How to fight the feeling if Envy and jealousy?


#1

Some events trigger a feeling of jealousy inside me. I realise that it’s actually just the insecure expression of the reality inside me. Everytime it comes up, i become aware of it and i try to fight it.

I may force different thoughts, but the feeling does not easily subside.

How do I fight it?


#2

Why feel jealous or envious in such times?

In fact COVID-19 is a great leveller - almost everyone is not having it good regardless of whether he is rich, poor, good-looking, ugly, smart, stupid…

If you think about it, you wouldn’t want to be in somebody else’s situation either at this moment.


#3

Why not take action instead of being jealous ?. Why not learn from that person and become a better person yourself ?. Why not think I want what he or she has then make a plan of action to get what you want.


#4

Envy is coveting something you’ve never had, jealousy is coveting something you’ve had but no longer have.

When I get these feelings, I first identify it as one of the two.


If it’s envy, I ask myself what I would need to do to get it then. Not take it from someone, but get it for myself as well. After all, I have to maintain belief in abundance, there is enough for everybody, including me.

Either I get an answer that is something I can actually do, or I get an answer that brings up a lot of annoying reasons why I shouldn’t even try.

For example, I see somebody walking around with a model on his arm, I ask myself how can I have a model as a girlfriend also? The answer is simple, work on my dating and seduction skills. Become social or successful enough that we hang out in the same places.

That triggers a bunch of anxiety, resistance and fears concerning rejection, hard work and reasons why models are far too high maintenance and the feeling of envy is gone. I weaponize my own fears and insecurities against the envy and it is defeated.

Obviously I would prefer taking action and getting myself a Vicky’s Secret Angel, but either way the envy is gone. Problem solved.


As for jealousy, it’s a bit tougher.

I had it, now I lost it. I need to accept it and move on. Do better next time. Learn from it. Tell myself that there is something much better out there for me and the reason I lost the old thing is so I can pursue the newer better thing. Whatever I need to tell myself to accept and move forward instead of getting stuck in the past.

I find the most powerful argument usually is that there is something even better out there for me, so why should I be content with anything less? Why be jealous of something when I can do better?
(Obviously don’t ask those exact questions or your subconscious will tell you exactly why you should :slight_smile: )


In the end, this will happen, and you will need to consciously move your thoughts towards something more productive.

In most cases, I just accept the situation for what it is. Envy I can do something about if I wanted, with jealousy either I work on myself and whatever it was gets drawn back to me (if I still want it then) or I just move on. This too shall pass. Never get stuck in the past.

What’s that concept anyway, stoicism?


This was another DarkPhilosopher blog post in the SubClub Insider.


#7

It’d be helpful to know the types of events that trigger the feeling to give you a more accurate answer. What are you jealous about? The other person’s character, what he has, his upbringing or current environment, what other people think of him/her…?

Think about it, and then keep asking why. That way you’ll learn a lot about yourself and might give you clues on what to do about it. You may also realize that you were misjudging a situation and the jealousy fades away.

Case in point: you see a guy driving a Lambo and that triggers the feeling. You decide it is the Lambo (and associated wealth) that you are jealous about. Then ask “why?”. You want people to admire you? You want the security associated with having that level of wealth? What is it?

Let’s say it’s the first one, you want to be admired. People don’t always admire someone with a Lambo. Not saying any of these are correct, but sometimes people think someone buys a car like that to compensate for something else, sometimes they think it’s a terrible financial decision and so you are an idiot for buying it. Sometimes they are just jealous and think that the guy is a prick for driving around in that.

There are other ways to be admired that are much more profound than being admired because of the things you own. Why not focus on being admired for who you are? Your character, how many people you help every day, your strength and courage to keep pushing in tough situations…many options.

