High On My Own Supply

[Michel]

Mirror Lust

I’m still waiting for those “kiss your coworker” type of results sounds fun, thrilling and awkward as hell…

Although the wait may not be that long:

• Coworkers recognise the sexual tension I bring, but no one is biting, which is a good thing, however a few of the students did. Kept everything professional. One student was bold enough to ask me a question about myself, with an appropriate response.

• Got a near full frontal display from a woman with her close female friend. The train gets packed in the park hour and close contact is expected, women in this situation would close off their body. However this train was not full enough that she would stand in front of her seated friend, help pick lint and strands of her hair off her body whilst standing adjacent to me.

• Another cafe moment, this time a very sexy black curly haired woman doing the mirror gaze trick. The first time I looked I thought she was seeing something outside, but it was me she was staring hard at, so I acknowledged it. But the second time, she stared back whilst ruffling her hair and licking her lips in the process.

[Michel]

The wait really may not be long…

A woman dressed in a very bright red coat and red nightie dress appeared opposite me, she looked like she was… never mind. But that’s a visual reflection of what’s going on with the sub.

Then beside me a woman started applying makeup before I sat next to her (like she knew I was coming).

EDIT: later on a mother with her daughter also sat opposite, the daughter making several direct gazes at me, the dynamic was the mother also competed for my attention. However the daughter put in a lot more effort with glances, so much so that the mother appeared to be vexed and became closed off.

It’s hard to imagine what my effect is on women, but the scarlet woman is an excellent indicator - I feel hot and sexy as fuck…and a little dangerous. Do you hesitate or do you get your fingers burnt in the flames of desire… Bring on the next stage!

[Michel]

@Michel

The wait really may not be long…

An absolutely hot woman, dressed in a white tank top with a greyhound. Oh man…

don't look here

Wanted - name embedded - questions from the future past:

• What was it like getting laid with a hot woman I simply met on the train?
• How did you just pick up women so easily?
• How did I get so good with the ladies?
• How did I become the man, the myth, the “one that got away”?

[Michel]

@Michel

That happens to be my passion too, so when I spotted a flame haired woman who is also intensely into art in my class (were both students in this case), I had to use Wanted to it’s full effect for her. Spontaneously she now has a nickname I created, Chicken Feet and she lit up.

Been wanting to talk to her for ages since the first day of term. The odd thing is that we both felt the tension of not speaking to each other (the hot guy/girl syndrome) but our bodies orbited each other. So I made the effort and the ice is now broken.

Now the Wanted swagger has arrived

[Michel]

the Wanted chronicles 1

@Michel

• A girl who sat within eyesight beside me on the train did so deliberately to catch my eyes, then she started picking loads of fluff off her coat, in between the numerous hair flips and combing her hair. I found this hilarious, so I delivered the line “that’s going to take you all day!” which she agreed. That seems to allow her permission to continue grooming. Then I got off and said bye.
• A duel between a blonde woman and someone who resembles Curly Girl where I observed both escalating behaviours - one put lip gloss on and licked her lips in this really long timeframe, the curly girl was more restrained. Once the blonde left, curly girl stepped up her interest by taking a blatant selfie whilst letting her hair down (single handledly the hottest thing I’ve seen a woman do), had her feet up on the seat with her bag in between her legs. I had to say something - she had a coffee cup in her hand from a place where I frequent and in the noisy train asked her “is the coffee that exciting?” She revealed it was the first one she liked since she moved to London. It was at this point that we both left and I should have got her IG or something…
• My flame haired art student colleague is a little harder to crack although I did give her a drill to borrow for her mini DIY jobs. I teased her with the nickname “chicken feet”.

ALL. WITHIN. AN. HOUR

[Michel]

the Wanted chronicles 2

@Michel

New WANTED certainly is ramping up, women starting to get physical in close quarters, like it’s fight night Usually they get my attention with indirect looks and behaviour, but this spiritual lady decided to shove me for the arm rest. Funny thing is I knew it wasn’t about the arm rest, it was a forceful I’ve just nudged you, are you going to withdraw or retreat? When I didn’t, she stayed close next to me even when the train was empty. We actually looked like a couple.

Even at work my female colleague offered her phone number, she took my phone and tapped in her number herself and told me to ring it. This was for a student emergency I think… it was quite forward of her to do that. She is also tethered.

Not everything came off, I tried teasing a shop worker dressed in Halloween gear, she didn’t take, but it was probably overwhelming for her. It’s interesting that some women are actively avoid me for this reason.

[Irenicus]

I’m sorry for interrupting, and I kindly ask for a bit of patience and understanding from you, as I’m a seeker myself and I see an opportunity to deepen my own understanding thanks to your current experiences on WANTED.

