Khan st1 night stack

Journals - Major Programs
#1

Night 1

st1 2x
regenderation 1x
looped

This was 3 days ago, general impression of st1 is… it mirrors my day to day thinking pattern regarding negative events in my life, the only difference is an oscillation of negativity to a neutralization of it, repeated. One of my humorous thoughts “Oh you fucker”, just me speaking to the sub as it puts me in some ruminating state, like some sort of trickster pulling my strings.

Wake up in a profoundly negative state.

Night 2, to now…

st1 2x
hom 1x
looped

Stopped taking sleep meds (diphenhydramine) plan on staying up all day to reset sleep instead of forcing it. Less negativity as HOM diffused obsessive thinking into some abstract self loop, kept thinking about StarkQ, and how I should start it for some reasons, 10x + times (in head while dreaming). Woke up and cancelled my exercise plans.

Wake up in a neutral mood, in contrast to the day before. Instead of mindlessly browsing a toxic community forum, I spent the day reading about stocks. I saved some highlights from my reading and youtube comments… Also read about some mega investor (softbank) using (“abusing”) options, seems like the whole thing is rigged when money is concentrated like that.

some random stuff I saved…

Nvidia, Zoom, Facebook, Microsoft, Google, Wells Fargo, Netflix

'll wait to sell Exxon when it’s $70 again in a couple years. Eventually this pandemic will be over and people world-wide will travel like crazy to celebrate, driving up the oil price. I bought at $39 so the gains will be sweet. If it goes to $30 I’ll buy even more.

MSFT, APPLE AND TSLA are to keep??

Disney

What’s an investors to do in the meantime?

“There is a good part of the market that’s underpriced,” he said. “Airlines, transportation and hospitality have performed poorly, and some represent good value for patient investors who can tolerate the risk as a part of their portfolio.”

I might consider investing something if the market doesn’t crash before spring, don’t want to be left behind considering the amount of unrestricted inflation, oddly caused by Trumps laissez-faire policy conflicting with incompetent local governments.

My plans for st1 are to run it every night with another sub to test if my mind will “reject” it or if my day goes in some constructive manner. If I wake up neutral or better despite how the day goes, this is acceptable to me, and will keep the sub in mind for future daytime listening/stacks.

#2

1 week~

Stack in order… Looped max 15~ hours (overnight till I turn it off)
Khan st1 2x
Inner circle 1x
Khan st1 1x
HOM 1x

Whole week is antisocial, before I would do stuff/buy/exercise for future benefit, but the benefits I want are selfish. My actions benefit me only in fantasy, and I am not willing to bring down the walls to help others and a casualty of this, myself.

If I was being lectured by Jung, I would interpret his explanation as… all the downsides of an overpowering but faulty/inflated Superego, but none of the benefits.

Summary

This character name “No-Face”, has devloped something called Narcissism.

The integration of culture and ones self identification to it is healthy. Commonly I see a rejection of the culture but still an identification to it, Internal boundaries maintain safety. This is still good.

It is tempting to abandon oneself for the greater good. This was a tactic used by both the Roman Empire and the current interventionist United States (Post WWII). The Romans peacefully annexed willing city states, and intermixed deities with roman ones, as a promise of cultural unity and glory. United States uses democracy and capitalism as the casus belli, for progress and peace.

Both societies flourished on the promise of acceptance and success above any other issue. Promise power/wealth to those that want it the most, but cannot get/deserve it… they will they spread freedom and glory faster than any slave will.

The basic recipe of ambition, to shine light into the world to stave off the darkness within, but not willing to point it at oneself… for the enemy is not oneself, but the other…

Anyways to summarize my current experience with ST1, I feel it is amplifying something “Good”, but I may not agree with it. I am also falling into bad habits despite my focus on the positive.

