Budewr’s journal

What I found works for me is to bust a quick nut once or twice a week :rofl:

Keeps me good :rofl:

hahahah, i dont want to jerk off at all man i just want to cut and to do semen retention and just let the sperm gang inside

even though i get boners a lot during the day, and also i remember today i woke up with a gaint wood

so im a mess lol

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Have you experienced benefits from this?

My dj approach is improving and im seeing new ways that i didnt see before, probably RM coming more and more and executing

But i stopped RM due to emperor ZP cause how little the listening frequency a week becomes when you add a Qv2 in the mix

That begs the million dollar question, @SaintSovereign when is the legendary RM ZP gonna get released :sunglasses:?!

also im surprised that youre not running RM in your stack :slight_smile: for some reason i feel you really like RM, cause this title and its idea has to be in someone’s real intreset and real niche to pull it off

like if someone tried to pull this title for the cash and not off the interest and niche you would kinda see it through i always gets this feeling,

like if i see movies and if it sucks i know for sure it sucks hahah, for whatever reason i feel like i could see through it sometime and its really easy, maybe im lost in myself who knows,

but i definitely feel like you took your time out of interest and studied the renaissance era out of curiosity and wonder, and then your like hey @Fire lets do a title about that :sunglasses:

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Actually no, whenever i try to do so i fail. I always get horny sometimes and i fail to porn

However now porn seems as dull as a sandwich dipped in water to me hahahaha

So i have to experience that myself but heard a lot of good things about it :slight_smile: its surely is better than jerking off

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Ran one loop yesterday of EZP overnight

I woke up a bit tired, but again i feel light and synchronized from the inside

When i put my hand over my heart it feels so smooth, it feels like my heart got synchronized,

Usually when i put my hand over my chest, i can feel my heart hitting so hard, but now it feels very smooth and its not loud

Hands feels a bit light. From the inside so is the body

Also im doing a trick which is to put an hour track before of silence, then emperor Zp after wards in my playlist

So i could fall asleep to silence

Then when im in deep sleep emperor zp plays for 15 mins,

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RICH CRYPTOS ZP MY BRO crypto is the future in countries like yours. soon we will transaction in it

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I definitely want to get into it, but i have to get into regular stocks then afterwards it’s definitely crypto

Since FUCK THE MATRIX BOIII

Went for a small morning run in the cold, and i felt comfortable in the cold

Thats nice :sunglasses:

Any updates on ascension ZP ? Curious to know your experience.

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gonna replace Emperor with it tomorrow :slight_smile: :smiley:

i ran emperor for 8 days i think, now ascension is out, its time for the real muscle :sunglasses: :muscle:

ill report back here

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Damnn the switching sub urge is real, im having thoughts and urges about just ditching ascension and hopping on emperor lol,

But nah :sunglasses:

bro if anything ill have to stick to it for at least 2 months then evaluate :+1:t3:

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even that,

i feel like i lost my trust with subclub cause of my slow progress and results, so i want to get blown away by results and just let my body know and my fast paced mind know, that look it works it totally works and youre on the right path keep doing what youre doing,

cause my progress was very inconsistent, like i get good results by week 1 or 2 with subs like ascension, then the results disappear for some reason

emperor first days were incredible then the results vanished

(im talking Qv2)

hope this issue gets solved with me running ZP. i need to build the trust back, cause sometimes i feel like its not working but i tend to do it when the results arent very good, so why go on? and then i think its because my mother’s lang isnt english and that my english is very average, im not a super god english speaker i speak fluently id say about myself

BEHOLD ASCENSION ZP MY FINAL CARD

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bought paragon to see if it can help with my skin issues and some jaw clenching, and vision improvement

back to basics

  • Ascension (for discpline and will power)
  • Paragon (health and wellbeing)

actually if im being real, i only need those 2 or at least i only need ascension for that discpline that i lack

and im adding paragon to solve my skin issues man, i hate it, it makes me feel uncomfortable also i want it to help me with my jaw tension and also my digestive system and overall health wellbeing

my health is a top priority for me although i really love chips hahahah but its a top notch for me

:slight_smile:

also if paragon doesnt help with my skin issue ill request for a refund :smiley: thats always an option

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okay so i ran 1 loop of ascension and 1 loop paragon overnight

damn paragon made me wake up at 1 am when i slept at 9 pm,. i had some sleeping problems.
usually i sleep like a baby i wake up at 5 am or 6 am from the time i went to bed,

but dude i had such a hard time sleeping, like i woke up at 1 am then i tried to sleep again and then woke up at 2 am then tried so hard to sleep then woke up 3 am then i tried again to fall asleep (btw i put a track of silence that goes for 1 hour before the actual zp files plays, so it must be paragon causing all this stuff while im asleep)

then i woke up at 5 am finally the alarm goes off, then i try to wake up and i feel super sleepy when i try to get off bed

i felt kinda dizzy in someway

:slight_smile: til now nothing to report

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also i had a dream and i think its related to ascension, i was at high school and some guy tried to mock me and throw stuff at me, and i made him stop and told him to back off cause it was not cool and it was rude

then he tried to throw a glass at me then he ran away, lol

then one of my actual school bullies was there. and i told him something aggressive hahah that he needs to back off him and his friend

thought i would mention this dream :grin:

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so i think i got the message behind why am i not feeling the music i used to like

its a calling for me, to start find my truest self expression through music and create something that my soul feels, not related to anyone or anything, techno not techno whatever the hell it is, just create what you truly love and feel joy with, and i think thats the way

cause i know i love music, but i kept digging and digging more techno and im not even getting emotional when listening, it kinda became a habit rather than a thing that i enjoy,

so i guess i know the answer, and i have to face the pain behind not knowing where to go, and just to create what my heart calls for

i think its an ascension thing

noticing im responding to fear differently, i fear much much less

:slight_smile: will report anything if i suspect its ascension or paragon

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i wouldn’t say im sad but im a bit down

idk why is life treats me in some ways, like i personally think that i feel im playing life on hard mode or at least in my perspective , like for some reason i feel like my life could way be easier than this, like really ., and that theres something about me that wants me to go through all of this

but that would suggest that im a prophet or a messenger and i do not believe in that

i am special as i am the only person that is me, theres no other me

but what is life trying to teach me here ? i had 19 years full of shit really im 21 years old, and the 19 years of my life was horrible, i consider myself 2 years old matter of fact, cause thats when i was reborn to my new life and perception

but i feel now im feeling low and lost, and i honestly dont know if thats subs trying to mess with me and that i should stop , or thats just life taking its course

how do i know? how do i know if im on the right path?

but i like this quote always makes me feel safe and that i have to just keep going and that theres a destiny after all

it goes like

“only the tallest tree has the experience of the roughest wind:” theres some truth in that i love it

and yes im feeling some emotional recon, im in tears writing this cause i hate feeling lost lol

anyways ill do my best,

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You’re healing.
You’re growing.
You’re becoming whole.

Push through.

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