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This is what you asked for
heavy is the crown
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I fell in love
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I WILL SURVIVE HEY HEY
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Isnt it strange that the “good guys” won in history
every single time in the end?
Only the good guys.
Every single time.
Let that sink.
What would history be like if the Dictators/Tyrants won, right? We’d be praising them tbh. Not gonna name any so that it doesn’t get censored but insert “villian” here…
i meant the same
we’d all be praising the innovations of hitler
and you’ve probably seen how much north koreans love their “supreme leader”
So good. And probably true.
to be detached
from the outcome of things
gives you control over them
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core primal fear, death.
core primal desires,
survival and procreation.
everything else we do, we want,
an intellectualization
of those 3.
Ive made my best efforts to remove myself from the online world. I did my best to.
I will quit college soon. I dont like being here any longer in certain aspects. Its not meant to be. Im going to apply for a 3D animator position in some gaming studio. My portfolio will be done in few days. I at times still feel shaken by what could happen. What could occur. I do feel strange. Still new to the whole idea of… going my own way even if other people try to make it mentally difficult for me. Looking over my shoulder. Most of the time its just me being paranoid. That paranoia is there because it we seeded in… so I dont blame myself for it. Its okay. Best thing to do is to just get out and say thank you in the meantime to god. Resilience training for me. But I do not know the future so… for now… Ill just do what Im doing and live in this moment. I dont have to suffer in my head. I know things will work out in the end.
Once I get a job, Id like to buy some new devices for myself. So I can use them for a long time to come. A phone with my own phone number. Maybe even pc so it can last me for years and years that I can use for my animations and 3D work. Being able to carry it with me as I go anywhere.
I already bought a backpack and few other things. I will leave soon. Leave on my own. Ill work, take the money and go. I feel excited when thinking about it. Id love that. To be on my own. Im not dreamy eyed. I know this isnt the last time I feel uncertain by far yet I believe the future to be bright. Id love for it to come. I even made sure that I own as little of belongings as possible so when I do get the right chance, I can leave without carrying too much on me or leaving too much behind. I have bed, table, my devices, some clothes and backpack. Besides my school notes thats about it. And I love that. To live more of that Spartan life.
But for now, Id like to be grateful. Grateful for the ones I love so dearly being here with me. Grateful for every coffee, for every time I get to smile. For the food I have. For god that always made sure Im okay.
Just letting this all sink in… seeing my peers… they are so obedient to their families. They suffer here. So many expectations and obligations for things we never chose. No wonder I look forward to taking enough steps to be in different part of my life. I stopped trying for grades. I stopped trying to do the things I didnt choose. I have a choice now. Maybe I should just shut up about it and be an asshole and do the thing and then fuck off. Sounds like an easier way to do it. Ive seen some my friends do that when they were 14 / 15. They would drink and hang around at late evenings. All their parents would see are shut doors in front of their faces. But Im not that far. At times though, it does seem… seducing to do. To stop giving a fuck. To be able to detach from the things I was told or could be told.
You could say that Im becoming an asshole…
or in different words, I am slowly starting to head my own direction despite the controlling fears of others… any mine. First world problems.
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What changed? It’s actually a big improvement - they’re more visually striking
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Funny like we struggle so hard to treat each other as people instead of playing tribal games. We still as a whole havent figured it out. And we will not for a long time to come. Far after we are dead.
People are told to go to college to get a certain outcome. If you can get the outcome you want in your own personal life without it that’s all that matters. You’re just cutting through the societal nonsense and fear that has people seek safer routes which ironically turns out to be not as safe as advertised.
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