High On My Own Supply

Journals - Major Programs
#35

All of a sudden WANTED is kicking into gear again, however I don’t think I passed any sort of recon episodes, not as strong as the meltdown a few weeks ago.

I am getting regular stares, licking lips and women being as bold to sit next to me on the train and leaning in. I even had a married woman in her 50s, admittedly very attractive with an unbuttoned shirt turn and flirt with me. Blondes either cannot look away or they make a direct play with sitting beside me and pretending to be my girlfriend for the ride.

I’m even collecting semi- “stalkers” - a petite blonde at the art store actually waved at me when she started her shift, which surprised me since I teased her previously. A different store colleague remembered me from before and again, just started teasing her too.

I’m now not as worried as trying to “catch” a woman, even mentally or physically, because it isn’t being very WANTED. Either the sub works or not. (It is working).

WANTED is also working overtime on my physique. I have tried for years trying to melt my stomach with diets and not eating certain meats. However I got confirmation from family members that indeed my stomach is getting flatter and smaller - no changes to what I eat or additional exercise. This is a massive result. Post breakup I want to look the best I can and to be the most attractive man ever as a rebound motivation.

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Main Disc. Thread - The NEW Wanted! (Free Upgrade! Now Available! Custom Core Available)
#36

There’s gold there. Words like this make wonder “what is my reason for desiring this myself?”

And I realized…that I wanted to be likable. Not much more reason than that.

Thanks for sharing this simple reality that I’ve subscribed to…too.

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#37

Have you read any of Dr. Lindsay C. Gibson’s books or listened to her interviews?

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#38

One of the first couple of books I’ve read was Children of Emotionally Immature Parents and the follow ups. I’ve just got to grips emotionally with the idea of non-parenting through Regeneration and it seems to work very well.

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#39

Change of focus

After lots of hand wringing and whining about “losing results” I’ve decided to prioritise self love over everyone else. I can’t be chasing shadows and mist anymore with this WANTED. I’m losing myself in the process. It just showed me up for the person who still hasn’t got a proper foundation in place to play flirty games like that.

I need a foundation.

Regeneration showed me what it is like to melt ALL of the past away from a safe distance and start again. I can’t remember feeling so calm and nonplussed about life, maybe since I was 6? It isn’t the fear fest and shame porn I’ve imagined it to be throughout my years. I guess that comes with a sustained campaign of family terror.

All I’m worried about losing gains from WANTED and the women will start to turn away. But I’ve got to turn away from mirages. A foundation must be in place for me only.

I’m thinking about returning to Ascension + Regen 30s just to feel stable and strong inside to even think about messing around with advance subs like WANTED. Will I use WANTED in the future? Sure. I might stack it with the two above. But it can’t be the focus anymore.

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#40

Get a feeling this is reconciliation

Why not run Regeneration along Wanted for a cycle?

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#41

@MAkh YES! As soon as I posted the above I knew some sneaky recon creeped in and the subconscious took over. You’re absolutely right. I almost messed it all up. So convincing the arguments for not running a sub/changing a sub and then falling for the logical fallacies.

WANTED + Regeneration it is. So embarrassing…

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#42

It’s cool, recon is a sneaky bugger isn’t it

Looking forward to seeing how that stack goes for you

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#43

Recon redux

So I’ve restarted WANTED plus added Regeneration to the stack and curiously I feel a lot lighter and brighter within. That “inner garden” as I like to call it has really calmed me the fuck down - both in terms of my nervous system and being too eager to look for, to search for and hunt down potential women approaches.

My feeling now that the sneaky recon has subsided is this: women approaching me is great BUT I’m more than fine without it. I can finally now stop worrying whether WANTED works or not and enjoy the emotional healing and inner garden effects for myself. If no one likes me, I’m good either way.

I’m fact one woman actually did approach me - the art store chick. We’ve been talking over the counter semi regularly while buying things and she extended her hand and finally told me her name. All the while feeling calm and anxiety free. I wasn’t interested in picking her up, just making conversation and having fun.

I feel so calm that some of my own self imposed rules (don’t be too bold or stand out, don’t brag, keep small, don’t want for anything) make no sense. Those rules were survival tactics for a different era but I’m an adult. I don’t need to run from anyone or anything. Feeling calm is foreign to me, but is becoming my real inner home.

