Journal: SFI – by Akin

Journals - Major Programs
#22

. Sym: S - 24s .

Two people I was recently involved with romantically (my ex and the ‘goddess’) reached out to me these past few days, both had to do with some kind of closure.

My ex wanted to talk and clear up something that happened between us. And the other one reached out to ask for her things back.

Over the last few days, I’ve been really feeling the pain of a deep pattern: how I tend to forget myself whenever I’m too focused or emotionally invested in someone else. Sadly, I’ve lived like that for a long time.

Things have been unfolding at such a fast pace — especially in my relationships. I experienced so much in just two weeks with the goddess, and now it feels like it’s all stopped. I’m left sitting with everything I learned, and the inner shift her presence triggered in me.

As for my ex, the thing goes deeper… But even with her, I could feel more layers of disconnection unfolding.

#23

. Rest day .

I feel sad today as I observe my internal movement with the subs and realize there are still deep layers within me where there’s no real space yet for true change to take root.

I keep up with my meditative practices — since starting Seductress, I’ve reconnected with the Source daily, asking for signs, releases, and the opening of new paths.

But even within this practice, there are days when I just feel really discouraged, and a strong urge to give up surfaces.

I’m trying to allow myself to be in this place without judging it too much

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#24

. EoG - 11s
Sym:S - 21s and 3 rest days .

I’m being so honest with myself and my life.
I’m also learning so much spiritually.

Lately, the situations in my life and the lessons they bring have been showing me the power of surrender —
of letting go of what doesn’t serve me, of releasing the things I clearly don’t control so I can focus on what I actually do.

I’m excited to try the Anti-Recon and see what comes from it too.

What’s been happening over here is a lot of healing — from a very real place. Not many tangible results on the outside, not that i’m aware of.

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#25

. Sym:S - 18s
EoG - 13s and 2 rest days .

These subs are making me cut off — and be cut off from — places and people that simply don’t fit me anymore, and that don’t align with the manifestation of this new energy.

Some bizarre situations have been happening to show me the reality of how I feel in certain spaces where I’m no longer meant to be. In one specific group, things have been going on for about two months, and I kept trying to ‘navigate,’ ‘ignore,’ or ‘force a continuation.’ But every time I connect with that group again, things get clearer.

Yesterday, I made a deep cut on my hand while I was there, and later, during meditation and while talking to chatgpt about the symbolism of what had happened, it became clear: my body is telling me — very clearly — which situations hurt me, and it’s been ‘forcing me to see’ through pain. Since in some cases, I’m still choosing to override my intuition.

So, I said I wasn’t seeing anything new — but the truth is, I’ve been feeling very ‘unfit’ in several places where I used to seem to belong. And maybe, this is a moment of ‘death’ or ‘detachment,’ so that the new manifestation can actually have space to arrive.

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#26

. Sym:S - 15s
EoG - 20s
and 1 rest day .

I can’t exactly explain what happened, but yesterday I had one of those big AHA MOMENTS about a situation in my life that changed everything. For the past two weeks, I’d been feeling really low in terms of self-worth because I wasn’t chosen for a position in the cultural group I’m part of, and I just couldn’t get out of that victim mindset.

But yesterday, I simply got it. I understood how to be at peace with that situation and how to reclaim my value for myself, with more authority — not tying it to whether or not I was chosen (an external event).
I don’t even know how it happened, and I wasn’t looking for a resolution. But something truly shifted inside me regarding my sense of worth.

I was really shaken last week because I realized how much I let go of myself to focus on the external — and how that’s a form of self-abandonment. I’ve been noticing lately how automatic that pattern became, and now I’m consciously talking me back to myself and saying, “Come back to you. Come back to your center. Only you can truly give yourself what you need and do some things for yourself.”

It’s been quite a journey. I’m in this transition between the old and the new.

Anyway, I wanted to share this here because I’m genuinely happy this AHA moment happened — it’s exactly the kind of realization that can change the whole course of our lives.

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#27

EoG - 25s
Sym:S - 22s

I’ve been noticing some gradual and subtle shifts in the way I deal with money. The clearest one lately has been how I feel about filling up my car with gas. A month ago, I used to feel a certain resentment about gas prices here in my country — they’ve gone up a lot over the past year.

But recently, I’ve actually been feeling quite grateful, especially because my car is fuel-efficient and I can drive A LOT around the city (especially if I compare it to how much I’d spend on Uber or other means of transport).

I really wish I already ‘felt ready’ to solve my financial situation. I’d love to add RoW, but I’m afraid it might be too much to process right now.

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#28

. 2 rest days .

Still dealing with some endings, but also having really beautiful experiences with my intuition. Lately, I’ve been trying this thing where I ask my intuition where I should go—like, if I want to have fun—and I hear this voice in my ear guiding me to the best place.

