Coding soundtrack
I donāt feel so bad anymore about how some things in my life turned out or the people I used to miss but donāt feel that way now. I have no idea what I would say to some of them anyway.
I thought calling my father the other day would be a good idea but now it just feels like I was trying to cling to something thatās been gone for a long time. Maybe thatās the path to healing and letting go. All these regrets. For what? Would it really change anything for better if things had gone differently?
I feel that in some ways for the last few decades I have been living in a constant state of wishing things had been different. That I would have changed something or acted differently. It wouldnāt have mattered because the same outcome would have happened eventually anyway.
I beat myself up mentally and emotionally over so much. Not understanding that all of the anger and depression I was feeling and projecting was pointless. I would have been miserable either way. Iām not sure anything would have changed that until I did the work necessary to find out why I felt the way I did or came to how I feel now.
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Dragging today but still getting things done. Ran the New QL St 1 yesterday. I did a full loop. Iām going to knock down the loops on my titles to three minutes each for now and see how that goes. Still not really watching television although I did watch a little bit of Disenchantment on Netflix last night. Doing more reading. Itās always funny to me to see anything Matt Groening does because I always think back to when I first saw his comic strip Life in Hell
Minneapolis used to have a weekly paper called City Pages. Thatās where I would usually find out about upcoming concerts prior to the internet. His comic was always close to the back where the adult and 900 numbers were advertised. I miss that paper. They did a lot of really cool essays . Was also a cool way to find out about other events and restaurants or whatever going on.
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Something I feel Emperor and definitely QL has triggered is how much more observant I am of things around me. That will probably increase quite a bit once I get glasses after my eye surgery.
I donāt know if itās just being conscious of how much things change and how rapidly but I find myself curious how I can grow with these changes rather than fight against them as I have in the past.
This also goes back to an earlier post about wishing I could go back and fix various things and situations in my past. I must be growing because not only does it feel unnecessary but I feel that if I did I could very easily have lost who I am now and what I am becoming. Iām not sure I would be OK with that.
Something else is I feel that at times I am seeing glimpses of how people really are. What I mean is that I know people that I have to deal with both for work and in my current living environment that try to portray a certain image but really arenāt that way at all. I feel that I allowed myself to be willfully oblivious to peopleās true intentions because I wanted to think the best of someone. I should have known after decades of trying to heal any relationship with my biological parents that thinking that way is futile.
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Similar situation. I still havenāt talked about what happened in my journal, the wounds havenāt healed completely, but Iāve had some similar realizations.
That said, I donāt want to live an angry or brooding life, itās too short, I owe it to myself to make the most out of myself and whatever time I have left in this world.
I want to enjoy life being the best I could be, achieving my dreams, enjoying the best life has to offer and spending my time going on adventures, trips, having excellent meals and enjoying the best experiences with my loved ones.
Stay the course brother 
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I ran a loop of the Nov 2023 LBfH last night and today I have better about myself. Seems like any time I run LBfH that I eat less
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Dropped QL from my stack in favor of LBFH Nov 2023. Running my loops today of Emperor and Index Gate Nov 2023
The combination of LBfH and Emperor is obliterating my anxiety
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Spending way more time on coding now. I still havenāt watched much if any television lately. I donāt really miss it either. Working through the Full Stack course I mentioned before as well as finishing an Front End and HTML courses. I know they overlap. I am working for better retention.
After I finish the HTML course Iām going to start the Python course
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Sorry I was just trying to stretch my fingers 
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I have been reading up on long term goals and thinking lately. Something I have struggled with my entire life is being patient. I feel that Emperor , Index Gate , and QL are helping me see the importance of it even though at times it feels like planning or looking forward to a day that might possibly never come.
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Congratulations, @James! Hard work and perseverance pay off in dividends, especially once weāve built up momentum. Keep up the great work! 
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Already half way through my Python Basics course. This language is clicking for me rather quickly
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Started an SQL course as well
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Man SQL still confuses me, in terms of the actual queries/commands. I use PHP scripts to access some SQL Databases, and itās hella cumbersome. I may run IGUP to help with SQL.
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It is confusing. I will probably go through the course multiple times so I catch things I might have missed
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For some reason the more extreme the music that I listen to while I work through coding courses the better I do.
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