That last post seems ridiculously long after I meant to just update on my stack.
I think I’m at the point, I want sex a lot more than she does. I say “She can’t keep up” but really, it’s like she’s just not into it as much as I am.
I feel bad for even saying this, but I do sometimes think about finding myself a girlfriend or whatever. Side piece. Or just leaving and creating a whole new situation for myself. blah blah blah. First-world problems?
Even if you just flirt with girls around your wife she might fight (and fuck) to keep you, but it could also lead to a breakup.
Imo, you always have to be prepared to walk away. I’ve done that to my current fwb many times and she’s still trying to win me over
Subs didn’t make me this way. I’ve always been like this. I’m like my dad in that regard.
We men are built this way. We want to spread our seed. And this also means that your testosterone is high which is a good thing.
How you deal with this is another matter entirely. You gotta choose a lifestyle that works best for you, including the sex.
Mad recon yesterday.
Restless.
Impatient.
Emperor may be too much for this iteration
But that was just one day of listening
I’ll keep the current iteration for this week at least.
Maybe Emperor is powerful enough to push me out of my current rut I’ve driven myself into.
I am considering dropping BV1 from the next iteration since it’s QV1. Might make a new custom based on BV1 one BV3 has done what it cash for me. I don’t need to run all of EoG forever.
If I drop BV1, I’d run either LDU or RebirthU as a major and use the other as a booster
So far the current stack (Emperor, BV1, BV3, RebirthU) isn’t helping much with the oneitis for the girl at the local eatery.
Bit of a conundrum. Part of me (of course) thinks I shouldn’t be drawn to a girl who’s 17 or 18. assuming she’s 17 or 18.
but the other part of me (the part built by evolution) knows it’s normal.
I DO think my stack has me thinking a lot about artificial social boundaries lately.
Not sure if that’s Emperor or RebirthU or both. Leaning toward both since Emperor has a version of Rebirth built in.
After reading @Mystery’s question over at Primal Seduction Healing, I think I definitely need to include PS in my stack going forward after this week is over. I’ll come back to Emperor, but for now, this sexual energy thing has got me in knots.
I’ll either run full PS for the healing or run PSITU as a major, with RebirthU as a booster.
Thinking something like:
If it weren’t for the fact that Ultimas have the masked part, I’d run the whole stack while asleep each day. Free up my day from the shackles of earbuds to be able to take even more action.
Speaking of taking action, I went to the eatery today feeling like I had every intention of “asking her out” whatever the fuck that means when she’s 17/18 and I’m 46.
I didn’t, of course, because I’m not a cheater. I looked at how my dad was with women years and years ago, he’s cheated on every single one of his LTRs. For years I thought “I don’t wanna end up like that.”
Now, when I look at it, though, I wonder if maybe he’s just been someone who doesn’t settle. Weird reframe.
I know I’m all over the place with this stuff regarding the stack and my life situation shit.
I think Khan ST1/TB is what I need to fix this oneitis. And I think probably it’ll help to not run any other SC subs with it. Except MAYBE R.I.C.H. on days I work the Uber Eats/Instacart racket.
I suck at committing to this stuff long-term. I know that. So my only commitment is I’ll run ST1/TB starting at one loop per day and I’ll take it a day at a time.
Hey man. Since you are thinking of creating a new custom, would recommend Inner Gasoline to redirect sexual energy. I haven’t used it yet but several people in the forum are having good results with it.
I’ve been reading about that a lot lately on people’s journals!
The thing is, I don’t wanna redirect it. I wanna FUCK haha.
I’ve been “redirecting” it for a while now. tired of it.
I guess…a question about Inner Gasoline. with the redirecting part…it doesn’t kill libido? like if I decide I really wanna fuck instead of transmuting to work on business…that’s still a go?
LOL! I get you. My feeling is that you have more control over your sexual energy with Inner Gasoline. Which is you can use it either fuck or not. Might come in handy with the girl you are talking about.
Personally I think it is a very natural feeling and that is why you are reframing the ideas you have about your dad.
What are your thoughts on monogamy? Am not asking to change your mind though since am pretty sure subs over here will aid in anything. The reason why am asking is to understand whether you really want to be with your wife or do you have other ideas? Just some questions for some self-introspection
I have other ideas lately. but then I feel bad about that. it sucks.
I def would say that if I’m ever single again, marriage will be the furthest thing from my mind.
I probably got married too young. was barely 19.
I’m starting a loop of Khan1 now. Actually thinking Heartsong would be good in this mix though. It’ll either strengthen the relationship I’m already in, or it’ll help me push myself to finding a better one (or more).
I understand. When I was younger, I really wanted to get married. Now am glad I didn’t.
I guess you are already thinking of how to proceed with life regarding your marriage and since I haven’t been married, I can’t advice you.
The only ideas I have is having an open marriage (which I will admit I won’t be able to do because most men are naturally territorial about their women) or divorce.
But of course you know this stuff but maybe someone else saying it will reaffirm whatever you desire and you can get some clarity.
You can try Diamond ultima to arouse her more or Wanted, Libertine. I mean your wife 
It would work with the other girl too 
After all this, I think my issue is I have a ton of healing to do before anything else happens. Healing alone will fix a lot of issues. After the healing, I’ll see where I’m at.
That’s a good decision. Healing will also help you be stronger for whatever decision you take after it 
Feeling it is very normal. Not something to be ashamed of at all. Doing anything about it isn’t “normal” but does happen pretty regularly.
I’d be really hesitant about a girl who still lived with her parents. I had enough fathers wanting me dead when I was young.
The solution I’ve found for that is to pick something and give myself a set amount of time to keep doing it for that amount of time.
This is one of those due diligence situations. Before stepping out, check on how it tends to make both people feel afterwards.
Forget about the moral stuff. There are a bunch of things about stepping outside of a relationship that truly suck on the back end. (Pun not intended. (uhh…both puns…(suck and back end) (…you see what I did there))).
It’s the pain part. We just never predict it well enough.
In the middle of The Land of Horn, there are just a whole bunch of things that do not come to mind. Then when it’s done and you’re out of there, it’s like ‘shit shit shit…’ ‘That wasn’t good enough to make up for this.’
Obviously, as usual, i’m just sharing my personal opinions. Sometimes they’re wrong.
But we have to admit, there’s a certain ‘shortest distance between two points’ quality that takes over when it comes to sexual desire. Things start to look very, very simple.
Then when it’s all done, Godzilla wakes up with a hangover and says, ‘uhh…ooops, maybe I shouldn’t have flattened the entire Garment District…and sorry about the Eiffel Tower.’
Well, you’ll notice that I’ve very cleverly avoided putting any useful suggestions, advice, or action steps into this post. It’s a gift. You’re welcome.
Okay. Here goes.
You probably don’t want to do this shit. If you plan on torching your current relationship, do it the long and difficult way. Tell her it’s done. And then go fuck somebody else.
Then you may feel ‘mean’, but you won’t feel like a piece of shit. The difference between those two things feels quite significant when you’re actually in the middle of it.
ends