Hi Guys and Gals.
I am suffering a lot from imposter syndrome.
I know it comes from childhood and upbringing when I got told that my intelligence and achievement comes from my highly capables fathers good genes…over and over…a mechanism to push all my achievements onto my parents.
This goes on further…all the healing I go through in therapy…is the theraphists cause.
All I learned at university…the teachers achievement.
All the healing and change that I go through with subs…its all the amazing sub and Saints and Fires glorious creation…and while this is true…this mechanism binds me to those sources of growth learning and healing and keeps me an eternal student…and somehow cuts me of from really integrating all those things into my Self fully.
I stop therapy with a theraphist…some weeks later everything I learned vanished.
I stop using subs for a while. Everything vanishes.
I breakup with a woman, all the growth that I gained during that time vanishes.
I feel like it has something to do with a combination of self worth but also high demands and projections onto myself that as soon as I have learned something…I would need to perform nonstop and would need to make continous steps up.
Has anyone of you encountered and could conquer something similar?