Ichiban's Emperor journey

[Ichiban]

Yesterday was my rest day and probably the worst I’ve felt since starting. It all started Saturday night when my wife got her monthly reminder of being a woman…That messed up our plans for the night and since my libido is so high these days I just got super frustrated.

That feeling stayed with me all through Sunday. Since it was my rest day, I had no positive input, just the shit I was telling to myself, so I kept feeling worse and worse. To top it off, my wife made a comment at the end of the day about me being sour all day, and that really hurt me. More than anything, it hurt me because it was true. It’s one of the things I’d be happy to fix with Emperor. As a secondary goal to improving my career, it’d be nice to recover the zest for life and joy I used to have in my 20s. Ever since I started a family and became a consultant (which happened at about the same time) all I do is work. I work all the time; if it’s not for my company, it’s at home. It’s very hard for me to relax, have fun, and unplug from all of this. When I do something “fun”, 95% of the time is fun for my kids. And the other 5%, I don’t really enjoy it like I used to. I feel my mind is still at work, trying to figure out stuff, or what the next step should be in my career.

Come to think of it, I feel better during the week than on the weekends. Saying this I feel like a workaholic, but it’s not that. I just feel more in control of my day when it’s a work day, and that makes me feel better. On the weekends it’s all about running errands, and doing stuff with the kids, so I feel absolutely no control over my time. I have zero free time and, even if I had it I would feel guilty using it for something other than being with my family because I work so much during the week. It’s gotten to a point where, in the rare ocassions that I’m left alone, I have no clue what to do with my time. I don’t have any hobbies besides exercising, so when I’m done with that I don’t know what to do. I’m almost never alone so that’s rarely a problem.

I played Emperor last night and I’m starting to feel better. Not sure how much of this is attributable to Emperor, and how much comes from the fact that the weekend is finally over. I’m going to watch myself closely next weekend, and if it’s as shitty as this one I’ll consider moving my rest day to sometime during the workweek. Not sure if this would help me feel better, but worth the shot. Would also be interesting to see how I feel on my rest day during the workweek vs. over the weekend.

[Ichiban]

Great few days since my last post. The unshakeable confidence and great mood all returned after the rough patch over the weekend.

I’m starting to notice an increased ability to defend my point of view. Heck, yesterday I was even able to change my wife’s mind about something! This is a first in the 18 years we’ve known each other. I hope this is the subliminal at work and not a strategy to get me into buying something we don’t need

I’m gradually noticing more respect from my boss too. He includes me in everything and asks for my opinion more often. He has been taking my point of view over his own quite often in the past few days as well.

Finally, I’ve been wondering whether knowing that I’m being exposed to the subliminal has benefits of its own. I’m inclined to think it helps somehow, particularly in the short or immediate term, acting as a “security blanket” of sorts. I’m saying this because I don’t feel as solid on rest days; it takes much less to get me off track when I’m not exposed to the subliminal.

This week, for example, I faced pretty much the same situations that triggered bad feelings and a change in mood during the weekend, yet this time it didn’t affect me. I could notice the unpleasant feelings, yet my mind veered focus away from those almost instantly. It also never dwelled on them later.

I wonder if the “safety blanket” feeling is a common occurrence.

[Ichiban]

The last four days have been relatively uneventful, except for an occurrence I described on a different post. A high-ranked person I used to work with got back in touch out of nowhere. This may not lead to anything, but it could bring good career opportunities since he now works at a very prestigious company. At the very least, I’m thankful that he reached out because you can never have too many friends.

Aside from that, what has been different about these days is how little I feel Emperor. I’m running it just as much. I even shortened my rest period this week, taking less than a day. Despite this, I might have gotten used to it, because I don’t feel its intensity like before.

The best way to describe it is that I feel “just right”. I don’t feel confident, but I don’t feel insecure or timid either. I don’t feel particularly productive or motivated to work, but if there is anything that I need to do I don’t procrastinate.

It was more interesting to feel the sub, but I suppose it’s normal to desensitize to it eventually. It doesn’t mean it’s not working, and I don’t care about how much I feel it as long as the results follow.

[Azriel]

I have two suggestions for you, I hope they may help.

