I relate deeply with everything you say, the closest useful answers I came across so far in my life is I shouldn’t worry about it because it will all make sense eventually and sooner than later, and also failure doesn’t actually exist, like it’s not a thing, we can’t fail as individuals, this whole earth game is confusing on purpose.
All the love to you, we got this somehow maybe 
It’s tough I feel you. One thing at a time, one foot in front of the other on what feels like a tightrope. We’re all resilient going through this, sometimes it’d be nice for the resilience to just stop being necessary and coast for a bit.
I appreciate everyone who weighed in on this thread. It helped me settle on running Genesis again. A lot of the stuff I wrote about is in that title. Like word for word some of the stuff that’s been in my head I’ve been grappling with is addressed in that title. I’ve realized I legit don’t know how to exist in the material without either being strung along or just completely detached. Genesis seems like a much needed stepping stone to getting to where I want to be in life.
Bingo. (Somewhat, just don’t rely on external circumstances because they can be taken away from you)
Believe it or not, a large percentage of the population are going through the same existential questions you’ve raised in multiple replies on this thread. Some of them squash those feelings with the various dopamine vices. Those that don’t have those feelings and are still worldly, that’ll be the ones playing the part of Cypher in the Matrix, or the agents 
.
One thing that can help is genuine connection with other people. The psychological manipulation techniques being used by the people trying to “reset” the great machine, so to speak, are designed to either create a feeling of isolation, or divide group against group. Here’s a good example a friend of mine sent me:
At first, this seems like a great idea. “peace and security!” people love to cry. I don’t want to have to deal with that angry customer yelling at me. But that angry customer is angry for a reason, and is treating you like dirt because they are forgetting you’re a person too and they feel powerless to resolve their problem. When I learned the skills of working in a call center, they emphasized gaining rapport with the customer. Well guess what? This throws that all out the window. If you can’t hear the tone of someones voice, you can’t connect with them. This is the first step to creating a society of disconnected robots following the script their knowledge base system tells them to follow.
The best defense against this artificially imposed isolation is to connect with others and find things you have in common that you can feel passionate about or work towards, to replace feeling lost with purpose. To a single person, getting from zero to your goal can seem overwhelming. But if different people with different skills can solve the problem together, it becomes easier. Like in Babylon 5 “And the Rock Cried Out No Hiding Place” (S03E20), where the pastor had to point out the the commander to reach out to Delenn to help shoulder the burden he felt was his alone.
I can’t say I’m living these values 100%, and I still have stress in my life every day. But I’m learning gradually to push through this towards my own survival goals. Hope this helps.
That’s some horrifying use of tech wow.
Honestly I struggle with this, a lot. Even making this post here on the forum was difficult for me. I’m used to being alone and relying on myself to a fault. And people in my life have a tendency to think I’m doing better than I am because I’ve been so emotionally blunted and unexpressive for most of my life. I pretty much fail to communicate my needs both to myself and others. So I really understand the importance of this you’re totally right. One more check for running Genesis.
It’s important to reconnect with what brings you true happiness and purpose. Step away from what doesn’t resonate with your true aspirations and focus on what really matters to you. Prioritize your happiness above all other external expectations. It’s about navigating life authentically; staying true to yourself. Staying true to yourself will lead you to a life that feels genuine and meaningful.
I really got lost on this one. I have to work on deconstructing why my path as a music producer feels less legitimate in this world. It’s like people only really support what you do when you’re good at it. If it hasn’t crossed the threshold of “realistic” they have a tendency to dissuade you from it. I’ve still got those lingering beliefs in my head pulling me back to life paths that don’t align with me. Hard to shake. I know what gives me purpose, I guess it’s not a question of what but how.
What are your thoughts about:
Sanguine
Genesis
HoT
I decided to experiment with a 2 stack sub for a while Genesis and HOT. It’s been ages since I’ve run less than 3. I’ve been starting to wonder if it’s too unfocused and not consistent enough for my mind.
Oddly enough I find Sanguine can actually be difficult to run and I think Genesis covers enough that I don’t need to add that extra level of recon.
Fascinating, but I don’t understand: what are Thinking Questions and what are Doing Questions?
Two subs stack is so much easier to process and integrate!
A simple example of a Doing Question:
“What do the fruits that grow in Irian Jaya taste like?”
Another Doing Question:
“Would I like any of them? What about after I’d lived there for 5 months?”
These are questions that require Action, Doing, and Experience to answer.
Thinking Questions:
‘What are the names and varieties of plant and animal life in Irian Jaya?’
‘What are the likely routes by which those plants and animals came to live there?’
‘What kinds of adaptations did they develop in order to survive there?’
Thinking Questions are questions that can be answered through Contemplation, Reflection, and Analysis of (discursive) Concepts and Information.
It’s very easy to muddle the two, and, truthfully, many questions require a combination of both.
But highly intellectual people are notorious for assuming that conceptual understanding is the same as or superior to experiential understanding.
And similarly, ‘practical’, ‘common sense’ types are famous for concluding that anything not included in their storehouse of experiences is not worth investigating.
Thank you @Malkuth that makes sense. I think I’m guilty of ‘muddling’ these two together 
This framework of yours really helps in making clearer thoughts and better decisions 
I see that you belong to my species, the humans. Nice to meet you.
Also, there is a pretty vast grey area in the middle, where it’s up to you to choose whether analysis or experience will serve you best. There are many situations in which either can work. It’s just that they tend to lead to different outcomes.
One thing’s certain:
If you’re currently feeling trapped by sweeping generalizations or seeming laws of reality, and if it seems that you pretty much ‘know’ how bleak the span and substance of existence ‘truly’ is, it’s probably a good idea to switch from whichever Questioning/Answering approach you’ve typically been using, and to give the other side a shot.
In general, it’s not the Cosmos that’s stuck or hopeless, it’s you/us/me.
I think @JCDenton wrote that he writes a story how the subs together help him accomplish his goals, how each sub does his part, like a cog in a clockwork.
That is a form of conscious guidance I would love to try (but couldn’t get myself to do so).
And it also should reduce recon because your subconscious knows what do do with the sub, and which parts it easily ignore.
I kind of do this. Like a loose narrative. The problem I’ve found more often than not is that I overshoot what I’m currently capable of in favor of an ideal goal. And sometimes I stubbornly stick to a sub or strategy that’s not working because I think I can just push past it. It takes a lot of introspection and humility to sit myself down and be like “you can’t do this yet and that’s ok”. It’s been so long since I’ve just ran subs to chill out to and just better my life detached from all that external pressure to succeed. The irony is the more I’m not looking for success or achievement, the more it finds me.
It’s understandable to fel overwhelmed when navigating a path that feels less conventional from others. And we know that success emerges from those who are willing to challenge that statusquo and persue their true passions. Your journey is meaningful, regardless of other peoples perceptions.
It’s about trusting in your own vision and finding the courage to push forward despite the lingering doubts. 
What’s your ideal life? What’s your heaven on earth, lol.
Do you dream…
Come into the arms of QoL, my dear brother (sister*?).
Guess that’s the journey I’m on now. I know it’s making music, financial security, and relationships. Beyond that I don’t know. But I think I just need to experience life more to actually know. Have to figure out who I am, what I like, what I want, how I want to show up in the world. Don’t have any of that. It’s like trying to get to a destination but your compass is just spinning around like a lunatic. I’m pretty much starting from scratch which has it’s advantages in terms of reinventing my life but it’s intimidating I’m not gonna lie.
Lol sister would be correct. When I was writing this part I immediately thought of you and your QoL posts. I was like yeah, that’s how it’s gotta be going forward. Time is precious.