High On My Own Supply

[Michel]

I did look into why the results opened up quite dramatically on that day and no the issue hasn’t fully resolved itself at all, in fact that particular question has recycled again, like @SaintSovereign predicted.

However I know there are much deeper issues here at play that I’ve chronicled in previous journals, most of them tackled with success with DRLD, so it’s not surprising that some beliefs still remain, such as “no one will ever love me”, “it’s all my fault”, “setting boundaries makes me selfish”, “risking vulnerability is risky”, “I hate sex”, being desperate for results to come quickly etc.

Despite that, for a moment or two, Wanted shone its full light beam and it was amazing, speaking to a woman who just moved city and was one more conversation away from getting her details. It will take longer for me unfortunately and the logical recon is evidence.

[Michel]

To add to the above recon episodes, what came up for me today for example was that if you were partnered, that meant someone saw worth and blessed you as worthy. That felt invalidating and rage inducing to me. Why them and not me? What the fuck is wrong with me? Why have I been denied? Why am I worthless?

Then I said to everyone else in my mind to leave me alone and fuck off. I have a career that I love, and art practice that I’m rededicating myself to. I don’t like unpredictable “does she like me, doesn’t she” flim-flam, I’m not interested. Don’t float near me with your thug boyfriend in full view.

Most definitely self worth, self love, pedestaling, Nice Guy issues being challenged by the scripting.

[Michel]

Recon remonstrating

The following is recon rage:
Experiencing the tail end of an emotional storm Wanted, it kicked up all of my unworthiness issues, and I’m still pissed at the poster who in a roundabout way said my results weren’t real because of the type of recon that showed up. It isn’t your fault but you came from nowhere to say it. triggered something deep in me.
My thought patterns are now who cares. Who cares whether someone wants sex off me. I’m clearly a loser, so I don’t give a fuck. Run to your troglodyte boyfriend and leave me alone.

• A woman smiled at me
  So fucking what?

I’ve chased chuff like a stupid puppy selling my soul in the process. You live and learn, except I don’t.

None of this attraction game is real, it’s a bullshit illusion designed to trick the gullible. So I’ll ride it out then focus on myself so hard others would wish to be in my presence.

Now tell me again this is recon, I double dare you…

[Adi]

What a thought process haha, interesting how your personality shows in your in recon / thought process

Why wouldn’t you be able to be desirable though? Everyone can be desirable. If you truly believe that about yourself then it will show in your energy and you will start to attract people like nothing you have ever seen before.

All it takes sometimes is a shift in perspective and perception. Good luck!

[Michel]

@Michel

Ok, what’s going on here? Results are picking up again and looks like I’ve been “approached” out of the blue.

Because I’m still feeling recon rage subsiding I swore off everyone involved, didn’t care who appeared, which was really attractive women walking down the road, women appearing in the cafe, on public transport. And I still didn’t give a damn.

Funny thing was I got given a free coffee whilst still being angry at the world.

Self Esteem ≠ being desirable

Tying up my worth in women is being decoupled with Wanted and it was such a strong tie that I reacted like a frustrated child upset that no one wants to pick me for football. It’s releasing now and trusting in the lesson of self worth being separate from being a attractive man. These IOIs are still happening when I’m pissed off so that’s that. Seems I’m being rewarded for letting go of scared Nice Guy behaviour.

[Michel]

@Michel

What I’m noticing is that when I think about "getting " a woman, the results drop off significantly, you get a gaze here and there, but sometimes nothing at all. Just now I decided there and then (prompted by Wanted scripting) that the chase was useless and to just focus on myself, look as good as possible, love the shit out of me and take the focus off everyone else and onto me.

Next minute a woman on the train stood so close to me on a semi-packed train I thought she wanted to jump my bones and raw dog each other there and then. Chasing, even mentally seems to repel , but not giving a fuck attracts.

Adding to this report, I feel where Wanted wants to take me and it’s about self love and not giving so much psychic energy to chasing a result, women or a relationship. Right now I feel like I don’t give a flying fuck about “getting the girl” or energy spikes around a woman showing interest, it just feels like “meh”. Plus I did some energy healing around the themes of validation, love and shame and that felt so cathartic to release that heavy reaching energy. My swagger and looser behaviour is now genuine, springing from a real like of myself. I won’t stop chasing results altogether but really “who cares”?

Great stuff.

[Michel]

Add to this (again)

My self worth has improved significantly, I can shrug off people who aren’t my bag much quicker, dismiss those who dismiss me and reaffirm my passions in life. I have a career in a field I was born to thrive in.

I like my life right now. Add a few sexual partnerships and I am good.