1. Up your loops, even if you have to move through some initial reconciliation. For me, Q is highly fickle, some times I need to drop way back other times I need to amp it way up. There’s no game plan for this, have to stay present and keep calibrating. I ran 9 loops of Emperor by accident while I slept, and am feeling it stronger and with less reconciliation than I ever have. I feel the inner power of V4 in Q format, which I thought was just not part of Emperor Q

2. Emperor lessens when I wait for anything/anyone. It lessens when others exercise control over my life, or I have that perceived sense, in any way, and am not taking action to correct it. Even if its just control via social expectation or norm, It lessens if I spend to much time with others not leading or doing what I really want-

this all leads to what I call ‘dud’ reconciliation- those behaviors fight the programming of Emperor and in an attempt to accommodate your desires the dominance, insane confidence, and independence lessens. This is all my experience and speculation of course

I’ve been spending the week with my family and have to put in 5+ hours of alone time working and on my own personal objectives before I can even spend any time with them. Otherwise I either fall into old conflict patterns, am far too unpalatable for them or begin to feel the reconciliation I am speaking about

[Ichiban]

Thanks, Azriel

Both are great points and both apply to my situation.

In terms of loops, I do quite a lot, but I can do more as I don’t have much reconciliation problems. In fact, any reconciliation has been on my rest days lately. This “dud” reconciliation is new to me, but I understand what you mean and can relate.

Your second point is quite interesting because that same thought has crossed my mind many times, yet I never actually put it to words. I feel the pandemic, which is forcing me to work from home and slowing everything down, is negatively affecting my results. I feel trapped, and like I could do so much more if I was in the right environment. Like you, I spend most of my time with my family with zero control over my schedule. This always leads to frustration.

I’ll take your advice and up the loops. Controlling the environment will be harder, but I’ll try to find a way. Pretty sure you are right about this.

[Ichiban]

Quick update after increasing loops significantly following @Azriel’s advice.

I feel the effects of the sub more than last week, but still less than when I started with it. Having said that, I feel it going deeper. Initially, the results were strong but superficial. Now they feel “weaker” but more profound.

Interesting things I noticed in the past couple of days:

• Time seems to go by slower. This is not related to me being bored. I’ve noticed this a few times when I’m super busy and I’m checking on the time to see how much I have left to work on something. I keep surprising myself with how much time I have left, instead of running out of time without noticing.

• Sustained energy. I often need a nap in the middle of the day and wouldn’t miss taking it if I can. These days I can go on all day and never get sleepy at all. I even had trouble going to bed two nights ago. Not like having insomnia, I was just not sleepy at all. I stayed up until almost 4 am, and was back up just after 7 am with no alarm.

• Super improved mood and humor. I’m always coming up with jokes or I find myself looking for something funny to watch. Very surprised about this aspect of Emperor, but I’m enjoying it very much because I’ve always been like this growing up. Only in the last several years, maybe due to stress, I’ve been less open to humor. Somehow it’s coming back and it feels awesome.

• Never worried about anything. I somehow feel like whatever it is, it will sort out eventually. I also find myself putting things in perspective. Realizing how small the problem is relative to other things.

• More patient and caring. It takes so much more to make me lose my shit. I can handle my kids better because I don’t get so upset about things and I rarely get angry. I also feel more caring with them and even towards my dog. Not like I wasn’t before, but now I just feel like hugging them all the time.

• Increased water intake. Now, this is weird because I’ve never cared about water before. I’ve never been concerned with being hydrated, although I know it’s important. These days, however, I wake up and feel like having a huge glass of water as soon as I get to the kitchen, and then at different times throughout the day.

Today I’m getting new earphones following a recommendation I read by @Magneto. I’m getting the 1More Triple Driver In-ear earphones, which supposedly provide a pretty flat response. @SaintSovereign mentioned in one of the Ultima posts that a flat response was important for subs, so I figured I’ll test this out. Pretty excited to see if I feel the difference.

Finally, @Azriel also mentioned Emperor lessens for him in situations when others are in control. I tested this and found it to be the case for me as well. When taking over control in a situation I felt very relaxed. Like then I knew what to expect and so everything was going to be fine.

Thanks for sharing that advice, Azriel. It would’ve taken me much longer to realize this on my own. I’ve always avoided leading anything because I felt freer that way and because I don’t like the spotlight. Now I realize there is more freedom in being the one calling the shots, despite the associated responsibility.

[Magneto]

oday I’m getting new earphones following a recommendation I read by @Sirchiropractixalot. I’m getting the 1More Triple Driver In-ear earphones, which supposedly provide a pretty flat response.

Actually, it’s slightly bassy. I’m no expert in IEM, but there are others that offer a truly flat response, although these tend to be more expensive. Do your research before you splash the cash…

[Azriel]

I am super happy
that what I shared made a positive difference for you.
Thanks for trusting it / yourself enough to take it on and to make those changes.

