Journal: SFI – by Akin

[Akin]

SFI = Spiritual Force Incarnated

Astrological New Year,
after literally being reborn from December until now.

I’ve woken up from the dream of Venusian delight. As good as it was, there were some negativities keeping me in that space— one of delight that dreams but acts little. It might sound crazy, but it makes sense to me.

I’m opening this journal with the strength and energy of this new self that emerged and is emerging.

The self that builds, that focuses on materiality and everything that is related to the material world. The self that is centered in its essence and looks inward before seeking outward. The self that expresses and achieves in life.

I’m excited.
The subs I’ve chosen will set the tone for this.

For now, my stack will be AoH, EoG St1, and Sym:S.

Genesis and Primal Romance helped me deeply in maturing my Yang side. I can FEEL my masculine energy —more mature, more ready to face life.

Honestly, I connect a lot with Yang energy internally, and I love expressing it outwardly. I still want to develop it further with titles like Chosen or GM: The Commander.

But the truth is that my Higher Self guided me to listen to Sym:S.

Even though I feel like Akin inside (a more Yang spiritual force—Akin is how I currently identify my spiritual name), I am still in a female body, and there are socialization barriers that prevent me from fully expressing my greatest potential on Earth.

I’m going with Sym:S to lift these veils and blocks. And after just the first loop, I can say—I’m excited.

That’s it, friends. The journey continues.
I remain deeply grateful for the existence of this space, this forum, this network. We are strong and inspiring.

New cycle has begun!

[Akin]

1 loop of 15s of Sym:S on Thursday

Since then, I’ve had interesting experiences with dreams.

On two nights, despite moments with denser atmospheres and dreaming of people from my past, I had clear moments of being able to wake up within the dream from a more mature place.

It was really interesting because I wasn’t expecting it, but I managed to enter, observe my reactions and automatisms in the dream from a more detached perspective, and ‘participate’—taking a few actions more consciously.

Another thing I noticed right before the first loop, while reading the sales page, was becoming aware of my inner child who felt (or feels) afraid of fully expressing a more mature and embodied feminine energy out of fear of my father. It was crazy to realize that right away.

There is a part of me that craves this space, and I’m happy because I feel like I’ll truly be able to bring more embodiment to this Woman now.

I’ve also been reflecting a lot on my feminine references and the prejudices I carry. I sense that this will also be a healing process for how my inner man perceives women.

[Akin]

Sym:S -15s
EoG -15s

I still don’t know how to translate it, but I’m feeling the effects of Sym:S and feeling really good. I woke up feeling beautiful and confident in life. I’m also sensing a stronger alpha side being more present.

I feel like the seduction from Seductress is different from what I experienced with Primal. It’s a different kind of attraction… it seems to make fewer moves and lets things come naturally. It’s more passive, and I’m learning how to deal with that because if I let it, my more passive side won’t take action at all.

But one thing I find curious is that I’m connecting with a woman who is deeply in tune with feminine rhythms and, I believe, abundance. I must admit we’re nurturing a friendship, but every now and then, I feel my whole body desiring her. Figuring out how to navigate this.

With Primal Romance, the conquering side didn’t think much about the consequences of certain romances—it just went for it. With Sym:S, I’m really analyzing, at my own internal pace, what could actually be good for me. Less impulsive, I’d say.

I’m also becoming more aware of how much insecurities about having a feminine body have been affecting my life and desisres. I hadn’t noticed that before with so much clarity.

[Akin]

Maria Bethânia - Cheiro De Amor (Lyric Video)

This gives a glimpse of the good-love feeling

[Akin]

Sym:S - 16s
EoG - 15s

I confess that I feel more connected to the movements of Sym:S. It has been liberating for me to feel that I can be in this more feminine energy and still trust that things will work out. It’s like I’m experiencing a freedom I haven’t felt in years.

It’s the freedom of simply being myself in my own body. Man, this is priceless.

I also feel connected to a slower, earth-like rhythm. My intuition feels stronger.

This weekend, I really wanted to meet this girl. Deep inside, I felt close to her all day but she couldn’t. Throughout the day, some of my plans changed, but I kept trusting. Suddenly, I ran into a friend who told me that this girl was the same place I was.

