and see what happens. I’ll definitely finish this cycle of Emperor solo and then figure something out then. Even if it means another long washout.
Day 12 - Rest
The weekend went well. I didn’t feel that the need to impress anyone at the social event and I noticed I had a more commanding voice, which surprised me. I’m feeling like I’m at an in between state at the moment and I’m not sure if I’m enjoying this experience of Emperor or not. It’s no doubt a powerful experience but I think an upgraded version of Chosen would be a better alpha sub for my personality.
Day 13 - New Emperor (15 minutes)
I’ve been feeling a bit off since the middle of last week and it turns out I’ve had COVID the whole time. There’s a new one for SC - “I thought I was having recon but it turns out it was COVID”
So, being sick might have made my New Emperor results unreliable. I’ve been around heaps of positive cases since I first had COVID in early 2021, so I’m surprised to get it again now. It’s not bad compared to the first time.
Day 14
I slept like crap, so I must be getting better. I’ve put some thought into my sub stack and I’m going to go for a 3 sub stack consisting of Chosen, LBFH and Emperor OR maybe even Chosen and LBFH. I have this feeling, perhaps unfounded, that running 3 subs might be spreading results a little thin. I’ll wait for the Chosen update first, hopefully it will come before the end of this solo Emperor cycle washout.
Feeling good again after 8 days of what I thought was hayfever from mowing lawns. Time to step up and get some work done leading up to Christmas 
Emperor triggers a powerful IDGAF attitude. I literally have no social anxiety but at the same time I don’t feel too happy. I know I’m not going to make friends in this state but I’ll give it more time, as I might be adjusting to the sub and COVID might have set me back too. I’ve still got a cough but my energy is back, and that’s the main thing I was worried about. The first time I caught it, I was tired for about 6 months. I must still have immunity, and my daughter got it a worse than me this time but everyone else in the house didn’t get it. Weird.
But yeah, I’m just writing to state I am back in business. I’m scheduled for two busy work days before the weekend. I’m mostly mowing lawns and doing clean ups at the moment. Probably not everyone’s cup of tea but I love it.
Day 15 - New Emperor (15 minutes)
Do or do not, there is no try.
That’s what I’ve been telling myself in respect to positive daily habits. Now I do not track, this is how I must see things. Do the thing, gain the benefit.
I’ve started setting up an office space in shed #3. A place I can do things such as meditate and write a journal. Shame it’s about a billion degrees in there but you can’t have it all.
I’m not where I envision myself being by any stretch of the imagination but this cycle has been productive from a mindset perspective. It created an opportunity to try different things, rather than falling into the trap of doing the same things over and over while expecting different results.
I coughed a lot today, it made me feel sick. I took it easy at work, lots of rests and extended lunch but I feel exhausted. I hate being sick, it’s happening too often. I believe that I’m building this intention to optimise my health but I don’t know how to do it.
I normally either do too much of something or not enough. I need to practise moderation. I think I was making good progress in this area when running Genesis. I was productive, but at the same time, I was not overdoing it.
I want to say that despite an initial boost, Emperor has not had a positive impact on my productivity. But again, I don’t know how much being sick impacted this. For me, Emperor has been feeling more like a healing sub. It’s creating a strong mindset but I don’t know if this hardness is exactly what I want. I think it will have its place in a 3 sub stack, something like…
And so on…
I think Chosen and LBFH could help with that intention of health through the positivity of self love. To keep that as the main dish with a spice of Emperor, to maintain an assertive mindset, without it overpowering my softer side, could be a successful combination.
I think my body composition has had some improvement this past few weeks. But a lot of work is left on the diet front. That’s my weakness, I eat too much food. I’m not that fat but I’m chunky, and I want to get a leaner athletic look.
Well, one more day of work then I can rest up for a few days and hopefully be able to hit next week at full health and vigor. I’ll take a short break from this log and start posting again from Monday, which will be day 19. It’s funny, that this cycle has gone so fast because normally I struggle to do loops at this point in a 21 day cycle, but I don’t have that feeling this time. It feels smoother but I can notice big internal changes happening at the same time.
Day 16 - Rest
I wasn’t going to journal but I had such a good day, I cannot resist. I’m kind of settling into this Emperor sub on the socialising front. I still get a bit awkward with certain types but there’s no F*cks to give, during or after the interaction. Maybe I should keep running this sub solo and see where it goes. It’s been the most different and unique results I’ve had from a sub. Lots of subtle changes that are making me feel more free from myself and the negative mental and behavioural patterns I’ve created.