[King]

I also noticed an increased drive to do outstanding work. I rarely do anything half-assed, but this is taking it to the next level—especially if it’s important. I was asked to create a post on LinkedIn, and I immediately went from needing to create “a post”, to wanting to write “the best post" anyone had ever created. I looked up books I had on the elements of rhetoric, I researched examples and best practices and, once I had the first draft, I ran everything through Grammarly to make sure it was as perfect as I could make it.

This is impressive. @Ichiban. I used to work in as a commercial due diligence consultant for a particular sector, and the stress of attending to details often killed my joy in my work. I am glad EmperorQ is helping you in this respect.

[Ichiban]

Of course. I read more reviews than I could count and, while I don’t understand some of the technical details, they always came out near the top in terms of performance while being very reasonably priced. Definitely not ready to spend thousands on earplugs. Especially because I’m sure my ears are not sophisticated enough to appreciate the difference.

[Ichiban]

Thanks, King. I can completely relate. I’ve worked in due diligence projects and there is no room for mistakes. However, the worst part for me is the lack of time. I enjoy taking my time to make things perfect, but the tight deadlines of a due diligence seldom allow for that. It sucks having to deal with this trade-off when it’s so pronounced.

[Ichiban]

These past few days have not been good. Again, the trigger was that I took a day off. I didn’t listen to the sub on Sunday, and I felt completely off.

To make things worse, I was celebrating my daughter’s birthday with another family, and I just kept wishing for the event to be over. I NEED time to be by myself, yet I’m getting none.

I felt a bit better when I went back into the sub on Monday, but still not fully back to normal. Today was even worse. I had to watch my kids on my own for about four hours because my wife had some errands to run. I was miserable despite using the sub. I kept wanting time for me. Some fucking time away from everything and everyone. I’m so angry right now. Just want to be left alone. The kids were particularly intense this morning. I couldn’t bear it anymore, so I finally snapped. The worse part is that I kept feeling sorry for myself for having to put up with so much. I hate this feeling because I have so much to be grateful for. I kept wanting to be left alone so that I could work. I didn’t even want to relax or enjoy any of my hobbies (I have zero left btw). I just wanted peace and quiet so that I could work.

I’ve been reading about the latest Ultima launches happening this week. I’m considering using Sanguine, which I bought a few weeks ago. On the other side, I believe there is value in running one sub at a time, so I probably won’t be doing that. I don’t want to fall in the trap of switching or adding subs all the time. I want to stick to Emperor, but I’m not noticing additional improvements after two months. It feels like I have plateaued. In fact, if anything, I’m worse now than two weeks ago.

On the positive side, I feel more present. I don’t think so much about the future or how things may unfold. I don’t prepare or worry about meetings regardless of importance. I feel confident that whatever happens, I can handle it. I make decisions faster and don’t dwell on them later.

I don’t feel less than anyone else, but keep carrying a bit of a “victim’s mentality” depending on the situation. I’m jealous of people who can focus on work on nothing else and are doing phenomenal. I have to work so much harder to get to the same spot because my family is dragging me down. They require so much attention, and I don’t have the time or energy to do it all.

I hate myself for thinking like this. I wouldn’t change my family for anything in the world but still feels like I’m competing in a race running underwater while everyone else is on the surface.

I’m super impatient. I have always been. Not seeing actual improvements in my job/career is very frustrating. I know I should push through this. Moments like this sometimes indicate a breakthrough is near. I feel like sticking to the plan no matter what, but I’m not sure I’ll make it to six months anymore…At the rate that SC launches new amazing products, I feel like I’m missing out on so much. If I was seeing actual developments, I would be motivated to continue without changing anything. Unfortunately, feeling like I have plateaued is pushing me to try new things.

[Ichiban]

Things at work seem to be a bit better. My boss keeps recognizing the good work I do. Moreover, he is increasingly talking to other people about me and what he’s seen me do. This is giving me great visibility across the firm without any effort from my part.

On Thursday I participated in a training session with one of the partners and he mentioned to my boss that I was very good. To this my boss said that I was a really strong performer. What the partner said was just based on my contributions during the training.

Since running Emperor I notice that I speak much more powerfully. I feel the tone of my voice is much stronger. I project my voice better and I share my point of view with such a level of conviction that people pick up on that. I think this is what influenced the partner during the training. My boss told me the partner said he was very impressed, and that he only had good things to say about me. I never worked with the guy, so his reaction was completely out of proportion. This must be Emperor at work, can’t explain it any other way.

On the other side, I’ve been feeling increasingly frustrated with where I am in my career. I’m very often in a gloomy mood. Constantly hoping for more. Things at work are slow, and as the weekend approaches I get more and more restless. I feel much better when I have a huge challenge in front of me, something that occupies my time and mind completely.