This whole desire to meet her led me to several other encounters, people who had seen her helping me to find her. They seemed to feel that my intention was real, this pure desire—and were willing to help. I kept flowing the leads. A little later, another friend came up to me and literally took me by the hand, guiding me to her.

I found it so symbolic… this whole journey through the waters of trust, all the encounters I had along the way before finally reaching what I wanted… this effortless attraction…

I’m also noticing that taking care of myself in my daily life has become more pleasurable.

I think this is one of the best subs I’ve tried here.

My feeling is that Seductress is making me vibrate at a higher frequency. I can truly see and feel that something has changed—the way people interact with me, the way I express my value. And it’s only been three loops.

It’s such power, such self-confidence… I keep wondering where this will take me in the long run. And I also feel the work, the devotion, and the love that it takes to hold this frequency.

Some fears come up, of course—the fear of not being able to sustain this frequency and slipping back into the little scared child. But damn… I’m amazed at how different I already feel inside.

[Akin]

. Rest day .

Tomorrow, I have a theater performance.

This week has been quite busy because the class decided on the date at the last minute, and it was ‘earlier than expected.’

But I’m happy because I’m managing to complete all my tasks, from the smallest to the biggest, with great mastery.

I feel embodied and grounded, and even though I’m not directly involved in income-generating activities, I can clearly see my purpose in being incarnated in this body.

I don’t know… we take on so many roles in the lives of the people we interact with. Sym:S is helping me flow through these roles with more ease and elegance.

There’s an aura of mastery, but not necessarily over things. The mastery is more over myself and the way I perceive certain things within my reach.

[Akin]

Sym:S - 20s
EoG - 10s

Whenever I find subs that are more aligned with my essence, I start feeling a sense of falling in love… a love for life, for the way things are, for people, for situations. I think I carry this within me, this Lover Essence, after all.

Anyway, I’m still enjoying these vibes of loving myself more. I’ve been receiving so many existential insights while connecting with Sym:S—I can’t even put it into words, but it’s been important and essential. I feel like it’s preparing me to truly hold a higher frequency on Earth and act from that place.

Besides that, I’m falling in love with someone, and my heart is happy.

[Akin]

. Rest day .

My mind had been completely focused on this performance these past few days. Now that it’s over, I feel like I can finally think about other things—like making money, for example.

I’m really worried because I still don’t have any income coming in, and I’ve been living off my savings, which are getting smaller and smaller each day.

I’ve been fully surrendering to Seductress and feeling a lot of internal changes because of it, but the money part hit hard now that the theater process is over.

Anyway, I’m thinking about removing AoH from the playlist for now and adding R.I.C.H., just to see what might happen.

[Akin]

. 2 Rest days .

I’m honestly blown away by this blossoming that’s been happening lately.

My presence in spaces has truly shifted—how people perceive me, how I’m seen, how I feel within my own body.

I feel like royalty. At the top of the pyramid—at least my pyramid.

The allure is constantly vibrating. So is the power. I see people occasionally “glitching” in response to it—because they weren’t expecting it.

I also feel more connected to my power animal, the tiger, and I feel that with seductress it came in full force.
A fierce power—that’s the word. If I need to be ruthlessness, I will be. And that’s been doing me a lot of good.

I honestly think this is the best sub I’ve tried—it’s a match, you know?
The fact that it’s tailored for women really helps, because it touches aspects that no other sub ever reached for me.

The seduction is also more enjoyable—way more fluid than with others. And some goals just… happen, without me even “trying”.

I went to a party on Friday and—WOW—I was the presence in that room. Undeniable.
Everyone wanted me—wanted to be near me, talk to me, kiss me.

There was a slightly uncomfortable situation, but that fierce energy helped me stay centered.

I’m learning now how to balance this energy, though—because I do have a tendency to turn outward a lot. And I realized that “all this beauty can be tiring.” Mostly because it can be harder to connect with myself and my inner world when there’s so much happening outside.

Still, I’ve been carving out moments just for me—especially through drawing.

I noticed that in the past, many people didn’t approach me because my energy was more closed off. But now, with more confidence in my femininity, and knowing I can express it and still be respected, people are opening up and coming closer in a different way. It’s been curious.

