Running Khan Black Stage 1 & Godlike Masculinity
Goals:
- to feel grounded in my self emotionally
- to be regulated physically so that I am unperturbed by the things that used to phase me
- to definitively know in my bones that I am good enough and worthy of my desires
- to look at a beautiful attractive woman and instead of feeling intimidated or scared or anxious that she might reject me, I instead feel excited to give her a chance to get to know me, elated that I can spread my joy and love to someone I admire
- complete and total big dick energy with zero doubts that I can bring value into the life of every woman I interact with
Yes, lots of these goals are romance related. So why am I running GLM instead of WANTED?
Well, I want a stronger masculine foundation, and my life currently barely even has space for female companionship. My priorities are to level up my mind, my body, and my soul, and being distracted from that will only take away from future success and happiness.
Day 1
I started listening to KB1 intending to skip to GLM after 7 minutes, but because I was listening while working, I got sucked into my work and ended up doing full 15 minute loops of both.
I felt fine, except the cravings hit me in the mid afternoon and I fapped I think 3 times total over the span of a few hours. From a mix of boredom, horniness, lack of self control, etc.
Still, through most of the day I felt pretty zen, grounded, in my masculine void so to speak. I DM’d or texted a few girls without much intent, just saying whatever I felt like saying and letting the natural affection I have inside shine through without fear of coming off as weird, and I got surprisingly warm responses.
A girl I went to college with hit me back calling me honey and saying we should catch up
Another girl is down to stay in, watch a movie, order food, and cuddle this week (after we did a couples intimacy workshop together on Saturday on a whim, after being friends for a decade and never having hooked up, where we decided we’d prob have a great time fucking and have good chemistry)
A few meh responses too, but whatever, not everyone is as charming over text as I am (and I admit, my love for texting does feel a bit unmasculine to me sometimes, like “a real man” shouldn’t be so expressive and willing to open up like this, not sure how this real this belief is tho or how beneficial it is to have)
Negatives today, still some deep feelings of sadness and anger over my breakup in December. Ex who lives across the street has been out of town for a week again, and my mind can’t help but wander about what (or who) she’s doing
One of the big reasons I want to move towards overcoming emotional reactivity is to not let my mind’s monkey business and intrusive thoughts fuck with my emotional state like this
Another negative is feeling needy for the girls who responded warmly to continue to respond warmly, and I can feel that coming thru in my messages if I just go for the response without giving myself time to cool off - in my mind I think to myself “I am just being authentic by responding quickly and enthusiastically” but in hindsight I can see the vibe and the energy behind the words is “I am so happy you like me, please keep liking me, I’ll do anything”
Big people pleaser energy
Big need for external validation
Big need for other people to find me worthy before I can find myself worthy
All things I want to work on, which I am grateful for KB and GLM for bringing more awareness to this behavior, because I’ve always done it, and the first step to rooting it out is noticing when it happens automatically so I can stop it in its tracks
Bought “From the Core” by John Wineland, a book on masculinity.
Going to put it at the top of my reading list and prioritize it over other books or video courses
Any other recommendations in this vein of books on PRACTICING masculinity or understanding it within myself are welcome
)