[Michel]

Some highlights:

Teased a shop worker because she was interested in some of the stock on the shop floor, however it looked to me like she was sneaking around the corner watching me choosing art supplies. I knew she wasn’t actually watching me, however I did say to her:
“I feel like I’m being watched…!” She laughed.

When it came to buy my supplies I said to her:

"Oh o, it’s the stalker…".
“I’m not a stalker, I work here!”
“Just because you wear a [colour] shirt doesn’t mean you actually work here, anybody can get a shirt like that…!”
“Ok, fine, I am stalking you!”
"Cool, I’m here for it!"

All natural wit from me, with WANTED.

---

Gave a lecture in front of my class and surprisingly wasn’t nervous in the slightest.

Then popped my head in a classmate’s studio who I had previously talked with and she gladly came to see my working space. All the time she was positively engaged, me throwing in a few jokes… Nice to know we artists are just super awkward.
She has now made a serious bid to be “friends” and has overtaken the redhead who I still have an eye on, because, yknow, redheads

And it’s only 2 weeks gone on New Wanted !! (w/ 1 cycle of OG Wanted)

---

Saw @Skadoosh mention 8-9 months of OG Wanted use and he wears suits and shit, I think he had several partners during that time?

[Michel]

All of a sudden WANTED is kicking into gear again, however I don’t think I passed any sort of recon episodes, not as strong as the meltdown a few weeks ago.

I am getting regular stares, licking lips and women being as bold to sit next to me on the train and leaning in. I even had a married woman in her 50s, admittedly very attractive with an unbuttoned shirt turn and flirt with me. Blondes either cannot look away or they make a direct play with sitting beside me and pretending to be my girlfriend for the ride.

I’m even collecting semi- “stalkers” - a petite blonde at the art store actually waved at me when she started her shift, which surprised me since I teased her previously. A different store colleague remembered me from before and again, just started teasing her too.

I’m now not as worried as trying to “catch” a woman, even mentally or physically, because it isn’t being very WANTED. Either the sub works or not. (It is working).

---

WANTED is also working overtime on my physique. I have tried for years trying to melt my stomach with diets and not eating certain meats. However I got confirmation from family members that indeed my stomach is getting flatter and smaller - no changes to what I eat or additional exercise. This is a massive result. Post breakup I want to look the best I can and to be the most attractive man ever as a rebound motivation.

[subliminalguy]

@Michel

Self Esteem ≠ being desirable

There’s gold there. Words like this make wonder “what is my reason for desiring this myself?”

And I realized…that I wanted to be likable. Not much more reason than that.

Thanks for sharing this simple reality that I’ve subscribed to…too.

[RVconsultant]

Have you read any of Dr. Lindsay C. Gibson’s books or listened to her interviews?

[Michel]

One of the first couple of books I’ve read was Children of Emotionally Immature Parents and the follow ups. I’ve just got to grips emotionally with the idea of non-parenting through Regeneration and it seems to work very well.

[Michel]

Change of focus

After lots of hand wringing and whining about “losing results” I’ve decided to prioritise self love over everyone else. I can’t be chasing shadows and mist anymore with this WANTED. I’m losing myself in the process. It just showed me up for the person who still hasn’t got a proper foundation in place to play flirty games like that.

I need a foundation.

Regeneration showed me what it is like to melt ALL of the past away from a safe distance and start again. I can’t remember feeling so calm and nonplussed about life, maybe since I was 6? It isn’t the fear fest and shame porn I’ve imagined it to be throughout my years. I guess that comes with a sustained campaign of family terror.

All I’m worried about losing gains from WANTED and the women will start to turn away. But I’ve got to turn away from mirages. A foundation must be in place for me only.

---

I’m thinking about returning to Ascension + Regen 30s just to feel stable and strong inside to even think about messing around with advance subs like WANTED. Will I use WANTED in the future? Sure. I might stack it with the two above. But it can’t be the focus anymore.

[MAkh]

Get a feeling this is reconciliation

Why not run Regeneration along Wanted for a cycle?

@SaintSovereign

Given the universality of this title and its very interesting mode of expression, don’t be afraid to try stacking it with titles that may not seem synergistic immediately. The first thing that popped in my head was Emperor Black + DR: Regeneration.

The second – Wanted (or Wanted Black) + DR: Regeneration. Or for those in engage in active approach, Primal Seduction (or Primal) + DR: Regeneration. Can you say, “approach anxiety annihilator?”

I’m thinking Primal Nights or RotNW + DR: Regeneration would lead to better control and a much more pleasurable experience.

All of the wealth and business titles would benefit. Those doing sales would get great benefit just from the calmness and clarity.