[Akin]

Sym:S - 15s
EoG - 20s

It’s not easy right now.

On top of love and feelings of being in love, I’ve been feeling a kind of emotional hangover from the past few days—so much intensity, so much processing.

I keep asking myself why there’s always a woman involved, and why my relationships with women—when it comes to really creating and grounding something real—are so complicated.

Different people, different types of connection, but underneath it all, the same frustration.

Lately I’ve been feeling disheartened and hopeless. I’m tired of being seen by certain women as someone they can just ‘treat however they want.’

Just a few days ago, I was full of certainty. And in one weekend, it all crumbled.

I keep wondering how much can change in just a weekend, and how… everything feels so liquid. The fluidity and fleetingness of this society are making me sick.
It feels like nothing has a foundation—and when something does seem to have a foundation, it ends up feeling more like a prison, like being trapped.
I don’t know.
I’m not okay

[Akin]

. Between rest days + days of loop EoG and Sym:S .

After a lot of water that passed, literally… I’m having a bit more clarity about the processes that were happening. Not only about processing the subs, but things in personal life itself.

Things were so mixed and difficult energetically, that I spent days without feeling the connection with the internal place that Seductress brings me.

From Friday night until now I managed to feel it again.
I’ve been noticing many new places. The best is noticing how my posture in front of the world is changing gradually, and sometimes all at once. In many places and environments, I’m not putting myself anymore in a “diminished” or “inferior” way. And, when I do this, I’m managing to have more clarity when it’s happening and sometimes I manage to change some internal sensations with a conscious dialogue with myself or my inner child.

Now that an important cultural party from the place where I work / go spiritually is over, I will focus on EoG more.

About love cases, I keep on a saga of valuing myself in front of a potential new romance. But it’s being really challenging, because it’s a person who has a “goddess” energy and a lot of power. She’s the kind of woman who has several guys in the palm of her hand… and goes out with several at the same time. That makes me feel really insecure.

And it’s being this thing to notice how I put myself in love situations and how, for some reasons, I diminish myself without even noticing.

Also the limiting belief that to be with someone I need to “forget about myself” or that “to succeed I need to be alone.”
Asking for help and guidance from Seductress to be able to flow in life without these programmings.

[Akin]

. Washout .

EoG recon hitting hard today.

Really feeling a deep sense of lack of value, which is what has kept me in this place without income for years—just depending and living off what I had saved.

I’m looking at what makes me act this way, especially everything related to ancestry and what they saw or believed about money.

Living with my father affects me deeply… what still keeps me here? What hidden agreements am I feeding?

It’s been really painful to look at the sense of ‘worth’ I inherited from them, just for being their daughter.
The limits I place on myself so I won’t ‘go too far,’ so I won’t ‘hurt them.’

I’ve been aware of all this for a while now. I really hope EoG helps me not just see what’s wrong, but actually become and do something different.

Anyway… I feel a strong urgency to move to another city still this year.
My intuition says that this needs to be my biggest priority—
Even if I have no idea what will happen when I do it, and even if I feel afraid.

I’m at a point where I feel like I need to go all in.
Leave everything behind—everything this city and this house hold for me.
Only I can make that move.
It scares me. It hurts.
But honestly… staying here scares me and hurts even more.

I have no idea of how I’ll do that

[Akin]

So, yeah. I’ve been noticing that since I started Seductress, I feel less like sharing personal things here.

I’m also feeling this resistance to really opening up with people in ways I know could end up hurting me.

Anyway, I didn’t mention it before…
But a conversation I had on Thursday with this goddess-woman was really striking for me. We spent the whole day together and It was good but one event changed the energy of things.

All this conversation started because I had a problem with my car that I intuitively connected to her presence on the day we saw each other, and I opened up to share it. That led to a whole conversation and a soul-opening that, even though it was really good, was also very painful.

Painful because I received a ‘no’ from her — a no to approaching her in a romantic way. Something that my intuition, just a few days before, was giving a freakin “yes” to.

Painful because I felt in my own skin a bit of what her defense is — and how she used that on me.
She has so much strength and magnetism — but those qualities can also be used fiercely for self-protection. In my case, it cost me money.

Painful because she told me it was dangerous for me to be near her.
She told me about her last relationships and everything that “went wrong,” and how she turned people’s lives into a “hell.” She shared another intimate things.

It was good because I opened up to her on such a deep level, and because I felt like it was our souls talking — not our minds or our egos. We have such a deep connection, I can feel. I know she feels too.

This connection made me want to have something like that in my next romantic relationship — something at the level of soulmates.

But anyway, I’m still dealing with the desire I feel for her, and a certain energy of stubbornness.

It’s really hard for me to let go of something that “is meant to be,” especially when the calling seems to come from the soul or the heart.

I’m wondering if the level of soul connection we have is meant to exist only through friendship — and if I’ll be able to reposition myself.

[Akin]

. New cycle ! Day 01 .

Sym:S - 20s

I’m really excited. During the washout, I revisited some ThetaHealing knowledge to help me heal and bring closure to certain patterns, and I’m really happy with the results. Happy to notice my genuine openness to changing some things too.

Today, I’m feeling inspired by the courage of everyone who dares to take the ‘leap of faith’ — like Miles, one of my favorite Spider. I’m staying inspired by that to guide this new cycle of mine!

[Akin]

. Rest day .

I’ve been reconnecting more with God’s energy these past few days — and I have to say, I really missed it. I’ve taken a deep dive back into the basics of ThetaHealing, which is, essentially, connecting to the Universal Source, Divine Intelligence, and having a conversation with it — asking for insights, downloads, and witnessing them come to me and into my life. It’s been really good. I want to get back into the habit of doing this more consistently.

And yes, I’ve been feeling much more intuitive lately — like, I’ll be walking down the street and just know exactly where I can go to find a power outlet to charge my phone, without even needing to ask anyone. It’s been kind of fascinating to connect with my intuition in this way.

I’m also feeling calmer in general.
Seductress, in the first few days, made me really want to be seen and surrounded by people — but now I’m in a phase where I’m okay just being more chill, even if that means being alone. Preserving my energy feels important right now.

[Akin]

. Rest day .

Life on Earth is not for the weak. G!
I’m soooo done with some kinds of learnings.
I’m glad there’s a part of me that trusts the processes and my own path a lot.

[Akin]

. Rest day .

I’m giving myself more rest days to see how my system responds.
Today I also had the intuition to add RICH in between the audios.
I’m going to think about a flow that feels good for them.

Other than that, I’ve been having really vivid dreams lately.
I had a dream with a pool full of snakes.
Others where random people were talking to me and teaching me things.
And others where I met people from the cultural project I’m part of — people who’ve already left the city — and they also wanted to teach me something.

[Akin]

Sym:S – 16s
EoG – 56s

I’m just being — allowing myself to be more me, without so much fighting or that sense of unworthiness.

I ran a loop of LB the other day because I really needed support with some deep-shit experience I went through.

I’m letting go — and being invited to let go — of so many things.

I’m talking about deep spiritual patterns and situations.

Only love makes me trust in this surrender. Nothing else seems to comfort me right now, except the thought that “I can start seeing myself with more love now”.

[Akin]

Sym:S - 16s

I recently had a very new sexual experience with a man, and I feel it’s connected to the new spaces Seductress has been opening within me.
It was interesting to allow myself to open up to it and to watch how things unfolded, even with the many hesitations I still carry.

Also, a friend shared with me yesterday some changes she noticed in my body and posture over the past few weeks.
She told me that my voice feels deeper, more embodied, and that I’m able to transmit more strength through my physical presence and the way I carry myself.
She also said my face has changed — that my features look firmer, more grounded.

It’s funny to notice how my dominant side has been showing up more clearly.
Sometimes, I feel that people just want to be close to me — to sense, somehow, the energy that flows from me and speaks to them without words

[Akin]

. Rest day .

I’m loving seeing my connection with myself growing stronger, and also deepening my communication with God / The Source.

I’m also learning so much just by talking with older women — I feel more loving and open toward them, and it’s been such a curious, beautiful experience.

I can feel my yin side unfolding… but, damn, my yang side is also becoming so powerful and magnetic. I’m loving it.