Was just reflecting on how Primal calls for a fun disposition. I need to do a lot more of that in my approach to women. But it’s difficult with so much negativity in me about the past where I was prohibited from having fun, plus bitterness of such lack, so I have Dragon Reborn also.
It started occurring to me, once yesterday and once today, that I may well need to develop a social life again to achieve my PRIMAL (sex) goals, plus I probably need people anyway. Fortunately I have Dragon Reborn in my stack, which will protect me from incapacitating traumatic events that can occur during such a quest as has happened before.
Ugh I’ve absorbed a lot of toxicity. I may spend extra time on DR ST1 as it tackles toxic mind patterns well, plus I’ve been listening with my sound level turned down low but I started turning it up and the subliminal seems to work better and allow more frequent listening this way (but not a blasting sound level as I learned the hard way as I’ve written about), so the earlier loops may not have “counted” as much as my recent ones.
Spent a day and night with my ex over the weekend. It was a really great time. Primal seems to have helped make it happen and the journey and its culmination were indeed legendary. I realized how much I enjoy her as a partner so we both expressed how we want to work toward a future together, and I started thinking how I could drop my current stack and start working towards building my independently-employed empire for funding our life. But today on a phone call she brought up a suggestion that is fairly innocuous but I see it leading back to the problems I had during the relationship before, which is that the relationship is generally highly enjoyable with great sex but she controls and watches everything I do. I don’t like that, for example I don’t like telling people my use of subliminals and she will be suffocating my surroundings to the point where I don’t have enough freedom to keep something like that under wraps. Now my dislike of someone knowing about subliminal use is not the only problem- I could let it be known, but she will still control me tightly and I will feel like a kid with strict parents, or even worse a slave or prison inmate. She will be hypocritical and if I choose to employ the same level of control to her she will complain about it, plus I don’t like being a tyrant anyway. Our relationship seems somewhat of a power game, her leverage being that she fucks me so good and is generally fun and uplifting to be around combined with the fact that she can and will find other men to have sex with easily, while my only leverage are basically that I could leave her which terrifies her and I’m able to get a lot of productive tasks done such as bringing in money and labor around the house. Makes me think maybe I should not jump to wealth yet, maybe it’s a problem I need to fix that her main leverage is her ease to get with other partners. But I don’t have an abundance of partners, with the greatest issue for me being that most women I see that I could approach, while good looking, don’t strike me as satisfying, that a relationship with them would not be as fun, fulfilling, nor pleasurable as this one I know. I would like if I could spot better partners but it seems really difficult to imagine or find partners worth pursuing. I’ve used Heartsong which is great if you are spending consistent time in social groups to get to know women, but it doesn’t seem to make anyone jump out enough in a cold approach context (I should mentioned I manifested her with Heartsong). It seems I like to be chased, someone who gives me a lot of attention without me having to initiate a lot, but I don’t know what that suggests for my best course of action?? (as for the choice of subliminals in such course, not necessarily Wanted because they don’t approach often and the enjoyability of the options is still questionable). Maybe I should go to wealth since one of the titles would be Emperor (other RICH), which would allow me to continue toward romance and strong frame, while also getting to start making money. More money would be more leverage, plus independent income would counteract some of her tactics. I suppose I could use Heartsong to improve our relationship through understanding so she doesn’t irritate me so much which a lot has to do with her and I not trusting.