Cycle 5 day 21 (WB)
I haven’t listened to a sub yet, I’ll update this reply later after I have done it.
The recon is still here, though not as strong as yesterday night.
I got the urge to consume PUA products I used to use years ago. No mind programming, just actionable tips & tricks. I want more ammunition (inspiration) ready for my subconscious to fire whenever it sees fit.
As for my own development, I feel like I’m being directed into using fewer fillers and only talking when it is necessary. Though this part is still not fully integrated into me.
Update 1:
A little self introspection.
LBFH helps me to be able to enjoy a wider range of music. Now i can see the value and potential of musics that usually isn’t my taste and genuinely appreciate the experience.
I know it’s from LBFH because it has been happening even before i started DRLD. I was just not aware enough of it yet until now.
It’s also not limited to music. I am a tolerant person and LBFH is enhancing that even more without making me feel weak. The best part is, everything feels genuine and natural. It feels like it’s me, not something instilled by a sub.
Update 2:
WB 15m + DR 4m
well… there goes WB for 15m, even 30s gave me a huge recon. we’ll see
Update 3:
here is the immediate effect:
the neediness is mostly gone. it feels so natural.
i feel “I want to talk with people, but I don’t need to” a bit more on a deeper level. like I’m getting more understanding of the mindset itself.
i feel different. i can’t put it into words. it’s just different.
Update 4:
I feel less mentally dependent towards other people in a genuinely deeper way
Update 5:
I think I can understand why I was getting a huge recon.
this is not how I usually was.
the change is massive.
every time I type / talk. i get the urge to say less than necessary.
fewer words, fewer sentences, more essence.
SHOULD I SAY MORE? SHOULD I SAY LESS?? I’M CONFUSED. even I feel this way when I’m writing this journal. this part of WB is definitely not integrated well enough into my being yet. this is so not me
Update 6:
I’m writing too many updates but if you are reading this far, you are probably interested anyway.
I’m really enjoying the lesser amount of neediness. it feels genuine and natural. though i need to use WB more to ascertain this effect.
different doesn’t mean bad. I’m beginning to think about this sentence as I’m trying to settle with WB’s effects.
Update 7:
Maybe i’m not needy about other people. I’m needy about not wanting to let go of that neediness.
On another note, i feel more confidence in socializing. It’s a different kind of confidence than what i had and i’m still conflicted by it. But i’m open to the experience.
Update 8:
I hate this recon.
it’s different from every other recon I’ve felt before.
i didn’t expect it would hit as hard & as weirdly as this.
DRLD’s recon was bad but nowhere near WB’s now.
I’m not ready for this.
I re-read this post and i noticed that i didn’t write anything about recon before update 8. there were recons before update 8. i just somehow didn’t write it.