Please understand that I don’t mean to discredit your experiences, but rather to offer another perspective based on my own experiences with Zero Point. Perhaps you could help me develop that perspective, if you would be so kind as to reply to my post.

Thanks.

@Michel

I think it’s a self concept thing, feeling sorry for myself - do I truly want what the Wanted man has? If not, what do I want?

I saw that you mentioned that it was resolved after answering the question and that you experienced some shifts. Yet it may be that this very question, which is so closely related to your self-concept, is actually a reflection of some deeper limitation you hold.

Oftentimes, deeper blockages and fears take the form of the “rational” discourse we’re used to having in our heads. Yet that very discourse is only a byproduct of encountering those blockages and fears—it has no real power to resolve them.

If you were to guess, what kind of blockage or fear might be hidden beneath the question you posed and the discourse you said brought you some shifts? I ask because I’m not convinced that this kind of “rational” discourse can resolve deeply held limitations. On the contrary, it can give us the illusion that we’ve dealt with them.

[Michel]

I did look into why the results opened up quite dramatically on that day and no the issue hasn’t fully resolved itself at all, in fact that particular question has recycled again, like @SaintSovereign predicted.

However I know there are much deeper issues here at play that I’ve chronicled in previous journals, most of them tackled with success with DRLD, so it’s not surprising that some beliefs still remain, such as “no one will ever love me”, “it’s all my fault”, “setting boundaries makes me selfish”, “risking vulnerability is risky”, “I hate sex”, being desperate for results to come quickly etc.

Despite that, for a moment or two, Wanted shone its full light beam and it was amazing, speaking to a woman who just moved city and was one more conversation away from getting her details. It will take longer for me unfortunately and the logical recon is evidence.

[Michel]

To add to the above recon episodes, what came up for me today for example was that if you were partnered, that meant someone saw worth and blessed you as worthy. That felt invalidating and rage inducing to me. Why them and not me? What the fuck is wrong with me? Why have I been denied? Why am I worthless?

Then I said to everyone else in my mind to leave me alone and fuck off. I have a career that I love, and art practice that I’m rededicating myself to. I don’t like unpredictable “does she like me, doesn’t she” flim-flam, I’m not interested. Don’t float near me with your thug boyfriend in full view.

Most definitely self worth, self love, pedestaling, Nice Guy issues being challenged by the scripting.

[Michel]

Recon remonstrating

The following is recon rage:
Experiencing the tail end of an emotional storm Wanted, it kicked up all of my unworthiness issues, and I’m still pissed at the poster who in a roundabout way said my results weren’t real because of the type of recon that showed up. It isn’t your fault but you came from nowhere to say it. triggered something deep in me.
My thought patterns are now who cares. Who cares whether someone wants sex off me. I’m clearly a loser, so I don’t give a fuck. Run to your troglodyte boyfriend and leave me alone.

• A woman smiled at me
  So fucking what?

I’ve chased chuff like a stupid puppy selling my soul in the process. You live and learn, except I don’t.

None of this attraction game is real, it’s a bullshit illusion designed to trick the gullible. So I’ll ride it out then focus on myself so hard others would wish to be in my presence.

Now tell me again this is recon, I double dare you…

[Adi]

What a thought process haha, interesting how your personality shows in your in recon / thought process

Why wouldn’t you be able to be desirable though? Everyone can be desirable. If you truly believe that about yourself then it will show in your energy and you will start to attract people like nothing you have ever seen before.

All it takes sometimes is a shift in perspective and perception. Good luck!

[Michel]

@Michel

Ok, what’s going on here? Results are picking up again and looks like I’ve been “approached” out of the blue.

Because I’m still feeling recon rage subsiding I swore off everyone involved, didn’t care who appeared, which was really attractive women walking down the road, women appearing in the cafe, on public transport. And I still didn’t give a damn.

Funny thing was I got given a free coffee whilst still being angry at the world.

Self Esteem ≠ being desirable

Tying up my worth in women is being decoupled with Wanted and it was such a strong tie that I reacted like a frustrated child upset that no one wants to pick me for football. It’s releasing now and trusting in the lesson of self worth being separate from being a attractive man. These IOIs are still happening when I’m pissed off so that’s that. Seems I’m being rewarded for letting go of scared Nice Guy behaviour.

[Michel]

@Michel

What I’m noticing is that when I think about "getting " a woman, the results drop off significantly, you get a gaze here and there, but sometimes nothing at all. Just now I decided there and then (prompted by Wanted scripting) that the chase was useless and to just focus on myself, look as good as possible, love the shit out of me and take the focus off everyone else and onto me.

Next minute a woman on the train stood so close to me on a semi-packed train I thought she wanted to jump my bones and raw dog each other there and then. Chasing, even mentally seems to repel , but not giving a fuck attracts.