1 Like
#3

Took a rest day (Night) accidentally. I felt really good and at peace with where I am at (For now). I suppose the rumination that I suppressed but perpetuate was transformed into childhood recollection and being (Wonder/optimism), and things I used to do simply because I liked it and was good at it. Of course in a few days this will reverse, since I do not believe in this as a healthy spiritual base. I suppose to simplify it, Undeserved abundance and self acceptance.

To just drop the contrast between my first off day, ST1 builds the foundation for which humanity evolved from (PreCiv), the sacrifice of masculinity, to protect what is sacred, this is what matters.

As a side note, I am planning on doing a modified NoSURF, instead of focusing on something I am already good at (NoPMO is easy shit, if you exclude self development, I had a good childhood/no porn use until adulthood). This is in alignment with proper directed masculine effort/energy and no waste, in alignment with this popular quote…

https://quoteinvestigator.com/2017/03/23/same/

#4

1 . MALICK vs 2. Bronson

22:17 - 28:58

  1. Malick 2. Bronson

1

#5

Just wanted to drop some small stuff here, these are the equivalent to my dreams, but its just me lying half asleep.

Feel very emotionally light (no negative energy), when I am like this it is do to motivational issues (Lack of energy, until I ruminate on something negative).

Just lying there, and notice this “voice” that reminded me of a didgeridoo + Buddhist monk trying to talk but slurred, the general impression is it “Evil” but not bad. After that I imagine that something was watching me from outside my house on the edge of the wood line. I felt a shiver of “Fear” (tingling from adrenaline), it felt pretty good, similar to after you get a good laughter in and you force yourself to stop.

I would normally try to avoid thoughts that would trigger negative energy, but in this case I instinctively laughed it off and actually imagine myself floating close to the “animal” and saw it was almost as impotent as a statue, while attempting to look frightening.

Nothing much to note other than I plan to stop using ST1, continue HOM and IC, add in something to push creativity and remove all productivity subs I use, But keep my current main for now, I may switch try LegU/Spartan/ComU depending on which one has more synergy with SI (I think the name legacy fits well with the dynasty concept of HOM though, and I have nobody to boss around with commander).

One of the first times I could tell myself I feel at peace with merely existing, grateful even for all my strange maladaptive philosophical beliefs, emotional detachment and view of the world and its inhabitants.

Here is some journaling I never managed to post, this was sometime after the first post.

Summary

night 1

2x khan 1x hom, looped

wake up “Good”, although it is just high libido. (Sperm Wars) Fore-brain tricked into breaking noPMO under the guise of self development. First day drinking coffee in 45 days, justification is to reset sleep schedule.

Despite feeling good it is only pent energy.

night 2

2x khan 1xLibU, looped

Chose LibU to see if I want to stick to Ultima titles only when running khan, and to see if aura works while sleeping and permeates the day. I wake up neutral.

Decide to drink twice as much coffee for liquid “motivation”. Caffeine acts on the nucleus accumbens (dopaminergic), effects are physical/mental dis-inhibition (Caffeine given to rats makes them pointlessly pace). Heavy caffeine use can influence noPMO in the sense a major motivation is to have a better connection with women (Reward inhibited by under-active N. Acc.)

Day feels like that profound thought that slips your mind, but it is a mirage disappeares and you are face deep in sand.

night 3

2x khan 1xDD, looped

I notice daredevil feels the same as running during the day, not much if any cognitive change. I assume it is just deep subconscious at this point. The only major difference I see with DD usage is manipulative/dis-inhibited use of laughter around women. More planning, less non-reactivity socially.

I think about how regeneration just switched one habit for another, albeit positively. Since running Khan night loops I have been consuming a high carb low fat, high water diet. I usually avoid carbs since cheap food is loaded with agro chemicals and the need to avoid oil/fat. Missed sunday weightlifting and am considering purchasing a heavier 60lb kettelbell and 40lb weighted vest and switching to fortnightly lifting instead of weekly.

I will use ST1 in the future if I manage to find a constructive outlet for all the energy it gives me.

#6
#7