bruh, you might be stronger and more confident than I am. probably are. so, yeah, this is opinion, not advice.
releasing trauma is often more like getting a massage, or relaxing in a hot tub, and less like punching through a wall. (that’s not always true. Sometimes we can apply a laser focus, and kind of burn through a fixation. but I think that’s less common.)
I’m just answering intuitively here. That’s kind of the best I can do on an online forum.
My intuition says, get familiar with your breathing.
Your breath is involved in the situation you’re describing. It’s not broken. But there’s probably a tightness. Check to see if it’s getting constricted. But you want to check before the event that usually triggers it.
Develop a relationship with your breath.
Relate to yourself, even the scared parts, like you are a proud older brother. You’re proud of your little brother’s potential, and you know he’s got something really special, and apart from that, you just freaking love the dude. You make sure that nobody, including you, crowds him or crushes him before he’s had a chance to come into his own full power. He (those vulnerable parts of you) will feel doubt from time to time, and he’ll wonder if he’s ever going to get there. But there are other parts of you that know he’s going to get there. And you can accept all of him, doubts and all. That doesn’t make him a bitch. And you’d fuck up anybody who suggested that it did. (Obviously, don’t turn around and do the same thing to him yourself.)
also, singing and exercise will probably help.
the answer to trauma is safety. When we face overwhelming force, we freeze. For survival. And sometimes we get stuck that way. You’ve got to give yourself permission to slowly start moving again in an atmosphere of safety.
Realize that the parts that caused you to freeze up, are the exact same parts that are fucking strong. They are working to protect you. They’re like soldiers who sensed an invasion and put the whole area on emergency lockdown. Once they’re satisfied that the ‘coast is clear again’, they’ll switch to reinforcing your outgoing strength.
You’re not fighting against yourself. You’re working with yourself.