🌱 // Khan ST1 - Weak Links
I had been exploring what causes me to be unpleasant towards women whom are fickle and promiscuous. I myself had realized I worry to come off that way knowing that such thing could shake that which I dearly love in my life. While I do realize that certain actions result in certain results and the fact that I am in full control of what I do, I also recognize that the world has tried to condition me into feeling disgust towards women, who live that kind of life. I make peace with it today. I hold nothing against them. They live that life with certain pros and cons that it brings. They chose it and that is okay. In another life, I could have lived that life also and it would not make me any less of a human being. It would not strip me of my soul. I would still be me. I would still be worth of love and full of love to give.
Same thing for people who follow ideologies that support self pity, victimhood and other ways of thinking. Just because they are different and sometimes like to hurt others, doesnt mean that I am meant to feel disgust for them. I realized many people I am around feel either complete love for lgbtq community or the other side : disgust.
I choose to accept them as another human being in this world. We all have pleasant and unpleasant sides to us. I have no enemies. I see no side as the side deserving of my distaste. Ofcourse that doesnt mean now that I will hug everyone. I will strike if you stand in my way or try to hurt me or those whom I love.
I see people who “hate lgbtq” bring up this very topic in their every day life. Even if no such person is around. They feel bitter and ramble. Why? You arent even confronted with the individuals you dont like yet you think about them so often. Such waste of your energy on things that make you feel shit. At the end of the day, you change nothing with this as you go to sleep alone fighting the demons in your mind.
Back to the promiscuity of women, I know it leaves in most men very bad taste for various reasons but it easily blinds you. It takes away from you the opportunity to get to know and to some extend love the person you are met with. They have beautiful side of them too. Too many people nowadays think women who sleep with many men for the sake of pleasure have nothing but garbage in their head. Thing is, most of guys do the same thing. They sleep with many women for the sake of pleasure for the most part. On the very basic level, you are judging another person as idiotic based on the very thing that you do yourself and you believe they are disgusting. Now we can go into all those nitty gritty details and understand why men feel about this the way they do… I did my homework long time ago. I used to have the very same beliefs as most of these “based guys” / “alpha males” did. Its not about the details today. It is about forgiveness, acceptance and humility. I dont care what your rules are on “who you sleep with” or “who is too deluded”. We are playing a bigger game. Game of the soul. Of your mind. Of your peace.
I am tired of feeling bitterness in my heart for women who simply choose to enjoy physical pleasures the way they do. I am tired of feeling scared of being accused of being one. It is a lie. Delusion of someone else. Why should it scare me?
It is truly awkward being called one of those names by a stranger who doesnt even know me randomly and then me overthinking my whole life and identity because of this fear of “what if I am that” and “what if now my life will crumble and I will lose everything I love?” EVEN THOUGH I DID NOTHING WRONG!!! I DO NOT LIVE THIS LIFE. That is how deep this fear has been fused into me. Into a point where I am questioning reality itself because of some RANDOM DIOT who just wanted to call me some name because I told him no and he got upset.
I am no longer allowing myself to be chained by this fear. This weakness. My weakest link. The fear of someone else looking down at me thinking Im XYZ and the fear of it eventually coming true because of that and making it lose my current blessings.
Irrational fears or the ego games.
Okay
Lets say I were that in a different life. And what? Man Id be okay, Id be fine. Let the sheep repeat what they had been force fed over and over again. Worst case? Some people would hate me. Id be fine. I would be alive and Id be partying and sleeping with people. And? Id be basically living a life of an average 22 year old guy. Wow. So so so bad.
If anyone ever tries to accuse me of this, I dont care anymore. I live my life accordingly to what I love and desire and if you choose to delude yourself into thinking that I am some easy, promiscuous, dumb or filled with trauma female, thats on you. That is the world you built in your own head because everywhere you look, you see only that. That which you want to see. That is your reality and with all due honesty, I dont care to defend myself. I wont take time to explain myself to you. Your delusion does not stand in my path of my own journey and adventures and therefore, is not worth of my energy and time.
And to the girls who do live this life, honestly, good for you. I hope you have as much fun as you can. I hope you have all the pleasures and adventures and joy of this world. I hope you will go crazy and I hope you will be at peace every night when you lay to go to sleep. I truly, wish you the best. And if I ever meet you, I will treat you as any other human being. I will give you option to express yourself just like anyone else and if we will be compatible, we can even be best friends.
― Sun tzu