Speaking of challenges, my son had some x-rays done because he has been having difficulty breathing and they didn’t come out normal. The pediatrician said it’s probably an issue with the machine, as this has happened in the past. She ordered another x-ray at a different place to confirm there is nothing to worry about. I’m still waiting for the results. I am super worried and can’t wait to hear that everything is ok with him. This is affecting me very much. Makes me realize nothing matters to me more than my family. This is all I think about now and can’t get it out of my head.

On top of this, or maybe because of this, I’ve been needing to break free emotionally. I want to be able to feel good regardless of what is going on in my life. I feel like I want to be on my own all the time. Just me with myself, my thoughts, my feelings. People typically disappoint me. I feel like my standards towards other people have skyrocketed. I don’t tolerate bullshit. I don’t allow disrespect of any kind, by act or omission.

Finally, I’m considering adding an Ultima title since I’ve been running Emperor for over two months now. I’ve been doing Emperor solo for close to a month, and adding Beyond Limitless could help with generating ideas and becoming even more competent at work. I’ve been very impressed reading people’s reactions to Ultima and I can’t wait to jump on that too.

The only reason I haven’t done it yet it’s because Ultima seems to be geared towards generating immediate and short term results. However, I’m all about transformational change. Long term, deep rooted changes. Based on this, I think I’ll stick with just Emperor for now. Having said that, I’d be curious to now whether Ultima titles can generate deeper changes if run consistently over a period of time. If that were the case I could see myself adding it. Also, if Emperor ever gets updated to T o T2 I might give that a go as well.

[Azriel]

Definitely try Sanguine or BL Ultima

I think you will really enjoy how the round out the effects of Emperor.

Either one will shoot some joy, flow, and connection back into things

[Ichiban]

Thanks for the suggestions, Azriel

I have Sanguine ultima, but I’m actually more interested in Beyond Limitless. More than anything, because Emperor already has Quantum Limitless in it, so I wouldn’t feel so bad about adding BL vs. adding Sanguine. You know I intended to run Emperor on its own, so I want to divert as little as possible from it.

[Ichiban]

So I guess I’ll have to change the [SOLO] part of the title for this journal because, yesterday, I finally gave in and bought Beyond Limitless Ultima.

I just run my first loop, and something VERY trippy happened. I was listening to the track off my phone using the 1MORE in-ear headphones I recently bought. During the last 10 minutes or so, I decided to concentrate on the sound, doing an exercise that I learned a few years ago. This exercise involves focusing all your senses on one thing; in this case, the sound of the water flowing. With practice, you can experience some sort of synesthesia effects. I’ve never been able to experience anything as crazy as “smelling the sound” —but I can feel the individual components of a song and get a sense of “weight” of each of them. It’s hard to explain, but the whole idea is that you can experience sensory input on many levels. It’s very relaxing too because you concentrate so much on that one thing that everything else disappears.

Anyway, as soon as the track ended, I removed my earphones and got back to work. That’s when I noticed that I was still hearing the water flowing. Initially, I thought I might have left the app running and that it was playing the next masked track. I checked my phone and nothing…I had actually closed the app, so that couldn’t be what I was hearing. I also checked my work phone, which I sometimes use for subs and found nothing was playing either.

I kept hearing the water flowing for like 2 or 3 minutes. I was beginning to worry I had fucked something up in my ears. I remembered Saint saying that Ultima has ultrasonic and masked mixed, so I thought that I might have been playing this too loud for in-ear headphones. I was starting to freak out when it suddenly stopped. It didn’t fade out, it just stopped, like someone pushing the stop button.

I’m super curious to know if anyone has experienced anything like this. I wonder if it had to do with the exercise I did, or with this track being Ultima. I didn’t do this exercise before with any subs, so I can’t tell if this is what triggered the experience.

Other than that, I don’t have anything special to report in terms of results. It’s still too soon, of course. I plan to run BLU once a day and will keep running Emperor as usual.

In terms of Emperor, I’ve been running it for a bit longer than usual. Especially during the day over the past 2 or 3 days. I noticed that the more I run it, the better I feel. I still don’t feel okay during rest days. I always experience very heavy reconciliation and feel off in general. Not less confident, but generally pissed off, moody and frustrated. Very restless. On the other side, I’ve been noticing that if I limit exposure overnight, I tend to wake up feeling more energized. Not a huge difference but still noticeable.

I keep progressing with Emperor but definitely at a lower rate. This is not a bad thing. I still feel super confident, but now it’s more like this is my new normal. I feel well-grounded most of the time. My sense of pride, self-respect, and expectations towards other people, and how I allow them to treat me keeps gradually increasing.

