Gonna write a review later but HS2 Manifestation works splendid.
My fear of intimacy, of being genuinely encountered is what blocks me.
Main Disc. Thread - The New Heartsong (Now Available! Q Cores Available! ESSENCE Modules Available!)
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Cliche that itās literally called Heartsong lol. But Iāve been singing a lot more around my apartment after just one loop of 15s of Attuned. I feel more bubbly. Yesterday I made chocolate chip pancakes and just played video games all day cuz I can lol.
No exaggeration this has been the best sub to counteract the crushing weight Iāve been under lately. And itās like yeah one loop at 15s how profound of a change could you have experienced? But idk, it hits. I just finished making eggs and the popping and crackling in the butter while they cooked and sizzling noises against the quiet just felt comforting and cozy.
A friend contacting me telling me itās time to party cuz it was Halloween yesterday and I politely declined. Whereas usually Iād be like āoh you should go out, you donāt go out enough, it could be funā I was just like no, today is fun for me being alone with myself enjoying my own company and doing what I want.
Also it might be a little early to tell but I genuinely thing this title is helping with recon associated with change. Where itās not the change itself, itās the act of being a better person that others arenāt used to and having that serve as a block. For me at least. Itās a hard thing to describe
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Not sure if this is related, but it seems I have discovered recently while running Attuned that I have little motivation to actually go out and look for a long-term relationship lol.
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HS2 result
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I know attuned really isnāt supposed to rehash trauma but I have to report I have been going through some insanely painful stuff on this title. And maybe itās more because itās highlighting how much Iāve struggled in the area of relationships and how hard it is for me. But this is def bringing up deep parental wounds in me. Itās like that grieving pain of realizing a lot was fabricated in my mind to offset the developmental disruption I actually went through.
But itās just a lot of emotional feeling and release of those things in this moment in time and how it relates to my current life.
Iāve relapsed into a lot of old behaviors. Thinking nobody in my life actually likes me and thinking Iām too much for others. Iām very avoidant and have always been deep at my core. I just got better at forcing myself. But it constantly acts as a barrier to forming deeper relationships with most people.
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I feel a connection between Heartsong St1 and Gabor Mate The Myth of Normal.
You can watch some of his video to understand the link and resonant how to heal
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Mate has some interesting ideas but he falls into that same trap that a lot of gurus do. He tries to frame too much around trauma and the systems around you. That can quickly turn into learned helplessness in my experience.
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This is on point. That learned helplessness turns into a permanent victimhood & before one even realizes, that victimhood becomes a trauma itself.
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Literally went through this with my last therapist. This was his perspective and he projected it onto me. I have never felt so depressed and defeated in my life. The current popularity of trauma informed healing is dangerous if itās not approached in a complex way.
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This heartsong feels like a garden of roses in my heart and makes me more affectionate and open for love.
Since im going through a lot of medical facilities now i met briefly a nurse in her, i would guess early 30s that felt very magnetic, very angelic kind and pure warm energy which i love, the inner beauty shining and beaming through her. When we locked eyes time felt like it slowed down into this romantic separate dimension, i think we both forgot what was said as what was unsaid was far louder and more meaningful.
Nothing will likely come from it but it was a nice magickal moment, i gave up hope on dating this age range as most girls i seen were cooked with baggage and poor aging, but this girl was special, the angelic warm pure energy is extremely beautiful and deeply appreciated by me.
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I agree about trauma part, however I donāt focus on the self-blaming or helplessness part. I use his boundary techniques, learned authority and reclaim self-worth which are aligned with much of St1 objectives and modules.
I notice St 1 also helps me to identity and utilize methods and actions to have self-authority, self-worth from different sources. Like my mind has a radar to identify the helplessness part and ignore it quickly.
Saint has shared about not allowing other people impose their opinions onto him. With St 1, I actively guard myself again those imposed opinionsz draw clear boundary on my authenticity and self-worth. Way too many people act like that in daily interaction.
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Thatās interesting. I guess for me I donāt really need to know the why or how with this stuff like setting boundaries. It just needs to happen. Less thinking and more doing I guess. Itās more about building up trust in my nervous system that I can do it, not really a problem to figure out or solve. I guess thatās why I find books have limited usefulness because they tend to intellectualize trauma a bit too much.
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