How do I rewrite the shame I've lived with?

Questions and Comments
#1

I’ve been messaging one of the forum leaders here, and I walked into something this morning while replying to him.

In short, shame has been my sticking point. It’s been the reason I’ve given up on personal goals so often. I’ll paste what I wrote this morning, and I’m asking for input. Thank you.

"2 days back I did single full loops of DRLD and Genesis. DRLD pulls me in since it removes the lies I hide behind. Genesis is a great booster for it.

And I just finished listening to LBFH since I needed it. No idea what I’ll listen to next.

I’ve been afraid of disappointing you (actually afraid you’d abandon me), so I’d not shared my thoughts as of late. Genesis had been making changes in my thinking, which showed as “I want to do this.” In my experience, that’s rarely ever happened.

What came up the day I’d listened to Primal was my desire for DR.

I wonder now why I’m hesitant to jump on it, and I think I know why. DR signals the end of a lifelong immaturity which I’ve enjoyed. It’s kept me safe. That mentality is what I’ve relied upon, day in and day out to navigate life. Every single day. That’s why I got stuck after months of DR St.2.

That, right there, is my struggle. I’d used Emperor to walk me closer to that breakthrough, and I pulled back. I didn’t know how or why I should go through this.

BAMM! It popped up while writing! I’ll throw in clear points now to help steer my future aims.

Emperor reeks of success, and success to me meant exposing the shame I’ve lived with and hidden from everybody. Hiding that has meant hiding myself–which is exactly what I do.

Shame is, and has been, my main emotional holdup/roadblock/barrier. It’s the very reason I began using subliminals in 2017 with the other producer.

Shame is what’s had me in handcuffs.

I’m struggling asking this (my defenses rising suddenly), but how might I slowly defeat this?

Yeah. That’s why I listened to LBFH this morning. Shame hurts me. It belittles me."

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#2

This is sort of an indirect suggestion but on the same idea because I recognize similar behaviors in you that hold me back a lot.

I see a lot of intellectualization in your post. And it’s definitely a strength to be self aware, but sometimes you can convince yourself something is more complex than it really is. Intellectualization happens when individuals themselves struggle with emotions, we can write novels on an observation of how we feel but we don’t feel the emotions themselves.

Other tidbit of hard knocks learning in my life. It’s rarely just one thing. The appeal of it being just one thing is “yes if I just correct this it will all fall into place”. But in my case it’s a lot of small things, like a crack that spiderwebs into so many diverse issues, some big and some small. There was a book I read that talked about “healing fantasy”, when one thing aligns in life the individual feels everything will fall into place. But it’s just that, a fantasy, it’s a hope or a cope for dealing with intense emotional pain.

Rambling aside, and I hope it’s somewhat relevant, you’re doing it. It rarely ever feels like it because we’re all navigating uncharted waters. If emperor or any of the bigger titles throw up resistance in you, honor that. Keep running Genesis, use what serves you. This is not a battle or a war you have to wage with yourself. So often we think growth is gonna go a certain way and it rarely ever does. It’s important to recognize you’re gonna have “oh shit how am I ever gonna heal from this?” moments.

Just pick something, stick with it, and reach out on the forum if you need support.

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#3

For one stop sub hopping. Find good subs and stick to them for a long time until that shame issue is resolved. My suggestion is Regeneration + LBFH. Run them for long enough and I doubt the shame issue survives that.

Two: Find the events that are at the root of the shame and rewrite them using Neville Goddard revision technique.

Three: When shame feelings appear deal with them using EFT.

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#4

I second using EFT Tapping as a companion to facilitate clearing what subliminals drag to the surface. Simply follow the tapping at the same spots as the video while reciting the same statements. The statements will evoke certain emotions, and those emotions are the target of what is to be released, shifted, and/or cleared. Find a particular video that you like the most and stick with it for a few weeks as you progress with healing.