On Friday, I followed that voice and went to a bar in the city. When I got there, I felt in my heart that I should go to the back of the bar—and there he was, a friend who’s also part of the cultural group I’m in. For the first time, I was able to open up to someone from that group (other than my ex or that friend I also went through some endings with) about what I’ve been experiencing.

It was such an integrative moment because he gave me advice from the perspective of someone who’s been there for 8 years (5 years longer than me). It was helpful—he’s faced similar challenges, and his support felt both warm and encouraging.

Besides that, I’ve been making friends with someone new, and this weekend we went to a birthday party together. It feels good to realize that, even with all the challenges, there are new energies flowing in.

#29

So, I believe this is the right moment to share this, but I’m certain that Symmetry: Seductress is a spiritual initiation. It’s an initiation into the new feminine that is being anchored on Earth, and I truly believe that anyone who finds their way to it carries a deep spirit of devotion—because they’re allowing themselves to go through profound transformations in service of greater harmony, softness, and love for themselves (and, ultimately, for others too, since true self-love naturally leads to that in the end).

I’m sure that no one is drawn to it randomly. Whoever is drawn to it is someone who’s ready to take on a new spiritual role.

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#30

A few months ago I wouldn’t have believed something like that was in the cards for me. But I can’t deny Seductress has tapped into something lately. There’s something there, I don’t quite know what it is. I worry sometimes I’m just looking for something to feel special though. I definitely agree though, this is a profound transformation. Moving to trust, harmony, intuition, all really powerful forces but blocked by fear for me.

#31

It really makes sense to stay aware of that place of wanting to feel special… I think it’s an important and caring thing to observe. But I totally share the feeling: it really opened up a new space. I also think it’s important that we’re able to access it with gentleness and love, especially after so many years of being disconnected from that essence…

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#32

. Sym:S - 26s and rest day .

I’m feeling the difference in my internal posture without the EOG loop. It’s crazy to notice that some concepts are easier to let go of.

EOG makes me feel more at ease when it comes to money. It’s been four days since I last listened, and I can already feel that sense of ‘well-being’ fading — even if subtly. Although, some things do feel more integrated by now.

Anyway, my cycle is coming to an end soon, and I’m thinking about switching EOG for RoW. Or maybe alternating loops between the two.

Honestly, I’d really love to see the Rich Trader update. I want to find a way to approach trading that actually aligns with me, and maybe Rich Trader could help me see if dedicating myself to the financial market would feel more natural. I don’t know… sometimes I wonder if it’s my path, or if there’s another way to generate income at scale that would be easier and more aligned for me.

Still figuring it out.

#34

“I can be centered, whole, and balanced — and still experience a deep, reciprocal, and conscious love.
I no longer need to split myself to be accepted.
I am a home to myself, and because of that, I attract those who are also a home within themselves.
I no longer wait for someone to save me — I walk alongside those who also know how to walk.”

(chatgpt suggestions to help reprogram a pattern)

#35

How can I be happy if I’m so afraid of showing others who I really am ?

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#36

. Sym:S - 30s .

I’m having this encounter with my inner child and realizing that… only I can give the permission she was waiting for. These past days and weeks have been so deep. I’m perceiving — more than what I do — the energy behind what I do. And… you know, I’m seeing what makes me sad and the posture toward life that makes me perpetuate that. I called upon the power and essence of Jesus to show me a new way of living.
I believe.

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#37

It’s funny because, in the last few weeks, I’ve been connecting a lot with the essence of Jesus. I’m not Catholic, nor do I follow any religious structure. But I believe in the essence of Jesus and that He was here. This connection is giving me strength to unfold some secrets within myself and to have the compassion — and companionship — to move forward, trusting in a New Life.

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#38

. Washout, day 03 .

“I can be whole, in balance, and still be loved.”

“Eu posso estar inteira, em equilíbrio, e mesmo assim ser amada.”

This will guide me for a while.

#39

. Last day of washout .

So… I’m doing this journey with sacred geometry — it’s like a course that lasts 90 days. The last time I did it was at the end of 2023, and my life completely turned around, with lots of challenges to deal with, of course.

This journey takes you to your “place” in life — the place where you own your prosperity and your path. I think I wasn’t ready back then (I can see that now) but I felt the calling to do it again. I’m trusting the Universe more than I was before, and I’m more surrendered to whatever may arise this time.

Anyway, I’m slowing down after some big waves I’ve gone through. I’m slowing down in my interactions — but at the same time, the quality of them is getting better. I was afraid to get closer to someone I’m now connecting with due to our spiritual past, but honestly, it’s been good, because I’m learning a lot from her. She understands my subjective way of relating to life and communicating so deeply.

Sometimes I wonder if this connection could turn into something romantic, but I’m not sure. I’m moving slowly, and I don’t want to lose this connection because of misunderstandings.