Adding to this report, I feel where Wanted wants to take me and it’s about self love and not giving so much psychic energy to chasing a result, women or a relationship. Right now I feel like I don’t give a flying fuck about “getting the girl” or energy spikes around a woman showing interest, it just feels like “meh”. Plus I did some energy healing around the themes of validation, love and shame and that felt so cathartic to release that heavy reaching energy. My swagger and looser behaviour is now genuine, springing from a real like of myself. I won’t stop chasing results altogether but really “who cares”?

Great stuff.

[Michel]

Add to this (again)

My self worth has improved significantly, I can shrug off people who aren’t my bag much quicker, dismiss those who dismiss me and reaffirm my passions in life. I have a career in a field I was born to thrive in.

I like my life right now. Add a few sexual partnerships and I am good.

[Michel]

Some highlights:

Teased a shop worker because she was interested in some of the stock on the shop floor, however it looked to me like she was sneaking around the corner watching me choosing art supplies. I knew she wasn’t actually watching me, however I did say to her:
“I feel like I’m being watched…!” She laughed.

When it came to buy my supplies I said to her:

"Oh o, it’s the stalker…".
“I’m not a stalker, I work here!”
“Just because you wear a [colour] shirt doesn’t mean you actually work here, anybody can get a shirt like that…!”
“Ok, fine, I am stalking you!”
"Cool, I’m here for it!"

All natural wit from me, with WANTED.

---

Gave a lecture in front of my class and surprisingly wasn’t nervous in the slightest.

Then popped my head in a classmate’s studio who I had previously talked with and she gladly came to see my working space. All the time she was positively engaged, me throwing in a few jokes… Nice to know we artists are just super awkward.
She has now made a serious bid to be “friends” and has overtaken the redhead who I still have an eye on, because, yknow, redheads

And it’s only 2 weeks gone on New Wanted !! (w/ 1 cycle of OG Wanted)

---

Saw @Skadoosh mention 8-9 months of OG Wanted use and he wears suits and shit, I think he had several partners during that time?

[Michel]

All of a sudden WANTED is kicking into gear again, however I don’t think I passed any sort of recon episodes, not as strong as the meltdown a few weeks ago.

I am getting regular stares, licking lips and women being as bold to sit next to me on the train and leaning in. I even had a married woman in her 50s, admittedly very attractive with an unbuttoned shirt turn and flirt with me. Blondes either cannot look away or they make a direct play with sitting beside me and pretending to be my girlfriend for the ride.

I’m even collecting semi- “stalkers” - a petite blonde at the art store actually waved at me when she started her shift, which surprised me since I teased her previously. A different store colleague remembered me from before and again, just started teasing her too.

I’m now not as worried as trying to “catch” a woman, even mentally or physically, because it isn’t being very WANTED. Either the sub works or not. (It is working).

---

WANTED is also working overtime on my physique. I have tried for years trying to melt my stomach with diets and not eating certain meats. However I got confirmation from family members that indeed my stomach is getting flatter and smaller - no changes to what I eat or additional exercise. This is a massive result. Post breakup I want to look the best I can and to be the most attractive man ever as a rebound motivation.

[subliminalguy]

@Michel

Self Esteem ≠ being desirable

There’s gold there. Words like this make wonder “what is my reason for desiring this myself?”

And I realized…that I wanted to be likable. Not much more reason than that.

Thanks for sharing this simple reality that I’ve subscribed to…too.

[RVconsultant]

Have you read any of Dr. Lindsay C. Gibson’s books or listened to her interviews?

[Michel]

One of the first couple of books I’ve read was Children of Emotionally Immature Parents and the follow ups. I’ve just got to grips emotionally with the idea of non-parenting through Regeneration and it seems to work very well.

[Michel]

Change of focus

After lots of hand wringing and whining about “losing results” I’ve decided to prioritise self love over everyone else. I can’t be chasing shadows and mist anymore with this WANTED. I’m losing myself in the process. It just showed me up for the person who still hasn’t got a proper foundation in place to play flirty games like that.

I need a foundation.

Regeneration showed me what it is like to melt ALL of the past away from a safe distance and start again. I can’t remember feeling so calm and nonplussed about life, maybe since I was 6? It isn’t the fear fest and shame porn I’ve imagined it to be throughout my years. I guess that comes with a sustained campaign of family terror.

All I’m worried about losing gains from WANTED and the women will start to turn away. But I’ve got to turn away from mirages. A foundation must be in place for me only.

---

I’m thinking about returning to Ascension + Regen 30s just to feel stable and strong inside to even think about messing around with advance subs like WANTED. Will I use WANTED in the future? Sure. I might stack it with the two above. But it can’t be the focus anymore.