Finally, try to play devil’s advocate. How do you know how having that level of wealth might be affecting the individual? He could be stressed all the time. He could have lost interest for everything since he can have anything. He may never be able to experience your level of excitement and expectation about getting something new for himself, since most times this feeling is overriden by knowing he could have anything at any time. Also, if he was born into his wealth, he will never know whether he’d be able to achieve the same for himself under other circumstances. He also may never know who his real friends are. Who would stick around and return his calls in the event his wealth dissapears?

Where I’m going with this is I don’t think the solution is in fighting the feeling like you are trying. I think you should dig deeper, and follow the feeling to see where it takes you. This would be much more valuable even if it doesn’t get rid of the feeling completely.


#8

StarkQ Terminus eliminated the strong feeling of envy and jealously (yes I mean both) towards an old friend of mine who used to “steal” my girls. The feelings manifested as a sense of “I don’t like him” but I still cared soooooo much about his opinion.


#9

Do not fight it. Man if there’s one thing I wish I never got into the habit of it’s fighting emotions. You will lose, every single time. You can’t control your actual emotions. You can choose not to react to them or to avoid taking actions that spawn from them, but the core energy of emotions are there and can’t be willed away.

What you can do is continue to work on yourself and your limiting beliefs so events like this no longer trigger that jealousy. That’s the ultimate goal. Not that you become stronger and can control jealousy, but rather it doesn’t get triggered in you so there’s nothing you feel the need to fight.

My 02 cents at least. I’ve never had good results attempting to control emotions. And if you can it’s finite. Maybe a day or two, then they come bursting through like a busted dam and it knocks you on your ass.


#10

From a broad sense my negative emotions stem from seeing people who were in a similar position to me taking action and going ahead in life, while I am still clueless on how to take action.


#11

“How” to take action, or “what” action to take? The obvious answer is to go and ask them for assistance. If you are clear in your questions, more often than you think people will help you. It strokes their ego. It’s also an action to you, builds your inner circle and gets over social anxiety.

It’s like walking up to that attractive woman/girl in the clothing store and ask for fashion advice. Unless she’s crazy busy or too distracted by friends, she’ll usually love sharing her “expertise” and in return you’ll be dressed in the clothes a type like her finds attractive.

But if that’s too big a step for you (it often is for most people), at least tell us the answer to the first question: how or what.

I can relate by the way. Oftentimes I see people 10+ years younger than me that have achieved things I wanted to at that age. I used to have a 20-something upstairs neighbor that had invented a successful app right out of college and took a new vacation every month. Gave me no end to irritation to compare myself with him, especially knowing that in other fields I was way better than him. It made me feel like he got an opportunity that wasn’t given to me, when the truth is that the opportunity for me is out there, I just don’t see it (yet).

Remember there are several members here that didn’t achieve success (in life and/or love) until after they started listening to the subs at 40+ years of age. They have accepted that and only look forward to more success. They are on a roll now. And you are younger than that, you actually get a head-start! :wink:


#12

I think what works well for envy in some situations is to turn it into inspiration. This works much better if you feel the person is deserving of that success though.

Like I knew someone from years ago and always thought she was going places. I’m not on social media so I never kept up with what she was doing. Then early this year, I randomly came across her work on the net, she made it big. I was so proud of her but also tremendously envious. She’s doing what she loves and is traveling around the world while doing it.

But then I thought, “she did it, why can’t I?” The main difference is she kept honing her skills all her life and her success didn’t happen overnight. Because I personally knew her, that lifestyle seemed so much more real and achievable. This sparked inspiration for my new project I’m working on. I’ve gotten more serious again and it could even be the event that led me to start using SubClub too.

I think it was Teal Swan that said envy reveals what you truly want in life. We’ll I knew then that that’s how I wanted to live my life, while before I was always lost on how I should live it and let fear prevent me from going all in.


#13

@Fractal - that’s very true. Envy does enlighten us if we take it the right way. I remember realizing this when I was envious of a person who made it as a writer but didn’t feel the envy when someone else made it as a singer. That meant that it was within me to aspire to write.

So it can give us direction.

And surely saying to ourselves that “if they can do it, so can I” is the best way to give ourselves some direction and motivation.