// Khan journal

[dead]

There was once a merchant
in the famous market of Baghdad.
One day he saw a stranger looking
at him in surprise, and he knew
that the stranger was Death.

Pale and trembling, the merchant
fled the marketplace and made
his way many, many miles to
the city of Samara, for there he
was sure Death could not find him.

But when at last he came
to Samara, the merchant saw
waiting for him the grim figure
of Death.

“Very well,” said the merchant.
“I give in. I am yours. But tell me,
why did you look surprised when
you saw me this morning
in Baghdad?”

“Because,” said Death,
“I had an appointment with you
tonight in Samara.”

[dead]

Most of the time we give
people love, or we receive it.
But very little of the time
do we actually love that person.

I’d say that’s different.
To most, it makes no difference.
I suppose everyone wins nonetheless.

One could say it is easier
to give love than to love.
To love, we do not choose.
And to love is to be
almost possessed by it.

As opposed to just giving
such thing to someone
where it is your choice
and you can walk away easily.

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I cannot tell if I am mad.
I sometimes lose grip on reality.
Whatever that even is or means.
I am aware. But I lose grip.
Strange moments to experience.

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Darling don’t you want me here where I belong?

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What if I defile your heart?
I can do that, you know.
I’ve done it before. It’s not hard.

It’s not hard to ruin someone’s heart. To make them ache for something they never wanted. You’re sensitive now, and I know it — inside and out. If you were to watch me with someone else at this very moment, I think you’d object. Yes. I can do that to you. I can do anything I want to you. What if I love you? What if I do? Would you love me back if I said that I loved you? I won’t make you say those words. You’ll say them anyway. You won’t be able to resist letting them leave your lips. I have that effect on people, and I can tell it’s happening to you.

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Mates are often compensations

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You want to develop the qualities you are
starved for in others to give them to you —
so you no longer need an outside vessel.

Then we can be attracted to the person
for who they are instead of what we
NEED THEM TO BE in our life
to COMPENSATE.

[dead]

Khan Black so intense I haven´t touched subs for a month now even though I was always planning to. I believe it is the greatest sub SubClub has made. But the cover art of it is precisely how it can be to start it. I was not this challenged possibly ever. Yesterday I kind of realized how things have gotten harder over the past few months mentally for me. And I also realized it was not going to get better. I assumed this would fade over time but I see now it will not. Hence why I am returning GLM. It has been so intense. I´ve imagined making decisions in my life I would have formerly been too scared to even say out loud. I am constantly questioned in my own mind. I question my life. The trials I have chosen and never questioned formerly. Sometimes I feel a temptation to just leave it all behind and go after the easiest, quickest, most short term alternative. Just to be free. Even if it means being alone. I do not plan on acting upon these thoughts. But I do sometimes just want to throw my life plan away so I do not feel the dread of uncertainty anymore.

[dead]

Person who loses track of the dignity of the human soul and begins to judge others not on the basis of their being persons, but on the basis of race, creed, economic status or other group in which they may belong in as a whole. That is prejudice. One should carefully examine the individual first before passing any judgement upon him. And if we ever pass a judgement, we should be just with it. – Raul Contreras

[Moon]

Honestly. I would highly recommend you watch or read bleach. It has such an amazing story build. You’ll notice a lot of interlink.

Bankai, zanpakuto, Hollow and many others are very detailed. Zanpakutos to Bankai are represented as personalities and ego. It’s so amazing. (Started watching this early 2012, as an adult rewatching/reading it, you’ll be amazed)

Edit: If you like this check out - Ajin Demi Human, Choujin X, these two explores human nature. Choujin X is my most fav, it’s higher than Tokyo ghoul for me (Written by the same person).

[Moon]

Also 1 last manga, It popped up in my mind while at gym. Check out Holyland. It will change your life in my opinion. It’s better than berserk etc. It’s more realistic for people struggling with fitting into society and self image/esteem issues.

Edit: The same author has a manga called suicide Island. Again really good outlook on human nature in a place without laws. It’s getting an English translation soon after 15 years+? (Got the Japanese manga already.)

This author is known for great stories. (He worked on berserk as well as an assistant/is currently working on it as well. Him and Miura Kentarou were best friends.)

Edit 2: I’m going to reread it now : )

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No fully functioning human will ever make any decision that will not - first and foremost serve them. Be it through gaining something or removing some sort of suffering including guilt and fear.

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Keep your friends rich
and your enemies rich
and wait to find out which is which

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- YouTube

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Desire to leave things because of the fear of challenge
It is scary to admit because it feels like poison

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We don´t actually need to do anything.
Perhaps that can be of comfort.

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You know when you sleep less and feel your muscles twitching yet still power through with an energy drink and a coffee or two

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I’m such a hater wow

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When you gave yourself one cycle of wealth subs to get your life a financial buff but out of nowhere you remember that you´d still rather be a broke edgy khan hottie