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Main Disc. Thread - The NEW Wanted! (Free Upgrade! Now Available! Custom Core Available)
#44

back to the flirt

Had an eye test today, I was late by at least 30 minutes late and knew it, but I was so unbothered about it that it didn’t really matter and that caused the staff to just wave me in anyway.

In fact everyone that served me was female, which was a nice coincidence! The eye doctor, the two female reception staff were all super friendly. My nonchalance caused me to respond to their questions with lightness and humour - I didn’t care.

This caused the following - both the eye doctor and the young brunette hair flipped discreetly out of sight but blatantly. Even the hot young brunette with a massive ring on her finger liked as good as she got with me.

I’m starting to embody and express the WANTED archetype more - it feels super comfortable. Walking slowly, dressing well, looking smart and being quietly dominant. All natural.

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#45

I’ve added LBFH :warning: to my WANTED stack, to put an end to this empty feeling of not loving myself enough and giving myself the best foundation, whether or not WANTED works to it’s fullest expression.

I find I get into spirals of weak self confidence when someone appears to reject me (no more than a mean look). Maybe Wanted was an attempt to fill a hole in my inadequate self esteem, but I have no regrets - my looks, fashion and body is more on point that ever before and I love the reactions.

However LBFH caused me some of the worst all body, mind and spiritual recon ever. So it shows the extent of the challenge of building self worth. Maybe that’s why some of the WANTED results haven’t peaked beyond second looks and light banter.

LBFH, 4m
Wanted, 15m
4m of LBFH is all I can take for now and it stopped the shame spiral within an hour and installed self love like filling up a kettle. It felt good to have my own self love! No relying on others’ mood anymore.

On WANTED, more than once women have decided to put on makeup within 2 minutes of me being present. An evening art teacher had the brightest smile when I greeted her and even fixed her makeup too. I even made a joke about the naughty step 🫢

… And once again when I’m vibing, loving on myself genuinely, being filled up with real self love, here comes the women with the most blatant stares, licking lips and immediate preening. However I can now appreciate it but it doesn’t define my worth. It’s not life of death anymore. It’s nice, but I don’t need their love anymore, I can do that myself.

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#46

LBFH 8m
WANTED 15m

I think it will take time for WANTED to see its full results, largely because there is still a lot of bodily stored trauma to sort through and LBFH has a job on its hands.

Not sure what each is doing now - WANTED has me consistently attracting women to sit with, talk with and have great rapport, but LBFH is the wildcard.
LBFH got me used to having a feeling that is reliable, homely and belongs to me. Even people are being friendly to me. But self-worth is still an alien concept to me. Maybe that’s why WANTED hasn’t even reached half of its peak yet - absolutely no foundation to work from. Women can sense an insecure trauma boy from a mile off. The good bits are I’m settling into a cool dressing style, my creative pursuits are beginning to take off and teaching is good.

But the big result is my new calm, peaceful demeanour. No emotional flashbacks or future dooming, confidence spiralling is under control and I can enjoy being still for once. A year ago I healed enough to exit a high trauma bond situation, shaking so much that I felt guilty for leaving. Now the daily calm is so normal I’m feeling hopeful for the future - plus it seems a few women starting to be lined up for me :wink:

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#47

Amazing result regarding WANTED - I actually met the elusive redhead art colleague chick! She was showing work in a gallery and sent an invite to the whole cohort and I made a point of going to see it (and let Wanted do it’s thing). Well, after hanging around a cramped gallery for some time, she approached me and gave me a warm hug out of nowhere. I was amazed because previously it felt like she did her best to avoid and say nothing to me. But she was so open. And yes she did give attraction signs.
I also caught sight of myself at the gallery mirror and it could have been someone else - smartly dressed with standout glasses, looking sharp. No wonder she was so friendly.

On the other side I’m not sure why I’m getting surveilled like a high level threat to their children, store and their partner? LBFH kept me calm enough to ride this weird storm but am I really that much of a mortal threat? It’s like any time I run an alpha sub people start getting up in their feelings over my existence, but LBFH and maybe the spotlight from WANTED is generating this?

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Main Disc. Thread - The NEW Wanted! (Free Upgrade! Now Available! Custom Core Available)
#48

I used to get that too. But I think mine was just my own hyper-vigilance. I wasn’t on any alpha subs.

