Journey of a leo

Journals - Major Programs
#1

It takes time for a seed to turn into a giant tree
It also takes time for a “boy” to turn into the man he wants to be…

By society’s rule, I am an adult, a grown man now, as I am near 24 years old. However, deep inside, I am an innocent boy who still didn’t figure out social dynamics, who still does not behave like a man, who still does not know how to seduce women (ends up in their “friends” list again and again), who still depends on screen to please his Penis, who still lives with his parents (with dominant mother, weak father), who still visits academic prison regularly for a degree, who stills struggles to learn skills for part-time works, who still has lots to fix, and figure out…

I can blame all day if I want to, but I won’t. I want to take responsibility of myself. Which says whatever has happened, has happened. I can’t change anything now. What I can do now is start fixing things, learning skills, unlocking creativity, becoming an authentic alpha, changing my situations into better. I want to address my issues from core, that’s why I compared my situations with seed. I am willing to move slowly. Although it is true that it is tempting to see results of others, which sometimes wants you to try what they are trying by skipping yours! Specially if it is related to women! It happened with me a lot with competitor subliminals. I was like a rolling stone which gathers no moss. Anyway, now, I have stable goals.

I want to become an alpha male. I want to say my boy mode goodbye, and turn the man version on.

Simply described though, but that’s what I believe, is the most needed goal for me now. I started with Subliminal Club on 14th of January. I started with Ascension v2 and Rebirth.

My previous stack (let’s give it v1.0):

  • Ascension (masked)
  • Ascension (masked)
  • Rebirth (masked)

I loop this playlist as I sleep at night.

My current stack (v2.0)

  • Ascension (masked)
  • Ascension (ultrasonic)
  • Rebirth (masked)
  • Ascension (masked)
  • Ascension (ultrasonic)
  • Rebirth (ultrasonic)

I will replace all the masked versions with the ultrasonic ones slowly. I am seeing some difference as I changed my stack. I listened to stack (v1.0) for last 7 days all night only. I had vivid dreams at nights in first few nights, and then they slowly faded. As I changed the stack, I had vivid dreams yesterday as well. I will update my results later.

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#2

Hey @Leo, quick question for you!

Will you also use other means to achieve that goal? Books, blogs, real life practice?

I’ll follow your journal as I was kind of in a similar situation at your age.

#3

@refresh

I will use other means as well. I will mention them in my updates.

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#4

I broke my earphones accidentally yesterday night. I did not have a spare one, but I have a headphones which I use with my PC. But I can’t sleep comfortably if I wear hearphones. I didn’t complain this time. I used it last night. I had difficulty sleeping at first, but I fell asleep.

As I said, I masturbate to porn. It has become a deadly habit. I developed this habit from my childhood. And I am suffering from side-effects of this addiction. For example, Premature Ejaculation. Anyway, I am taking steps to eliminate this addiction from my life. I picked a book today called “Your Brain on Porn”, and I skimmed through the book. Detailed scientific research on the book bored me, so I skipped many things, got to the solution part, and read some recovery journeys.

I will read other books which focus on semen retention, benefits of not masturbating etc. Since masturbation may not be “addiction”, and “natural” for many people, it is addictive for me, as I tend to masturbate aggressively, and frequently while watching porn. I tried to take NoFap challenges, but failed within 7 days. Let’s see what happens when I focus on the benefits of NoFap.

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#5

The addiction is supported by array of supporting habits. From start to finish. :slight_smile: Understanding the addiction, the biology of it and habitual responses will allow you to see how your neurology is being used against you. If you do not like to be controlled (Freedom is one of your highest values), you’d change real fast.

I was a smoker. I told people it’s just a habit, but actually it was addiction that is supported by all those habits. Once I removed the addiction, which was both mental and physical change, all those habits broke apart. While some stayed, they stayed not for the reason of feeding the addiction and they are being used when appropriate (going out for a fresh air etc).

I know you know this. Just adding to how right you are about this. :slight_smile:

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#6

:arrow_up: great post!!!

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#7

I finished another book on pornography. It’s called The Porn Pandemic. I did not skim through this time. I really enjoyed reading. It was less of scientific explanations with long biological, chemical terms. It was straight, simple, and only 68 pages book. What’s the most important thing is, this book just opened my eyes.

From what I have read on this this, it is possible that many of my current issues are deeply related to porn-masturbation addiction. For example, being a complete failure with women, being in the friend-zone of female mates, social anxiety, sexual insecurities, introvert nature (maybe), lack of motivation, lack of energy, lack of creativity, depression, ADHD (maybe), beta male behaviours etc etc many others. Porn can be a possible deep rooted problem as I have this addiction for over 5 years now. I was different in my childhood. I was very creative. I used to sing, draw passionately. I was very social as well.