Of course, exercise is another great supplement to any form of energy work or subconscious work. Exercise allows more energy to circulate through our bodies, decreases stress, and allows us to better tackle the changes we consciously wish to experience.

Also, you should consider doing the Deepest Fear Inventory practice detailed here: Deepest Fear Inventory - Consciousness and Clarity

In essence, you’re physically writing out of a list of fears that are holding you back from achieving what you desire. Afterwards you read the list to someone (you can even read it to yourself and it will still have a profound effect) and then rip up the page. Do this daily for a few weeks on one topic - for example, on why you refuse to be or feel mature, and you will notice how powerless the fears actually are after writing them out repeatedly.

Go deep with a practice like this, or any form of shadow work, and aim to address the shame you feel or the inadequacy you perceive. You’ve taken a step much greater than many people in actually acknowledging areas you want to work on.

Keep up the great momentum, and know you already possess more maturity and self-assurance (rather than shame) than you might give yourself credit for. Best wishes, bud.

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#5

I’d tried Primal on suggestion, and I only used it once. Genesis had spoken up, pointing me back to healing titles. My most used subs recently have been LBFH and Genesis.

My reference to Emperor was when I was using it with CFW. It’s been maybe a month since I last ran it. I’d felt stuck and needed to wake myself up.

I itched for DRLD 2 days ago and ran it with Genesis. The results were incredibly revealing. Still seeing subtle and powerful changes pushing through.

But I’ll agree that I was intellectualizing this morning. I realized less inhibition to sharing, so I did so, allowing myself to jump from topic to topic without censoring myself until I finished. In other words, I often rewrite my thoughts, but I also diminish the message I need to share. I consciously ignored my censoring impulse, and this was new. (Fear of rejection is my main reason for editing myself).

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#6

Read my last reply.

I did some tapping while watching one of the videos. I did EFT heavily in 2011 when me and my wife separated. I found it incredibly relaxing. The main reason I stopped was that it ceased the symptoms, but not its root. Old beliefs consistently came back. Have you discovered something different?

#7

I want to clarify there was nothing wrong with the free flow like sharing you were doing. I think that’s a really important thing. I was just pointing out that you have to be careful with trying too hard to intellectually understand an emotional problem. They are in two different realms and activate 2 separate skill sets. Most humans lean on their most comfortable skill set. But when you lean on the intellectualization the whys and how’s grow. They in turn lead you further and further from your emotional center. It can cause you to doubt a title you’re running or think another one might fit better. When in actuality the search for a “better” title is like emotional procrastinating, there’s always gonna be that option that seems like the better choice that keeps pulling you from the center. But the center is the intimidating, messy, chaotic place inside most of us want to avoid. Run any zp title long enough and you hit that place.

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#8

Dang, now that’s the truth. I haven’t indulged in that in a while, but I used to incessantly. It wasn’t until I realized the futility of it that I stopped. Running invites more running. Escaping invites more escaping. Making poor decisions invites more of the very same.

But feeling the pain of making zero gains after years of this recycling show has me actually doing some new things. It’s scary as hell sometimes, but I prefer it to knowingly repeating the same mistakes.

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#9

That resonated with me deeply. This is exactly what DR: LD has been working on with me. So attached to the immaturity. Because its safe and comfortable.

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#10

Thanks for mentioning that Melody. Immaturity has its time and place, and I enjoyed it

Feel like I should be whispering this, but being immature was extremely easy when other immature people were around. It’s always been easy to be a kid around kids. Makes me smile remembering some good times.

Doing these new growth subs (Genesis, DRLD, and LBFH for me) is slowly and gently opening my mind and heart to my place in this world. (Surprizingly, that came out without loads of shame and self-belittling). I’m enjoying these experiences.

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#11

I’m thinking that a good long run of DR and Genesis might be just what the doctor ordered for you. Either combine them into a custom for every stage of DR, or just run them alone, but I think that if you do that for at least a year, the world will look very different.

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#12

Mixed with LBFH :slightly_smiling_face: