And so I will embark on my next 5-day run of DR ST1 and MogulQ. By the end of this run, I should have done 25 days of DR T1 and 20 days of MogulQ.
It has been a humbling experience so far, and I don’t really think I am stonewalling as DR ST1 is very subtle. However, I have started to lose interest in continuing some negative behaviours of mine.
Over the past few weeks, I’ve also realised that a lot of the unhappiness in my life is due to my lack of power, confidence and control over my own reality. I also realised more and more that a lot of conflict in my family and in society is based on power dynamics and control over narratives. For example, many people are manipulated by people in power who have control of the narrative, which requires a degree of power and influence to perpetrate.
It is also this lack of personal power due to my upbringing that has shaped many major decisions in life. Due to an inability or unwillingness to project my own personal power, I had often tried to run away from problems instead of facing them.
I’ve had a lot of people lording over me or disrespecting me for some reason or another and I never liked it, but had been brought up to believe that I should always “know my position in society” and that “self-esteem” is “a very individualistic and egoistic term belonging to the me generation”.
When I’m done with 30 days of Mogul Q, depending on my budget and my progress, I may run a customized Ascended Mogul subliminal containing PCC and Mastermind. I want to build up my confidence and my personal power again - I should have done this long ago in fact.
I want to be able to shape my own life narrative instead of letting others do it for me.
I’ve decided to stay away from Emperor for one year - perhaps a custom Ascended Mogul for a year containing the right modules would be good enough.