There’s a thing where you’re probably standing out. So naturally people’s minds go to the program. Anything that stands out is a potential threat. Just watch the news, I mean don’t, but you get it, lol.

I remember when I tried that previous wanted for a few cycles. Early on I was shopping and this guy with who I though was his girlfriend, was like checking out my D. That was a little weird.

On no subs yea, I’ve seen ladies act like I was gonna steal their purse and stuff like that. I think that’s just the sort of consciousness. Or they think you’re this label or that label. That kind of thing.

I remember that people would come up with weird scenarios about me when I was younger. Because I was quiet. You gotta be afraid of those quiet ones. Or the other side is some people think the guy everybody likes is the one to watch out for, lol. Maybe they’re both right, I dunno.

Sometimes I go out and that’s just kind of the vibe of the collective, they’re on edge and watching for danger. But like you already seem to grasp, it is what it is man. lol.

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#49

I’ve been manhandled on the way to the train by another passenger trying to catch the train on the platform and without thinking I shouted at him verbally. Don’t know why people think they can assault me freely like a dickhead.

Being too smooth seems to mean that other people can take advantage of me, like I won’t do anything to them. Trying to keep my cool failed this time, I fucking lost it and questioned how “nice” I’m still am in general to allow such bullshit.

Coincidentally I’m on a washout from Wanted and LBFH and that’s where the next line of development is going to come from -most likely an Ascension run. People are too comfortable with the open disrespect, so I’ll give the something to think about.

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#50

We still seem to be on a parallel with similar people stuff.

I’m on GLM, and gonna get back to Chosen, to see how that changes up my experiences.

I seemed to have had a bloom today of GLM, after 2 cycles. I like it. Firm, assertive, confident, still can have fun. But I just had a situation this morning where I walked out on a cashier mid transaction because of some rudeness. I didn’t have any rumination about it at all. I looked over GLM objectives and knew that yep, it’s gotta be working.

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#51

Either the world has lost its mind or something’s up and one tends to blame oneself in this situation (if one follows the likes of manifestation gurus in that everything you create). But issues with others trying their luck with boundaries, especially on alpha subs sounds all too familiar. Getting grabbed up and shoved out of the way wasn’t on my bingo card for today.

Maybe there is a lesson in this, a lack of masculine gravity? That shouldn’t be a problem for you on GLM however I reckon carrying an “edge” might still be needed. Oh I thought one could get by as a man without looking dangerous…

I added 30s of Ascension in a fit of anger and didn’t think about it until later on whilst still on a WANTED LBFH washout. All of a sudden the women that surrounded me on the train gave off much stronger attraction cues than usual. Seems Ascension is the key to firing off WANTED. Two cycles changed me but not the women’s reactions, still stuck on looks. But a blonde woman, absolutely my type stood near me whilst giving that look. Not sure what did it but the masculine energy in Ascension must have sparked it off.

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#52

Yea, I think I might finally try Ascension for a couple cycles instead. I’ve never done it. Since I’m on GLM anyway. The idea to just start back at the ground level and see what happens.

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#53

Still on a WANTED washout with a little bit of Ascension and time for a little reflection:

  • I’m losing weight. From when I started I was a 40" waist round the middle and an XL shirt size. Today I managed to get into an old M size shirt without looking bloated. My trousers bought for the right size are now baggy.

  • Even before running subs, at least two women have been in regular contact, reaching out to me for healing and guidance reasons. At least one of them seems absolutely smitten with me, even though sexual feelings never developed. I’m taking this in my stride, not getting too attached to this outcome

  • Recognising my actual stature as someone with equal status as other men, instead of being below. My style, manner and grace has improved with WANTED and now reinforced with Ascension.

  • Oddly enough, the dude who muscle me out of his way for the train may have did me a favour - it led to Ascension and an uptick in women checking me out, cranking their necks, stealing glances. WANTED did that anyway but there’s something special about Ascension that makes it more obvious. Plus the rage of “don’t fuck with me” vibe is back again.

I may adjust my stack towards the new Ascension + LBFH, retire WANTED and get on with living life. I’m too hung up on trying to prove something about “getting” women whilst neglecting my own damn self. If society and YouTube says I’m a “failure” with women then so be it. 🫢

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#54

I want to see you try IC. So when strange man grab you, the good guys all grab him and drag him away for a good lesson. While you get to carry on with your business.