Let’s explain a bit how porn can damage many areas of our lives. As I am watching porn, and masturbating, my brain cannot differentiate between porn and real sex. It releases dopamine. Now, my brain thinks I am having sex, and my sex life is good. So my brain does not create any motivation, drive to attract women, make them interested. This idea was eye opening for me. Another one is, I don’t make eye contact with people, women. I remember when I talk with class-mates, my eye kind of look at their face, and kind of at their breasts! Porn has wired my brain to only focus on the exciting parts of women (breasts, vagina, ass etc). So in real world interaction, my eyes automatically looks there.

The writer said all of these can be reverted to their natural, manly form by stopping porn. I will try my best to overcome the urge, and cut it out. I will see what happens. Anyway, Ascension, and Rebirth is working well. I have simply stopped interacting with my previous friends. I had 2 best friends, who are very energy draining, toxic for me. They, (and I used to) talk about women all the time, body parts of the women (again, wired by porn, in today’s world, we judge a woman only by their breast, ass size, curve etc. and not by emotions, characteristics). They don’t have any clear goals for future, their background is richer than me, depend on parents, careless about these goal things. My parents are well enough to run me, but I don’t wanna depend on them. I wanna do something now to get financially free. I am learning some skills for online business. Anyway, I am cutting them off from my life. It will be tough to ignore them for first few days, but I will adapt. My life, goals, missions come first. I will sacrifice anything toxic to reach my goals. I think Rebirth is working well here.

For Ascension, I noticed cool stuffs to. I did not procrastinate today. I found reasons to skip, but motivation was higher, and I completed my works. I have a perfectionist mindset. It didn’t work there as well. I look into mirror more, I feel sexy. I got my hair cut yesterday. And the important thing is, I used to cut my hair at daytime normally. But as I was looking in the mirror more (I don’t know why), I felt I need to change my style a bit. I felt that at 5 pm, finished my work, and went to barbers shop at 7.30 pm, got my hair cut. I ironed my shirts, pant as I had class in the morning today. It’s the beginning of a new semester in university.

I study Architecture. I selected the subject by pure luck. My parents demanded me to get a degree from university (It is trend in our country to get university degree, people think without them you are helpless! Not true). I wanted to start some business, but parents didn’t allow. Anyway, now I am stuck with this subject. 3 more years to go! I am already struggling with it. Architecture demands lots of creativity. I am struggling with creativity. Great things are not coming out of my mind (or even if they are good design, my teachers are not appreciating them, which lead to low-confidence for me). Sometimes I wonder how modern teachers destroy creativity of children. I am not talking about me. Let’s say, my younger brother did not do well in math exam, and his teachers are telling he’s not attentive, he is bad at math. This idea will be his “Limiting Belief” for many years maybe, which will lead to fear of math.

I was thinking of adding “Beyond Limitless” creativity supercharger to my stack list, although it would be a little dense. Again, I think my alpha version is more important than doing good design, getting good grades in university. So, I will continue with my current stack of Ascension, and Rebirth.

Little bit about my future plan-

  • Ascension, Rebirth, Limit Destroyer
  • Ascension, Godlike Masculinity
  • Ascension, Aura
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#8

lack of motivation, lack of energy, lack of creativity, depression, ADHD (maybe), beta male behaviours

10 years ago I was playing World of Warcraft 16 hours per day, 7 days a week. I know exactly what this feeling is

Addictions are a poison to the mind. Luckily for you, you already did the first step to break free from it: to realize and acknowledge that you have one.

You probably have watched it already but in case you haven’t look up “Your brain on Porn” on Google.

What’s the most important thing is, this book just opened my eyes.

Now what will define your future is what you’re going to make of that :slight_smile:

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#9

I noticed interest from opposite sex today. I was in my university, and at lunch break, I was in staircase. I had eye contact with a very cute girl. She looked into my eyes in a way that I felt her eyes were smiling at me with interest. My bad, I broke the eye contact first. However, I had a sudden realization. I always break eye contact with beautiful women, or worse, I don’t make eye contact with them. Anyway, now I am confident that I can attract women naturally. Maybe I missed many cues from beautiful women, as I was like a zombie who was sleep-walking.

Again I had eye contact with another woman on campus road. I tried to make the eye contact last, but broke eventually. Interesting thing is, she looked at me for longer time, and then we crossed each other, left. Suddenly my life is filled with motivation.

By the way, my those 2 friends invited me to “chill with them”, and let go of these “non-sense”. Guess what I did? I remained strong to my decision. I think I will sit with them, and tell them straight forward I no longer wanna hang out with them at all. I wasted so many hours, money hanging out with them, chilling. No more. I must rearrange my life, and worthy friends will appear. I am a believer of law of attraction, vibration. I attracted friends who are almost similar to me. That’s why they are harmful for me, because they will always try hard to drag me down to their level if I try to get out of it. I will have to deal with them few more times as they want me back.

I read some benefits of Semen Retention which makes me motivated not to watch porn, and masturbate. In this new semester, we got a very inspiring teacher. He told us exactly what I wrote yesterday about “creativity” and how some teachers can destroy them from your life.

I notice my body posture from time to time nowadays. And I become very thirsty frequently. I had to buy water bottle from road twice in last two days. I normally don’t drink on my way to university or to back home. I will carry water bottle from now.

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#10

My major goal was to transform myself from a beta nice guy to an authentic alpha male, strong, masculine, mature person. So I started with Ascension. But then I realized that I want that goal specifically to become good with women, and that’s why I entered self-dev/pua world in the first place. So I switced to Primal, sex & seduction. I ran rebirth, limit destroyer, libertine with them. However, my porn addiction, and masturbation problem seems not fading away.

To note my progress with “women” related subs are great. I get lots of lusty eye contacts, classmates check me out often, girls find excuses to stand near me while waiting for bus in bus-stop and lots of good stuffs. I am consciously making effort to be confident around women. Trying to model a good seducer (learning from his products, reading books, infos).

But my porn, masturbation addiction seems to be a major blockage for me. I am trying to overcome it, but can’t resist the temptation to watch porn, and masturbate. Good thing is, I am no longer beating me up for doing so. I used to feel a lot of guilt after fapping, but I no longer do that. However, I feel it should be stopped as quickly, and as urgently as possible. Yet I can’t stop it.

Some guys were reporting Sex & seduction v2.1 was causing porn attaction to them. For example, I follow your posts @AMASH. I saw you were talking about it. I am thinking of put this goal on #1 priority for next few days. to eliminate porn, masturbation addiction

The reason I think it’s very important, is I feel lots of “negative” effects after watching porn, masturbating. For example, brain fog, extreme tiredness all day long, no interest in women, feeling guilt, unproductive, frustration, low body mass, poor voice tone, hair fall (it’s not genetic maybe) etc etc… and lot others. I used to beat myself up previously, but now I realized, beating myself up are ruining my self-love thing. So I no longer do it. But that does not solve the problem.

I am thinking of starting Sex Mastery X. @Fire and @SaintSovereign I think right now you guys are busy with other new staffs. when you have time, make a separate major program/stack module on this issue. I will check what happens with sex mastery x. Maybe running it alone, or with rebirth, limit destroyer can help. I read a post where @Fire was recommending a guy to add Emperor with Sex Mastery to boost things up for porn addiction. Gotta experiment a bit. Cause I feel this addiction is like a silent killer of my life for last 5-6 years, and I haven’t taken time to think that way, and resolve.

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#11

I believe S&S increases your sexual energy, so if your already have a porn addiction the sub might make it even harder to quit. It’s definitely worth to quite watching porn tough. I’ve stopped watching it and I already feel to start better again. My longest streak was 52 days and it definitely made a difference. The only problem is that after a while you get accustomed to the changes so the chance of relapse becomes bigger.

My tip is to watch youtube videos on this topic and also read the comments. Some comments can really touch you and give you that push to keep you away from porn.

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#12

I agree.
One of the best decisions one can make.
I’m currently on a 5 day streak and i can tell i’m getting back to the good life.
I realized that by me fapping, i’m robbing myself from all my true potential.
And that makes me stay on Nofap.

I’ve also heard a lot of benefits when it comes down to semen retention.
But that’s an whole other topic.

I hope SubClub can make a NoFap sub or at least a stack module/charger.
Cause i know how hard it can be to quit this poisonous activity.

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#13

If it has been a problem for years, you can’t make it a priority just for a few days. In my opinion, you know you beat that addiction if you can go for a long period of time without watching porn. For example if you can go without porn for a year and not even miss it and not even notice that it has been that long then you know you beat it.
I know people who have struggled with different addictions. It’s a tough fight. One way of going about it is to replace a destructive addiction with a positive one. Become addicted to studying a music instrument or a martial art or a new language. For example decide to teach yourself how to play violin. Plenty of videos on Youtube. Try EVERYDAY. For a year. At the same time, stay away from porn for a year. This will almost certainly create the change you want. In a nutshell, stop watching porn and fill that void with a positive addiction.

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#14

I agree with you 100%
All though, imho porn is the most hard and evil addiction to beat.
Since reproducing/sex is a necessity, it’s very hard to beat that urge.
On top, it’s so easy to access. You’ll need a laptop/phone and a internet connection and you’ll have your daily dose.

And indeed, in order to beat a addiction you’ll need a replacement, cause that urge/feeling i still there.
You’ll need something to replace it with. My longest streak (18 days) is when i kept myself the most busy.
So i did not even had time to do it.

It’s a tough road, but definitely worth it.
Wish you guys the best on this journey!

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#15

thanks guys for inspirations!

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