RoS and the other titles in the Unfolding / Revelation series – first impression is that it would ground the experience a bit more, but enhance enjoyment of the ride.

[Michel]

@MAkh YES! As soon as I posted the above I knew some sneaky recon creeped in and the subconscious took over. You’re absolutely right. I almost messed it all up. So convincing the arguments for not running a sub/changing a sub and then falling for the logical fallacies.

WANTED + Regeneration it is. So embarrassing…

[MAkh]

It’s cool, recon is a sneaky bugger isn’t it

Looking forward to seeing how that stack goes for you

[Michel]

Recon redux

So I’ve restarted WANTED plus added Regeneration to the stack and curiously I feel a lot lighter and brighter within. That “inner garden” as I like to call it has really calmed me the fuck down - both in terms of my nervous system and being too eager to look for, to search for and hunt down potential women approaches.

My feeling now that the sneaky recon has subsided is this: women approaching me is great BUT I’m more than fine without it. I can finally now stop worrying whether WANTED works or not and enjoy the emotional healing and inner garden effects for myself. If no one likes me, I’m good either way.

I’m fact one woman actually did approach me - the art store chick. We’ve been talking over the counter semi regularly while buying things and she extended her hand and finally told me her name. All the while feeling calm and anxiety free. I wasn’t interested in picking her up, just making conversation and having fun.

---

I feel so calm that some of my own self imposed rules (don’t be too bold or stand out, don’t brag, keep small, don’t want for anything) make no sense. Those rules were survival tactics for a different era but I’m an adult. I don’t need to run from anyone or anything. Feeling calm is foreign to me, but is becoming my real inner home.

[Michel]

back to the flirt

Had an eye test today, I was late by at least 30 minutes late and knew it, but I was so unbothered about it that it didn’t really matter and that caused the staff to just wave me in anyway.

In fact everyone that served me was female, which was a nice coincidence! The eye doctor, the two female reception staff were all super friendly. My nonchalance caused me to respond to their questions with lightness and humour - I didn’t care.

This caused the following - both the eye doctor and the young brunette hair flipped discreetly out of sight but blatantly. Even the hot young brunette with a massive ring on her finger liked as good as she got with me.

I’m starting to embody and express the WANTED archetype more - it feels super comfortable. Walking slowly, dressing well, looking smart and being quietly dominant. All natural.

[Michel]

I’ve added LBFH to my WANTED stack, to put an end to this empty feeling of not loving myself enough and giving myself the best foundation, whether or not WANTED works to it’s fullest expression.

I find I get into spirals of weak self confidence when someone appears to reject me (no more than a mean look). Maybe Wanted was an attempt to fill a hole in my inadequate self esteem, but I have no regrets - my looks, fashion and body is more on point that ever before and I love the reactions.

However LBFH caused me some of the worst all body, mind and spiritual recon ever. So it shows the extent of the challenge of building self worth. Maybe that’s why some of the WANTED results haven’t peaked beyond second looks and light banter.

---

LBFH, 4m
Wanted, 15m
4m of LBFH is all I can take for now and it stopped the shame spiral within an hour and installed self love like filling up a kettle. It felt good to have my own self love! No relying on others’ mood anymore.

On WANTED, more than once women have decided to put on makeup within 2 minutes of me being present. An evening art teacher had the brightest smile when I greeted her and even fixed her makeup too. I even made a joke about the naughty step 🫢

… And once again when I’m vibing, loving on myself genuinely, being filled up with real self love, here comes the women with the most blatant stares, licking lips and immediate preening. However I can now appreciate it but it doesn’t define my worth. It’s not life of death anymore. It’s nice, but I don’t need their love anymore, I can do that myself.

[Michel]

LBFH 8m
WANTED 15m

I think it will take time for WANTED to see its full results, largely because there is still a lot of bodily stored trauma to sort through and LBFH has a job on its hands.

Not sure what each is doing now - WANTED has me consistently attracting women to sit with, talk with and have great rapport, but LBFH is the wildcard.
LBFH got me used to having a feeling that is reliable, homely and belongs to me. Even people are being friendly to me. But self-worth is still an alien concept to me. Maybe that’s why WANTED hasn’t even reached half of its peak yet - absolutely no foundation to work from. Women can sense an insecure trauma boy from a mile off. The good bits are I’m settling into a cool dressing style, my creative pursuits are beginning to take off and teaching is good.

But the big result is my new calm, peaceful demeanour. No emotional flashbacks or future dooming, confidence spiralling is under control and I can enjoy being still for once. A year ago I healed enough to exit a high trauma bond situation, shaking so much that I felt guilty for leaving. Now the daily calm is so normal I’m feeling hopeful for the future - plus it seems a few women starting to be lined up for me