On Sunday, my wife wanted me to reach out to a couple of people I knew from business school to discuss a potential job opportunity. I’ve reached out to these people in the past, and they had ignored me. So I told her I’m done asking for favors. I’m done with accepting less than what I would gladly give or have given. After all, nothing is lost. Every single job I’ve had and every degree I got was a result of my own effort.

I have always been ready to offer a helping hand to anyone, whether I know them or not. Emperor is giving me the perspective that this is still a good thing, but it has a limit. The limit is that there are people who don’t deserve it. People that, time and time again, have disappointed me. People that never reply in kind, never do anything if it’s not for their own benefit. People that only show up when they need something from me. In those cases, my generous nature interferes with my sense of self-respect. If I keep giving and acting like nothing happens when people disrespect me or ignore me, I am undermining my progress at building a healthy sense of pride. My time and efforts are better spent elsewhere.

Finally, that situation with my kid and the x-ray turned out well —nothing to worry about. That was a HUGE relief, and I can now focus better on other things and go on with my life. I think over worrying for my family is a weakness that no amount of Emperor can help me overcome.

[Floridianninja]

Maybe try running inner circle to help manifest people that can help with that potential job opportunity.

Congrats on your child not having anything wrong with them :), that is such a relief i bet.

[Ichiban]

Thanks, man. Really appreciate it

[Ichiban]

Quick update after second day of adding BLU.

This time, thankfully, I didn’t have anything weird happen, so that was good. That experience about continuing to hear the sub after it was over was probably a one-off thing. Curious about what might have triggered that, but not looking to repeat it, just in case it was a warning that I was starting to damage something in my ear.

I’ve been significantly more irritable since yesterday. More aggressive in general and less patient. This is nothing out of the ordinary based on other members’ experience with BLU. Having said that, I can’t wait for it to pass once I get used to Ultima.

On the positive side, been noticing more attention to detail. I’ve surprised myself a few times today seeing things I haven’t noticed before, even when I had them in front of my eyes for months. I’m also tuning in the small details instead of just seeing the bigger picture. Not like I don’t see the bigger picture but I’m looking at things differently without trying. For example, I caught myself really looking into someone’s eyes while they were speaking, and I could appreciate the color of their eyes. I normally can’t remember someone’s face, much less any particular feature. I also noticed secondary voices in the background of a song that I’ve heard a thousand times.

I have to admit, I’ve never been very observant. These things may be ordinary for some people, but I find them really encouraging based on what I’m typically like. Really looking forward to knowing what’s in store when I run BLU for a few months.

[Ichiban]

Big win work wise. A project I’ve been after for the last several weeks ultimately materialized. This is the largest project sold in my unit and one of the largest globally. I played an important role during the proposal stage and will be responsible for delivery.

Of course, this can’t solely be attributed to Emperor, or me alone for that matter. This was a huge undertaking and the entire team is equally responsible for this success. However, I’d like to think that Emperor put me in the mindset that this was within reach, and I feel more than prepared to tackle its execution now.

In terms of BLU, it pushes me to learn constantly. It’s kind of frustrating because I’m typically too busy to explore everything I’m interested in. I’ve always been interested in reading, learning, etc.; this is pushing that side of me even further. I’m going on vacation for a week before the big project starts and I already have a list of eight books I want to read during this time. I know that’s not going to happen because I’m going to be crazy busy with the kids, but BLU is pushing me to keep wanting that regardless.

Other than that, I feel that my words come out easier. Not only easier, but also more accurately. I find myself using words I don’t typically use, but that reflect much better what I’m trying to convey.

I tried upping the loops to two per day of BLU, but I’m not sure this is making much difference. I felt like trying anyway.

I’m pretty satisfied with how things are going in general. This huge project it’s the perfect ground for me to test the boundaries of Emperor. Taking action during lockdown hasn’t been easy, but this will hopefully put an end to that.

For this project, I’ll be reporting to a guy at work that it’s very hard to impress. He’s the type of person that behaves and talks in a way that you know he thinks he’s smarter than you and everyone else. He is a smart guy, don’t get me wrong, but I’ve seen people that would put this guy to shame, so I’m not overly impressed. I think he is picking up on that, and I don’t think he particularly likes me because I never kiss his ass (not my style anyway). He reminds me of Tony Stark, by the way. The way he talks and goes about himself, specially. Not someone you can expect pats on the back and encouragement from, if you know what I mean. The other day was the first time he acknowledged something I said was a good idea. Very uncommon of him. Will see how that goes during the project. His attitude towards me can be a good yardstick to measure my progress with Emperor.

More to come…